When she says she needs space, here’s what to do!

How horrifying is it when she says she needs space!? You’re probably feeling confused and wondering how you can fix this, right? That’s why I created this article! In this article, I am going to tell you the reasons why she is asking for space and help you understand what to do moving forward, how to get her back and recover from the heartache.

Right now is the best time for you to reflect on yourself. You also might be confused because you feel like you did everything right. You were there for her, you showed her affection, you spent time with her, and gave her almost everything she wanted. You want to live happily ever after and have a wonderful life! Unfortunately, that isn’t always the right way to look at love. Love can provide the biggest lessons for growth as an individual and if we don’t learn from them, we live in worry, fear, and misery. We then become complacent, we don’t learn or move forward, and these things happen again, again, and again.

Understand that it is impossible to never irritate your partner. It’s really about how you’re both working through the emotions that surge up. Overall, the biggest thing is if she wants space, give her that space. Do not text her. Do not call her. Just let her be. Let her text you, let her call you, allow her to initiate the contact with you. From a woman’s mindset, when we say we need space, it’s sometimes because we know a man is doing everything in his power to be with us. It can be a great thing, but there is a thing as being too much. When we get into a relationship or if we get involved with someone, we may be unsure of whether they’re a match for us, or maybe we’re suffering from something that’s going on in our lives right now. You don’t know.

Girlfriend Says She Needs Space: What can you do?

Your girlfriend tells you she needs to be alone for a while and you immediately are filled with worry. What do you do? When a girl says she needs space, the most impressive thing you can do for yourself and your girlfriend is to not call or text her. Let her initiate. In a woman’s mind, when she sees you as less available, she’ll start reaching out to you. It draws a connection, it reignites an attraction to you, and we start to think, “Is he okay without me?” If a woman has feelings for you then she won’t be OK with this.

This is the way you switch her thinking, and that’s exactly what you want to do. You want to give her space because if she’s going through something personal or even if you thought you were too overbearing, then it’s vital that you give her space. If this eventually leads to a relationship or if you’re in a relationship right now, you have to show her that you can give her space and the time that she needs. If this woman is pushing you away because she’s going through something and she doesn’t want you around, then you need to reanalyze the relationship. There might be a disconnect, or she might not have the same feelings for you. The reason why I mention this is because typically when a woman loves a man, she will be open enough to share things with him or want him by her side when she is going through a tough period. Next, think about the conversation that you’re going to have with her because life happens. If your girlfriend handles her troubles by herself, talk to her about why and try to understand this reasoning. Ask her to show you how can still be present for her. This is vital to every relationship because communication is key.

If it’s one of these two scenarios, you want to explore the relationship and how you’re going to confront her the next time that you speak to her. Of course, you want to handle this in a compassionate way; not in an argumentative way. Think about how you will get your point across and still be present to her needs while staying true to the man you are.

When She Says She Needs Space: 5 Tips on what to do next

Tip #1– Plan things to do alone or with other people and enjoy them. Make yourself busy during this time. When your girlfriend needs space, do something that you’ve wanted to do with friends or family. Travel somewhere for a quick getaway weekend and explore the city. Doing something will keep your mind busy thinking about something positive that you enjoy instead of thinking negative thoughts like, “What is she’s doing? Why does she need space? Does she even like me? Are we breaking up!?” All of these questions are negative self-talk in your head, and it’s not going to do you any good. That’s why it’s so important to keep busy.

Tip # 2– Explore the relationship. Think about the relationship right now. Unless something happened like a family member passing away, a health issue, or something drastic going on in her life right now, explore the relationship because it’s imperative that you’re with a partner that you can see a future with. Analyze the relationship and see where your own shortcomings were. What were your weaknesses in this relationship that lead you to the point that she needs space? This is the only way that you can dissect the relationship to see what you might have done wrong and how you can overcome this so you can support your partner now through positive actions and change.

