Why is he withdrawing when he’s falling in love?

By Erin Elizabeth ( Guest Post ) 

Everything was going well and you’re actually convinced that you’re heading towards coupledom when all of a sudden, your man becomes cold and withdrawn. What could be the problem? Did you say something wrong? Did his dog die? Did your crazy ex track him down and threaten him? Why men pull away when falling in love is a tricky question to answer.

You don’t want to confront him because you don’t want to appear too eager coz that might ruin everything. However, it’s really driving you crazy.

Allow us to give you the most common reasons men pull away even when they’re in love.

He is not interested in commitment

When we love someone, it doesn’t automatically mean we want to be in a committed relationship. What he feels for you is real and do not doubt that but it is, unfortunately, possible that he’s not ready to commit. There are so many reasons for this like he just got out of a relationship and is actually enjoying his freedom or it could be because he still wants to focus on his career.

He is not over an ex

Maybe he is still fixated with an ex and is now feeling guilty that he’s really into you. Because of this, he wants to be left alone to assess his feelings. He wants to know if he wants to build a new life with you or wait for his ex. This is very human and is actually very noble because that means he really values relationships. For this type of guy, if he pursues a relationship with you, that means he’s going to give you 100% and that means saying goodbye to his past for good.

He is insecure

When he was pursuing you, he just wanted to see if it’s possible for you to like him back. He got so busy with his mission. And now that he’s sure you like him too and would even want to have a relationship with him, he panics. He thinks he has nothing much to offer and that at any moment you will notice his flaws and change your mind. Now that he has you, he doesn’t know what to do with you because you’re too precious and he feels so inadequate.

He thinks it’s happening too fast

He wants commitment, he’s really into you, yet he thinks everything is rushed. We all have our ideal pace for a relationship and maybe it doesn’t match his. You’re thinking “But if he really loves me, he shouldn’t be able to resist.” That could be true if he’s younger. Who doesn’t like a whirlwind romance? If your guy is in his late twenties, timing and pace are essential. He knows what being in a relationship entails and he wants to match it with every other aspect of his life.

He has other priorities

Maybe he can’t move things forward because he’s working on his thesis or putting all his energy to get a promotion. Men are generally more practical, even when they’re in love. They can compartmentalize and because of this, he wants to pause on love for just a moment so he can take care of other things. It doesn’t mean you’re not important to him, it just means he has so much going on and now he’s assessing how he can juggle things properly.

If the pull away has been going on for just a few days, relax. Give him the space he needs because it’s a natural process of any good relationship. However, instead of just waiting for him to be back to his normal warm self, use this time to assess him and yourself as well. If he pulls away even further, try not to create any drama but send him the message that you’re not going to wait around forever because you’re one goddamn awesome girl.

1 Comment

  1. Janet

    I don’t think it’s just for men. It applies to women, too. Anyway, I’m madly in love with my coworker. He is everything I want, but he suddenly pulled away from me. I reviewed our conversations. I gave him the wrong messages that could imply in a few ways. I wish I was more careful. I regret what I told him. We were the perfect match. Unfortunately, I gave him impressions I wasn’t ready for a relationship. We were in the same boat, but I ignored when it was the time to confide my feelings instead I swayed everything to something I really didn’t mean 100%.

    We’ll see what happen. For now, I’ve been leaving him alone for a few weeks–no contact rules. I’m also focused on advancing my degree.

    Reply


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