The endless sea of dating — its expanse can seem never-ending. You can meet countless people, even like or love many of them, but then somehow nothing serious becomes of those relationships. You know what you want, but it seems impossible to find it in the right person. So how do you really find your person, your soulmate? Is there an easy recipe for attracting your future wife that maybe you’re just overlooking?

The truth is, there isn’t a simple recipe — but there are things you can proactively do that can help better envision your future and the person you want to have in it. And there are definitely ways to be able to tell when you’ve met someone you’ll spend longer than just a few months. Today we’ll be going through some of my secret tips to finding your soulmate.

How to Attract Women

So what does a woman really want and how do you attract women in the first place? The question has been the center of so much debate and the subject of so many book titles that often the female psyche is presented as if we exist on an entirely different planet or are an ultimate goal to be obtained. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, right? Well, that book wasn’t written by a woman – this blog is.

Attraction is built actually not in trying to fit into a model that you might think a woman would find appealing. Don’t put pressure on the outcome. Finding your person is not like finding the perfect job that will give you a bigger salary — our hearts require us to be more transparent and honest with ourselves, sometimes in a way that can unearth our own traumas. We have to be willing to go to difficult places within ourselves in order to be able to be fully open with someone else. Sure, you have to know what you want and go after it, but on an intrinsic level, you don’t attract women by having all the money in the world and flashing your amazing apartment and rooftop. You don’t attract women by showing your six-pack, having the right lines and tricks, or giving her the perfect selfie. Really building a connection that is deeper than a few dates involves letting your guard down, knowing yourself fully, and having the confidence to fully be yourself without seeking outside validation and wondering whether or not she finds that attractive.

When you live with a sense of purpose and take joy in remaining curious about developing what makes you uniquely yourself, then you attract the right energy into your life. Knowing what your values are, what your boundaries are and what makes you tick, is extremely attractive and it’s the essence of what builds attraction.

How to be more attractive. 5 ways to attract your soulmate

#1: Be true to yourself.

Ok, so there’s a reason why Shakespeare’s Hamlet is considered such a masterpiece – “to thine own self be true” is a line we can take with us and apply to nearly every aspect of our lives. When we’re true to ourselves, then we can be honest with others. And do you know what’s attractive? When a man knows himself and loves himself – not with narcissistic ego, but with a healthy balance of knowing what he has to bring to the table. When you’re the best version of yourself, you attract the same energy back at you. The most important thing in being more attractive will always be the love that you have for yourself and the desire to always want to improve yourself. This is what projects true confidence, this is what allows you to take up space in a room, and this is what makes you magnetic.

#2: Communicate clearly and honestly.

It seems really easy and simple to say, but communicating clearly, especially at the beginning of the dating process, is not always the easiest thing to do. Being able to lay all your cards on the table requires a keen sense of self-awareness. If you’re looking for something like a more long term relationship, then it’s ok to be clear about that the more you get to know her. If you’re looking for something more fun and casual, then that’s okay too. Being honest – knowing where you are at in your life and knowing what you want in a relationship – allows you to communicate clearly. It’s okay to express your emotions with certainty and to take ownership of them by consciously choosing to communicate from a place of self-awareness. In fact, it’s incredibly attractive.

#3: Make an effort to heal any pain or trauma from your past.

This is probably the most important point. Actively making an effort to heal trauma or pain from past relationships or from how you were raised as a child is essential towards being able to allow love in your life. If we don’t do this, what ends up happening is that our romantic relationships become intertwined with unresolved traumas that we’ve had as children and/or in our past relationships. That’s when you have to take the time to put in the work and to forgive yourself of anything that has hindered your confidence or your ability to love. Taking the time to heal or to dig dipper is not a specified time frame, in many ways it can be a lifetime process — but it is YOUR time, and without it you can’t expect to be able to have an open heart and have a soulmate enter your life. If you need futhur help with this, click here.

How do you know when you find your soulmate? 3 ways you can tell!

When you envision what you want really clearly, you make it more possible. Jim Carrey, when he was a young actor, wrote himself a 10,000 dollar check when he was completely broke – with the idea that he could manifest that and cash the check-in his future. Well, he actually DID cash that check, and I would venture to say it’s no coincidence that he envisioned that dream clearly before it came into reality. The same type of envisioning can be applied to the type of person you envision yourself in your future and the woman you see yourself with.

Try to really imagine how you see your future self. Your soulmate shouldn’t just be someone who only loves you the way you are today; they should be someone that supports you in who you also want to be in your future. So allow yourself to dream and hone in your core qualities. What does your dream future self look like in five years? What kind of partner do you envision with that future self? When you know really clearly what that is, then it will be easy to tell how you’ve found her.

#1: You feel completely like yourself with her.

When you see her you not only instantly smile, but you also feel like a better version of yourself, then you know you’ve found someone meaningful. When you find yourself making use of everything that makes you awesome when you’re around this person, it’s a strong clue she’s the one. Someone that makes you feel constantly anxious or not in your own skin just by virtue of their energy is not likely to last as a lifetime partner. Your soulmate will ultimately make you feel a sense of freedom to be unapologetically yourself – to go after your ambitions, to go after your dreams. They won’t make you feel inhibited in any way or dragged down.

#2: She inspires and supports you.

Your soulmate will ultimately be someone that is like your best friend – someone that inspires you to do what you love better, that supports your interests and the things that you love. They’re there for you when you have something important; they ask how that important meeting went. There’s a sense of mutual respect between both of you on a fundamental level – you won’t want to change anything about your soulmate, you’ll appreciate them fully, including their flaws.

#3: Her values align with yours.

When her values line up fundamentally with yours, then you’re also likely to have the same vision for your futures together. Let’s say you don’t place much importance on religion, but your partner is devoutly Christian and wants you to marry in the church and abide by a Christian lifestyle. That can pose some difficulties in the long run. Or let’s say you like to live spontaneously and don’t know when you’ll have kids, but your partner wants to have kids in the next two years. Again — another roadblock. Knowing what your values for your life are and what you hold as most important — whether that be family, or art, or religion — is important for you to know personally so that you can go about finding someone who aligns with that without hurting your heart with the disappointment that someone couldn’t meet you to where your values lie. That means knowing what your values are first.

“Where am I going to find my soulmate?” Where to find your future wife!

There’s that age-old expression — I was just in the right place at the right time. Is there a right place and right time for finding your soulmate? Sure, you’re not likely to find your soulmate if you don’t put yourself out there. That means not staying in your apartment all the time and only hanging out with your male friends — but that shouldn’t be rocket science. With a busy work schedule, sometimes it can seem difficult to know exactly where you’ll find your future wife.

But with so many online dating apps now, thankfully that makes one aspect of finding your future wife easier. If you feel like you don’t know how to navigate the online dating world and find it frustrating, I’m now offering an amazing opportunity to have an online dating profile analysis! Let us help you have the best possible dating profile to represent yourself and to help you get a woman’s attention and keep it.

The main thing to remember is that if you continue to develop your interests, surrounding yourself with the things you love and the things that inspire you and you keep yourself socially involved, you will be in the right places. Knowing what you want and having an awareness of that will keep you more on the lookout wherever you are.

For one on one private coaching, click here. And remember, you are always loved.

Your coach,

Apollonia Ponti