Tip # 3Become confident and happy. When someone is confident with themselves, it is magnetic to their partner and attraction and desire intensify. Confidence is inner happiness. You cannot just pretend to be confident because it will disappear as time goes on. This is something that takes strength, time, and focus. Focus so you can be direct, open, and honest with yourself. You can overcome your inner obstacles and grow as a person for you and only you. A lot of men think, “How will she know I am more confident and how will she know I have changed?” That’s the key right there! The moment you stop caring about the attachment of what she will see, you are truly going to do this for yourself and put yourself first. As time goes on your partner will be able to sense a change within you. You can simply do with through your actions, social media posts, and energy. You want to be respectful, but you also should show her that you’re confident and you’re happy no matter what – with her in your life and without her in your life! This is what a woman looks for in a man. We love a strong man that can hold his own at the end of the day.

Tip # 4– Setting boundaries. Determine what is healthy and what is not healthy. When you explore the relationship as discussed in tip #2, are you being overly affectionate, or too available for her? Are you involved in everything to the point where she knows you will always pick her up and do all the work to put her back together when she falls? Well, she might continue to fall because she knows that you’re going to be there to pick her up. Though being supportive is a strong trait, you want to make sure this woman is not taking advantage of you. By setting boundaries and telling her you cannot continue to pick her up when she falls, you can help her own her responsibilities and create more balance. A woman typically takes you for granted if she is always asking for space, especially when you are too available. If this rings a bell, ask yourself these questions:

Are you always available for her?

Are you needy?

Do you want to spend every waking minute with her?

When a girl says she needs space…

Here is the bigger picture of this all. If a woman states that she needs space and you follow these tips, and she honestly does not want space, after all, you will find out. But also, you will be forming a foundation where this woman will not want to do this again as you were honoring space for her. Furthermore, if a woman is being emotional and is doing this for attention, this is your time to ask her to dig a little deeper into her insecurities and to figure it out and fix it because you cannot play these games with her. A lot of men think that if they do this when she said she needs space, they will not be supporting their girlfriend or wife. At the end of the day you can only take responsibility for yourself and when you implement boundaries in your relationship and do not tolerate the neglected behavior, you can build a healthy relationship. You both understand that you are accountable for your actions and cannot be used as a doormat and will not be passive.

If you were too involved in the relationship and she needed space to analyze whether this is something that she wants, that space is going to be critical in this relationship, there is a significant chance that she could be feeling claustrophobic. She may want to escape right now as she needs her time alone. Again, do not hang on to her, be depressed, act desperate or afraid because at the end this is not attractive to a woman and will only pull her away even more.

There are only two things to do here. One, analyze where you can show up better, be positive and stay focused on you. Hang out with your friends because at this point you probably haven’t been hanging out with your friends as much. You might have lost track of your personal life as you both possibly spent every waking minute together. This will make her feel like she can breathe again.

She Needs Space: What Do I Do Moving Forward?

I get emails, comments on my YouTube videos, and remarks in my coaching session from men who have no idea what to do next when a woman they love has asked for space. The biggest advice that I can give you, and this is truly important, is to focus on YOU right now. So many people yearn for something outside of themselves, but you have all the answers within. I am not telling you to ignore your feelings for this woman and move on. What I am saying is that you got to this point because you lost something within yourself, in the relationship, and you need to get grounded in who you are and how you can be a better man in this relationship for yourself and for yourself only.

So many people think that they will lose their partner if they don’t call them all the time, text them all the time, or apologize all the time, but that is the complete opposite of what you should be doing. Relationships are about personal development and the more in tune and secure the partners are with themselves, the healthier the relationship becomes. Moving forward I am going to give you the top 3 things women do when they might be feeling overwhelmed in the relationship, so you become more aware of when to step back and give her space before she has to say it. But before we go into this, I think it’s important for me to state one thing…

There is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man understanding precisely what she wants and needs. You master this by observing your partner’s behaviors and picking up on universal energies that happen in a relationship. For example:

Grumpy or Cranky – This is when your partner is just snappy with you for no reason, and she is just not happy at the moment. Maybe you are watching TV, and she does not want to talk at that moment because she wants to zone out. Or she might have a lot on her mind, and you want to be affectionate with her and are avoiding the fact that she is not happy right now or even satisfied with herself at that very moment. These are all valid emotions; it’s about what you do with this moving forward. Maybe go to the room and read a book and wait for her to come to you. Then she might even ask, “Why are you in here” and you can respond, “I noticed you were having a moment and I thought giving you some time to yourself was best for the both of us” with a warm smile.

