How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone And Get The One You Want!

That awful “friend zone” is something you want to get out of and it is something you never want to be in again! You want to be seen as someone desirable. Perhaps there is one woman you’ve got your eye on, or you want women, in general, to start seeing you as someone they’d want to be with or sleep with! I get it. As a woman that has actually put men in the friend zone myself, I know why those men got there and what they could have done differently to ensure they would never wind up there in the first place. In this blog, I am going to give you everything you need to know when you’re asking yourself how to get out of the friend zone.

You have dreams and goals to be with this woman and once she tells you she sees you as a friend, your heart just shatters to pieces. Everyone has been in the friend zone one time or another. Typically, when a man gets into the friend zone with a woman, it’s because he does not know how to attract a woman the right way and doesn’t understand how women process emotions as they decide if they like a guy or not.

I welcome your comments, questions, and concerns below and will try my best to reply to you. If you’re really serious about getting out of the friend zone, then visit my FRIEND ZONE NO MORE HERE.

What does friend zone mean and can you get out of the friend zone?

Believe it or not, there are two different types of friend zones. Generally speaking, people think that if you can’t get a girl to be with you or sleep with you, then they’re automatically in the friend zone… when that is absolutely false. The friend zone has two spectrums to it and I am going to explain them right here.

#1: The emotional friend zone

You guys have this amazing bond and you tell each other everything, and you might share each other’s deepest, darkest secrets, you’re always supporting her, and she feels lucky to have you, but she only wants to be your friend. You haven’t gotten a commitment from her or you haven’t been able to take things anywhere sexually with her. This is the emotional friend zone.

#2 The sexual friend zone

Some may call it “friends with benefits.” This friend zone is when you sleep with a girl and you get intimate, but the majority of your conversations are surface level and both of you avoid mushy conversations. She only calls you when she wants you to supply her with some pleasure. Things are typically on her terms and maybe sometimes on yours, but one of you wants something more.

The friend zone is when one person is not getting exactly what they want and the other one is.

Typically, one individual has intense feelings for the other and these feelings are not being reciprocated, and they wind up having to figure out how to get out of the friend zone. More often than not, the other person is not aware and is happy with the “friendship” arrangement you have. Being stuck in the friend zone and wanting more can be sexually and emotionally frustrating and it’s not an easy place to live. You develop a lot of self-doubts and lose a sense of control when you’re in this dreaded friend zone, but I’m going to help you get out!

Stuck in the friend zone and want to get out?

Before I help you get out of the friend zone, let’s discuss why you’re stuck in the friend zone in the first place. When you are in the friend zone, the other person that put them there is getting everything they want and need, but you aren’t. It’s a common phenomenon, so here are two client scenarios.

Damien and Rebecca were friends. Since they were “friends” Damien would pretty much do everything she wanted. He thought this would make her appreciate him and like him more. Well, it got her to appreciate him and like him, but not in a “relationship” or “sexual” way. He takes her to places, buys her things, she calls him to talk and hang out, Damien listens to all her problems and then helps her out with her troubles. Damien does this because he wants to be Rebecca’s boyfriend and wants to show her he can support her, but he is getting absolutely nothing in return. He simply spends time with her. His needs and wants from Rebecca aren’t being met. Rebecca doesn’t feel the desire to settle down as she is getting all her “boyfriend” needs met without commitment. So she tells Damien that she doesn’t want a relationship right now. The reason is so she can be free and non- committed, and still have Damien effort. Damien has never enforced his masculine presence so she may not be turned on by him. This is why Damien is stuck in the friend zone.

Carlos and Nina are friends-with-benefits. They hang out and hook up from time to time. However, Carlos is catching feelings for her and wants to be in a real relationship. Nina is being sexually fulfilled and so is Carlos, but the difference here is Carlos is wanting that emotional fulfillment and Nina is just fine with what is going on, so he is struggling with how to express his feelings or emotions.

Understand and look at the relationships and women you date as a negotiation.
It might sound horrible but it’s the truth. You need to remember that you are going into relationships with women to see what she can offer you as well. It’s not just about what you can offer her, how you can impress her, how you can make her choose you. This is the type of mindset that gets you in the friend zone in the first place. Women want a man of “status,” which I will explain more below.

