How To Overcome Trust Issues In A Relationship! Overcome Trust Issues Forever!

Issues from our past can spring up and mess up our presence at any given time. Sometimes we’re not made aware of those problems until it’s too late and we’re already reacting to a situation based on the past and not responding instead. In this article, I’m going to give you 10 tools that you can use to regain your confidence when it comes to trusting other people in life, love, and relationships.

How to overcome trust issues in a relationship: 10 ways to do this today!

Tip #1 Understand that your current partner now is not your ex:

This is so significant because of the fact that we always look for the small things that maybe our last partner might have done. And if they are even the slightest notion of being similar, we start to not trust our current partner. There’s a reason why you chose this new partner so understand that you’re showing up for this, because if we live a life in a victim mentality then we’re going to create this for ourselves constantly, and continue to not pick the right partners.

Tip #2 Get clear on what you want and get clear on what you don’t want:

It’s really important that if you’ve gotten out of a toxic relationship in your past, or you’ve had a partner that you’ve experienced in your past that gave you a lot of pain, and now you don’t trust women in general, I want you to get good at understanding what you want and what you don’t want. And how you do that is you write these things down, guys. You have to see it, pen to paper because your prefrontal cortex is where we vision, and then we put it down on paper, and when we receive it with our eyes. In order for us to know what we want, we’ve got to write that stuff down. So get clear on that. This is how you can overcome some of your trust issues because you are more empowered and more in control of making your own decisions when you meet women.

Tip #3 Think it out before you react:

One of the biggest things ineffective communication in general, you have to think before you react to certain things. For example, if you’re with a partner right now, and for some reason, you feel as though your partner may be cheating on you, or might be doing something wrong because your ex-partner did this, I want you to think it through. What are the things that you are telling yourself? Have you been telling yourself, “Oh, she’s doing this, she’s doing that, she’s probably doing this? Okay, she hasn’t texted me in an hour, so this means she’s cheating on me and blah, blah, blah.” But in all actuality, there’s nothing going on.
It’s a different case than if you’re seeing her text messaging another guy or on Instagram, that’s a whole other case. But if there are no hard facts, and she’s showing up for you and being a devoted woman to you, then at the end of the day, this is the issue that you need to think through instead of reacting on it. Because the more you react, the more you’re going to push partners away.

Tip #4 Understand that expectations are the root of disappointment:

When we start to expect our partner to be or act in a certain way, then we build expectations without a common ground. We build expectations in hopes a partner will do something because, in our mind, we want them to read our minds, and when they don’t, we get disappointed, and we don’t communicate this. There’s a difference between expecting your partner to be at the same level in the relationship with how they respect the relationship, and you guys communicating about it. But if you expect your partner to do something without you communicating that with them, then you’re going to set yourself up for disappointment. And this is where a lack of trust can be drawn.

Tip #5 You have to fix you before you fix someone else:

This one is one of our favorites and this is significant within personal growth. A lot of times we get into relationships in order to feel happier, and to say, “If I have this person, whatever is in me is going to be fixed.” But honestly, when you get in relationships, this is when the work starts to happen for you. And if you don’t do the work, you can end up putting a Bandaid on top of your trust issues, or any issues that you might have, or any trauma you might have, and you can push your other partner away, and then you’re not fixing you. Because how can you fix someone else if you haven’t fixed yourself first?
This is huge within personal development, with relationships, with dating, but also when you’re trying to understand how to trust people again, because if you haven’t fixed yourself, then that means that you haven’t trusted yourself. So if you don’t trust yourself, how can you trust anyone else?

Tip #6 Forgive and heal:

Just like I mentioned in tip number five, in order to trust someone else, you must trust yourself. Once you get there, you need to forgive and heal. Forgive through compassion, because when we bring animosity into a relationship, when we bring discomfort into a new relationship, when we bring victimhood into a new relationship, when we bring trauma into a new relationship, we haven’t forgiven, and we haven’t healed. And we will wind up either repeating the past or pushing away our current partner.
You have to forgive, and you have to heal in order to trust again because you understand that you are the person that controls everything in your life, and nobody else can control it for you. This can never be taken away from you. So it’s very important that you master these two things in order to create something that you really want.