She Does Not Listen to Your Stories – She might give you the “Uh-huh” and not engage in conversation with you. You can tell when someone is not open to having a conversation with you. They’re not participating in discussions and asking you questions. They seem uninterested.

Not Sexually Pleasing – They may not want to sexually please you or give you anything more than what they like to receive. This is something to pay attention to as the relationship progresses.

She’s Always out with Her Girlfriends – She might not enjoy her time with you as much and might always prefer to spend time with her girlfriends. We girls love our girl time. Don’t misinterpret that, but when she spends more time with her friends and less time with you, then this is something to be aware of. She might be needing some time away from you.

Does Not Care for Your Compliments – You might be giving them to her way too much. A woman never gets sick of compliments unless she is sick of you. If you compliment her and she says thank you with no emotion behind it or just smiles and never really takes anything from it, then it’s time that you stop giving her these compliments until she begins to appreciate them. Because the more you do something, the more it can start to feel like a routine instead of something meaningful.

So, enjoy a couple of days of solitude. Catch up on sports, PlayStation and whatever else you want to do. Now is the time to let go, sit back and discover the man that you can be so you can show up differently as time goes on.

Are you confused about what you should do? Watch this video…. And if you need more help, please visit my website to contact me personally, and we can individualize our conversation to get you in the right direction.

Your Coach,

Apollonia Ponti

Apollonia Ponti, an international certified coach and founder of apolloniaponti.com. She works with men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills and helps rebuild relationships.

You can find her expert advice on “is she using me”, plus a couple other of your core professional services, through her YouTube Channel, and Attract a Woman E-Book. To get real results with women NOW! Change your life and master your attraction. Book a coaching session here.

44 Comments

  1. John

    Good day,have been in a relationship for 6years with my girlfriend,we have been both happy and have even taken her to see my parents which she didn’t complain about, this is the lady I really want to marry, suddenly ,I called to know how she was but she wasn’t picking my calls and even ignore my messages I do sent to her,I was worried so I decided to meet her up to ask the reason she wasn’t picking and not responding to my messages, all she said was she was busy and that I should give her space.i was so confused because we never had quarry at all,I do call her all d time and also we do see almost all d time,I don’t know what to do since she said I should give her space.there are so many thing running in my mind rite now.pls what should I do.

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello John,
      I would need more details and I know I can help you get to the bottom of all this. Once we go over the details as of the relationship I will be able to give you a step by step process on what to do next. Please book a session here. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/ I will email you right away to set up a time a day.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  2. Mo

    Thank you for this article. It kinda gave me a sense of direction in terms of giving her space when she acts for it. I always felt like space was a way to say, “I want to lessen the blow of the breakup”. My gf is 45years old. I’m 36. We’ve been together a little over a year. She says she see everything she needs within me but she is clouded by the fact that I have a smaller child that is 2 yrs old. She don’t have any of her own. But her and her ex raised one together. That child is now grown. So my gf is struggling with the thought of raising another child who is not hers, with someone and the fact that she and our relationship is “bound” because we can’t just pack up and go when We want. We argue all the time. She makes me feel bad about being a mom. Saying what was I thinking to have another child. I don’t know what she wants me to do. It seems it’s hard for either one to just leave. But this is a big issue. Could you please help?