The key to getting out of the friendzone with the woman you want

When getting out of the friend zone, you must first realize that all relationships are about you, too! It’s not just about the woman that is so beautiful or the 10 in front of you. Because it’s easy for her to get a man, she wants the man that is hard to get too. No matter what! Women want a man of status and resources, and this comes from the tools I am going to give you. You can start implementing the things you need to get out of the friend zone now!
If you want to maximize your potential and get real results NOW then click here and get my FRIEND ZONE NO MORE PRODUCT where clients are getting real results and you can see what they have to say here.

My top tips on how to get out of the friend zone are the following:

    1. 1. Take responsibility for it


    1. 2. STOP obsessing over her


    1. 3. Stop putting her on a pedestal


    1. 4. Stop calling her and texting her so much


    1. 5. Work on yourself


    1. 6. Go on dates with other women


    1. 7. Stop asking for permission


    1. 8. Stop following her lead


    1. 9. Raise your standards


    1. 10. Change your mindset


    1. 11. Keep your feelings to yourself


    1. 12. Get used to saying “No”


    1. 13. Let her work for you and miss you


    1. 14. Stop trying to fix her problems


    1. 15. Show less interest in her


    16. Friendzone her!

Continue reading below, where I go into detail on each of these points!

How to get out of the friend zone: 5 Powerful tips explained

Tip 1: Take responsibility for it!

The first step here is to accept the fact that you put yourself in the friend zone and accept the fact that you are already in it. A lot of times, people want to place blame on someone else instead of growing from it so they never wind up in the same situation again. So, it’s important to accept responsibility.

Tip 2: STOP obsessing over her!

Women are NOT attracted to an obsessive man that comes from the “victim” mentality in his life. This shows no sense of self-worth and security. Which are the top two out of the four things women look for in a man? A woman will not end up being with you because they feel sorry for you. The more you obsess, the more you will continue to be obsessed and get stuck in there. When you start to obsess, you consciously continue to think about it and that’s why you ask yourself, “How do I get these thoughts to stop?” Well, it starts with you switching them around and focusing on reality.

Right now you need to focus on other things besides her. If you isolate yourself at home ruminating in these thoughts, these thoughts will only increase. Right now is the time to force yourself out of this and do things that will keep you busy!

Stop thinking about her obsessively because it can become creepy and unhealthy.

Tip 3: Stop putting her on a pedestal!

One of the biggest reasons why men find themselves in the friend zone is because they worship women and they are the “nice guy”. They think the nicer they are, and the more compliments they give, the more things they do for women, the more it will show her that he is the guy she should be with. But, this is a form of worshipping because you consciously or subconsciously think this woman is better than you, and you will be lucky if she chooses you. Putting a woman on a pedestal is as though you were seeking approval and validation from her.
It shows you care so much about what she thinks about you that you’re trying to be the nicest guy in the world… when this does not make you the guy she wants to be with.

Tip 4 Stop calling her and texting her so much!

Right now is the time you need to show her something different. If you send her a text and it takes her days to respond, then you should start doing the same thing. If you want to get results and have her feelings change for you, you have to change drastically!

She is not going anywhere and it’s not the end of the world if you don’t talk to her unless you make yourself think that it is! If you do, you need to work more on tip #1 and #2. So show her something different and disrupt the patterns. Don’t call her anymore and text her. Let her start to wonder. “Why haven’t I heard from him?” “Where did he go?”

This is what will get her attention!

Tip 5: Work on yourself

If you find yourself in the friend zone often, you might find yourself in one of these scenarios. You don’t want to physically, mentally, or emotionally improve. You might have improved yourself physically but mentally, you didn’t make improvements! Or it might even be all three. Emotional and mental security attract women and makes them stay around long term. Sometimes men will make excuses for their lacks instead of learning from them and say something like, “The right woman will accept me for who I am.” No! Absolutely wrong. Working on all physical, mental, and emotional aspects are crucial so you can develop healthy relationships. A woman that will accept you will come when you start to accept yourself and show up for yourself.

If you don’t do what it takes to improve yourself and become the best version of you, you’re lowering your chances of meeting women. When you focus on your self-improvement you increase your chances of meeting women and becoming more attractive.

When you spend time working on yourself every single day, it becomes a habit. When it becomes second nature, it becomes a healthy routine.

Getting out of the friend zone | 11 More ways to never be in it again!

1. Go on dates with other women!

escape the friend zone

Don’t talk about her on these dates, but explore your options and show yourself that you still got it! You don’t want to put all your eggs in one basket if you have an option to find someone else. Practice doing things differently than you did with the one woman that put you in the friendzone in the first place.

