When she says she needs space, here’s what to do!

How horrifying is it when she says she needs space!? You’re probably feeling confused and wondering how you can fix this, right? That’s why I created this article! In this article, I am going to tell you the reasons why she is asking for space and help you understand what to do moving forward, how to get her back and recover from the heartache.

Right now is the best time for you to reflect on yourself. You also might be confused because you feel like you did everything right. You were there for her, you showed her affection, you spent time with her, and gave her almost everything she wanted. You want to live happily ever after and have a wonderful life! Unfortunately, that isn’t always the right way to look at love. Love can provide the biggest lessons for growth as an individual and if we don’t learn from them, we live in worry, fear, and misery. We then become complacent, we don’t learn or move forward, and these things happen again, again, and again.

Understand that it is impossible to never irritate your partner. It’s really about how you’re both working through the emotions that surge up. Overall, the biggest thing is if she wants space, give her that space. Do not text her. Do not call her. Just let her be. Let her text you, let her call you, allow her to initiate the contact with you. From a woman’s mindset, when we say we need space, it’s sometimes because we know a man is doing everything in his power to be with us. It can be a great thing, but there is a thing as being too much. When we get into a relationship or if we get involved with someone, we may be unsure of whether they’re a match for us, or maybe we’re suffering from something that’s going on in our lives right now. You don’t know.

Girlfriend Says She Needs Space: What can you do?

Your girlfriend tells you she needs to be alone for a while and you immediately are filled with worry. What do you do? When a girl says she needs space, the most impressive thing you can do for yourself and your girlfriend is to not call or text her. Let her initiate. In a woman’s mind, when she sees you as less available, she’ll start reaching out to you. It draws a connection, it reignites an attraction to you, and we start to think, “Is he okay without me?” If a woman has feelings for you then she won’t be OK with this.

This is the way you switch her thinking, and that’s exactly what you want to do. You want to give her space because if she’s going through something personal or even if you thought you were too overbearing, then it’s vital that you give her space. If this eventually leads to a relationship or if you’re in a relationship right now, you have to show her that you can give her space and the time that she needs. If this woman is pushing you away because she’s going through something and she doesn’t want you around, then you need to reanalyze the relationship. There might be a disconnect, or she might not have the same feelings for you. The reason why I mention this is because typically when a woman loves a man, she will be open enough to share things with him or want him by her side when she is going through a tough period. Next, think about the conversation that you’re going to have with her because life happens. If your girlfriend handles her troubles by herself, talk to her about why and try to understand this reasoning. Ask her to show you how can still be present for her. This is vital to every relationship because communication is key.

If it’s one of these two scenarios, you want to explore the relationship and how you’re going to confront her the next time that you speak to her. Of course, you want to handle this in a compassionate way; not in an argumentative way. Think about how you will get your point across and still be present to her needs while staying true to the man you are.

When She Says She Needs Space: 5 Tips on what to do next

Tip #1– Plan things to do alone or with other people and enjoy them. Make yourself busy during this time. When your girlfriend needs space, do something that you’ve wanted to do with friends or family. Travel somewhere for a quick getaway weekend and explore the city. Doing something will keep your mind busy thinking about something positive that you enjoy instead of thinking negative thoughts like, “What is she’s doing? Why does she need space? Does she even like me? Are we breaking up!?” All of these questions are negative self-talk in your head, and it’s not going to do you any good. That’s why it’s so important to keep busy.

Tip # 2– Explore the relationship. Think about the relationship right now. Unless something happened like a family member passing away, a health issue, or something drastic going on in her life right now, explore the relationship because it’s imperative that you’re with a partner that you can see a future with. Analyze the relationship and see where your own shortcomings were. What were your weaknesses in this relationship that lead you to the point that she needs space? This is the only way that you can dissect the relationship to see what you might have done wrong and how you can overcome this so you can support your partner now through positive actions and change.

Tip # 3Become confident and happy. When someone is confident with themselves, it is magnetic to their partner and attraction and desire intensify. Confidence is inner happiness. You cannot just pretend to be confident because it will disappear as time goes on. This is something that takes strength, time, and focus. Focus so you can be direct, open, and honest with yourself. You can overcome your inner obstacles and grow as a person for you and only you. A lot of men think, “How will she know I am more confident and how will she know I have changed?” That’s the key right there! The moment you stop caring about the attachment of what she will see, you are truly going to do this for yourself and put yourself first. As time goes on your partner will be able to sense a change within you. You can simply do with through your actions, social media posts, and energy. You want to be respectful, but you also should show her that you’re confident and you’re happy no matter what – with her in your life and without her in your life! This is what a woman looks for in a man. We love a strong man that can hold his own at the end of the day.

GET MY MASTER YOUR CONFIDENCE AUDIO SEMINAR HERE! 

Tip # 4– Setting boundaries. Determine what is healthy and what is not healthy. When you explore the relationship as discussed in tip #2, are you being overly affectionate, or too available for her? Are you involved in everything to the point where she knows you will always pick her up and do all the work to put her back together when she falls? Well, she might continue to fall because she knows that you’re going to be there to pick her up. Though being supportive is a strong trait, you want to make sure this woman is not taking advantage of you. By setting boundaries and telling her you cannot continue to pick her up when she falls, you can help her own her responsibilities and create more balance. A woman typically takes you for granted if she is always asking for space, especially when you are too available. If this rings a bell, ask yourself these questions:

Are you always available for her?

Are you needy?

Do you want to spend every waking minute with her?

When a girl says she needs space…

Here is the bigger picture of this all. If a woman states that she needs space and you follow these tips, and she honestly does not want space, after all, you will find out. But also, you will be forming a foundation where this woman will not want to do this again as you were honoring space for her. Furthermore, if a woman is being emotional and is doing this for attention, this is your time to ask her to dig a little deeper into her insecurities and to figure it out and fix it because you cannot play these games with her. A lot of men think that if they do this when she said she needs space, they will not be supporting their girlfriend or wife. At the end of the day you can only take responsibility for yourself and when you implement boundaries in your relationship and do not tolerate the neglected behavior, you can build a healthy relationship. You both understand that you are accountable for your actions and cannot be used as a doormat and will not be passive.

If you were too involved in the relationship and she needed space to analyze whether this is something that she wants, that space is going to be critical in this relationship, there is a significant chance that she could be feeling claustrophobic. She may want to escape right now as she needs her time alone. Again, do not hang on to her, be depressed, act desperate or afraid because at the end this is not attractive to a woman and will only pull her away even more.

There are only two things to do here. One, analyze where you can show up better, be positive and stay focused on you. Hang out with your friends because at this point you probably haven’t been hanging out with your friends as much. You might have lost track of your personal life as you both possibly spent every waking minute together. This will make her feel like she can breathe again.

She Needs Space: What Do I Do Moving Forward?

I get emails, comments on my YouTube videos, and remarks in my coaching session from men who have no idea what to do next when a woman they love has asked for space. The biggest advice that I can give you, and this is truly important, is to focus on YOU right now. So many people yearn for something outside of themselves, but you have all the answers within. I am not telling you to ignore your feelings for this woman and move on. What I am saying is that you got to this point because you lost something within yourself, in the relationship, and you need to get grounded in who you are and how you can be a better man in this relationship for yourself and for yourself only.

So many people think that they will lose their partner if they don’t call them all the time, text them all the time, or apologize all the time, but that is the complete opposite of what you should be doing. Relationships are about personal development and the more in tune and secure the partners are with themselves, the healthier the relationship becomes. Moving forward I am going to give you the top 3 things women do when they might be feeling overwhelmed in the relationship, so you become more aware of when to step back and give her space before she has to say it. But before we go into this, I think it’s important for me to state one thing…

There is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man understanding precisely what she wants and needs. You master this by observing your partner’s behaviors and picking up on universal energies that happen in a relationship. For example:

Grumpy or Cranky – This is when your partner is just snappy with you for no reason, and she is just not happy at the moment. Maybe you are watching TV, and she does not want to talk at that moment because she wants to zone out. Or she might have a lot on her mind, and you want to be affectionate with her and are avoiding the fact that she is not happy right now or even satisfied with herself at that very moment. These are all valid emotions; it’s about what you do with this moving forward. Maybe go to the room and read a book and wait for her to come to you. Then she might even ask, “Why are you in here” and you can respond, “I noticed you were having a moment and I thought giving you some time to yourself was best for the both of us” with a warm smile.

