When I was single for several years of my life, I had a lot of time to make mistakes, discover, and reflect on the decisions I made and why I made them. Some of my past choices lead me to believe that I wanted different things than what I had planned in my mind. Some of the decisions I made had me questioning my future and what I truly wanted. Various impactful situations and decisions ended up leading to depression, bad choices, lack of ambition, and a general feeling of being lost. When faced with these situations I always wondered about how to have a healthy relationship…
As you read this article and if have any additional questions about anything that wasn’t mentioned here please feel free to comment below and I will personally reply.
Having Healthy Relationships Is Possible
We experience many ups and downs when we are single and dating, but in all actuality, this is such a fun part of life! When we are single and looking for The One, we also need to be sure we are doing the right things to find this person. One metaphor I never liked is, “If it’s meant to be, it will happen.” I know this may come as a shocker but let’s think about it. First, nothing should start with an “If.” As humans, we have the power to make everything and anything happen. This world and this life revolve around our atoms and our energy. We hold the power in our hands!
Secondly, I’m not a fan of “It’s meant to be”. Ok, even though there are plenty of things that you’ve come across that just felt right, you did work for them to make sure that they were right for you. That is what this quote does not mention and people don’t get the real depth of this metaphor.
Third, “It will happen.” Nothing just happens. You either work for it, or you attract it. Example: To have a best friend in your life you must continue to work for it. Yes, it might seem effortless but it still requires a certain amount of work. What’s a close friendship without phone calls, support when he or she is down, meeting the family, understanding personal changes throughout all the years and all the other factors that play into your lives…? So if it’s meant to be it does not just happen – You will have to actively attract what’s meant to be if you want it to happen. Do you see what I mean?
So now that you know that, let’s take a look at the subject of this article: How do you attract the love of your life and maintain a healthy relationship.
Well, let’s start by saying there is no right way to meet new people. There are all kinds of ways you can do it. You can reach someone through a dating app, meet them at a bar or restaurant, through friends, work, events, family, traveling, Starbucks, social media, stopping at a stop light, standing in line at Wholefoods… Do you get where I am going here? Anytime, Anywhere! So your next question might be, “OK, but how come it hasn’t happened to me yet?” Or, “How come I haven’t found the one?”
My answer to you will simply be that you need to be patient, work, be devoted to your goal, and trust in the process. How? As you keep on reading, I will explain the four key steps that will move you towards attracting that healthy relationship.
How to have a healthy relationship: The 4 Biggest Tips!
As we dive into tools for how to have a healthy relationship, let’s start with how our thoughts influence our emotions. Our emotions reflect the conscious state. How will you meet someone healthy if your feelings are not in a healthy and balanced state? How will you meet the right person if your thoughts aren’t aligned with what you want others to think about you? Are your choices an accurate reflection of who you want to attract? Furthermore, the biggest way to attract a healthy relationship into your life is by deeply and completely loving yourself before anyone else. The act of self-love is so critical in a healthy relationship because love isn’t going to save you from sadness for a lack that you feel you may have or make you feel worthy. This will cause all types of different behaviors in a relationship which then insecurities will come forward while codependencies take front row seat in your relationship. Yes, you might feel amazing at the beginning of the relationship but when life hits and time goes on is when the truth will prevail itself. So, with all this said its so important and I cannot stress enough how incredibly important it is to love yourself first before you love anyone else. As you read on, I will go more in-depth about self-love and how to attract a healthy relationship in your life!
1. Energy Attracts Energy as Like Attracts Like
As many of us have experienced at different times in our lives, we attract what we are asking for based on where we are in life. Generally speaking, when you draw someone into your life, it’s because there is a lesson for you to learn and sometimes these experiences reappear for both of you. At times, we are not 100% true to ourselves when we are dating (nor are we true to our significant other). Don’t worry, everyone has been there!
We are trying to impress so we might lie or appear unavailable. Because we are acting inauthentically, we tend to attract someone who mirrors this. Then you find yourself hurt after a while because you might have been dating this person for several months and they suddenly fell off the face of the earth. Or, they might have lied about something that disappointed you. This is one example of many that exist, but the key to this 1st step in having healthy relationships and attracting love is to be completely authentic and make sure you understand your relationships and what you truly want so that you can move forward.
What was your lesson and what do you want? If you want it, you have to be it! When it’s time to move on you let these relationships go and you understand these lessons. The goal is to not allow them to reappear. You want to get closer and closer to what you truly desire instead of attracting the same negative patterns over and over.