2. Stop asking for permission!

Women want a man of power and that is not afraid to go after what he wants. So typically a guy that finds himself in the friend-zone seeks permission from the woman before he does anything. Don’t be afraid to do things around her that what you want to do.

Let’s be clear, this does not mean you disrespect her or take advantage of her in any other way…

Examples: If you have a difference in opinion, voice it! If you want to change the music, change it. If you want to hold her hand do it!

Without hesitation or being awkward about it just take the lead and be the man she’s looking for.

3. Stop following her lead.

If you want to escape the friend zone, stop doing everything and anything she wants to do. Start doing things and setting up things you want to do. When you’ve had enough of something tell her. If you have an idea tell her to go with you and don’t ask her how she feels. She can make a decision on her own regarding whether or not she will join you, but take actionable measures in a new way.

4. Raise your standards

Women want a man with high standards. This shows he is a high-quality man and women start to question if they are of standard for him. So, by displaying your standards, you can get her to want you more!

5. Change your mindset.

Taking control of the reason why you fell into the friend zone in the first place and why you kept winding up there in the past will be the key. I talk about the 12 different common mindsets men have that get them into the friend zone here.

6. Keep your feelings to yourself.

Understand that there is a time and place for this. You exposing your feelings out of context is going to catch this woman off guard. There is a way to show and express interest to a woman besides telling her how you feel, thinking that will change her mind. What will change her mind is you disrupt the pattern you’ve been showing her. Show her something different and learn how to start changing the dynamic with her here.

7. Get used to saying “No”.

Don’t always be the “yes” guy to make her happy. Look at yourself as someone who is ok with not just trying to impress her because you care about yourself as well. If you’re someone who is always telling her “Yes” and you’re always going to the places she wants to go, and you rarely have your own opinion, then it’s time to say “No”.

8. Let her work for you and miss you.

Make her work for your attention. You have to shift the dynamic if you’re in the friend zone, but even if you’re a guy that gets into the friend zone a lot, let her work for things too. Let her initiate and miss you once in a while. Pursue her, but also show her that you need to be pursued as well.

9. Stop trying to fix her problems.

Saving the damsel in distress means you get distressed too. She is a grown woman and if you aren’t in a relationship with her, then she needs to figure out her own problems. She can lean on you from time to time but make that time very seldom. You have to show her you want a woman that understands life, and how to have a sense of independence when it comes to stress.

10. Show less interest in her.

Show her that you aren’t as interested as you used to be and you could even have someone else hanging around you that is giving you attention. Women are alerted when they sense competition with other women. It’s sad but it’s true. Women are competition to each other and plenty of them look at each other like this, especially if there is mutual interest in the same man.

11. Friendzone her!

Show her that you can friend zone her, too! Say things like “You’re such a cool chick, glad you’re a friend. You’re like one of the dudes.” She immediately will accept this as a challenge and you have to make sure that you constantly show up for her “BS test”.

Get Out of the friend zone for good!

Now that you’ve learned all these tricks and techniques, you are ready to implement them in your life. But before we leave you here, I want to remind you of a couple of things that you must stick to! These are 10 ways that will never get you in the friend zone again, but it’s important to be conscious of the women you are dating and look at them as someone that has to work for you as well.

With discipline and conscious practice, you have to change your way of thinking and change your behaviors. It’s time to form new habits, which take time and practice. This is when you will maximize your potential to escape the friend zone.

Remember, women want an equal and do not want you to be submissive or their servants. She does not want to feel above you because this is what makes the attraction fade away and it’s important that you develop the traits that attract women to men.

If you want to start attracting women or the woman who currently put you in the friend zone now is your time to make a change and invest in this breakthrough course! FRIENDZONE NO MORE! This course has helped hundreds of men and I want you to be next. Click here and see what everyone is saying about it!

Your coach,

Apollonia Ponti

Apollonia Ponti, an international certified coach and founder of She works with ambitious men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills, and help rebuild relationships.

You can find her expert advice on “is she using me”, plus a couple of other of your core professional services, through her YouTube Channel, and Attract a Woman E-Book. To get real results with women NOW! Change your life and master your attraction. Book a coaching session here.

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  1. This is a very good article. Lots of useful information. But this one woman that I was interested in is too flaky. She rejected me when I asked her out numerous times. She went out to lunch with one of our co workers. But she still wants me to show interest in her. She gives me eye contact some time. She thinks I’m not aware of any of this. Every thing is one sided. I ll just work on improving myself in every area my life. Dating is a waste of time. I’m sure there are men that play games, but women play games to! None of this tips and tactics will work if the person is stubborn, selfish, and narcissistic. There’s nothing you can do If she’s not into you.

