Issues from our past can spring up and mess up our presence at any given time. Sometimes we’re not made aware of those problems until it’s too late and we’re already reacting to a situation based on the past and not responding instead. In this article, I’m going to give you 10 tools that you can use to regain your confidence when it comes to trusting other people in life, love, and relationships.
How to overcome trust issues in a relationship: 10 ways to do this today!
Tip #1 Understand that your current partner now is not your ex:
This is so significant because of the fact that we always look for the small things that maybe our last partner might have done. And if they are even the slightest notion of being similar, we start to not trust our current partner. There’s a reason why you chose this new partner so understand that you’re showing up for this, because if we live a life in a victim mentality then we’re going to create this for ourselves constantly, and continue to not pick the right partners.
Tip #2 Get clear on what you want and get clear on what you don’t want:
It’s really important that if you’ve gotten out of a toxic relationship in your past, or you’ve had a partner that you’ve experienced in your past that gave you a lot of pain, and now you don’t trust women in general, I want you to get good at understanding what you want and what you don’t want. And how you do that is you write these things down, guys. You have to see it, pen to paper because your prefrontal cortex is where we vision, and then we put it down on paper, and when we receive it with our eyes. In order for us to know what we want, we’ve got to write that stuff down. So get clear on that. This is how you can overcome some of your trust issues because you are more empowered and more in control of making your own decisions when you meet women.
Tip #3 Think it out before you react:
One of the biggest things ineffective communication in general, you have to think before you react to certain things. For example, if you’re with a partner right now, and for some reason, you feel as though your partner may be cheating on you, or might be doing something wrong because your ex-partner did this, I want you to think it through. What are the things that you are telling yourself? Have you been telling yourself, “Oh, she’s doing this, she’s doing that, she’s probably doing this? Okay, she hasn’t texted me in an hour, so this means she’s cheating on me and blah, blah, blah.” But in all actuality, there’s nothing going on.
It’s a different case than if you’re seeing her text messaging another guy or on Instagram, that’s a whole other case. But if there are no hard facts, and she’s showing up for you and being a devoted woman to you, then at the end of the day, this is the issue that you need to think through instead of reacting on it. Because the more you react, the more you’re going to push partners away.
Tip #4 Understand that expectations are the root of disappointment:
When we start to expect our partner to be or act in a certain way, then we build expectations without a common ground. We build expectations in hopes a partner will do something because, in our mind, we want them to read our minds, and when they don’t, we get disappointed, and we don’t communicate this. There’s a difference between expecting your partner to be at the same level in the relationship with how they respect the relationship, and you guys communicating about it. But if you expect your partner to do something without you communicating that with them, then you’re going to set yourself up for disappointment. And this is where a lack of trust can be drawn.
Tip #5 You have to fix you before you fix someone else:
This one is one of our favorites and this is significant within personal growth. A lot of times we get into relationships in order to feel happier, and to say, “If I have this person, whatever is in me is going to be fixed.” But honestly, when you get in relationships, this is when the work starts to happen for you. And if you don’t do the work, you can end up putting a Bandaid on top of your trust issues, or any issues that you might have, or any trauma you might have, and you can push your other partner away, and then you’re not fixing you. Because how can you fix someone else if you haven’t fixed yourself first?
This is huge within personal development, with relationships, with dating, but also when you’re trying to understand how to trust people again, because if you haven’t fixed yourself, then that means that you haven’t trusted yourself. So if you don’t trust yourself, how can you trust anyone else?
Tip #6 Forgive and heal:
Just like I mentioned in tip number five, in order to trust someone else, you must trust yourself. Once you get there, you need to forgive and heal. Forgive through compassion, because when we bring animosity into a relationship, when we bring discomfort into a new relationship, when we bring victimhood into a new relationship, when we bring trauma into a new relationship, we haven’t forgiven, and we haven’t healed. And we will wind up either repeating the past or pushing away our current partner.
You have to forgive, and you have to heal in order to trust again because you understand that you are the person that controls everything in your life, and nobody else can control it for you. This can never be taken away from you. So it’s very important that you master these two things in order to create something that you really want.