She Does Not Listen to Your Stories – She might give you the “Uh-huh” and not engage in conversation with you. You can tell when someone is not open to having a conversation with you. They’re not participating in discussions and asking you questions. They seem uninterested.

Not Sexually Pleasing – They may not want to sexually please you or give you anything more than what they like to receive. This is something to pay attention to as the relationship progresses.

She’s Always out with Her Girlfriends – She might not enjoy her time with you as much and might always prefer to spend time with her girlfriends. We girls love our girl time. Don’t misinterpret that, but when she spends more time with her friends and less time with you, then this is something to be aware of. She might be needing some time away from you.

Does Not Care for Your Compliments – You might be giving them to her way too much. A woman never gets sick of compliments unless she is sick of you. If you compliment her and she says thank you with no emotion behind it or just smiles and never really takes anything from it, then it’s time that you stop giving her these compliments until she begins to appreciate them. Because the more you do something, the more it can start to feel like a routine instead of something meaningful.

So, enjoy a couple of days of solitude. Catch up on sports, PlayStation and whatever else you want to do. Now is the time to let go, sit back and discover the man that you can be so you can show up differently as time goes on.

Are you confused about what you should do? Do you need guidance to get her wanting you again and attracting her back into your life? Do you want results now? Then it’s time to book a coaching session with me so I can help get you there. Click Here. 

Your Coach,

Apollonia Ponti

Apollonia Ponti, an international certified coach and founder of apolloniaponti.com. She works with men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills and helps rebuild relationships.

You can find her expert advice on “is she using me”, plus a couple other of your core professional services, through her YouTube Channel, and Attract a Woman E-Book. To get real results with women NOW! Change your life and master your attraction. Book a coaching session here.

100 Comments

  1. Kal

    Hello i have been with my girlfriend 1year now and she is been hurting from her ex boyfriend after that shes been dating gorls until she knows me after that we been in a great relationship we talk everyday and always told she doesn’t want me to breakup with her now after 1 year we did have a problem and asked for break i ask her to forget i talk with many friends i did go to see her even ahe didnt want to now she bloked me from all social media and follow two guys on Instagram that i bloked because they want her she is so cold with me and even don’t care i think please help i feel really because iv been faithful to her and never ever did something bad to her pls help sos

    Reply


  2. Max

    Hey Apollonia,

    I read a lot of your blogs and I have a question. Im extrovert so I need to ask about this a good soul :).

    We meet in club, we kiss and the next day we though to get some coffee and wine. This day was magic, a lot of emotions to the night, after this day, she send me a message: “I want you to stay with me everytime” Our “relation” was for only 2 months, but we have long trips, sex and good mood. Sometimes she was jealous, offended etc but she is 20, maybe thats why. After last trip, not good weather, rain etc, we had some fights but after all she was happy. In the last day, I was trying to kiss her but she said “I need some space, few days” I was like ok. After 3 days I call her to meet on coffee and talk about us, she said “I think there is nothing anymore” I was like wtf, whats goin on. We had another event booked but after this words I got my best female friend to come with me, we had a good party with good mood – I needed it. I post some photos and after this party I send a msg to my “ex or friend (idk how to call her after 2 month)”. She answer “have a fun with new girlfriend”. I was trying to explain that she is only my best friend. After that she deleted all my profil from social media, commentaries etc. Right now we have 3 weeks after no contact, we live in same city, we have same parties every weekend in clubs. I saw her last weekend, have conversation with her friends but not with her (my bad maybe I was suppose to say hello only). I know that she trying to get somebody from tinder, I saw photos from her date 2 days ago. She still checking my stories. We had plans, trips, etc. ehh. Can u help me with that?

    Reply


  3. Deepak Sharma

    Hello mam
    My GF and I have been together for 3 years. It was our 3rd anniversary. She didn’t remember and she never remembers even my birthday. I scolded her alot. I really hurt her alot. I know did wrong at that time. We didn’t talk with each other for another two days. On third day she said she don’t want to be with me. I said sorry i scolded you. I asked her that why don’t you remember all these days. She said she can’t remember them because they are being forcefully applied on her. Next i said i am really very sorry. She said i need space for a while. I said okay. She has been talking with me for 2 months but i can’t find that girl who i loved. She is my classmate and now the exams are over. We are at our homes. I am enjoying my life and giving her space. I am improving myself. But the problem is whenever i see her online or whenever she posts and story or pic i feel pain inside me. It is very painful mam. What should i do mam. Please reply😀

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Deepak,
      I would suggest for you not to look at her stories. Separations are hard and the pain heals over time. But the thing you have to not do is influence the pain by looking at her stories. She will also notice that you are not viewing her stories which will get her to think about you and what you’re doing. Hope that helps!
      Best,
      Apollonia


  4. Deepak Sharma

    Hello ma’am.
    I am Deepak from India.
    My GF and i have completed 3 years on sept 2018. She didn’t remember that. We fought over it. I said many things to her. That were not from my heart. I really hurted her. We didn’t talk for 2 days. Then after 2 days she said i need space. She said i need to get some time for her. It has been 2 months since that incident. She talks with me we are in the same class in college. But i felt that she doesn’t have any feelings for me. She said she needs space. I am enjoying my life but whenever she posts anything on social media i get upset. My heartbeat gets high when i see her online. What should i do mam. It’s very painful.

    Reply


  5. kevin wodarcyk

    Hello Apollonia,

    I’ve been with this girl for a little over a month, and things seemed to be fine and dandy. I felt like she wasn’t showing any emotion so I addressed it one day, and she broke it off and said she needed time and space to better herself. She hasn’t completely shut the door on me because she last said that she cared about me and that she’s here if I need to talk to her and that she’s worried about me. I have t talked to her in 5 days and feel as if she moved on, I feel this way because she unfollowed me on different social media websites. She claims that her previous boyfriends never stick around but I told her several times that I’m not like them and that I’m here to stay. I’m contemplating wether I should reach out to her and ask her how she’s doing but at the same time I don’t think I should. I could really use your advice because you know what you’re talking about in your article. Please let me know what options I should take. Thank you.

    Kevin

    Reply


  6. thomas

    I have been in love with this girlfriend of mine. for almost about two years now.. but we had ups and down and I have been always be there for her when she fills down.. and we get back in track trouble after trouble, and many time when she is troubled , she ask me she needs space but I usually insists, until she start saying am a bad person and she needs fresh air from this relationship and see how things will be cause she doesn’t have any feeling for our affair. this is hard for me . I love her and I cant stand losing her

    Reply


  7. LeO

    Hello Apollonia ,

    i’ve known my girlfriend now for more than a year we were basically bestfriends before we became a couple , the first month or so was great we skipped so steps because we knew a lot of stuff about each other , but lately i noticed that she’s avoiding me , doesn’t want to meet me for dates and always brings some excuses and i become to realize that i was being needy sometimes , but the problem is that she is the type of a person that likes to be free most of the time, wants to meet once a week basically wants her space a lot and once i’ve noticed this i’ve pulled back before she says she needs her space , i love her a lot and i want this to work so how can i maintain a healthy relationship giving that i believe that spending time together with the person you love will make her care more and fall more for me ?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Leo,
      You are wrong about the last part. Spending time together will not make a person always fall more especially if it’s not reciprocated. I would challenge you to take space from this relationship. There is something going on in the relationship when it comes to attraction. I recommend you to read this blog and share your comments after if you have questions as I know this can help. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/what-women-find-attractive-17-traits-everything-you-need-to-know/
      I say to step away for about a good 3 weeks and let her initiate. Balance your emotions out and find some happiness in the process of you being alone.
      If this woman cares for you she will naturally come back. Try switching the dynamic of the relationship.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  8. Jayshawn Jacobs

    Hello,
    I’ve been in a relationship with her for about 4 years and a month to date. She had a mishap and had to move in with me due to losing her house and then just literally yesterday lost her job.

    During her stay I had lost my job as well but got another one within a few weeks and had CPS notified due to slandering but was cleared up so I was stressed as well. When I got home last night from a minor mishap, she took her kids and some of her belongings with them and I didn’t know. She blocked me from various social media and her phone. I finally got through to her and we texted. This is what she said verbatim from and exerpt of our texts:

    “I am not shutting u out I need to figure some stuff out u cloud my mind that I can’t focus an I end up not doing the things I need to do to end my self my mind body an soul back it’s self again. An it’s gone be hard for me too cuz I already want to run back but it’s just not healthy for me right now I need time an u do too we both need space for how ever long it take to get all the way back to where we are happy an comfortable on both sides I mean all the way good. But this is the first day I hate to be the person that have e to demand it since I am always the one that do it but good know we need it. it’s gone be ruff but it has has to be done an no I am not all good with it but ik I had too.”