Tip #7 Understand that you are not who you were yesterday:

What does this mean? This means that Apollonia was this girl that was raised in Compton and Oakland, California, and came from a poverty-stricken home, and her father was in and out of her life, and her mom had a job where she was making $15,000 to $20,000 a year, and her mom took herself to college and got her master’s degree while I was an infant, and my mom was nursing me at home and doing night school. Okay, that’s my story. But even though that’s who I was, and that’s who my mom was yesterday, that doesn’t mean this is who she is today.
Now she’s created life and has homes and has success in her life because she’s worked for it. She looked at herself as not being a victim anymore. She wasn’t a victim of her past. I’m not a victim of my past. Everything that has happened in my life, are lessons. This is how we stay grounded. We look at our past, and we look at our life as lessons that created us to become more powerful. We’re always going to have the direction. It’s about how we take the opportunity to really take the bull by the horns and allow ourselves to grow. We grow when we start to look at our lessons and life as our past, but something that’s not a part of us, like an outside perspective that we no longer have to attach to. That’s the best thing about life; every day we get to create something new because every day is a new day.

Tip #8 Date yourself:

We do so much of going into a relationship after relationship after relationship, and then we don’t even give a moment to breathe, because we don’t date ourselves. We don’t know who we are.
Another personal story. I’m getting very vulnerable with you guys in this article, which is funny, but I feel like it’s a need for me to tell you. Before when I was interviewing, and really getting my license and just focusing on me, I took a year and a half off of dating. I mean, I didn’t even text a man. I just focused on me. I literally dated myself before I found my life partner. And that was the most beautiful thing because I got clearer afterward. I dated with intent instead of just blinders on. I had no vision of what I wanted before, and I had to put the blinders away and get clear in the focus and direction that I wanted. So dating yourself is a key part of this, and this is what helped me rebuild trust in myself again.

Tip #9 Understand with compassion:

Now a lot of times we go into relationships, and our partner might be voicing an opinion of why you’re not trusting them, but understand that also, your partner is a mirror for something that you need to work on. So when you communicate with them, or you communicate with others or yourself, understand with a lens of compassion, instead of a lens of attack, because people, typically, are mirrors of your own personal growth.

Tip #10 Do the work:

This is the most important of them at all. Because if you have taken anything away from this video, all these other tips, one through nine will not work if you don’t do tip number 10, and that is to do the work.
Don’t cheat with instant gratification. Don’t cheat with laziness. Don’t cheat with expectations. And don’t cheat with understanding that you think that it’s supposed to be done tomorrow. Understand that it takes time, guys. It takes sometimes years. It takes sometimes months. And sometimes we want that instant gratification effect because we have it now so much in our lives, we have it in dating apps, we have it on Amazon, we have it with everything, if literally, I can pull up my phone and get anything delivered to me right now, while I’m typing this article. And here’s the thing, guys is instant gratification has taken up so much in our life, which comes into our minds, and starts playing in our brains. So we think it’s effective in relationships, and this is where it becomes challenging.

How to overcome trust issues in a new relationship: When your partner wants to overcome them.

Years ago, one of my clients, a woman, came from an abusive relationship. And now she’s married, she has kids, she checks in with me every once in a while. She’s so happy. She and her husband have built a business together, and they’re doing so great. But before this, she came to me, and this could happen to men too, I’m just using her as an example, and she was in a very abusive relationship. And I can really relate to this here. She chose to be a victim for years. So she attracted men that were bad for her, and until she forgave, trusted her own self again, worked on her own self, and healed from that, she was able to show up as a new person, and attract the husband that she has now.
So understand that she was looking at men as though she was a victim constantly when she was dating. So she had to heal herself so she looked at men in a new light.
I’ve been heartbroken. I’ve been through my stuff with men, and I wouldn’t be able to be an empowering coach if I didn’t heal myself and forgive my past, in order to show up for you now. The same thing goes in relationships. I’m being vulnerable with you guys because it’s the truth.