Tip #7 Understand that you are not who you were yesterday:
What does this mean? This means that Apollonia was this girl that was raised in Compton and Oakland, California, and came from a poverty-stricken home, and her father was in and out of her life, and her mom had a job where she was making $15,000 to $20,000 a year, and her mom took herself to college and got her master’s degree while I was an infant, and my mom was nursing me at home and doing night school. Okay, that’s my story. But even though that’s who I was, and that’s who my mom was yesterday, that doesn’t mean this is who she is today.
Now she’s created life and has homes and has success in her life because she’s worked for it. She looked at herself as not being a victim anymore. She wasn’t a victim of her past. I’m not a victim of my past. Everything that has happened in my life, are lessons. This is how we stay grounded. We look at our past, and we look at our life as lessons that created us to become more powerful. We’re always going to have the direction. It’s about how we take the opportunity to really take the bull by the horns and allow ourselves to grow. We grow when we start to look at our lessons and life as our past, but something that’s not a part of us, like an outside perspective that we no longer have to attach to. That’s the best thing about life; every day we get to create something new because every day is a new day.
Tip #8 Date yourself:
We do so much of going into a relationship after relationship after relationship, and then we don’t even give a moment to breathe, because we don’t date ourselves. We don’t know who we are.
Another personal story. I’m getting very vulnerable with you guys in this article, which is funny, but I feel like it’s a need for me to tell you. Before when I was interviewing, and really getting my license and just focusing on me, I took a year and a half off of dating. I mean, I didn’t even text a man. I just focused on me. I literally dated myself before I found my life partner. And that was the most beautiful thing because I got clearer afterward. I dated with intent instead of just blinders on. I had no vision of what I wanted before, and I had to put the blinders away and get clear in the focus and direction that I wanted. So dating yourself is a key part of this, and this is what helped me rebuild trust in myself again.
Tip #9 Understand with compassion:
Now a lot of times we go into relationships, and our partner might be voicing an opinion of why you’re not trusting them, but understand that also, your partner is a mirror for something that you need to work on. So when you communicate with them, or you communicate with others or yourself, understand with a lens of compassion, instead of a lens of attack, because people, typically, are mirrors of your own personal growth.
Tip #10 Do the work:
This is the most important of them at all. Because if you have taken anything away from this video, all these other tips, one through nine will not work if you don’t do tip number 10, and that is to do the work.
Don’t cheat with instant gratification. Don’t cheat with laziness. Don’t cheat with expectations. And don’t cheat with understanding that you think that it’s supposed to be done tomorrow. Understand that it takes time, guys. It takes sometimes years. It takes sometimes months. And sometimes we want that instant gratification effect because we have it now so much in our lives, we have it in dating apps, we have it on Amazon, we have it with everything, if literally, I can pull up my phone and get anything delivered to me right now, while I’m typing this article. And here’s the thing, guys is instant gratification has taken up so much in our life, which comes into our minds, and starts playing in our brains. So we think it’s effective in relationships, and this is where it becomes challenging.
How to overcome trust issues in a new relationship: When your partner wants to overcome them.
Years ago, one of my clients, a woman, came from an abusive relationship. And now she’s married, she has kids, she checks in with me every once in a while. She’s so happy. She and her husband have built a business together, and they’re doing so great. But before this, she came to me, and this could happen to men too, I’m just using her as an example, and she was in a very abusive relationship. And I can really relate to this here. She chose to be a victim for years. So she attracted men that were bad for her, and until she forgave, trusted her own self again, worked on her own self, and healed from that, she was able to show up as a new person, and attract the husband that she has now.
So understand that she was looking at men as though she was a victim constantly when she was dating. So she had to heal herself so she looked at men in a new light.
I’ve been heartbroken. I’ve been through my stuff with men, and I wouldn’t be able to be an empowering coach if I didn’t heal myself and forgive my past, in order to show up for you now. The same thing goes in relationships. I’m being vulnerable with you guys because it’s the truth.