    Reply


  3. Jeffrey Tatum

    together 8 months. Girlfriend for 4 months. Yesterday she said want to see me or speak to me. She needed space. I trying to play it cool without texting her for the time being but hurts. I love you her. She got out of 5 year relationship last October. We started seeing each other in November. She likes me and enjoys our time. She has been feeling she needed to take time to herself. is this what she really want she asking. I want to work it out with her, but I am unsure how as nothing seen to be going right. She put effort than suddenly backed off. She always says I’m so good to her and always thinks of her. it’s just hard to play it cool 24/7. Giving her space is the only I can do, but should I walk away or wait for a reply patiently?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Jeffrey,
      It depends on the relationship dynamic. If she is trying to still get over her past relationship then space is very important so she can heal and figure things out. I would have to know more details about the relationship through a coaching session to give you exact advice. But I do believe space will be good for the both of you. Please reach out to me if you want more guidance I am here to help!
      Best,
      Apollonia


  4. Shawn

    Thank you for sharing this article and I’m benefiting from it. I’m still at a loss here and I’ll tell you everything. Me and my gf met back at the end of Jan. We were fresh out of relationship of. I was divorced from a 16yr marriage, she just came out of 4 yr relationship with her boyfriend in which was hard for her to accept. We had attempted intimacy 3x but she has anxiety/depression and I have ED from diabetes. Since then there is nointimacy. Yet, we live together love each other and she’s bonded with my 14 yr old daughter. Since the start of our relationship I bee overly affectionate. She took a month off from work on FMLA and leave of absence and went to see her mother 3x. She seems to still have tthe same feelings for me llove etc. I been providing alot for her and she helps with transportation. Would it help to talk to her and tell her about what I been doing saying etc.? Even if she says it’s not that. Because she didn’t say to me I need my space.

    Reply


  5. Ashayne

    together 8 months, last week she requested a month break. I tried to play it cool without texting her for the time being. She told me that she needed the space to sort her doubts and feelings out. She have always been in doubt in this relationship, doubt about is she contended, is she happy with me, is this what she really want. I want to work it out with her, but I am unsure how as nothing seen to be right. We are studying in the same school, same module, same course, it’s just hard to play it cool 24/7. Giving her space is the only I can do, but should I walk away or wait for a reply patiently?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Ashayne,
      What I suggest is really looking into the relationship and seeing where the “lack” came from and changing this. This does not mean that you say its change and then its fixed it means you say nothing and show through actions. I invite you to reach out to me for a session as I would like to get more information about the relationship in order to give you exact advice and get her back. Here is the link https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
      Hope to speak with you soon.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  6. Isaac

    Me & my wife been married for 12yrs now. 2yrs ago she started dating a younger man & development strong feelings for him but he doesn’t want a relationship or a title. They’ve had sex several times but now she says she wants our marriage & she no longer has feelings for him anymore. She calls me just about everyday & we talk. She says she loves me & wants our marriage but wants to take it slow. I try to help her in anyway I can because I still love & in love with her but I don’t want to seem desperate or foolish. I want to continue our marriage & I feel more love for her now than ever before. How can I win her back again but also give her the time we both need to heal & increase the love so that this never happens again?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Issac,
      Thank you for your comment and I know right now can be incredibly confusing and difficult. I believe taking your time, having open communication, and understanding why this happened from her perspective and then sharing yours is a great way to begin. Now, in life, we have no control over the future but we do have control over our feelings. I strongly suggest for you to book a session here https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/ with me so we can really chat about the history and dynamics of your relationship so I can give you guidance and exact advice. I have helped many couples overcome fidelity so you are in the right spot. If you feel called to work with me I encourage you to reach out. Also, I believe this blog may help. I know it says husband but just take the husband and replace it with “wife” this could give you guidance as well. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/how-to-get-my-husband-to-notice-me-4-important-tips/
      Best,
      Apollonia