 

How to overcome insecurities and trust issues in a new relationship

Besides the tips that we mentioned in this article. Insecurities are something you can only work on and by doing this you will be able to focus on your internal growth. Some of the best practices for overcoming your trust issues are the following.

Journaling: This is a way you can get really clear with your thoughts and open up to your mind on how you think and how you’ve been viewing things. Sometimes when it comes to attraction we can dimish attraction by our insecurities so it’s important to understand where the root of these trust issues are coming from and how to turn this around. When you journal out your thoughts and see them back this helps you take another perspective of your thoughts as you can look at them as a so-called “third person”.

Meditation: Helps you think clearly and be in tune. It helps with also aligning with positivity and staying neutral. If you’ve never meditated before a couple my YouTube channel meditations I  would recommend is The Honest Guys and Jason Stephenson.

Forgiveness: Setting things free that you have no control over will feel so amazing! The thought might worry you but I  can guarantee when you forgive an ex or anyone else like a parent the had infidelity in their lives then it sets you free.

Book reading: Attached by Dr. Amir Levine is a great book.
So don’t look at your yesterday, or the fact that you’ve maybe cheated on a girl five years ago, and think that you’re always going to be a cheater. I don’t believe in that saying “Once a cheater always a cheater”. Because people can grow. That saying basically says that people can’t grow. If you did something bad, it means that you can’t be anybody good, which is complete BS. So understand that yesterday is not the person that you are today. So don’t harp on that, because every day is a new day for you to wake up and really gain that trust within yourself once again.

How to overcome trust issues after being cheated on: The #1 Rule!

So I honor you if you are able to take the time and space to overcome your trust issues. I  want you to get clear on who you are and your purpose in life! Rebuild yourself and allow yourself to trust again so you can overcome your trust issues. Understand that this takes work and you can do this!

Overcoming trust issues is to be very disciplined with yourself and, commit to growth and forgiveness in these tools that I  give you in this blog. Simply put… no one will understand your self worth without you showcasing it first. So in order to have worth, you must find it within you. That’s why we always talk about purposefully living and living with a purpose in life. Read here about finding your purpose!

The #1 Rule for being cheated on is: It has nothing to do with you!!!
When your partner cheats, unless you were incredibly abusive and emotionally and physically distant, cheating has nothing to do with you.
People who cheat are seeking outside validation, they do not love themselves and are looking for others to validate how they feel. Someone who is grounded, confident in themselves and loves who they are, is not going to cheat. Even if they are in a terrible relationship and being ignored, they are just going to get up and leave.
So remember this rule if you’ve ever been cheated on, it had nothing to do with you. The person you were with just didn’t love themselves. So how could they love you if they can’t even love themselves? It’s hard, but I hope it helps you to move on and find someone that has done the work on themselves so they can love you back!

If you are able to take the time and space and understand that you’ve got to get clear with who you are, rebuild yourself, so you can trust again and overcome any trust issues, and understand that it takes work, then we honor you!
And we want you to put in that work, so you can get the best out of life. 

And as always, we love hearing from you. If this has spoken to you and you’re having trouble with trust issues, or really cultivating healthy relationships with women, we encourage you to either download one of the products and visit the product page, or book a coaching session one on one, so we can start to work on this together. We love hearing from you. Comment below, and remember, you are always loved.

If you’ve been in a relationship that infidelity or trust has been broken so many times then I ask you why are you still in it? You have to explore to see if this person is your engine or your anchor and develop awareness within you that you will now put yourself first. This is the key to healthy relationships and boundaries. If you have no boundaries for yourself and tolerate anything then people will abuse that in life. Unfortunately, humans are built to test challenging situations but we also do well by boundaries and always look for a mate that will offer us value because they see it within themselves.

And as always, I love hearing from you. If this has spoken to you and you’re having trouble with trust issues, or really cultivating healthy relationships with women, I encourage you to either download one of my products and visit my product page, or book a coaching session one on one, so we can start to work on this together. We love hearing from you. Comment below, and remember, you are always loved.

