Five Ways to Deal with Obsessive Love | Guest Post: Amanda Patterson, LMHC
When obsessive love dominates your mind, it can feel like it’s taking over. Obsessive love happens for a few reasons, including not feeling secure in a relationship, feeling anxious about where the relationship is going and a deep desire to be connected to another person. When puppy love goes from healthy to obsessive, it’s important to take a step back and reflect on ways to manage your feelings.
When obsessive love takes over your thoughts and actions, you’ll want to have something healthy to do to manage it. Here’s a list of five action steps you can take to deal with obsessive love:
Journal about your wants and needs
Journaling is an example of a healthy coping skill. Take out your journal and explore your wants and needs. It’s important to identify the difference between a want and a need. In relationships, it can be difficult to distinguish between the two, but it’s important to know the difference so you can work on setting realistic expectations with yourself and others.
Meditation is another example of a healthy coping strategy. Having a few healthy coping skills can help when you are feeling obsessive. Meditation teaches your mind to calm down. It teaches you to be present and not jump to conclusions. Try meditating for five minutes at a time. You don’t have to be a seasoned Buddhist monk and practice for two hours a day. Start small and work your way up to ten minutes a day. There are several YouTube videos, especially around self-love, that you can use in order to practice meditation.
Work on assertiveness skills
When you are in a relationship or looking to start one, you’ll have to bring out your assertiveness skills. Being assertive means asking for what you want in a direct manner. Sometimes obsessive thoughts related to love can bring out behaviors you wouldn’t normally do, such as expressing your wants and needs in a dramatic or indirect manner. In relationships, you will want to be assertive while considering the other person’s feelings.
Utilize your support system
Having a good support system can be helpful in getting the emotional support you may need. Support systems can include friends, family members, co-workers and other people going through what you are. By having at least one or two people you can go to for support on a regular basis will help with managing emotions. Find that one person that always says “You’ve Got a Friend in Me”.
Do something that makes you happy
Do something that makes you happy and brings you joy in your life. Make a list of ten things you love to do and pick one. Doing activities that make you happy will bring joy into your life. Even if you don’t feel like doing the activity, do it anyway. Sometimes you have to push your negative feelings aside and just do it.
You won’t always be able to control when you feel obsessive love for someone else. You can control what you do about it. Using these five strategies on a regular basis can help you sort through your feelings and create a feeling of calm even when the obsession hits you.
Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP, NCC is an expert in working with adults with anxiety and depression. Amanda helps young adults to find their passion in life, remove blocks that are keeping them from being their most awesome self and learn to live a life they have always dreamed. Amanda practices in a beautiful and comfortable office in Pembroke Pines, Florida at a private practice called Caring Therapists of Broward.
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I have deep feelings for a former female coworker. I am trying not to think about her but I do think about her at least 5 to 7 times a day. We are just friends. I am just trying to keep my cool. I am just focusing on myself, but it is still difficult for me not to think about her through – out the day. At times, I have not had contact for weeks or a few months. Is this being obsessive or do you think I might really love her? or just care for her a lot?
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