    Is this a good sign? She had already unblocked me from her phone and texted me today but I am wanting to back off for a few days to a week then subtly text my way back in. What should I do and how can I decipher what she is saying in that exerpt?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Jayshawn,
      Well, you’re missing the key element from all of this. You are just focused on contacting her and the next time you will talk to her which is going to set you up for failure since there needs to be change. A woman does not say “you cloud my mind that I can’t focus” for no reason. That is where the issue lies in that relationship. So I ask you to ask yourself what are you doing that is making her feel like this? Was it fighting, being overbearing. etc. That is the first thing. Secondly, she is mentioning that this relationship is not healthy. So instead of focusing on her, you need to focus on the relationship itself and getting back to the healthy you. If you don’t you will push her away or end up back here again after a couple of months. If you would like some more tailored advice to help you with your situation I’m here. Please book a coaching session and I will help as much as possible. Wishing you the best!
      -Apollonia


  9. Nate

    Hello, my girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months and we have had up’s and down’s during the first few months, but definitely been happy. My GF has cancer and depression and we “took” a break before. She has told me that I have been jealous (though I don’t see how), clingy and becoming dependent on her. The reason why I am around her all the time is to make sure she is fine. She wanted to talk in person and wanted to come to an understanding, but I have not heard from her since Saturday and it’s now Monday. My friend’s have said to leave her alone and have her reach out, but my anxiety is coming out and I really want to reach out. What should I do?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Nate,
      Thanks for your comment! You should not reach out right now. If you are having anxiety towards the situation it does show some attachment and clinginess. I would work through this feeling that you have as this can push her away. I’m sorry she’s sick and I know this is incredibly hard. She does not want to feel suffocated as she feels this enough with her sickness. So, the best thing you can do is focus on you and do things that make you happy, surround yourself around people that make you happy and wait for her to reach out. Do not overly communicate that you miss her and put too much pressure for her not reaching out. Hope this helps!
      Best,
      Apollonia


  10. Bradley

    Hi there, I enjoyed the article that you wrote. Gave me some ideas to try. I have been together with my gf for about 6 months. The last 2 months or so have been very hard. See she is working full time, taking 2 classes and has a young one to watch after(She still Lives at Home). When she started taking her classes things changed dramitcally. I barely get to see her if any at all. We still do the good morning texts to each other. but i am afraid that I have come off needy because I tend to seek reassurance with her. I expressed to her about not showing affection and the fact that I never hardly get to see her. I do not get included in things anymore. She tells me she loves me but not have once asked for space. I do not text her constantly I only text her to see if she wants to do something or a reply to her texts. It is hard on me right now because I have no social life. No friends, hardly any family etc. So i have not been happy and been depressed. I am worried that i am pushing her away with this.

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Bradley,
      The best thing that you can do to not push her away is improve your social life. You doing this will ruin the relationship. This makes the attraction level very low in the relationship. That is what’s going on here. You cannot depend on her or this relationship to make you happier so if you want this to work I would suggest two things. 1. Start your social life. Get involved in activities to meet people and go to the gym etc. 2. Let her start to initiate hanging out with you.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  11. David

    Hi Apollonia,

    This is a less serious relationship question as I’ve only been seeing this girl for almost 3 months. In this three months though, we’ve really connected and have gone on countless dates and two short weekend trips together. We recently went on a quick trip together and I noticed she started to get a bit snippy with me and could tell she was easily irritated. After the trip I could tell she wasn’t thrilled about being around me at that moment. Picking up on this the following day or so I asked her if we were “Ok and if she was withdrawing” and she stated “Yes, I am withdrawing, I’ve also been busy. However, I need some space. I feel like I’ve been spending too much of my free time with you, and I just need some space right now. Nothing against you.” I asked her to clarify what exactly she meant by “space” and she explained that to not see each other as much. She needs time to miss me. She stated she needed time to refocus. She felt shes been checking out and getting annoyed with me and she thinks its from a mental disconnect because of how often we see each other. I agreed with her that we have been spending a bit too much time together too soon and agreed we should back off on how much time we spend together.

    From all of this she’s reached out to me once about a second job she got – I congratulated her and left it at that. I’m going to continue to give her space and not text her or call her and let her engage with me if she wants. As much as we were connected everyday, are these the right things I should be doing? I have very strong feelings for her and invested so much in getting to know her and felt we were getting super close until this.

    Thanks!

    David

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello David,
      Thanks for your comment! Yes, you’re doing the right thing. Let her initiate things with you moving forward. She has to miss you and she gave you the answer. Also, start to do things that will keep you busy during this time. Hope this helps.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  12. Chris

    I had been with my girlfriend for 3.5 years. Things were going great and she proposed to me but I wasn’t ready yet and I said yes. I did promise her one day she would be my wife and as time went on I was failing to recognize her signs of our relationship failing. She suggested that I read the 5 love languages to get a better understanding why her tank was empty and I thought it was dumb so I didn’t do it. We knew our relationship needed work and she took on a job out of state and I finally agreed I would move down there because I didn’t want to lose her. She stated that when I come down we needed to go to relationship counseling and I agreed to it. 2 weeks ago she tells me that she loves me but is not in love with me anymore and wanted to go on terms of writing letters only to see if she was going to miss me…she said she still had the same feelings and needed time for herself to be happy again. I have done all I can do as of now to show her that I do appreciate her and how sorry I was that I let our relationship slide when I was the one at fault because I let drinking get in the way and I am doing everything I can ( quiting drinking, read the book and seeing a relationship counselor ). The worst is here, I have accepted that there’s a good chance she will never call me again but I had plans to move to her city anyway ( while keeping distance ) because if there’s a chance, I wanted to be there. She means everything to me but I dont know what my next step is or what it should be…..do you think there’s still a chance in the future?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Chris,
      I can’t tell you if there is another chance as I cannot predict the future. 🙂 But what I can say is that if you continue to take the steps to improve yourself and be happy with the unknown will help you with this process overall. I know it’s hard but I believe stepping back and giving her space to figure things out will help her and you. If she comes back just showcase your change with actions instead of words. Hope this helps.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  13. Dustin McFarland

    Hello, I have a fiancé that has asked for space. We have been together for almost three years and live in the same house. She has given the ring back and said we need to work back to this. She wants space and time and is deciding if she wants to be in the relationship with me. She feels I’m too controlling and smothering her yet she makes sure that I know she has options with a “sugar daddy”. What do I do?

    Thanks

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Dustin,
      Seem’s quite disrespectful for her to say she has options with a “sugar daddy” seems to me she has a lot of control of this relationship. I would have to get more information on your current situation in order to give you exact advice. What I would recommend is that you do give her space but also focus on the ways your not being respected. To book a coaching session visit the top of this page and click (private coaching).
      Best,
      Apollonia


  14. Ty

    Good evening Apollonia,

    I have recently reconnected with someone from 11years ago who we both discovered had strong mutual feelings for but never acted on. I moved away that long ago and we haven’t seen one another until a month ago. Things took off and the connection was amazing from the first minute we started chatting. We met up for a casual drink and found out how much we had in common and how like minded we are. We talked all about one another’s future ambitions which included whether or not as an individual we would want kids or not. We seemed to agree on everything, a match made in heaven. I even took a day off work to drive the 2hours back home to visit with her some more. At this time I ended up telling her about an event in my life that is going to be taken care of by the new year and that there isn’t anything serious to be worried about. I told her this to show how strongly I felt towards her and that I respected her enough that I didn’t want to hide anything from her should we begin a relationship. She has just recently gotten out of an 8 month relationship. Knowing all this she came to visit the following weekend.

    It all seemed so surreal that this was happening, that we were working towards something great. We agreed to take things slow being that we were both coming out of relationships, and I feel I pushed to hard. Two weeks later she said she was “taking a step back”. I told her two days later “I realized things got to crowded and overwhelming. I agree it’s best that there be time and space to step back, I’m just checking in”. She responded saying thanks and asking what I’m checking in on, in turn I blew it off answering the next day saying “nothing in particular, just letting you know I agree with you and encourage thanking a step back”.

