HOW TO APPROACH A GIRL and Land the Date!

Mustering up the courage to talk to a stranger is no easy feat, but it’s something that is a necessary part of dating. Let’s face it: it’s not easy to go up to a woman and to ask her out on a date, or to even know what to say at first in the world of online dating. What on earth do you put on your profile to make yourself seem appealing? How can you capture a woman’s attention? Even when you have the courage to say something, it takes skill to keep the conversation going. For some of us, the idea of approaching a girl can leave us shy and filled with anxiety. For others, our busy work lives make it nearly impossible to get out there and find someone to go on a date with.

Nowadays you don’t even have to resort to even going out to try to meet someone new – but it can be said that there are positives and negatives to that. With online dating, profiles are at your fingertips and no one has to see your initial fear of figuring out what to say and how to say it. Make a profile and boom! You have several dating options at your fingertips, just like ordering food for delivery.

But while online dating has the ease of convenience, it doesn’t always have the magic. There’s nothing that can replace meeting someone spontaneously at an event through a friend, or locking eyes with someone from across the room. It seems like now those types of initial encounters are the stuff of movies, but it’s still very much possible to keep that romance as part of our dating lives. In fact, online dating should be seen as only a supplement to this kind of in-person interaction — you shouldn’t only rely on meeting people through online applications. You should learn to develop ways to approach women socially. Today, let’s talk about several tips on how to meet new women and how to make a good impression.

How to approach a girl you like

So, how do you approach a girl you like and land a date? When, where, and how should you do it? Maybe it seems at first that it should pan out like this: the perfect one-line zingers, offering her a drink from the other end of the bar. But the truth is — meeting a new woman and having the courage to socialize is not all that different from how you would meet a new friend or colleague. If you make it less of an event in your head, and you make it more about casually socializing, chances are you’re going to be more yourself, more natural, and develop a closer bond with that person because there’s no pressure involved. At the end of the day, it’s not about putting her up on a pedestal and trying to win a prize, being the perfect pick up artist, or playing the game, but about showing her who you are.

And we can practice our socializing skills every time we go out and encounter someone we don’t know: from the person bagging our groceries at the supermarket, to the bank teller, to a neighbor walking their dog. They don’t have to be women: the key is letting yourself be open to those strangers we encounter all the time in our daily life, and not keeping to ourselves. That will make it all the easier to strike up a conversation naturally with a woman you might be interested in that you see randomly at an event or a party. Meeting someone in person for the first time is much better than online dating because it allows your personality to shine, rather than only relying on the presence of your online profile, which can seem very surface level.

Now, when it comes to online dating, knowing what to say in your profile and in messages is also another thing. There is a lot of emphasis on how good you look in your photos and what your photos say about your personality — so devote some time to that. Don’t just stick in a random selfie from your phone. Make the effort to show your best self: have good photos, a fun profile, and get good at sending messages that are lighthearted and keep the conversation going. Remember that less is always more – you don’t need to write her a message detailing everything about yourself. If you need more help with this, check out our Online Dating Profile Analysis. Our team can help you improve your profile and your initial messages to grab her interest!

How to approach a girl with her friends. 3 Do’s and Don’ts

Usually, if you see a girl you like, chances are she’ll be with her friends which can increase some pressure. So what’s the best way to get to her without feeling judged by her friends? Remember that even though she’s with her friends, it doesn’t mean that they have to be seen as a barrier. Approach her just as you would as if she was alone, but just include her friends in on the conversation.

DO: Ask her a basic question.

Something as basic as “do you know what time it is?” is enough of an icebreaker to gauge what kind of energy she has towards you. If she responds with a short, matter a fact response and doesn’t even look at you, then move on. But if she responds with positivity and a smile, then that’s your in. Then you can ask her a follow-up question like, “Have you been here before?” depending on wherever you are, and start to engage her friends around her as well.

DON’T: Completely ignore her friends.

If she’s with her friends, you want to approach her initially but then include her friends in your energy and body language. Show that you’re a good socializer and that you also care about her friends. If you completely ignore them, you can come off as someone insensitive and cocky.