Your coaches,

Apollonia and Natalie

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13 Comments

  1. Hi
    Please my name is Dickson and I really need your help in my life please. I am 24 years old dating a 23 year old lady. We having been together for four years now and for some time now things are not going on well in the relationship. My girlfriend is always firlting with guys on phone and sometimes she even goes out with them. And I caught her on several occasions but I talk to her and let her know kw that am not happy with it. Please there was a time she travelled for a health walk and I never heared from her the whole even I called several times and there was no answer until the following morning when I called again and she pick and we have a little arguments and I hangup the phone and she never called me back…… Please so many happen Hmmm. Please am heart broken and worried because am not happy Pls help me… I started to see pictures of her and another on social media which was posted by the guy and when I confronted her she said she has nothing to do with the guy….. A serious issue also happen and I told her that Its over between us and she said she won’t accept a break up so no matter what what we still dating. So this made me change my mind and later on she texted me that she is not longer interested in the relationship and it’s over between us I was surprised when I saw this and called her and was really serious. I also refuse ld and told her we are in in together and there’s no break up but she insisted.. And now the whole issue was like I am not begging her to come back to me whiles I didn’t do anything wrong that I know own of…. I begged her and talked to her several times that I decided to pay a surprise visit to her home… I got to her home and talked to her but she stills said no… And it was late and I had to spend the night there as I always do so that I can leave back the following day but she insists that I won’t spend the night at her place and moreover she is having a visitor and the visitor won’t be staying though….i went to her her room and waited and there came the visitor who was a guy who took her photographs when she was doing a programs and I was really surprised the guy enter room (single room) and drop his bag and we were all in the room when I stared to feel uncomfortable and left… I went outside and my girlfriend never came to me… Then I went in for my bag and lef so on my way going I heard her calling me in tears and she told me to give her some time. And she left back…. I went and decided to come back and see if the guy would have left because it was about an hour and going to her room no-one was there but I could find the guys bags and items in the room which tells me he hasn’t left. I was waiting in the room u until 10:30 pm when they both walked in and my girlfriend saw me and never mind me and she sat on the bed facing the guy and they both laughed and went out of the room for about 30mins and as I was in alone feeling uncomfortable I decided to leave finally and my girlfriend never even called me until the following morning…. And yet still am now pleading with her for us to come together when though I was heart broken … She told me me she is not dating the guy who came to bath and spend the night even at her place.. I was shocked why she will allow someone she met only 4 month ago into her rrom and even bathing and spending the night at her place and she said their not dating Hmmm. Am now calling her always and asking her for us to come back and all she will say is that she needs some time….. Pls what should I do… I don’t know if I should just forget about her and move on or I should give her some time and wait… Pls am really emotional stress out and I need your help please help me.

  2. Dude. You need to move the hell on. Go out and find yourself. You’re highly insecure. I’m telling you from experience. I know that it hurts, but move on, it’s over man.

  3. Hi I just stumbled upon your website so after the last 16 years I have gotten into some really bad relationships mostly with women cheating on me and or being verbally and or physically abusive. To this day I have a lot of trust issues and or think that I have done something to push these women to do this to me, so in turn I don’t trust Men and if I do trust them it takes me some time to trust them especially around my current gf . I dunno if this is natural for this to occur like this but I don’t want to push my current partner away either, I want her to understand I trust her it’s just other men that are around her that I don’t trust if that makes any sense at all ? My last relationship I was married and got out of almost a 11 year relationship with a woman I thought I could trust and spend the rest of my life with to find out that she was cheating on me for over 5 1/2 years. I feel like a idiot and stupid for not seeing things it’s like I had blinders on but I don’t want these previous problems to reflect with my current relationship and push my gf away !!! Please help!