  7. Erick

    As I read your article. I gained an insight on how does “she needs space” in relationship. Because its happening to me right now. My gf suddenly broke up with me telling she wants to be alone, she wants to go back to herself and don’t want commitment. I really don’t want her to break up with me but she really wants to and we had an arguement about that. I said to her I will wait till she becomes ready again. So I wait, I don’t know how months it will take. Then after a week she broke up with me. She chat me telling take care from the heavy rain then I’m shocked because she suddenly chat me. Then I chat her like it was normal and I think got annoyed in me. During our conversation, because of the typhoon which was cold, she said that she slept with somebody but I know she would not do that actually. Then one day, as I chat her. She told me that I should stop chatting her and continued the story about the she slept with someone to become more realistic to me. Then she blocked me from the chat then after a while she unblock me. I’m relieved that she unblock me and said to myself that I won’t chat for because I don’t want to happen that again. Then after 3 days, she chat me again telling that I take care always and I replied also to her the same then she continued again the “she slept with someone” which progress that she might be pregnant but I know its not true but it really hurts me a lot. Then evening came, I chat her about why she is not yet sleeping she said she was thinking of something and with the “she slept with someone” again. So I need some advice about my situation and what should you think I do.

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Erick,
      This is toxic and my question to you is why continue to put yourself through this. Seems like a lot of immaturity in this relationship. I would suggest not talking to her for 30 days and she can figure things out on her own. She will come to an understanding that these games are immature. Once you do this you need to focus on you and bring positivity back into your life.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  8. Iwan

    Hi

    I have recently been in a relationship with a girl only 2 months, it was going very well and we both were being quite full on with each other and spending a lot of time together. We even discussed going travelling together for a couple of months. Then two days ago my girlfriend met up with me and said she feels she needs space and some time alone as she feels smothered. She’s still been spending time with friends, going out with her friends etc and we have not had any argument at all.. she said she only broke up with her ex boyfriend a couple of weeks before first seeing me so needs time to figure herself out and Space to work on herself.. I am wondering what to do? I think it is best to not text or call or or anything and just wait to see if she initiates contact back with me? As I said it was weird because she was so in to me and vice versa so it was out of the blue.. thanks

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Iwan,
      Yes, this is the best thing that you can do. You are right. She sounds like she is looking to have fun right now and might not want to settle down. I would not be too available for her moving forward. I would suggest keeping your distance and not being there for her as much as you use to. Hope this helps.
      Best,
      Apollonia


    • Edward

      Can I know what happend afterwards? I living the same experience right now and it’s killing me. She needs space and it’s been a week now


  9. OG

    Great article!
    I’m 37 shes 31, we met a year ago when she was here (we live in different countries), we had huge up and downs, during this time she went out with other guys as me with other girls, but we got in a point that we didn’t like that so we got official 2 month ago.
    As long distance relationship, we meet for 2 weeks and spend 1 month away when she’s back her home. Text everyday, call once a week or so.
    We spend quality time and our relationship got serious, now she’s considering move here with me or breakup with me. She wonder she will have to leave her life there, she an artist, she can draw here, but you know, sell the car, leave the house, been apart form her family etc.
    Told her, she can take her time before deciding to move, even mentioned couple of years, but she want to decide now about her future. She always mentioned she wanted to live here even if when we just met and had no relationship, so she likes here.
    Last time she was visiting me she felt smothering about my country, so she went back a week early. She told me she need space and I told her it’s ok, take her time to think about it and come back to me when she’s comfortable with her decision. After 2 days of no contact she texts me that she couldn’t sleep so she sent a voice message of her singing a Disney song (cute) and a good night message.
    Wonder if I should text her back, or ignore it? we’re in her space time.
    If I should text, what should text her? like have a great day?
    Thanks,

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello OG,
      It sounds like there was nothing in this relationship that she did or you did to not contact her. It’s a big step for her to move to another country and she is trying to figure things out at this moment. I wouldn’t suggest ignoring her. I would suggest being more supportive at this time. She needs to see strength in you if she is going to move across the country to live with you. If you would like to book a private session please reach out to me so we can discuss this further and I can help.
      Best,
      Apollonia


    • OG

      Well, she told me she needs space, so she can think clearly, I talked her that I’ll support her etc, and gave all solutions for what she needs here. Anyway after she hearing all I can offer she decided to go back to her country to think. So I’m giving her space, and told her think very well, and contact me when you decided and you’re comfortable with your answer.
      It has been a week since she left and we haven’t talked. I don’t wanna push her so I’m giving space and waiting for her answer. Guess there are phases she must go through to find the answer, and she will figure it out wouldn’t she? If I contact she would be too needy for my part?