    1. Thanks for reading my article. But I wouldn’t want you to invest time with someone who is not quite healthy. Unfortunately enough, sometimes these tactics do for the wrong person that’s why it’s up to you to stay true to yourself and figure out what type of woman you want in your life.
      Best of luck to you!

  2. Hi AP,

    Everything good with you? Would like to start on my 30 minute session with you via telephone between 7/23-27. Got some vacation time, really would like to take in the ocean wave view, If I was in MIA! 😉

    So, I look forward to hearing from your office. I’m ready to utilize my reserved session I purchased back in December. I thought about something you said in the July 4 Post, Makes sense to me … ” What I want for you, is to get a women to WANT you physically and emotionally!” — Of course, I can clarify why it has happen in a good way.


  3. Long after like 40 years, I am sort of learning about womenfolk – how they feel or think.

    You make this extremely difficult knowledge like a piece of cake. 🙂 Than you, Apollonia.

    Sydney, Australia

    1. Hello Apollonia,
      I like your write up and you are so on point. I have been finding it difficult to come out of friend zone but now things are gradually changing.

  4. thanks for the tips… some of them i was doing and didnt even realize but your tips and suggestions will def make me look and act better with women

  5. Hi Apollonia –
    Even though I’ve been very attracted to many women, I’ve never asked any woman out or expressed my feelings to anyone. And no woman has ever even smiled at me. For me, rejection will always be guaranteed no matter what I do or which woman I approach. Under the ‘putting women on a pedestal’ heading above, you tell guys to stop feeling like they’d be lucky if a woman chooses them. In my case, I know very well that there is no way any woman would ever choose me when she has other guys to select from.

    1. Hi Giulio,
      Thank you for your comment but this is a reflection upon yourself. Understand that what you think is what you attract. I have worked with thousands of men and they “thought” they would never be desired from a woman and they were once they took ownership. You can choose to let your results define you or you can define your results. You choose? Thanks for stopping by and reading my blog about how to escape the friend zone.

    2. Hi Apollonia –
      What do you mean when you tell him “You can choose to let your results define you or you can define your results.”. He has no results (experience) that would show him he has a chance against other men to be chosen by a woman.

      1. Thanks for the tips Apollonia.

        I am currently in a long distance status with someone in a different continent to me. We have been talking for about 1 and a half months online , through social media and whatsapp, and FB, messenger, and yup you are right i have just been friendzoned. But I am willing to take ownership of my insecurities and start being a man of higher value, starting from today. She was very flirty at the beginning etc. Now that I know i shall pull back a bit and start being that man that I wasn’t before. I really like her but your right obsessing over her and being a yes man isn’t gonna help me either. So today I have decided that enough is enough, and today onwards I need to change my mindset dramatically even if it means friendzoning her too. After 1 and a half months this will be my turning point. Thank you for sharing here.

        1. Hi Daniel,

          Thank you for reading our blog, We are so grateful for your kind words.
          Don’t forget to watch our youtube videos with much more information about Friendzone and continue to work on your growth and constantly learn about yourself 🙂
          Apollonia’s team

  6. For some of us the friend zone is the best we’ll ever have. No woman could ever see me other than as a friend – so it’s not worth even thinking about it. There are so many women I’d like to attract but none of them could ever be attracted to me – I’m not even visible to them. I will never post photos of myself anywhere online, so online dating is basically off-limits for me. I feel hopeless.

    1. Hi Geoff. Thank you for taking the time to read How to Escape the Friend Zone and Get the One you Want. This is really a mentality shift. Finding your purpose in life, feeling fulfilled that way, taking care of your health and taking the actions to really loving yourself… THOSE are the things that attract women! And you absolutely can have all of that. I would look at either doing the Mastering Your Confidence seminar or the Overcome Neediness/Insecurities
      I would also suggest booking a coaching session with either myself or my head coach.
      There is hope!

  7. Hi Apollonia
    that was very good advice,
    however, my question is how does a guy who is rejected for his ugliness attract a woman? I mean even women who not any better looking than me take one look at me and you can see the disgust on their faces.
    What’s the way-out?

    1. Hi Dabo thank you for taking the time to read How To Escape the Friend Zone. I’m so glad you enjoy the content and the article!


