There are some incredible men and women out there, and hopefully, you’ve gotten to date some, or even get married to one. Every now and again, you run into the manipulators and the charmers. Women are innately nurturers and are ruled more by emotions while men are ruled more by logic typically. That doesn’t mean that you won’t cross paths every once in a while with a woman who is really just out to get what she wants without considering how you feel about it. This one comes with some real hard truths about women and the ones that lead you on. I’m going to give you seven tips so when you walk away from reading this, you will get your answer on knowing if the certain woman in your life is using you or leading you on.

Is she leading me on or playing hard to get?

Sometimes this can be hard to differentiate in the beginning. Those first few dates, there’s game playing and flirting. This is why being open with communication and your intentions are key guys! Finding out what she’s looking for and what her intentions are. You can do this while flirting with her, too. Asking questions like “so what are your intentions with me?” Or if she asks something like that, responding with “I’m just open to seeing how things go, I want a relationship but I’d rather wait for the right girl to come along and blow my mind.” Find out. That’s what those dates are for, too. Are you on the same page? Is what you both want aligning?

There’s a difference with a woman who knows what she wants. She’s going to be very clear and direct. She might mimic your body language and drop hints that she’s looking for something more stable. She might tease and flirt here and there, and that’s playing hard to get.

If the woman sitting across from you has a posture that is very closed off, her body is turned away from you, she continues to look everywhere else but at you, then I’m sorry guys, but this girl is leading you on. She might just be in it for the free meal. That’s okay. You can still practice during the date and learn a lot about yourself and also what kind of woman you’re not looking for!

Why is she leading me on?

Sorry to say this, but not everyone out there has the best intentions or wants the same things that you do. It’s unfortunate, but it happens. Some women just aren’t ready for a relationship or ready to settle down. Guys, you’ve been there, too, right? Women can be the same way! They might just be looking for a company for that night, for a hookup, or even just for a free drink. That’s why it’s important for you to get clear on setting boundaries for yourself instead of leading from expectations. What are the difference between the two you may be asking? Well, I’m going to tell you that right now. But before I give you the answers between the two things you must have in order to stop women from leading you on I would suggest that you also understand that you are the driver of the outcomes of your life. You wouldn’t be a best friend with just everyone, would you? Think about your best friend now? That person developed a relationship with you through time and also showed you they would support you and always be in your best interest, someone you can trust and that’s why this is your best friend. You had boundaries and no expectations with this friend (possibly) so that’s what leads you to give them this title as the “best friend”. So, the same things happen in dating! Women!

How to have boundaries: Boundaries are essential in relationships! Know what your limits are; spiritual, emotional and physical. When you feel uncomfortable or “off” those are good indications of where your boundaries are. Think about your past and what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not. And finally, practice self-care! Having that time to yourself can help with discerning your emotions and what works for you and what does not!

How to lose expectations: Expectations can lead to stress and when things don’t go the way that we “thought” they would or we try to control them, we can become irritated and upset. To let go of expectations, adjust the way you think. You cannot control others or what they think about you, but you can control how you feel about yourself. Accepting yourself, flaws and all is key. Expectations come from judgments, so if you find yourself judging others a lot, take a look at that and remind yourself you don’t know, but you’re open to being in the moment and finding out.

Is she leading me on sign: 7 signs that will help you!

Sign #1 It’s a “secret” relationship:

So you may have been dating her for weeks or even months, and she hasn’t told anyone else that she’s in a relationship with you. She hasn’t told anyone else that she thinks of you like that special someone but tells you that. When a woman does this, she’s really playing you for a fool. Why? I’m going to talk about something really important here. Now, culturally sometimes this can happen. Some cultures you have to keep relationships from your family, or just not tell them too early. So keep that in mind if you’re dating a woman who comes from a strong culture where you’re considered an “outsider”, it might just take a little longer to meet the parents and friends. However, in America, it’s another story. If you haven’t met her friends, she hasn’t talked about you, she doesn’t bring you out, she doesn’t introduce you to people, and she keeps you separate from everything, she might be keeping you a secret and this could be a sign that she is leading you on and she is not ready to commit.