    I honestly do not want to let this woman slip through my fingers a second time. We have 2.5hours of highway that separate us and my fear is that I have blown my only chance. I recognize that in the first few weeks I was way to over excited and was putting to much pressure on things. I know I need to calm down, but my only concern is I am unsure how to handle the future, let her call/text first (things she doesn’t really do) or in a few weeks time send her a casual message about something that “reminded me of her” and play it off as a chance to be curious about her and how she is doing?

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated, Thanks.

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Ty,
      I know right now is a difficult time but patience is going to be your best friend during this process. I would suggest that you focus on you and let her initiate contact with you moving forward. Invest your time into things that keep you busy and let her have her space right now so she can figure out what it is she wants. This could take weeks or months but the best thing you can do in regards for attraction and for yourself is let her initiate contact since she was not to reciprocating before. Hope this helps!
      Best,
      Apollonia


  15. Vik

    Hi Apollonia

    I am married for 2 years, it was an arranged marriage. Wife had moved to the country UK after marriage and her dream was to work in London. We were in a different city when she came in. Then she had got a job in London and she moved there for work. And we have been meeting over the weekends for the past one year. Everything was okay until July – mid August this year. I am in the process of changing jobs and move with my wife as per our plan. Since a month she has been saying she needs space for 3 months. I am not sure what to do. And she has found this group of friends who go out for parties and event everyday. A guy from this group keeps texting her continuously and invites for events and parties. As she is young 26 and in London now she loves going out she has been going out with this group often. Since when she met this group she has been asking for space from me.

    It is a hard decision for me now as per our plan earlier I am suppose to move to London in a month or so. I am completely lost here, I don’t know what is in her mind.

    Please help me with your thoughts.

    Thanks
    Vik

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Vik,
      I know this is extremely difficult but it seems like she is finding her way and enjoying her time with these people and new life. I am not 100% sure that this guy is just a “friend”. It might be something a bit more. I know this is not what you want to hear but since she is 26 she is just finding things out about herself and it seems like the last thing that’s on her mind is a marriage. I would really focus on you and see if this is how you wanted to be treated by this woman. Take some time to not chat with her then have the conversation with her to see what is going on and then base your decision on if you would like to move to London or not and then if you would like to continue this arrange marriage or if you should move on. Arranged marriage or not. You deserve to have open communication and respect. Hope this helps!
      Best,
      Apollonia


  16. Patrick

    Hi Apollonia,

    My girlfriend and I have almost been together for a year, but last week said we need to step back in our relationship. She immediately stopped saying I love you and did not want to see me at all. I am trying my hardest to not annoy her or contact her much, but it is become increasingly difficult.

    She was fine on Monday, but on tuesday morning she just sprung this on me. Out of nowhere. She said she’s felt this for a couple weeks but has just kept it in.

    The rest of the week I was very paranoid as she would not promise me she wouldn’t go and hookup with other people. Today is Sunday and she went out with guys and girls both Saturday and Friday, and is not willing to tell me about her nights, which makes my anxiety about her potential relations with other men. We are currently on a break so we aren’t technically together, but I wouldn’t dare do that to her. She said a week or two but I just truly cannot live without her which makes everything harder. We work at the same place and will inevitably see each other regardless if we are together or not.

    She is very hot and cold, saying she doesn’t want to see me, then I drop food off for her and she invited me inside and we talked about things and she told me she loved me.

    Please help

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Patrick,
      The best thing you can do for you and the relationship takes a step back. She has a lot of control over you and this is something you need to control. You want to be able to show her what you are willing and not willing to tolerate. I know this can be hard but a woman that loves you does not want to lose you break or no break. So if she is being disrespectful and going out and saying she isn’t going to tell you then this is when you should walk away and go radio silent for a while. Then tell her this is not something that you will tolerate and she can choose to respect the relationship or not. If she does not you won’t be around for it. As scary as that sounds you have to understand this will make the relationship shine and develop new boundaries or show it’s true colors. Hope this helps!
      Best,
      Apollonia


  17. Lenny

    We met on a dating site it was our last effort on this site the last kick at the can if you may say we spent 16 weeks of enjoyment her not working and I as well not working ,, I met a beautiful goddess she is everything that I’ve ever wanted in a woman we are both older and have been around the block and we know want,, and is a very exciting and knowledgable about the same things,, she has been abandoned many times from other men and I am the one that won’t abandon her because she knows how I feel about her she just wants me to fix the things that she doesn’t like about me ,, I must make these changes , in other words and I have been doing these things in a rapid rate and she has praised me on the progress , I treasured her and she’s the girl I have looked for all my life she has broken up with me several Times saying that I need to fix myself,, things take time she seems not to want to be around me while I fix myself ,,, and she needs her space since I have showered her with gifts concerts and a great summerluv ,,now fall is upon us and she still has found reason to stop seeing me and wants her space ,, I showed up at her work in the rain with supper,,that I made her fav ,, went back to her place ,, she said only 15 minutes and then I have to rest ,,brushed her hair, rubbed her neck and shoulders and calves ,, rub her feet and listen to her problems of course she did not like this in the end because I was not invited ,, it was a surprise she worked late Tuesday and starts early Wednesday so we only have a brief time to see each other but she says she needs her rest ,,the rest of the week I do not see her except on a Saturday and no sex has been happening for at least a month prior to that it was incredibly amazing and I must say I rocked her world and left her speechless ,, as well as I am speechless ,,so my question is, I will honour her space no contact with her,, although there is an event coming up in a month that I was supposed to go to and I was assured that I was to attend ,, !! Oh she says she needs to lose some weight and I said in your own time when you’re comfortable and you want to do it,, I am in good physical shape and she assures me im a handsome man and she is a goddess ,, we’ve never argued we have a great time together ,, once-in-a-lifetime two people meet ,,what do I do now,,

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Lenny,
      It seems like you might be a little too affectionate with her right now. I understand that you care about her and you love her but it’s also important to put yourself first and not be at every waking call that she says to come you come. Right now, I believe not bringing this up and focusing more on you will be the key to getting her back. I encourage you to book a session so I can give you more accurate advice.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  18. Dylan

    Hi Apollonia

    Thanks for the information on this site.

    I have been with my lady coming up on 2 years. Both of us are going through some personal challenges, me more so which has taken a toll on her. She asked for some space and said she still has feelings but is not happy right now. I respectfully gave her that space with no contact. During the next couple weeks I was working on better myself and overall attitude. We ran into one another after 2 weeks and she was really happy to see me and reached out to hug me. We talked for awhile and she said text me later tonight. After about an hour of seeing each other, she sent me a text asking if I wanted to have dinner. We did! Starting the next day she went back to her old ways while we were together of texting good morning and throughout the day. That slowed down after a couple days. For the last 2 weeks since we made new contact, we do talk daily, but there are some days she is distant and others more friendly. We have seen one another 5 times during the last 2 weeks and over this past weekend, she said I have noticed some positive changes in you like the person you use to be and its great to see again. I thanked her and said can we be candid and said what do you want to do. We are talking again and spending some time but its not the same. She said she misses me but is enjoying spending time with a couple of her female friends and does not want to see me all the time. I asked if she had any interest in meeting any one new or was talking to someone. She said no and that if she did she would be honest. We had a very close relationship for 2 years and she has never given a reason to not believe her. For some reason I feel insecure some times questioning it because she has days she is more matter of fact or distant. Like today, I had an interview that she knew about, and didn’t say anything before hand and still hasn’t asked how it went. Last week I had one with the same company and she was completely opposite and sent me a positive encouragement when she woke, text me before it and asked me later how it was. I have been trying to keep everything positive and encourage her with her work struggles which in her own way appreciates it, but I am not clear what is happening. I don’t know if I should text less and see if she takes more initiative again like she did when we re-connected 2 weeks ago. A female friend of mine said could be she is taking it slowly and some days is going to be more distant until she is ready to go 100% again. On a side note, she is very close with her mom and shares everything and her mom, who I am friends with as I have gotten close to her family, still texts me as if her daughter hasn’t said anything negative about us. I don’t like this uncertainty and while I believe and trust her as mentioned earlier (never given me a reason to not) I get concerned she might be talking to someone and afraid to tell me, but my female friend who kind of knows her said I highly doubt that as she would be honest and is just guarding herself right now. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Dylan,
      It seems that she still has strong feelings for you but is unsure about things. You might have to not engage too much with her so she can see that she can lose you. Because this is such sensitive information I don’t want to give you wrong advice. I would encourage you to book a session with me so I can give you an action plan to follow moving forward. I believe focusing on what makes you thrive, doing new things, getting involved in something that makes you happy and takes some of your time will help her define how she feels about you. There is nothing more attractive than a man having ambition. Hope this helps and hope to hear from you soon!
      Best,
      Apollonia


  19. Kelvin De la cruz

    GF of about a year ask me for space because I wasn’t showing her the 100% she was showing me. During that space she texted me and called me regularly as if the space was never requested but day by day she started to get more distant still texting me but not letting me see her to show her I’ve changed. One day i sent her flowers and she requested that she needed space with out talking to sort her feelings if we would ever have a chance in the future. Have i lost her for good?