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello OG,
      You’re correct. In this situation, she is going to need to change something and get what she needs from whatever it is that she is trying to figure out. The best thing you can do is focus on you and your well-being. Hope this helps and wishing you the best!
      -Apollonia


  10. Aj

    Hi Apollonia,
    I have been with my girl for 2 1/2yrs. She’s 41 with 2 kids 7yr old and a 19yr old. I’m 34 with a 12yr old. When I first met her she was going to file for divorce with her now ex-husband. We fell in love during everything and became very attached to each other. We would see each other over the weekend sometimes difficult bc of exhusband not picking up son. We would see each At my house only. Hardly ever go out. She wanted things to be discreet. I was ok with it. Her ex-husband literally waited out the 2yrs where he had no choice but to sign. Fast forward Jan. ‘18 they are finally divorced. Same issues with the ex he didn’t pick up his son and In a way force her to stay home. We would argue about it. Things have became different a couple months after the divorce. We went from seeing each other all the time to here and there. I had a feeling after the divorce she would want some sort of freedom bc she was with him since college. And it has been a long time. She said she wants space. I respectfully honored her wishes 3 months ago. We then linked back up twice and after her realizing how much she forgot how I treated her (queen). She’s says she loves me. Then Just recently she said it again before her bday drop a bomb again and said she’s overwhelmed and needs space to work through it and needs some quite time to herself. Mind you I have been patiently waiting, understanding, supportive etc. My thing is that I do love her and she does love me. But I don’t want to lose her neither. She’s very successful in her career and travels the world. She has been there for me as well through tough times. We went through some stormy weather from the beginning which made me realize we can get through anything. What would I do? Idk if she wants to date now that she is finally divorce or take time and come back together.

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Aj,
      Just from your comment, it might seem as though you are too available for her and emotionally dependent on her. I am not 100% sure but this is just a guess from your comment. Moving forward focus and involve yourself in an activity. It’s important she sees she’s not first place in your life. In order for me to help you a bit further, I encourage you to reach out here for a private coaching session. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
      Best,
      Apollonia


  11. Netoiu Andrei

    Hey, I need some advice, I started being being quite jealous, she was acting cold, I told her she needs a break, but she didn’t want it, then after two days she asked for the break, I asked her if she got back to her ex she said yes, then I insisted on breaking up but she was insisting on taking just a break and asked me if I will wait for her, she also said she loves me .. her ex is going to get back to another country, she will stay home, haven’t talked at all for 3 days now

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Netoiu,
      I know right now is difficult and thanks for reaching out. I believe right now you should not be available if a woman is going to give her time to another man on your watch. The thing about this is setting the right boundaries at the beginning of the relationship so she understands the idea of respect. Continue to give her space and not tolerate her having both of you. Hope this helps!
      Best,
      Apollonia


    • Netoiu Andrei

      we’ve got some sort of non-verbal communication, we both got the same youtube account, and she knows that when we were fighting, we were looking what was the other one listening to, she also said that when she will stop listening to a specific song, our song, she will not care about this relationship no more, all I needed was to see in the search history that song and that she was listening to it, I really want her back, it’s been almost a week.. I really love her


    • Netoiu Andrei

      do you think she will ever reach out for me again ?


    • Apollonia Ponti

      I do. Just keep focusing on you.


    • Netoiu Andrei

      ok, yesterday she contacted me,it was shot and Itried to keep it that way, she just asked how I am, I told her I’m good, asked her the same thing, she said she is ok, and I said I’m happy for her


  12. Chad

    Hello my name is Chad I. I could use some help with a important matter.. involving my relationship , and honestly don’t know what to do .. please get back to me … Chad