Sign #2 She makes herself appear helpless:

What do I mean by this? “Oh, but you know, right now I can’t commit but maybe in the future because I just feel like my life isn’t together and my job… I don’t have a job yet and I don’t love my job, and you know, my kids, and oh I don’t know about my education, my career and oh my god, I’m about to lose my apartment, I’m not too sure.” This is the helpless woman that blames everything that’s going on in her life on everything else but can’t commit to you and constantly does this; she does not take responsibility for what’s happening around her.
Now there is a different guy! When a woman is struggling and she is going through something, she’s going to be open with you, but she’s also not going to be afraid to talk about commitment to why she can’t commit to you right now. For example, she just lost her job, she’s not confident with herself and she really just needs to work on herself and to give her time, and she’s really clear on this but she does not want to lose you and she will continue to work on the relationship. This is when you step back and you let her enjoy and work on herself, but there has to be a limit. You can’t let this go on for six months or a year and not have a commitment. This is what you want, especially if feelings are involved.
If every time that you talk about commitment or you bring it up in conversation and she deflects and does not say anything of solitude or does not give you a commitment, a firm, effective communication as to why then she’s leading you on.

Sign #3 She flirts with other men in front of you:

She flirts with other men in front of you and then on top of that, she might even blame you for it! This is a big one that I’ve seen in a lot of my clients that I’ve coached. Some clients have called me and said, “You know, I want to kind of figure out a little bit more about this relationship or if this woman even likes me,” and this is something that I’ve seen a lot that’s happened and unfortunately, people do this. Now it doesn’t matter, women or men. They do it. If a woman is flirting with other people in front of you, she can sometimes be doing this to get your attention because she feels as though she doesn’t have it. She feels as though you don’t give her enough attention, but it doesn’t mean that this behavior is okay! I am not okaying this behavior in any way, but what I’m saying is that she blames you for it. She might say something like, “I was not flirting with that guy. I was just being nice to him. I can’t just have a conversation with a guy?” But yet she is getting his phone number and touching his shoulder and laughing and all eyes on him and not paying attention to you.
Understand that this is not okay and when women do this, it’s because they feel like something is lacking in them. It’s inside of them and has nothing to do with you. It’s their own self-esteem that they’re battling. This means if she’s doing this, she’s leading you on and eventually if you overwhelm her she will ask for space. It also means that it is not something you did or did not do. This type of woman might be lacking a lot of self-esteem.

Sign #4 She only needs you when she’s lonely or down:

She only needs you when she’s lonely or down. She craves your affection when she’s lonely and she craves your affection when she’s not feeling good about herself, so the times that you hear from her are in the times that she needs you and when she is in need and those are the only times. She’s looking for you to validate her and make her feel better about herself. She’s using you. If this is her, she’s leading you on.

Sign #5 She doesn’t get involved with your friends or activities:

She doesn’t get involved with your friends or any of the activities in your life or in her life. Kind of like sign number one, but she openly does not want to get involved in anything in your life and you might go over there at night, sleep with her and then go home and that’s all the relationship that you have. In that situation, if she’s doing this, she wants one certain thing from you and doesn’t want that commitment so she may be leading you on, but if you want the same thing, then this is not leading on, right? We have to make sure that we’re still getting in the line with what it is that we want.
Be clear on what it is that you want. If you want a commitment and looking for a more involved relationship, then this isn’t the type of girl for you. If you’re not looking for a commitment and you are both on the same page, meaning you have communicated this and both are open with communication and making sure you’re both continuing to be clear with your intentions with each other, then go for it! Have fun!

Sign #6 She kisses but without telling:

She kisses but without tell. So she’s affectionate with you; she might be intimate with you, she might hold your hand when you guys are together at home, on the couch, but she doesn’t tell, meaning that she doesn’t go into emotional conversations with you. She doesn’t do this when she’s out in a public atmosphere with you. A woman that’s looking for more with you will open up conversations in more of an emotional way. She will open up about her feelings, how she feels about you, dropping hints about the future. If you’re not feeling an emotional connection, or get shut down when you open up about hinting towards a future, she might just be in this for one thing. If this is the case, then she is leading you on.

Sign #7 She says that you’re a great friend but she’s also affectionate:

This could be led to mixed signals. For example, if she’s very affectionate with you, she flirts with you, she holds your hand, she might hold your arm, because she likes to flirt with you and she likes the attention from you, but she constantly reconfirms that you’re just her friend. If you are, and if you’ve fallen into this trap in the friend zone, I have something for you, it’s called my friend zone no more product and it has over two hours of video content in order to change and really master women in general. This is the type of woman who puts you in the friend zone, but confuses you with mixed signals, giving you hope but then shutting you down with the “we’re just friends” line. If this is happening to you, she’s leading you on. Get out of the friend zone here.

Hopefully, you get some pointers from this article so that when you’re out on your next date, you know when to walk away. Pay attention to body language. Women give off clues, guys. Body language says a lot and it really starts with mastering your confidence and how you feel about yourself from within. You attract how you subconsciously feel about yourself. Good luck out there!

Your coach,
Apollonia Ponti