What does it mean to be gaslighted? In layman’s terms, gaslighting is the psychological manipulation of someone to make them doubt their sanity, particularly by encouraging them to doubt their own experiences or perceptions of reality. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can have long-term consequences for the victim. When someone gaslights you in a relationship, it means they make you question your commitments and devotion. This is a blog post that I wanted to tailor around gaslighting because I’ve been so motivated to this content, especially after one of the coaching sessions I had with one of my clients.
Guys, gaslighting is real, and it doesn’t just happen to guys; it also happens to women. In a relationship, gaslighting can take many forms. It shines brightly at times and gently at others, so the person is unaware that they’re being gaslighted. After all, a person can deceive themselves.
In today’s post, I’ll go over the many sorts of gaslighting in relationships, how to tell if she’s gaslighting you, and what to do if you’re in one. However, I’ll tell you a brief true story to help you understand what gaslighting is and how to avoid it in a relationship.
What Gaslighting Is In A Relationship: The Truth You’re Blind To See.
I have this good friend of mine, who eventually became a client after his failed relationship. His name is Joshua but I fondly call him Josh. Josh came to my office for counseling in tears. I was perplexed and taken aback. I’ve never seen him in such a perplexing state before. I asked Josh what was wrong out of genuine concern. He admitted that he had broken up with his girlfriend, but that he still loved her. I was depressed. I didn’t know the woman, but Josh had mentioned her a few times while they were dating, and these were nice things. As if I had met her, this made me like her. I was able to calm him down because I understand what it’s like to lose someone you care about. When he was feeling considerably better, I asked him what had happened and why he had broken up with her if he truly loved her.
I could smell the gaslight in the relationship after he recounted what had happened. Everything was well, according to Josh, until his ex-girlfriend discovered her best friend’s boyfriend cheating on her friend with a random woman last year.
Josh’s ex never imagined the guy could do such a thing to her friend. Before that time, she had held him in high regard and considered him to be one of the few truly loyal men on earth. Not to mention that he had been dating her best friend since they were in high school. Her trust withered after that.
Josh explained that he understood the pain and that all he had done since then was try to persuade his ex that he is different and that he will never cheat on her, but she had lost faith in men. They began to have problems, and each problem was tied in some manner to individuals who shouldn’t have been engaged in their relationship in the first place. He got fed up but more disappointed that his ex-girlfriend couldn’t trust him enough and even made him pay for the offense of another man.
What I want you to understand about gaslighting and some women, and I’ll just get right to it, is that a lot of times you’ll see some women use their insecurities or things that have happened in their lives and blame you for them. Josh had to pay the price for another man’s wrongdoing. He was completely uninvolved in the situation. Many men nowadays are going through what Josh went through. You may have found yourself wondering, “What have I done to show her that I would cheat on her?” “What makes her believe I’m lying?” or “Why doesn’t she believe in me?”
Look Out For These Examples of Gaslighting!
Let me give you an example of a woman who gaslights. She calls you and says, “Hey, I’d like you to meet one of my friends,” and you say, “Sure. I’ll be in touch soon.” However, something unexpected came up, and you had to reschedule. So, you dialed her number to inform her. “Hey, I’m running a little late, but I’ll be there in a moment.” But instead, she gave an unexpected response like, “Oh, it’s because you don’t want to meet with my friend…” “How dare you?” And she goes into this rant and she’s like, “You’re a liar.” You’re this. You’re that.
If you’ve never had a cheating problem, her attitude could be due to her acting on her triggers, which is a form of gaslighting, because she then blames you for putting her in the scenario, making you feel bad. She might even tear you down on purpose to make you feel like she’s the victim and you are the one who manipulated her intelligence. She won’t call you a jerk or a piece of crap, but she will put you down with phrases like “I can’t trust you.” “I don’t trust you since you’re a man.” “That’s what guys do.” “You’re this kind of guy that….”
Then, you begin to feel bad and question your commitment. Meanwhile, everything you’ve been doing well has been showing. Before I move on from this area, let me quickly go over some clear signs that she’s gaslighting you. You might be a victim of gaslighting if you see any of these five things in your relationship.
5 Ways She May Be Gaslighting You and What Does It Mean In A Relationship!
If she turns your favorite things against you. A gaslighter knows what’s important to you. They’re skilled manipulators, after all. If she easily utilizes that knowledge against you, it’s a red flag. Gaslighters will often say things like, “I am the only one that understands you” so that you feel like she knows you inside and out and indebted to her for seeing you as such in the relationship
When her words and deeds aren’t in line. When you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s crucial to pay attention to what their actions say to you. A gaslighter will tell you that they are looking out for your best interests, but their actions don’t match. If she acts contrary to her words or promises, she might be another gas lighter.