DO: Approach her during the day.

Daytime approaches are great because there’s less pressure involved. When you’re in a bar or a nightclub, the energy is high, everyone is drinking, and it’s more difficult to have a conversation. Daytime is usually best because when you find her out and about with her friends, she’ll be more calm and relaxed, and the interaction can be more slow-paced. If you’re in a cafe, you can ask her something as simple as whether or not she liked what she ordered. The trick is to read her response – if it’s positive and invites more conversation, then go for it and include her friends in on the conversation.

DON’T: Hit on every girl in the same social circle.

If you approach several women of the same social circle (meaning they’re all friends), you’re going to get the reputation of the guy that is annoying and just hits on everybody. In other words, someone that’s sleazy and just after sex. Instead, why not make some new female friends, then take those female friends with you when you’re out — there’s nothing that makes approaching easier than having a pretty female friend next to you.

DO: Show open and friendly body language.

Always approach her with a friendly demeanor and a sense of openness in your body language. If you’re nervous, don’t close off your body language and show her that you’re nervous. Just breathe and remember that you have NOTHING to lose.

DON’T: Get too drunk.

This may seem like an obvious one, but there’s nothing more unattractive than a man that approaches a woman who is clearly too drunk. Sure, it helps release your inhibitions and can make it easier to talk, but you’re not going to find a high-quality woman this way. Be aware of your surroundings and exercise control so that you don’t get too drunk and come off as sloppy in bar situations when you approach women.

How to approach a girl at the bar: How to get her number!

So, it’s a nice night out and you’re at a bar and you see a pretty girl that you could be interested in. You want to get her number. Then — the first step — try to establish eye contact with her. Don’t just try it once, try it a few times and notice if she looks at you, too. If she does, then you can include a bit of a smile when looking back and find a way to approach her.

Approach her harmlessly, saying something like “I love this bar, they play the best music. Do you come here a lot?” Don’t load your approach too intensely. It can sometimes come off as extremely off-putting if you approach her and say “I noticed you from the other side of the room. Can I buy you a drink?” — ease into that type of exchange. She doesn’t even really know you yet, so she’s going to be hesitant to accept a drink from you because then she’ll feel like she owes you something.

Always read her body language, even before you’ve started to talk to her. If when you glance at her she seems inviting, then go approach her, but if she gives you negative energy and body language, then leave her alone. Get good at understanding what those signals are.

If you notice after you approach her that the conversation is continuing nicely, then you can then offer her a drink and say something like, “it’s been so nice to meet you, would you mind if I asked for your number so we can do this again sometime?” Keep it friendly, low pressure, and casual. She’s not a prize to be won — it’s not about all the things she has to offer you, but also about all the amazing things you have to offer her.

How to approach a girl you don’t know.

In general, when you’re approaching a girl you don’t know, read her energy beforehand. If she looks stressed and flustered, chances are she’s going to respond to you as if you’re a nuisance. Try to approach a woman that seems relaxed and has noticeably open body language, not someone that is preoccupied with something. Once you see that she’s in a positive mood, create eye contact with her, then create a conversation starter that has a harmless intention. It could be something as simple as asking for advice — if she’s at a cafe, you could ask her if she recommends what she ordered. If she’s with a dog, you could be playful and ask what kind of dog it is. You could ask for a small favor – ie. asking her to watch your laptop while you step out for a moment – anything that can lead to further conversation, really. The most important thing is that you don’t come off with obvious aggressive intentions and that you keep your body language open and friendly.

I’ve also had men also come up to me out of nowhere on the street, pull a left field, and say something like “I saw you from the other end of the street and knew that I needed to come up to you. Would you go on a date with me?” In the past, I found this a bit off-putting. Women are always watching out for their safety when they’re alone, and when a man comes up to them out of nowhere, the initial response is usually the feeling of being unsafe. Once I get past that initial second of fear, however, I usually commend guys that have done that and have innocent intentions. It takes A LOT of guts to swoop out of nowhere and to ask a woman on a date like that. So I would say I encourage it, but don’t be too discouraged if you find out she has a boyfriend, and don’t make her feel unsafe – make sure your body language feels harmless and friendly.