    Reply


  13. Joe

    I have been with my fiancé 6 years, 3 years engaged. She recently 3 days ago said she needs space. She loves me she has said it multiple days so far but she said she needs to find herself needless to say she is 39, 40 in 3 weeks. Has been going through menopause for a year now, and I was worried a midlife crisis may come on and this happens. So I have lost 14 pounds in 1 week. Work out 2 times a day. Haven’t eaten I’ve tried I just can’t stomach anything at the moment. I’ve had a few great relationships but this has been the greatest. She loves me. I love her. I’m going to give her space but I’m asking you is it over?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Joe,
      I definitely don’t think this is the end. I do think that you losing control of who you are by not eating and also being too needy towards her isn’t healthy but can ruin or slow down the process of getting back together. Typically when a woman says she needs space she feels suffocated in some way. Great job on focusing and working out etc. If you would like more guidance please feel free to reach out to me so I can help you towards your desired goal. 🙂
      Best,
      Apollonia


  14. LJ

    I have a 5 year friends with benefits long distance relationship with a divorced mother of two children. At first we didn’t bring in her family into the story, even bought a little house together (paid by both) to meet up weekends. She never hid the fact that she never wanted a serious relationship, and that she loves me, but is not in love.
    Over the years we started bringing family in, which brought out problems like ex husband’s jealousy and family asking awkward questions about us…
    I confess that I have always wanted more. And she knows it.
    About a month ago she asked me for space…though we keep making plans and she keeps calling and texting.
    I’ve kind of lost my head, become needy, jealous.
    We have a month in front of us where we can’t meet up because of my work and her kid’s holidays.
    We have a 10 day trip together (just the two of us) planned for August.
    How do I handle all this space thing?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello LJ,
      What I would suggest is give her the space needed and let her initiate everything with you. You have already done the needy jealous part which will push her away and in order to not push her away any more then I would suggest for you to not contact her unless she contacts you. Also, during this time do things and get out there. Play some sports, or hang out with friends, involve yourself in something so she sees that you are not waiting on her watch. Also, you mentioned you bought a house together and you may want something more. Where is this relationship going? Is it still a friends with benefits? As time goes on and it stays like this you might get hurt unless you can turn this around into a relationship. Unless this is what you truly want?
      Best,
      Apollonia


    • LJ

      Thanks so much for reply Apollonia.
      The house was sort of a getaway place/investment/spur of the moment thing.
      I DO want to turn things around. I know I could get hurt badly, but after 5 years… wouldn’t I be a coward?
      Basically nothing has changed in 5 years, we have fun, hook up… but after bringing in the kids too much, those two weeks a month we didn’t see each other, became seeing us weekly and also (my fault, I know) me making her my priority. They came the space call…
      And my sudden neediness.
      Is this savable?


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Lj,
      I would suggest a coaching session so I can get more details and really help you get answers to the relationship and help you turn things around. I believe you need to change your approach 100% especially if she has been around for 5 years it just might be. In order for me to give you the right guidance, I would have to speak to you through a coaching session. I suggest you book one with me so we can get things going. Here is the link if you would like to take the next step. 🙂 https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
      Best,
      Apollonia


  15. Russel L

    I’ve been seeing this girl for the past 5 months, though the first two months were a lot of ups and downs, but we’ve made a lot of progress. She asked for space the first time a month ago but I knew she was mad at me about something, so I gave her space. During that time, she would text me every 2 days or so to check in with me (and shes also an insecure person so it felt like she was making sure I was still around). Now the past month, we’ve been seeing each other alot, and things were progressing even more. Two weeks ago, she told me on the phone that she had this feeling of wanting to disappear and withdraw, and I told her that that’s fine and that I’d be waiting for her to come back when she’s ready. We ended up going out to drink 3 days later and she told me she wasn’t happy and cried a little bit. I learned work was bothering her and there were other things too. I ended up deciding to give her space, but I made the mistake of going to her place a few days later, and we became frustrated with one another as she wouldn’t tell me what the other things are that were bothering her in her life. I drove home that night and she still sent me a text telling me to be careful driving and to get home safe (which made me feel like, although frustrated, she still cares). Its been a week now since that text and she’s been posting things on her Instagram story , which she’s never done the past 5 months so it really feels like shes been posting them for me to see that she’s fine (i.e. her going out with her friends) (And the first time she needed space, I went on vacation for a week and we have a specific chat to keep in touch and she purposely uploaded things on there for me to see, which she also never did either).

