(GUEST POST: by peoplefinders.com)
What to Do If You Suspect Your Partner of Cheating
It’s unthinkable. Unbelievable. Yet, everything seems to point to the fact that it’s true: your partner is cheating on you. Perhaps you’ve heard rumors. Or it could be you’ve noticed your partner sneaking around and behaving strangely. Or maybe you’ve found the name behind that unknown phone number that keeps calling your spouse.
What should you do now?
Talk to Each Other
The revelation that your significant other is probably cheating on you can be shocking and devastating at first. And it can very quickly escalate to anger. Such extremes of emotion can cloud—or even fully block—your best chance at clarifying things: communication.
Pushing those emotions to the side, at least for a while, can help you really get to the bottom of things. Get it out in the open, and talk to your spouse about your suspicions. You may not get a firm confirmation that your spouse is cheating right away. In fact, it’s much more likely to be an automatic denial.
But opening the dialogue will at least start the process of releasing the pressure that your suspicions have built up inside you.
Ask the Right Questions
The first thing you need to do is ask yourself, is this relationship worth saving? Again, this is something you need to be honest and rational about with yourself. Whether the cheating actually happened or not, just the fact that you’re having suspicions about it can point to a deeper problem in your relationship.
Your answer to that initial question will eventually lead you to other relevant questions:
- Is it true?
- Why did it happen?
- Is my spouse solely to blame, or do I share some responsibility?
- Can we save our marriage?
That last question is one that you may not consider right away. For many, the emotional and physical betrayal of cheating is one that cannot be surmounted. That particular break of trust can never be forgotten or forgiven.
But then again, maybe you can.
Spend Some Time Apart
Give yourselves some time and distance apart. Doing so can help you both to find the calmness and clarity you need to analyze your situation and come up with some workable solutions.
With such a break, there are ground rules that should be adhered to. One, while you are certain to get plenty of advice from friends or family, do keep in mind that it’s not always the best advice. Consider it, but don’t necessarily act on it.
Two, don’t do anything to hurt yourself or your relationship further. That is, don’t drink yourself into oblivion repeatedly, or involve yourself with someone else as a kind of payback. Such things definitely won’t help to make the situation better.
Consider Marriage Counseling
The landmine of cheating, and the other relationship weaknesses it reveals, just may warrant the assistance of an objective third party. Before you make the final decision to stay in and fight for the relationship or end it, getting the professional input of a certified marriage counselor or relationship coach can really help you to put things in perspective.
If you’re hanging onto a relationship that isn’t working for either of you anymore, a marriage counselor can confirm that. Or they can help you work through it. Marriage counseling can provide you with the tools you need to get over this particular hurdle, as well as others that may come along in your marriage.
Whatever you ultimately decide to do, always be honest with yourself…and be willing to demand that honesty from others. Even if it hurts, it’s better to know the truth and to have your spouse treat you with the respect and love you deserve.
This post was written in collaboration with PeopleFinders.com, your best online resource for finding people and getting more information about them.