At the end of the day, remember that you have nothing to lose. Stay in the moment, keep it lighthearted, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to “get” the girl. She’s not a prize to be won and it’s not a game. Just be who you are, and enjoy the process. If you need one on one coaching, click here and we can help you build your confidence and land the woman of your dreams.

Want to learn more about HOW TO APPROACH WOMEN! CLICK HERE! 

Your coach,

Apollonia Ponti

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  1. I never approach women because no woman has ever shown interest in me. People say that I need to learn to read women’s body language because *someone must* be attracted to me and be showing it. I’m good at reading body language – it’s part of my job – and seriously, no woman ever shows any interest in me at all. The fact is, just trying to catch a woman’s eye is creepy when an unattractive guy like me does it. In our society, men are judged and condemned for the tiniest things. As as an unattractive guy (I have lots going for me, apparently: I take care of myself and dress well, have a great job (6-figure salary), own my own place and have several hobbies – but none of that makes me attractive) society basically demands that I never express my natural desire to introduce myself to women I find attractive to get to know them because I am creepy by default.

    1. Hey Peter, thank you for reading “HOW TO APPROACH A GIRL and Land the Date!” In order to get advice pertaining to your situation, I would encourage you to book a coaching session with her so she can help. Here are the links with more information.

      Apollonia carefully crafted her products that address a multitude of subjects which you may find helpful as well:

      If finances are an issue, Apollonia provides free content and I know you can find information that will help. 🙂 and
      Take care and best of luck!

  2. Almost all the online dating advice I’ve seen for guys is written with the implicit assumption that it’s easy for guys to ask women out and to get a yes some / most of the time. The articles are written by people who are honestly trying to be helpful. But these people are or can become (1) naturally sexually attractive to women; (2) lucky with women, or (3) are women themselves. As such they do not really understand what it’s like to be a guy who has no chance of being / becoming sexually attractive to women – to be the guy who is never chosen by any woman as a sexual partner. People assume that every guy *can* attract women on a sexual level and will say it comes down to a mindset thing, or a negative self-talk thing, or a hygiene thing, or one or more other things that we are doing / not doing – and that presumably, if we stop / start that / those thing(s), we will become attractive to women and have success. I have paid dating coaches and counselors for years to help me with this, as well as talked to my many women friends about the fact that at 42 years old, I have yet to be attractive to even one woman at a sexual level. None of them have been able to help me – there is just never that ‘spark’ that’s needed to arouse female sexual interest. Everyone I’ve talked to has said I just need to keep trying to find ‘the right’ woman. My first rejection happened when I asked a woman out for the first time when I was 19. I’ve been rejected by *every* woman I’ve approached since. Women friends have come out with me to see what I do when i approach women – to try to help me correct any problems in the ways I approach. Nothing – none of them have ever been able to discern every one potentially problematic thing. At this point, I’ve stopped approaching because realistically, it’s clear that I’ll never get a yes from anyone. I’d like to be sexually attractive to women – but it’s obvious that I am not and cannot be.

  3. I’ll never sexually attract a woman because I can’t socialize – that’s my problem. There may well be lots women who would enthusiastically go on a date and have a relationship with me, but I’ll never know it because I just can’t ask them out.
    People’s advice – in person and online – Is always the same: ‘just get out more’. The fact is though, I do go out – but I can’t meet anyone if I can’t express what I want to women I’m attracted to. Friends tell me I have so much to say and so much to offer, and that I just need to be more confident. I am confident (and successful) in other areas of my life, but that makes no difference if I can’t show that to women. They say I need to talk to women just as people to get to know them, so I talk to them like I’m talking to any other friend – and end up getting friend zoned every time. As soon as a woman says we’re friends, I know nothing will happen. I have absolutely no problem meeting women and talking to them – I just can’t express sexual intent – I’m just not able to do it no matter what.
    No one seems to understand what guys like me go through – it’s torture. People think it’s so easy, and maybe it is – for them – because they are sexually attractive and are capable of showing it. I am neither of those things. Sadly there are many men like me – we’re the ones who are – and are doomed to remain chronically single.