    Reply


  20. Andres

    Hello Apollonia,
    My wife and I have been married for about 3 years. We are from different countries. We moved to her home country around 2 years ago because of her job. Now we are living in a small city, where for the last year I have felt really isolated, it is hard to get some friends because of language/culture barriers, I also have had many issues on my job, so in general many things are not going right… Recently we got to a really bad point on the relation. Part of that is my own fault. Or at least it is a reaction of all the issues I’ve been having in this new place. I would like to relocate to a new place with her, where we both could have a more balanced life. But she cannot leave her job now, it is really important for her.
    She asked me she wants space, and probably she will stay with her parents for a few weeks. I am trying to get another and possibly better job in another bigger city close by. Even if I dont really want to do it, I have got to the point where it might be the only solution to our relation…
    I love her. But my life is going into a really confusing stage. She cannot move to another place because of her job. And I am just screwing things up with my own life and the relation.
    What do you think? If I get a better job somewhere else is the right move? Thanks in advance.

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Andres,
      Thank you for your comment. I do think that it can help when you get a job. The main focus here is to work on your personal development. You aren’t feeling good about yourself right now and it’s important that you get back to the Andres that she fell in love with. Take this time to focus on you and put you first (whatever that is) if it’s the job then do it. You can possibly save the relationship by focusing on getting back to a healthy mindset.
      Hope this helps!
      Best,
      Apollonia


  21. David

    My girlfriend and I have been together for quite a while now and have hit a rough spot. She’s told me she needs space, which I’ve been pretty awful at giving her that… until now. Now it’s not really anything to do with our relationship but rather her personal life, she has quite a bit going on and is clearly quite stressed. She’s been rather “cold” and “distant” with me recently and it’s hard because we’ve never been like that before.
    I always worry about things I shouldn’t. But I’m also sure she’s talking to other guys (and girls obviously) and to be honest, I’m sure one of them, sexually. I can’t bring this up with her, for obvious reasons. But I also know she wouldn’t cheat on me or anything, the same how I would not do that to her (she’s been cheated on by her previous BFs).
    I’m stuck with what to do, it’s hard not to talk to her all the time as the change was almost over night. But I don’t want to lose the relationship as we have a lot planned over the next year or so

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello David,
      Now is your time to showcase strength instead of an attachment. Even though it’s difficult you can push her away by being attached as this is added stress. Focus on you right now and be around people that lift you up so you can be occupied and continue to be busy. Once you do this you will see her start to come around slowly. Please feel free to reach out to me if you need more help during this time.
      Best,
      Apollonia


    • David

      Hi Apollonia,

      Thank you for the advice, I do try to keep my self occupied, we haven’t had a call in over a month! It is LDR which adds more stress, of course. We will be close soon so I’m hoping to see her ASAP.
      Any advice? I find it difficult to not message at all, which I guess is also a problem. I’m afraid of us pushing each other away. What do?


  22. Jeremy Lituco

    My girlfriend and I broke up last night Sept. 19

    We’ve been together for 4yrs.

    I proposed to her to get married last June 2017, we actually plan to get married by 2019 atleast

    But last night, she said that she’s not sure anymore, and that she needs some space.

    I tried to talked it over,
    and tried to change her mind, but still not effective.

    Honestly, we’ve been through a lot, last night she said that
    1. I became distant?
    2. I’m not sweet anymore
    3. She’s not happy with me anymore

    We had fights, and the fights got messier and harder everytime.
    but still we managed to survive it until now.
    Maybe because of my temper?
    i dont know..

    I’m really devastated, i love her very much…

    I like to know how can i win her back?
    i don’t know where to start and what to do.
    I’m really depressed and paranoid at the same time.

    Sincerely,

    Jeremy

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Jeremy,
      I am sorry this is happening to you. I believe I can really add value to your relationship and help you out right now. You can find my coaching session links here and also please get some advice from my YouTube channel as this will help. In order for me to give you exact advice, I will need to have a conversation with you to understand the relationship. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
      Hope to hear from you soon.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  23. Chris

    My girlfriend said she needed space after I had a bit too drink and asked if she saw us getting married. My biggest regret was not focusing on myself during some of the relationship or staying busy so we were constantly texting and I was too available making her lose attraction for me. I was wondering if this is a good plan:

    1. Giving her the space she needs so she has a chance to miss me.

    2. Focusing on myself during this week and a half so I may become a more confident version of myself.

    3. When we do come back to talk, focusing on what we have now instead of future plans of marriage.

    4. Give and take more space in the relationship

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Chris,
      Thank you for your comment. Yes, I think this is a great game plan. Focusing on you and showcasing your change instead of voicing it will be the dynamic shift you are looking for in the relationship. Best of luck. 🙂
      Best,
      Apollonia


  24. Davis

    How long should the space be ? Min has exceeded a month now…she said she will let me know when her mind clears…

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Davis,
      I would wait for at least 30 days. Honor her space.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  25. Latrell Laster

    What happens if she doesnt contact you and you still have strong feelings for her? Ive been with my girl for 1 year and 2 months and weve had a tough run together. But we have talked about getting married and having kids. We were living together also and then moved out because she wants space. She said she wants space but then I find out she is talking to someone a few days later. I hope we work out because ive reflected on myself and am enjoying myself but strongly want her back. Its only been 1 week but how do I come up about this while wanting to be with her for the rest of my life but honoring the space?

    Reply


  26. Christian

    Great advice thanks for all your replies.

    Reply


  27. TJ

    Hi Apollonia
    I have been with my gf for 2 years. Never really had any problems. In the last few months I have had some struggles with my health and other personal things that has created some depression. I admit I have been down in my spirits a lot and become negative and it has affected her. She said she isn’t happy with the way I am as it affects her and worried about me all the time on top of being stressed with her new job. She said I am not asking you to be out of my life but need some time as she is unhappy and doesn’t know what to do. I asked if she wants to break up and she said don’t put words in my mouth, I just asking for time and I do care about you. I have respected her and not contacted her for a week so far. I did send her a genuine brief apology the day after she asked for the break that I have been self absorbed with my struggles and owe her an apology for my taking us for granted during my struggles. I felt that was respectful to say and have left her alone since. I have been slowly working on changing my attitude with my struggles and am starting to incorporate some positive behaviors. I would like her to know, but I also respect her wanting the time. Can I eventually reach out to her with a brief positive text encouraging her with her new job and also make any brief mention that I am working on me? Something that directs away from the negative she was seeing and focuses on a positive. I feel badly that I have affected her and want to see her feeling less stressed and happy. Thanks!

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello TJ,
      Thanks for your comment. I think right now is the time to focus on you 110%. If you want this relationship back it’s going to be up to your progression. Meaning working on being more positive and happier. This is the only way that you will be able to attract her back into your life. Also, you cannot change overnight and actions speak louder than words so proving to her that you are changing by just telling her can cause more harm than anything else. Focus on you and taking this time apart. This is a powerful part of your relationship. Some people fail and some people can come up on top. The way you come up on top is to focus on you only. She will come back.
      If you need a private coaching session please feel free to reach out to me and I can work with you to help you further along.
      Thanks,
      Apollonia


    • TJ

      Thanks for your reply! What you said makes a lot of sense and I appreciate it! My only question is how will she see any positive changes with me going forward, if we are not corresponding during this time of her needing a break? Thanks again.