  8. Thank you very much. You helped me realize how much of a ‘yes’ man I am. I usually am very passive and just go along with whatever. Because of your advice, I tried out being more assertive and it had immediate results. I feel it’s going somewhere now. Keep up the good work

    1. Hi Austin, thank you for taking the time to read How to Escape the Friend Zone. I’m so happy to read this! I’m so glad that you’re growing and the content is helping you.
      Keep going and continuing to see how your life changes in so many areas.
      Wishing you the best,

  9. Hi Apollonia, I purchased the Friend zone no more
    Product just a few minutes age, I payed through PayPal, but I forgot to enter my email address and create a login password.
    Is there any was I can go back to enter my details?
    Any help would be greatly appreciated.

  10. Hi Apollonia,

    Thank you for providing this helpful information. I’m very grateful.

    Here is my situation.
    I met this girl during a transitional period of my life.

    I just got out of 2 year relationship in which when I got out of it the girl said she was pregnant but than because I didn’t want to be with her she said she had an abortion.

    At the same time, I quit a job that I worked very hard to get because I wasn’t fulfilled. I went to a therapist , the therapist opened my perspective and put me at a low place. I’ve became aware of my negative relationships and situations which had my stuck in my head for awhile.

    So I moved to another city.

    In this city I met a woman thru this dating app.

    During the date we had good chemistry. Stayed in contact for awhile then we meet up like a month later.

    During our conversations it was.

  11. Casual. I used to joke that all I wanted to do was have sex with her one time.

    So eventually we hooked. But I wasn’t fully healed and my normal self.

    But during that night, I felt something I never felt before.

    So of course I confess my feelings for and ruined the process.

    And said she didn’t see me like that.

    We communicate every now and then.

    My question is how do I turn this around and reattract her to my non depressed high vibration state?

    With gratitude


  12. Great article with lots of useful tips. I’m in the emotional friend zone, to the point where we joked we were having an emotional affair, trouble is I want more, i think she does (or at least did), but she has now pushed me so far away it’s like that bond / connection never happened. She still wants to hang out with me, but it is always on her terms. She is always online but no longer messages me. I feel like I’ve been used and dumped which after all the support i recently gave her feels horrible.

  13. Thanks for the tips Apollonia.

    I am currently in a long distance status with someone in a different continent to me. We have been talking for about 1 and a half months online , through social media and whatsapp, and FB, messenger, and yup you are right i have just been friendzoned. But I am willing to take ownership of my insecurities and start being a man of higher value, starting from today. She was very flirty at the beginning etc. Now that I know i shall pull back a bit and start being that man that I wasn’t before. I really like her but your right obsessing over her and being a yes man isn’t gonna help me either. So today I have decided that enough is enough, and today onwards I need to change my mindset dramatically even if it means friendzoning her too. After 1 and a half months this will be my turning point. Thank you for sharing here.

  14. Hello dear Apollonia Ponti !
    My name is Ehsan and I’m from IRAN.
    Your Youtube videos changed my life and opened my eyes and I really appreciate that. Right now I’m middle a friend-zoned relationship and I’m really like to have your Friend-zone no more product but, unfortunately, I’m not able to use a visa card or a master card due to Iran’s economic and political problems, and right now, I don’t have access to anybody from another country to buy this product for me and I’m really looking forward to having it, please, if you know a way that I could buy it let me know.
    thank you

  15. I’ve been seeking counseling from an LMFT and she said “We need to reframe your thinking”. She said she sees a kind, caring, compassionate person in me who has a lot to offer. So, I started putting myself out there and asking women out and I have one woman who I like but she’s a user. When I lay down the law as it were, then she responds. When I ignore her, then she is like, “I’m not mad or anything.” I told her, “I don’t like some things.” But I didn’t say what they were. She knows. I talked to a beautiful pediatric cardiologist at a tango milonga while she was there. The doctor is very nice and kind and very open about what she wants and what she’s still deciding on for her life. She is 20 years younger than me. But we really talk! In the end, she hugged me and we are going to go out next weekend. Susana, the user, saw this. Plus, I have a beer and pizza date with my neighbor. I am just trying to see who I like. I’m not trying to marry them right away, but I do like Alejandra , because she’s humble and genuine. I worked on working out but now I’m working on mental and emotional health issues – anger management (chronic illness and jealousy) and relationship issues (how you see yourself). I needed the help from a disinterested 3rd person. Your friends try to help you but when someone doesn’t know you and sees something in you, it carries more weight. Remember, you are always loved!

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