How to overcome insecurities and trust issues in a new relationship
Besides the tips that we mentioned in this article. Insecurities are something you can only work on and by doing this you will be able to focus on your internal growth. Some of the best practices for overcoming your trust issues are the following.
Journaling: This is a way you can get really clear with your thoughts and open up to your mind on how you think and how you’ve been viewing things. Sometimes when it comes to attraction we can dimish attraction by our insecurities so it’s important to understand where the root of these trust issues are coming from and how to turn this around. When you journal out your thoughts and see them back this helps you take another perspective of your thoughts as you can look at them as a so-called “third person”.
Meditation: Helps you think clearly and be in tune. It helps with also aligning with positivity and staying neutral. If you’ve never meditated before a couple my YouTube channel meditations I would recommend is The Honest Guys and Jason Stephenson.
Forgiveness: Setting things free that you have no control over will feel so amazing! The thought might worry you but I can guarantee when you forgive an ex or anyone else like a parent the had infidelity in their lives then it sets you free.
Book reading: Attached by Dr. Amir Levine is a great book.
So don’t look at your yesterday, or the fact that you’ve maybe cheated on a girl five years ago, and think that you’re always going to be a cheater. I don’t believe in that saying “Once a cheater always a cheater”. Because people can grow. That saying basically says that people can’t grow. If you did something bad, it means that you can’t be anybody good, which is complete BS. So understand that yesterday is not the person that you are today. So don’t harp on that, because every day is a new day for you to wake up and really gain that trust within yourself once again.
How to overcome trust issues after being cheated on: The #1 Rule!
So I honor you if you are able to take the time and space to overcome your trust issues. I want you to get clear on who you are and your purpose in life! Rebuild yourself and allow yourself to trust again so you can overcome your trust issues. Understand that this takes work and you can do this!
Overcoming trust issues is to be very disciplined with yourself and, commit to growth and forgiveness in these tools that I give you in this blog. Simply put… no one will understand your self worth without you showcasing it first. So in order to have worth, you must find it within you. That’s why we always talk about purposefully living and living with a purpose in life. Read here about finding your purpose!
The #1 Rule for being cheated on is: It has nothing to do with you!!!
When your partner cheats, unless you were incredibly abusive and emotionally and physically distant, cheating has nothing to do with you.
People who cheat are seeking outside validation, they do not love themselves and are looking for others to validate how they feel. Someone who is grounded, confident in themselves and loves who they are, is not going to cheat. Even if they are in a terrible relationship and being ignored, they are just going to get up and leave.
So remember this rule if you’ve ever been cheated on, it had nothing to do with you. The person you were with just didn’t love themselves. So how could they love you if they can’t even love themselves? It’s hard, but I hope it helps you to move on and find someone that has done the work on themselves so they can love you back!
If you are able to take the time and space and understand that you’ve got to get clear with who you are, rebuild yourself, so you can trust again and overcome any trust issues, and understand that it takes work, then we honor you!
And we want you to put in that work, so you can get the best out of life.
And as always, we love hearing from you. If this has spoken to you and you’re having trouble with trust issues, or really cultivating healthy relationships with women, we encourage you to either download one of the products and visit the product page, or book a coaching session one on one, so we can start to work on this together. We love hearing from you. Comment below, and remember, you are always loved.
If you’ve been in a relationship that infidelity or trust has been broken so many times then I ask you why are you still in it? You have to explore to see if this person is your engine or your anchor and develop awareness within you that you will now put yourself first. This is the key to healthy relationships and boundaries. If you have no boundaries for yourself and tolerate anything then people will abuse that in life. Unfortunately, humans are built to test challenging situations but we also do well by boundaries and always look for a mate that will offer us value because they see it within themselves.
And as always, I love hearing from you. If this has spoken to you and you’re having trouble with trust issues, or really cultivating healthy relationships with women, I encourage you to either download one of my products and visit my product page, or book a coaching session one on one, so we can start to work on this together. We love hearing from you. Comment below, and remember, you are always loved.
Apollonia and Natalie