    • Apollonia Ponti

      She will see it when you showcase change. The moment the both of you talk or see eachother again. A lot of people fail because they focus on no contact and not change. So, in order for her to see this, there must be change. She will see it as your energy and actions will be different. 🙂
      Best,
      Apollonia


    • TJ

      You were correct! We did run into one another after 10 days of no contact. She appeared very happy to see me and said I looked great. We talked for about 30 mins and she said you seem happier. Then she asked if I wanted to have dinner later. Since we have been texting each day but not quite as much as before her needed break. She shows caution in that she might hesitate on getting together one day but not another. I would presume she is taking it very careful and slow to see how she feels being back with me after all that time of her dealing with my depression and not wanting to be in that again? I asked if she wants to see any one else or started talking to someone during out break and she said no. I get nervous (probably just some insecurity) that she might be talking to a new man, but I can say she has always been very upstanding, trustworthy and honest with me from day one and something I value about her. I presume its just natural for her to be moving cautiously and slowly right now? She said this break has been good for her so far but she is happy we are talking again. I just hope I am not being kept on the side as a stable security while she looks to see if there might be another.


  28. Salvatore Franco

    Hey how’s it going do my issue is the girl I been dating for 2 months we went through a small rough patch She asked for space last Wednesday and I gave it to her did the no contact rule I even reflected on my self on what I did wrong which was I was a little pushy and persistent with certain things. She said I might of not been on the same page cause I was moving fast which I understand I got excited ans caught up in the moments with her …She messaged me on Friday saying hey I am going to Montauk won’t be on my phone a lot so can we set something up for Monday when you are free ? I said sure and have a good weekend that’s it .. .and now Monday morning at 12am she shot me a text saying hey can we meet after I get out of work I’ll come by your house since It’s on my way home ….I said sure thing and also hope you had a good weekend she replied I did thanks! Now what am I walking my self into come Monday night ? How should I handle my self because I want to work with her through this little issue do you think this is going to be good or bad ?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Salvatore,
      I really believe you will highly benefit from a coaching session before you meet with her. I will give you direct feedback on what to do moving forward. I do believe that you have to be relaxed and show her that you are ok with a separation and working on things. You want to show less attachment as you were too pushy previously. This takes work and I do believe you can do it but you have to be very strategic about how you go about this. Please feel free to book a session with me today and I will try and fit you in since you will be meeting her tonight. 🙂 https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
      Also, please feel free to email me if you have any questions. My email you can find on the coaching page.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  29. Francis

    Hello. Thank you for the advice. Here’s my situation: I actually suffered from depression, and during that time my girlfriend of 4 years was working one city away from where I am. I think she was overwhelmed with the weight and responsibilities of being together with someone with depression she asked for space. I have reflected on that now and I’ve been going to psychiatric therapy. But I’m still scared that maybe she doesn’t want this relationship anymore and is just asking for a space to slowly wean out the relationship. What do you think? Thank you for your answer (:

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Francis,
      Thank you for your comment and I am sorry that you’re going through this as I know it can be difficult. I wouldn’t be able to give you an answer to your questions because, in order to help, I’m going to need a lot more info. I invite you to schedule a session with me here https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/ and we’ll chat ASAP. I’m excited to chat with you and get you results!
      Best,
      Apollonia


  30. John

    Good day,have been in a relationship for 6years with my girlfriend,we have been both happy and have even taken her to see my parents which she didn’t complain about, this is the lady I really want to marry, suddenly ,I called to know how she was but she wasn’t picking my calls and even ignore my messages I do sent to her,I was worried so I decided to meet her up to ask the reason she wasn’t picking and not responding to my messages, all she said was she was busy and that I should give her space.i was so confused because we never had quarry at all,I do call her all d time and also we do see almost all d time,I don’t know what to do since she said I should give her space.there are so many thing running in my mind rite now.pls what should I do.

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello John,
      I would need more details and I know I can help you get to the bottom of all this. Once we go over the details as of the relationship I will be able to give you a step by step process on what to do next. Please book a session here. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/ I will email you right away to set up a time a day.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  31. Mo

    Thank you for this article. It kinda gave me a sense of direction in terms of giving her space when she acts for it. I always felt like space was a way to say, “I want to lessen the blow of the breakup”. My gf is 45years old. I’m 36. We’ve been together a little over a year. She says she see everything she needs within me but she is clouded by the fact that I have a smaller child that is 2 yrs old. She don’t have any of her own. But her and her ex raised one together. That child is now grown. So my gf is struggling with the thought of raising another child who is not hers, with someone and the fact that she and our relationship is “bound” because we can’t just pack up and go when We want. We argue all the time. She makes me feel bad about being a mom. Saying what was I thinking to have another child. I don’t know what she wants me to do. It seems it’s hard for either one to just leave. But this is a big issue. Could you please help?

    Reply


  32. Jeffrey Tatum

    together 8 months. Girlfriend for 4 months. Yesterday she said want to see me or speak to me. She needed space. I trying to play it cool without texting her for the time being but hurts. I love you her. She got out of 5 year relationship last October. We started seeing each other in November. She likes me and enjoys our time. She has been feeling she needed to take time to herself. is this what she really want she asking. I want to work it out with her, but I am unsure how as nothing seen to be going right. She put effort than suddenly backed off. She always says I’m so good to her and always thinks of her. it’s just hard to play it cool 24/7. Giving her space is the only I can do, but should I walk away or wait for a reply patiently?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Jeffrey,
      It depends on the relationship dynamic. If she is trying to still get over her past relationship then space is very important so she can heal and figure things out. I would have to know more details about the relationship through a coaching session to give you exact advice. But I do believe space will be good for the both of you. Please reach out to me if you want more guidance I am here to help!
      Best,
      Apollonia


  33. Shawn

    Thank you for sharing this article and I’m benefiting from it. I’m still at a loss here and I’ll tell you everything. Me and my gf met back at the end of Jan. We were fresh out of relationship of. I was divorced from a 16yr marriage, she just came out of 4 yr relationship with her boyfriend in which was hard for her to accept. We had attempted intimacy 3x but she has anxiety/depression and I have ED from diabetes. Since then there is nointimacy. Yet, we live together love each other and she’s bonded with my 14 yr old daughter. Since the start of our relationship I bee overly affectionate. She took a month off from work on FMLA and leave of absence and went to see her mother 3x. She seems to still have tthe same feelings for me llove etc. I been providing alot for her and she helps with transportation. Would it help to talk to her and tell her about what I been doing saying etc.? Even if she says it’s not that. Because she didn’t say to me I need my space.

    Reply


  34. Ashayne

    together 8 months, last week she requested a month break. I tried to play it cool without texting her for the time being. She told me that she needed the space to sort her doubts and feelings out. She have always been in doubt in this relationship, doubt about is she contended, is she happy with me, is this what she really want. I want to work it out with her, but I am unsure how as nothing seen to be right. We are studying in the same school, same module, same course, it’s just hard to play it cool 24/7. Giving her space is the only I can do, but should I walk away or wait for a reply patiently?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Ashayne,
      What I suggest is really looking into the relationship and seeing where the “lack” came from and changing this. This does not mean that you say its change and then its fixed it means you say nothing and show through actions. I invite you to reach out to me for a session as I would like to get more information about the relationship in order to give you exact advice and get her back. Here is the link https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
      Hope to speak with you soon.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  35. Isaac

    Me & my wife been married for 12yrs now. 2yrs ago she started dating a younger man & development strong feelings for him but he doesn’t want a relationship or a title. They’ve had sex several times but now she says she wants our marriage & she no longer has feelings for him anymore. She calls me just about everyday & we talk. She says she loves me & wants our marriage but wants to take it slow. I try to help her in anyway I can because I still love & in love with her but I don’t want to seem desperate or foolish. I want to continue our marriage & I feel more love for her now than ever before. How can I win her back again but also give her the time we both need to heal & increase the love so that this never happens again?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Issac,
      Thank you for your comment and I know right now can be incredibly confusing and difficult. I believe taking your time, having open communication, and understanding why this happened from her perspective and then sharing yours is a great way to begin. Now, in life, we have no control over the future but we do have control over our feelings. I strongly suggest for you to book a session here https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/ with me so we can really chat about the history and dynamics of your relationship so I can give you guidance and exact advice. I have helped many couples overcome fidelity so you are in the right spot. If you feel called to work with me I encourage you to reach out. Also, I believe this blog may help. I know it says husband but just take the husband and replace it with “wife” this could give you guidance as well. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/how-to-get-my-husband-to-notice-me-4-important-tips/
      Best,
      Apollonia