If she tells you you’re crazy. Your natural reaction will be to feel humiliated if she informs you that you are overreacting to something. A woman who gaslights will make you feel foolish for being hurt after they have done something manipulative, or they will label you insane if you react rationally to what they have done. Gaslighters do this to make you rethink your reactions to things and make you believe that you are the issue in every problem.
If she doesn’t apologize. Even if it is their behavior that is deceptive and destructive, gaslighters will make you feel like everything is your fault and you should always apologize. If you feel like you have to apologize to your partner all of the time to keep the peace (whether or not you believe you have done anything wrong), is a sign that your partner is gaslighting you.
Finally, if she makes you feel that the relationship’s dull moments are your fault. Gaslighting impacts negatively on your mind to the point that your only goal is to keep your partner happy at all costs. This implies that you place more value on their feelings. Don’t get me wrong: it’s great to make your woman happy and be the reason she smiles, but it shouldn’t be a “MUST DO” from you always. The pursuit of happiness in a relationship should be a mutual responsibility.
So, here’s the deal guys. We must be cautious about the women we date or choose to stay with. Remember that dating is an evaluation procedure to see if a woman is the perfect woman for you. Don’t get caught up in it, and it’s fine if things don’t work out.
You should be able to identify if a woman is gaslighting you based on her actions alone. There’s this client who, not long ago, said something to me. I was certain that one of the girls he dated was gaslighting him. He was continuously turning up, trying to illustrate his point about how the lady flaunted her sexual desires but kept them back from him. That, I informed him, was a form of manipulation. Some women will deliberately display their sexual desires while yet attempting to restrain them to deprive you of them, all because they have that power over you.
One of the things I recall him saying was that the lady blamed it on a previous traumatic experience. She told my client that she went through a lot in her previous relationship and the way she was treated didn’t work for her. She was not ready to read books that will help her get better nor was she remotely approaching coaching. She was simply blaming her new spouse to avoid investing the effort that would aid the relationship.
What’s most important here is that you consider your criteria. Is this woman an engine or an anchor to your life? Are you more concerned with the fantasy you’ve created in your head, the consequence of which you haven’t seen yet, than with the reality of the gaslighting situation?
How To Stop Gaslighting In A Relationship and Maintain Control!
There are several things you should do if you’re focused on the truth of the situation. First and foremost, do not quarrel. When debating with a gaslighter, there is no positive outcome. They are masters of argumentative fallacies, and they will never give you the last word. Unlike in a courtroom, when two opposing lawyers and a neutral judge are present, it is just you and an expert lawyer.
Be calm with your words. Be cautious with your words or comments when she plays the blame game. Pick your words carefully, and if you feel compelled to make a decision that goes against your convictions, learn to say no. Expect your partner to use a variety of approaches to persuade you to change your viewpoint but don’t settle for less.
Make no compromises. Don’t change yourself for any reason. Gaslighting gradually alters your morality to suit your partner’s wants. Make sure you don’t make any significant compromises at your own expense to keep your relationship intact. It’s not worth it!
Conclusively, if everything mentioned failed, then, you can make better decisions for yourself and possibly get out of this relationship and make sure that she works on herself. If she truly loves and cherishes what you have, she will do what is needed and come back to you.
Finally, if all of the above fails, you may make better judgments for yourself and possibly end this relationship while also ensuring that she works on herself. If she truly loves and values what you have, she will take the necessary steps and return to you.
However, maintain your honesty. You must maintain your dignity and ensure that you are truthful and honest with yourself. This is because many guys are afraid to face reality. They believe they can’t be completely honest about a woman who is gaslighting them and believe that it will weaken them. They are unable to tell their friends or counselors about it for fear of appearing as someone who badmouths their partner. This is common among men.
Listen up, gentlemen; dealing with a gaslighting relationship means being honest with oneself. If you need assistance or want to learn more about a gaslighting woman, my colleagues Natalie and Cynthia are here to help.
I’ll put the link below if you need to schedule a one-on-one session with us. In the meantime, make sure you grab the free e-book I have for you and keep an eye out for my next post! I want you to improve in whatever situation you are in right now.
Watch out for my next post as I bring to you another thrilling content about relationships. I’m, Apollonia Ponti, your dating, relationship, and life coach. I will always be here to help you improve the quality of your love life.
If you would like further individual guidance on this topic or need any relationship advice from me or one of my coaches please head to: Private Coaching
P.S Become a member with our coaching community to get you instant results! Click Here.