    1. Hi Lance,
      Here’s the thing. We cannot control someone and we cannot control people around someone else. Life is about trusting the unknown. Your insecurities are driving you to be controlling so eventually your girlfriend might feel overwhelmed that you are controlling her but also notice at the end of the day these are your insecurities and it’s important that you heal from your past, not be a victim, any more and understand that you have something that she was attracted to in the first place. But you might be losing sight of that. The reason why this happens is because of attachments and codependency. I would encourage you to purchase my break free of codependency product and study this. https://www.apolloniaponti.co/break-free-of-codepedency-discount
      Best,
      Apollonia

  4. Hello,
    I enjoyed your article, I need some help,
    I have been dating a man for 4 years, we have been very great together, but out of random he said he is getting a gut feeling that he shouldn’t trust me.. I keep assuring him I’m not doing anything behind his back, I’m in it for us..
    I haven’t done anything.. Before we started dating there was someone else I was speaking with, however, I ended it with the other guy and just wanted to be with this man, And we talked and made it official a few months later and now 4 years later he is having gut feelings about trust issues with me…
    What can I do so he doesn’t feel like that? We are still planing trip for the future, but I’m really scared of seeing him and he just saying he cant do this anymore because of the gut feeling he is having.

    1. Hello Nichole,

      I’m glad you are enjoying our articles. We also have youtube videos and a podcast that you will find very helpful as well.
      We always wish and hope we can make people feel a certain way about us, but as long as we become and start showing up as the person we want the world to see, then that’s what we’ll attract.
      keep watching our videos and if you need a one on one coaching, please go to https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/ to see your options.
      Best of luck with everything,

  5. Will telling my boyfriend about my past relationships help him more understand of why I have trust issues?

    Thank you

    1. Great question! Yes, being open is important but what’s MORE important is that we do not play the victim and learn from these behaviors. A lot of times I’ve seen couples ruin their relationships because they are scared the past will happen again with their current partner so don’t let your current partner pay for your past experiences. It’s important you heal and forgive your past and move forward with strength. 😉

      Best,

      Apollonia

  6. Hello,
    I came across your article about getting over trust issues and it was very informative and motivational. I wanted to reach out to you to seek advice to try save my marriage. Here is my story…

    Me and my husband has been married for 8 years, together for 11, and we have two beautiful boys. We’ve had our ups and down but since day I’ve had trust issues in my relationship. I would accuse him that he was sleeping with every women he talked to. He does not have any female friends because of this and stopped talking to the ones he had before me. He has never gave me any suspicion, it was just all in my head. He has changed for me (stopped going out to bars, cut back on drinking since it was causing issues, stopped smoking cigarettes) to make me happy and be a better person to me. He has been nothing dedicated to me and our marriage. He works so hard to make sure we have what we want. 

    My previous relationship, I was cheated on for the entire relationship of 4 years. I was young – 17 and it was my first real serious relationship. I am sure this is where my trust issues stem from, which I don’t know why I can’t let this go.

    Now, I have pushed my husband to his breaking point and he has told me he wants a divorce. He says he can’t live like this by watching who he talks to or not being able to have friends and getting accused constantly for something he is not doing. He said that his emotional bond with me is broken, he is not happy anymore, and he is tired of fighting for something that won’t change. He has been telling me this for years but I didn’t listen. I just kept doing it and tearing him down. As he changed for me, he thought I would do the same but I haven’t. I guess I got comfortable that he wasn’t going to leave.

    He has told me he has playdates with our kids and his coworkers kids without me and hasn’t told me because he knows I will go off and accuse him of cheating. This also makes me jealous because I am afraid I will lose him to someone he spends more time with and talks to. But i dont know how I can just trust him that he won’t do anything as he says.

    I truly love him and I am praying I can save our marriage. He did not move out (yet) so hopefully I have some more time. Can you please help me?!

    1. Hi Nicole,

      Sorry to hear what you are going through.
      I hear you recognize the problem and want to make a change to save your marriage. That alone is such a huge step, so you should be proud of yourself.
      We have a lot of valuable content on our youtube channel, we would highly suggest you watch this one https://youtu.be/RyFaW74wesI and explore all the videos we have to offer regarding trust issues.
      I hope you find this helpful and please let us know if there is anything we can do to help.
      Best of luck,
      Apollonia’s team

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