  36. Erick

    As I read your article. I gained an insight on how does “she needs space” in relationship. Because its happening to me right now. My gf suddenly broke up with me telling she wants to be alone, she wants to go back to herself and don’t want commitment. I really don’t want her to break up with me but she really wants to and we had an arguement about that. I said to her I will wait till she becomes ready again. So I wait, I don’t know how months it will take. Then after a week she broke up with me. She chat me telling take care from the heavy rain then I’m shocked because she suddenly chat me. Then I chat her like it was normal and I think got annoyed in me. During our conversation, because of the typhoon which was cold, she said that she slept with somebody but I know she would not do that actually. Then one day, as I chat her. She told me that I should stop chatting her and continued the story about the she slept with someone to become more realistic to me. Then she blocked me from the chat then after a while she unblock me. I’m relieved that she unblock me and said to myself that I won’t chat for because I don’t want to happen that again. Then after 3 days, she chat me again telling that I take care always and I replied also to her the same then she continued again the “she slept with someone” which progress that she might be pregnant but I know its not true but it really hurts me a lot. Then evening came, I chat her about why she is not yet sleeping she said she was thinking of something and with the “she slept with someone” again. So I need some advice about my situation and what should you think I do.

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Erick,
      This is toxic and my question to you is why continue to put yourself through this. Seems like a lot of immaturity in this relationship. I would suggest not talking to her for 30 days and she can figure things out on her own. She will come to an understanding that these games are immature. Once you do this you need to focus on you and bring positivity back into your life.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  37. Iwan

    Hi

    I have recently been in a relationship with a girl only 2 months, it was going very well and we both were being quite full on with each other and spending a lot of time together. We even discussed going travelling together for a couple of months. Then two days ago my girlfriend met up with me and said she feels she needs space and some time alone as she feels smothered. She’s still been spending time with friends, going out with her friends etc and we have not had any argument at all.. she said she only broke up with her ex boyfriend a couple of weeks before first seeing me so needs time to figure herself out and Space to work on herself.. I am wondering what to do? I think it is best to not text or call or or anything and just wait to see if she initiates contact back with me? As I said it was weird because she was so in to me and vice versa so it was out of the blue.. thanks

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Iwan,
      Yes, this is the best thing that you can do. You are right. She sounds like she is looking to have fun right now and might not want to settle down. I would not be too available for her moving forward. I would suggest keeping your distance and not being there for her as much as you use to. Hope this helps.
      Best,
      Apollonia


    • Edward

      Can I know what happend afterwards? I living the same experience right now and it’s killing me. She needs space and it’s been a week now


  38. OG

    Great article!
    I’m 37 shes 31, we met a year ago when she was here (we live in different countries), we had huge up and downs, during this time she went out with other guys as me with other girls, but we got in a point that we didn’t like that so we got official 2 month ago.
    As long distance relationship, we meet for 2 weeks and spend 1 month away when she’s back her home. Text everyday, call once a week or so.
    We spend quality time and our relationship got serious, now she’s considering move here with me or breakup with me. She wonder she will have to leave her life there, she an artist, she can draw here, but you know, sell the car, leave the house, been apart form her family etc.
    Told her, she can take her time before deciding to move, even mentioned couple of years, but she want to decide now about her future. She always mentioned she wanted to live here even if when we just met and had no relationship, so she likes here.
    Last time she was visiting me she felt smothering about my country, so she went back a week early. She told me she need space and I told her it’s ok, take her time to think about it and come back to me when she’s comfortable with her decision. After 2 days of no contact she texts me that she couldn’t sleep so she sent a voice message of her singing a Disney song (cute) and a good night message.
    Wonder if I should text her back, or ignore it? we’re in her space time.
    If I should text, what should text her? like have a great day?
    Thanks,

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello OG,
      It sounds like there was nothing in this relationship that she did or you did to not contact her. It’s a big step for her to move to another country and she is trying to figure things out at this moment. I wouldn’t suggest ignoring her. I would suggest being more supportive at this time. She needs to see strength in you if she is going to move across the country to live with you. If you would like to book a private session please reach out to me so we can discuss this further and I can help.
      Best,
      Apollonia


    • OG

      Well, she told me she needs space, so she can think clearly, I talked her that I’ll support her etc, and gave all solutions for what she needs here. Anyway after she hearing all I can offer she decided to go back to her country to think. So I’m giving her space, and told her think very well, and contact me when you decided and you’re comfortable with your answer.
      It has been a week since she left and we haven’t talked. I don’t wanna push her so I’m giving space and waiting for her answer. Guess there are phases she must go through to find the answer, and she will figure it out wouldn’t she? If I contact she would be too needy for my part?


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello OG,
      You’re correct. In this situation, she is going to need to change something and get what she needs from whatever it is that she is trying to figure out. The best thing you can do is focus on you and your well-being. Hope this helps and wishing you the best!
      -Apollonia


  39. Aj

    Hi Apollonia,
    I have been with my girl for 2 1/2yrs. She’s 41 with 2 kids 7yr old and a 19yr old. I’m 34 with a 12yr old. When I first met her she was going to file for divorce with her now ex-husband. We fell in love during everything and became very attached to each other. We would see each other over the weekend sometimes difficult bc of exhusband not picking up son. We would see each At my house only. Hardly ever go out. She wanted things to be discreet. I was ok with it. Her ex-husband literally waited out the 2yrs where he had no choice but to sign. Fast forward Jan. ‘18 they are finally divorced. Same issues with the ex he didn’t pick up his son and In a way force her to stay home. We would argue about it. Things have became different a couple months after the divorce. We went from seeing each other all the time to here and there. I had a feeling after the divorce she would want some sort of freedom bc she was with him since college. And it has been a long time. She said she wants space. I respectfully honored her wishes 3 months ago. We then linked back up twice and after her realizing how much she forgot how I treated her (queen). She’s says she loves me. Then Just recently she said it again before her bday drop a bomb again and said she’s overwhelmed and needs space to work through it and needs some quite time to herself. Mind you I have been patiently waiting, understanding, supportive etc. My thing is that I do love her and she does love me. But I don’t want to lose her neither. She’s very successful in her career and travels the world. She has been there for me as well through tough times. We went through some stormy weather from the beginning which made me realize we can get through anything. What would I do? Idk if she wants to date now that she is finally divorce or take time and come back together.

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Aj,
      Just from your comment, it might seem as though you are too available for her and emotionally dependent on her. I am not 100% sure but this is just a guess from your comment. Moving forward focus and involve yourself in an activity. It’s important she sees she’s not first place in your life. In order for me to help you a bit further, I encourage you to reach out here for a private coaching session. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
      Best,
      Apollonia


  40. Netoiu Andrei

    Hey, I need some advice, I started being being quite jealous, she was acting cold, I told her she needs a break, but she didn’t want it, then after two days she asked for the break, I asked her if she got back to her ex she said yes, then I insisted on breaking up but she was insisting on taking just a break and asked me if I will wait for her, she also said she loves me .. her ex is going to get back to another country, she will stay home, haven’t talked at all for 3 days now

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Netoiu,
      I know right now is difficult and thanks for reaching out. I believe right now you should not be available if a woman is going to give her time to another man on your watch. The thing about this is setting the right boundaries at the beginning of the relationship so she understands the idea of respect. Continue to give her space and not tolerate her having both of you. Hope this helps!
      Best,
      Apollonia


    • Netoiu Andrei

      we’ve got some sort of non-verbal communication, we both got the same youtube account, and she knows that when we were fighting, we were looking what was the other one listening to, she also said that when she will stop listening to a specific song, our song, she will not care about this relationship no more, all I needed was to see in the search history that song and that she was listening to it, I really want her back, it’s been almost a week.. I really love her


    • Netoiu Andrei

      do you think she will ever reach out for me again ?


    • Apollonia Ponti

      I do. Just keep focusing on you.