  4. I’m 48 and still a virgin. I have no idea how unusual this situation is but I feel a sense of shame, and I feet stigmatized. I am a very shy and anxious person, but not isolated. I have always had woman friends but have never been able to translate that into intimate relationships with those I feel attracted to. This was the case in high school, but I never made the kind of move that most other guys make on women they ‘like’ because I simply wasn’t able to. By the time I reached university, my pattern was set – not having relationships is what I have come to expect. No woman has ever expressed sexual interest in me and I believe that no woman will do so.

    The fact is, as a guy, if you go through your late teens and early 20s never going out with women, you don’t have any evidence that women could ‘like’ you based on one or more girlfriends. You see women showing interest in other guys and not even knowing you exist. Having zero experience – and observing other guys gaining it – deepens and reinforces a guy’s sense that he is unattractive at a basic level. I have never raised this subject with my friends and when they have with me, I don’t engage because I do not believe there is any way to overcome the fact that I am obviously unattractive on a sexual level. I do not take to the ‘fake it until you make it’ approach – I see it as unauthentic self-delusion – living a lie.

    It may not be true that society ‘judges’ people for not having sex. But anything outside what is at least perceived to be ‘normal’ is liable to be viewed as deviant in some way. For guys, there’s a strong cultural investment in “success” with women. Popular songs, films, and coming-of-age movies often centre on early relationships as milestones of normal development – it’s a cultural “thing” about becoming a man. Although I am not interested in popular culture – my hobbies are elsewhere – this has deepened my sense of shame. My friends have all had sexual relationships of varying durations from about the age of 17-18 onwards. I have always watched from the sidelines while others relate intimately, and I have felt lonely as a result. This is not about sex in particular, but about intimacy in general.

    Other than shaking hands or other public physical greetings, I have not been touched by a human being or held by anyone in over 15 years. I have no living family so physical contact for me seems out of bounds. It has gotten to the point that when I am attracted to a woman, I don’t feel excitement or pleasure, but react with sadness because it’s a fact that she could never be attracted to me.

  5. I’ve been told that for men, dating in the 21st century is a numbers game and that to find women who are into me, I need to start just chatting to random women I think are cute and make sure they knew why I am talking to them. I have no problem talking to women but have no idea how to “make sure they knew why I am talking to them”. I have lots of women friends but have no idea how to convey sexual interest. Please don’t tell me to put my sexual side forward or anything like that without telling me how to do that – I really don’t know what that means.

  6. I have never asked any woman out because I have never gotten unmistakably clear signs that she’s interested in me and wants me to do so. In fact women have called me “cold” and “aloof” because I never speak to them except professionally. I also make sure I never do anything that could be interpreted as showing interest in any woman. All of this is because if a woman is interested in a guy then asking her out isn’t harassment – if she isn’t interested then it may very well turn out to be. Many sources advise guys not to show interest until a lady shows interest first. Since women control the narrative on what is and isn’t sexual harassment, in our society they get the only voice. As such, *anything* I might do (make initial eye contact, smile, say hello, etc.,) could inadvertently make a woman uncomfortable and lead to an accusation. If a woman decides to accuse a guy of sexual harassment his life could be irreparably damaged, and the fact is, no matter what the circumstances, very few people – if any – will even consider listening to the guy’s side of the story. So I leave women alone.

  7. I have never been rejected romantically because I’ve never asked a woman out. It is clear to me that no date could be worth a potential false sexual harassment accusation. I have asked women friends of mine about this and they say false accusations do happen but that this is an unfortunate price society must pay to stop harassment in general. You say that “[a]t the end of the day, remember that you have nothing to lose,” but as a man, I do stand to lose a LOT if a woman decides to accuse me falsely – you know exactly what I mean. I know you won’t respond to this but under these circumstances a lot of men don’t think dating is worth it – we are not willing to pay for another guy’s bad behaviour so we don’t express interest in any woman at all. What a horribly broken society we live in.

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