    I’m still trying my best to not contact her but its getting really hard for me to not contact her. It really feels like she’s been using Instagram stories and looking at my stories to make sure we’re both okay, a small way of checking up on each other. I’ve also decided to stop posting on Instagram as well to fully “not contact” her. Am I doing the right thing, or am I being too optimistic?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Russel,
      Thanks for your comment! 100% you are doing the right thing. I always tell people I know no contact can be difficult but you have to remember the end result is what is the best prize. Also, no contact is meant for you, not just your ex. No contact is meant for you to change and look into the things that you brought into this relationship that made the both of you have troubles. A lot of people think no contact is just not to talk but the bigger picture out of all this is personal development. Try new things at the moment and challenge yourself to learn from the things you have been going through. If you have, great! Do it some more. Remember you are not anyone pedestal. You are your own pedestal so you deserve to be admired and treated well as well. After no contact is time to showcase your change and you want to make sure you make the necessary changes and also continue to put yourself first because no one deserves to be someones last option on an option they know that will be around until they make the choice. Gaining control back will be big for you. Does this help? 🙂
      Best,
      Apollonia


  16. Timothy

    She wanted space and I’ve given it to her. Did not talk for more than a week. Went out with friends, had fun and showed I am capable of living alone – just as you advised here.

    My question is, would it be a good idea to send her a bouquet of flowers with a message and maybe include an all inclusive day by the pool for her and a friend of hers?

    Thanks
    Timothy

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Timothy. Can you give me the short answer of why she asked for space? I am going to give you a couple examples since I don’t know the reason to try and help here as much as possible. So I would say “no” to the following reason. 1. If she felt that you were suffocating her. 2. She is going through something and felt as though you were making it harder for her. Also, let some time pass before you send her flowers. If it’s been recent since the “space” thing then I would allow yourself to wait a couple weeks and continue to focus on you. 🙂 Does this help?
      Apollonia


  17. Timothy

    She asked for space and Ive given it to her for more than a week. Went out with friends, had fun, and showes I am capable of living alone – just as you advised here.

    My question is, would it be a good idea to send her a bouquet of flowers with a message and maybe including a gift such as an inclusive day by the pool for her and a friend of hers?

    Thanks

    Reply


  18. Ryan

    GF of over one year (serious, committed relationship) said this past Sunday that she needed space/wanted to take a break for a week and that we would talk next weekend. I admit that I had been acting overbearing/needy/clingy the previous week. She was really mad that I wasn’t listening to her. It’s now Thursday, and I have not heard from her. I have not called/texted/emailed. Do I just wait for the weekend? Will it be bad for me if I reach out to her on Sunday if I haven’t heard from her?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Ryan,
      If the both you have taken time apart because you were too clingy or needy then I believe it’s best if you let her reach out only. Do not reach out to her. During this time find some things that will bring you happiness, keep busy, and work on the reasons why you may be overbearing. This is going to be vital if you want to get her back. You have to show up differently. Working on you and not being clingy will be the first step. Hope this helps! 🙂
      Apollonia


  19. John Miller

    I have a woman I love that broke up with me 15 mo. ago. She hasn’t gone more than 2 weeks since without contacting me, usually just a few days. We recently spent six fantastic weeks as friends with benefits. Now she’s wants no benefits, but still initiates contact a couple of times a week. I keep it short and sweet. There is also about a half dozen other men interested in her. I love her like I’ve never loved anything and I’m 52 years old. Do I walk away or can I tell me how to make her mine again.

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello John,
      It seems as though there may be a possibility to make her yours again. I would have to understand the dynamics of the relationship in order to give you sound advice. Seems like there may be something missing that is keeping her from committing to you. What I would suggest is to figure out what made the both of you break up and start from there. Once you get to the root of the answer you can work your way around that. Typically a woman won’t commit because there is no spark, she doesn’t want to be in a relationship, or something in the relationship isn’t going smoothly it was difficult. Hope this helps!
      Apollonia


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