    • Netoiu Andrei

      ok, yesterday she contacted me,it was shot and Itried to keep it that way, she just asked how I am, I told her I’m good, asked her the same thing, she said she is ok, and I said I’m happy for her


  41. Chad

    Hello my name is Chad I. I could use some help with a important matter.. involving my relationship , and honestly don’t know what to do .. please get back to me … Chad

    Reply


  42. Joe

    I have been with my fiancé 6 years, 3 years engaged. She recently 3 days ago said she needs space. She loves me she has said it multiple days so far but she said she needs to find herself needless to say she is 39, 40 in 3 weeks. Has been going through menopause for a year now, and I was worried a midlife crisis may come on and this happens. So I have lost 14 pounds in 1 week. Work out 2 times a day. Haven’t eaten I’ve tried I just can’t stomach anything at the moment. I’ve had a few great relationships but this has been the greatest. She loves me. I love her. I’m going to give her space but I’m asking you is it over?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Joe,
      I definitely don’t think this is the end. I do think that you losing control of who you are by not eating and also being too needy towards her isn’t healthy but can ruin or slow down the process of getting back together. Typically when a woman says she needs space she feels suffocated in some way. Great job on focusing and working out etc. If you would like more guidance please feel free to reach out to me so I can help you towards your desired goal. 🙂
      Best,
      Apollonia


  43. LJ

    I have a 5 year friends with benefits long distance relationship with a divorced mother of two children. At first we didn’t bring in her family into the story, even bought a little house together (paid by both) to meet up weekends. She never hid the fact that she never wanted a serious relationship, and that she loves me, but is not in love.
    Over the years we started bringing family in, which brought out problems like ex husband’s jealousy and family asking awkward questions about us…
    I confess that I have always wanted more. And she knows it.
    About a month ago she asked me for space…though we keep making plans and she keeps calling and texting.
    I’ve kind of lost my head, become needy, jealous.
    We have a month in front of us where we can’t meet up because of my work and her kid’s holidays.
    We have a 10 day trip together (just the two of us) planned for August.
    How do I handle all this space thing?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello LJ,
      What I would suggest is give her the space needed and let her initiate everything with you. You have already done the needy jealous part which will push her away and in order to not push her away any more then I would suggest for you to not contact her unless she contacts you. Also, during this time do things and get out there. Play some sports, or hang out with friends, involve yourself in something so she sees that you are not waiting on her watch. Also, you mentioned you bought a house together and you may want something more. Where is this relationship going? Is it still a friends with benefits? As time goes on and it stays like this you might get hurt unless you can turn this around into a relationship. Unless this is what you truly want?
      Best,
      Apollonia


    • LJ

      Thanks so much for reply Apollonia.
      The house was sort of a getaway place/investment/spur of the moment thing.
      I DO want to turn things around. I know I could get hurt badly, but after 5 years… wouldn’t I be a coward?
      Basically nothing has changed in 5 years, we have fun, hook up… but after bringing in the kids too much, those two weeks a month we didn’t see each other, became seeing us weekly and also (my fault, I know) me making her my priority. They came the space call…
      And my sudden neediness.
      Is this savable?


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Lj,
      I would suggest a coaching session so I can get more details and really help you get answers to the relationship and help you turn things around. I believe you need to change your approach 100% especially if she has been around for 5 years it just might be. In order for me to give you the right guidance, I would have to speak to you through a coaching session. I suggest you book one with me so we can get things going. Here is the link if you would like to take the next step. 🙂 https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
      Best,
      Apollonia


  44. Russel L

    I’ve been seeing this girl for the past 5 months, though the first two months were a lot of ups and downs, but we’ve made a lot of progress. She asked for space the first time a month ago but I knew she was mad at me about something, so I gave her space. During that time, she would text me every 2 days or so to check in with me (and shes also an insecure person so it felt like she was making sure I was still around). Now the past month, we’ve been seeing each other alot, and things were progressing even more. Two weeks ago, she told me on the phone that she had this feeling of wanting to disappear and withdraw, and I told her that that’s fine and that I’d be waiting for her to come back when she’s ready. We ended up going out to drink 3 days later and she told me she wasn’t happy and cried a little bit. I learned work was bothering her and there were other things too. I ended up deciding to give her space, but I made the mistake of going to her place a few days later, and we became frustrated with one another as she wouldn’t tell me what the other things are that were bothering her in her life. I drove home that night and she still sent me a text telling me to be careful driving and to get home safe (which made me feel like, although frustrated, she still cares). Its been a week now since that text and she’s been posting things on her Instagram story , which she’s never done the past 5 months so it really feels like shes been posting them for me to see that she’s fine (i.e. her going out with her friends) (And the first time she needed space, I went on vacation for a week and we have a specific chat to keep in touch and she purposely uploaded things on there for me to see, which she also never did either).

    I’m still trying my best to not contact her but its getting really hard for me to not contact her. It really feels like she’s been using Instagram stories and looking at my stories to make sure we’re both okay, a small way of checking up on each other. I’ve also decided to stop posting on Instagram as well to fully “not contact” her. Am I doing the right thing, or am I being too optimistic?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Russel,
      Thanks for your comment! 100% you are doing the right thing. I always tell people I know no contact can be difficult but you have to remember the end result is what is the best prize. Also, no contact is meant for you, not just your ex. No contact is meant for you to change and look into the things that you brought into this relationship that made the both of you have troubles. A lot of people think no contact is just not to talk but the bigger picture out of all this is personal development. Try new things at the moment and challenge yourself to learn from the things you have been going through. If you have, great! Do it some more. Remember you are not anyone pedestal. You are your own pedestal so you deserve to be admired and treated well as well. After no contact is time to showcase your change and you want to make sure you make the necessary changes and also continue to put yourself first because no one deserves to be someones last option on an option they know that will be around until they make the choice. Gaining control back will be big for you. Does this help? 🙂
      Best,
      Apollonia


  45. Timothy

    She wanted space and I’ve given it to her. Did not talk for more than a week. Went out with friends, had fun and showed I am capable of living alone – just as you advised here.

    My question is, would it be a good idea to send her a bouquet of flowers with a message and maybe include an all inclusive day by the pool for her and a friend of hers?

    Thanks
    Timothy

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Timothy. Can you give me the short answer of why she asked for space? I am going to give you a couple examples since I don’t know the reason to try and help here as much as possible. So I would say “no” to the following reason. 1. If she felt that you were suffocating her. 2. She is going through something and felt as though you were making it harder for her. Also, let some time pass before you send her flowers. If it’s been recent since the “space” thing then I would allow yourself to wait a couple weeks and continue to focus on you. 🙂 Does this help?
      Apollonia


  46. Timothy

    She asked for space and Ive given it to her for more than a week. Went out with friends, had fun, and showes I am capable of living alone – just as you advised here.

    My question is, would it be a good idea to send her a bouquet of flowers with a message and maybe including a gift such as an inclusive day by the pool for her and a friend of hers?

    Thanks

    Reply


  47. Ryan

    GF of over one year (serious, committed relationship) said this past Sunday that she needed space/wanted to take a break for a week and that we would talk next weekend. I admit that I had been acting overbearing/needy/clingy the previous week. She was really mad that I wasn’t listening to her. It’s now Thursday, and I have not heard from her. I have not called/texted/emailed. Do I just wait for the weekend? Will it be bad for me if I reach out to her on Sunday if I haven’t heard from her?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Ryan,
      If the both you have taken time apart because you were too clingy or needy then I believe it’s best if you let her reach out only. Do not reach out to her. During this time find some things that will bring you happiness, keep busy, and work on the reasons why you may be overbearing. This is going to be vital if you want to get her back. You have to show up differently. Working on you and not being clingy will be the first step. Hope this helps! 🙂
      Apollonia


  48. John Miller

    I have a woman I love that broke up with me 15 mo. ago. She hasn’t gone more than 2 weeks since without contacting me, usually just a few days. We recently spent six fantastic weeks as friends with benefits. Now she’s wants no benefits, but still initiates contact a couple of times a week. I keep it short and sweet. There is also about a half dozen other men interested in her. I love her like I’ve never loved anything and I’m 52 years old. Do I walk away or can I tell me how to make her mine again.

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello John,
      It seems as though there may be a possibility to make her yours again. I would have to understand the dynamics of the relationship in order to give you sound advice. Seems like there may be something missing that is keeping her from committing to you. What I would suggest is to figure out what made the both of you break up and start from there. Once you get to the root of the answer you can work your way around that. Typically a woman won’t commit because there is no spark, she doesn’t want to be in a relationship, or something in the relationship isn’t going smoothly it was difficult. Hope this helps!
      Apollonia


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I work with YOU, men, to master your attraction skills and confidence in order to find the right partner or become an irresistible dater, Deepen your current relationship, or get out of the friend-zone!

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