2. What are your values and how do you stand up for them?
When it comes to having a healthy relationship, a good way to set clear expectations is journaling. What are the characteristics you want to see for yourself? Ask yourself if you are surrounding yourself with healthy people and situations. When you are out meeting people, are you drinking heavily or forced to do things that aren’t in your interest just to feel accepted in the company of others? When we focus on who we are becoming we need to understand that this is a direct reflection of Energy Attracts Energy.
I know that for me, as soon as I stopped putting myself in unhealthy situations I became more clear-headed and was able to attract like-minded people. My network of friends started to transform and it became a direct reflection of how I started to change. I became a better person and my energy was thriving because of the healthy influences I had that surrounded me. Then I set aside time to realign my values to truly get what I desired.
By the way, I feel it’s important to note that when we set values and standards as a woman we do not come off aggressive, passive, or dismissive of a man. There is nothing wrong with being blunt. It’s more about how we approach the man when we see things that are not aligned with our values. Check out my blog that goes into depth about how to approach a man when you have to know your non-negotiables.
3. Manifest What You Want
Here is where you have to be really honest with yourself. For me, I had to be honest with myself, realize and admit that I wanted a commitment. It took years of me searching for love when I just needed to understand I truly wanted a commitment more than anything. When people used to ask me if I wanted to be in a relationship my reply would always be, “Not right now.”
Truth be told, all I wanted was to be in a relationship! Unfortunately, I would attract men that would date me for months but not want me to be their girlfriend… If I consciously cannot commit to myself by being truthful, authentic, and of value, how would I expect to attain this from someone else? Similarly, if you have commitment issues, you probably bounce back and forth wanting love but fearing it all at the same time. Both of these situations create relationships with an unstable foundation, which is of no help if you’re working on attracting love, and having and keeping a relationship healthy.
We just end up feeling confused, frustrated, disappointed, depressed, and sometimes just plain tired. It becomes a vicious cycle that we get bored with. So, it’s not about where and how you meet someone. It’s about consciously knowing what you want and showing up for it. Make your own choices, stick to them, and be open to them for the next person that comes into your life. Everything you practice consciously will be brought to your subconscious and this becomes what we like to call in our divine universe, Manifestation.
Soon after I decided I wanted something real and healthy. I even made notes down to the T of how I wanted my man to look, work, live, treat me, love me, and communicate with me. I stuck firmly to this all while trusting the process. There were times when I felt it coming; it was the universe reminding me that she had a presence around the corner and that I needed to firmly stay true to my values and desires every day, every minute, and every second!
4. The Practice Of Self Love
I cannot stress the importance of doing what it takes to genuinely love yourself and heal negative emotions, energy, and thoughts enough. I walk you through this in my private coaching sessions. Before having a healthy relationship, you must get rid of old energies from people that treated you poorly or led you to feel unworthy and not good enough, and the relationships that did not come from respectful choices that may have damaged your happiness. This is when we learn to forgive these parts of our lives.
Though they made us who we are today, they do not define who we can become. Loving yourself is one of the biggest keys for finding a healthy relationship.
Unfortunately, these blocks do not just go away on their own. There are many ways to heal past relationships. For example, you can try meditation, journaling, and forgiveness. We must clear those negative voices, memories, and emotions that have shown up in our lives. This does not mean we will forget them, but we will look at them from a different perspective.
“A wound that is not allowed to feel is a wound that doesn’t heal.”
To heal, we must feel. We must dig down to the root of what is causing these blocks to continue to show up. The root is typically the part that we ignore and never face. When we don’t heal this, the people we are trying to date or develop a serious relationship with will pick up on it, and unfortunately will pull away.
It’s time to dig deep with a loving perspective, forgive, and heal.
Like so many people, I spent several years dealing with self-worth issues and feeling unworthy of love and happiness. At some points, it felt as though it was unreachable and I thought I could never have it. I felt as though I was part of another world and all the relationships I saw evolving around me made me feel like I was just playing a role as the lonely girl in a movie. This all changed when I consciously chose to work through this, be honest, and get to the root of the issues I was facing.
Working on these problems frees us to attract healthy, loving relationships. My mission is to guide and help you overcome them and get in control of your love life. Trust in yourself that you deserve this.
I know it. Do you?
Apollonia Ponti, an international certified coach and founder of apolloniaponti.com. She works with men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills and helps rebuild relationships.
You can find her expert advice on “is she using me”, plus a couple other of your core professional services, through her YouTube Channel, and Attract a Woman E-Book. To get real results with women NOW! Change your life and master your attraction. Book a coaching session here.