Is She Flirting With Me or Being Friendly?

That awkward moment when you think she may like you but then she tells you she was just being friendly! It’s awful. It leaves you confused and wondering, “Then why the hell were you flirting with me!?” I know why women flirt just to be nice as I’m a woman myself, but I also know how to test the waters to see if she is actually flirting or just being nice. In this article, I am going to give you the reasons why women flirt to just be friendly, but I am also going to give you the play by play on what to do when you aren’t sure. Now you can finally stop asking yourself, “Is she flirting or being friendly?”

There’s a huge misconception about being flirtatious and being friendly. A lot of people are just friendly and it might come across as them being interested when in reality it’s just how they are naturally. Did they playfully tease you, and did they come out and explicitly tell you that they are interested? Probably not, so let’s discuss how you can find out and what signals you have to look for the next time you both see each other.

As always, I welcome your comments and questions in the comment section below. Please feel free to share your story and it would be my pleasure to reply to you personally.

Is she flirting or just being nice: Keep an eye out for these two behavioral traits!

I want to be able to break this down as best as possible for you before I give you the signals to pay attention to. The reason for this is that it’s important to understand the different behavioral traits women have adapted to. You can then gage where she is mentally, and focus on the tips that I am going to give you below. This is a true game changer! The two behavioral traits I am going to go over with you are when a woman is being nice and authentic in the way that she is interacting with you vs. a woman that is being friendly or flirting just for attention. You will feel like she welcomes the conversations with you and she is not judgemental of whatever is going on around you. She will also engage in conversations with you because she is truly interested in chatting and maybe a people person.

People often confuse this way of interacting with romantic interest because she is asking you questions and is having so many conversations with you. But here is the thing – I know it can be so confusing and you’re feeling like, “What the heck!? Why would she engage so much if she isn’t interested?” Well, remember that she has a right to engage, even if she isn’t romantically interested. It’s the same thing as asking, “Why do people talk to people,” and this is where men go wrong when engaging in conversations. They often end up getting the wrong idea because they didn’t pay attention to the signs I’m going to share with you below.

When you’re wondering, “Is she flirting or being nice,” remember that she will typically continue trying to have a conversation with you even if other people are around, but it should get more personable. It should be more about you. This type of woman will make you feel comfortable and she can be pretty enticing because of her open, humble demeanor.

On the other hand, a woman that is solely doing this for attention will engage in conversation with you but in a totally different way. She will ask a lot about surface level things and you will notice that she will be looking around at other things around you while you’re speaking. She will not be making eye contact with you and she may just want to talk about me, myself, and I.

Also, she could be a little off-putting, seem like she is bored with the conversation and does not want to be there. Eventually, if this is a girl that you are hanging around with, then she will sometimes flirt with you just to make herself feel good. It’s more like a cat and mouse game. She does it for fun but never takes it any further. If you find a woman that is doing this for fun and not taking it further, then it’s time to take 5 steps back and stop giving in to her behaviors. It is crucial to understand that if a woman likes you and she’s actually flirting, she will eventually let you know even if you don’t pick up on the signs at first.

I would suggest observing her threshold for flirtatious behavior. Observe her around other men, and especially her guy friends. If she is tactile, joking and overly playful with them, and she acts the same exact way around you, then chances are that she is just being friendly.

Find out her normal behavior first, and find out what her personality is like in other interactions so that you can determine whether she is flirting or just being friendly with you and others.

Is she interested in me or just being friendly? Flirting signs from a woman.

Talks about your future. She asks you if you believe in marriage if you want kids, and where you would like to be in ten years. She might even want to start traveling with you. It’s important that you don’t put on your blinders when it comes to this. If a woman just wants a travel buddy, that’s different. Don’t read this and say, “Well she has mentioned she wanted to travel!” Ok, that’s great if she did, but what other things about a relationship topic have been brought up around you?

She does not talk about other men. You might be thinking, “Well she does and it’s to make me jealous.” Well, if she does then she’s a little insecure with herself. A woman that is interested in you and is actually flirting will not want to want to talk about other men. She is going to want to try to impress you.

Mentions and notices things about you. She may mention that she likes your shirt or the outfit you chose for the day. She will notice things like you growing out your beard or that you got a haircut and then give you compliments. Typically speaking, when she compliments you, she will touch you, and that’s how you know she’s flirting.

Usually available for you and initiates plans with you. She is typically pretty available for you and wants to hang out.

Gives you longer eye contact. This is key! It’s the oldest one in the books but the one that has the most truth behind it. She will look at you more than she looks at everyone else. More often than not it will be accompanied by a smile on her face. She will hold eye contact with you because she is interested.

Body Language. She will play with her hair a little more when she is flirting and her body will typically be facing you so you have her full attention. She may giggle a lot more with you than she does with others. She may be a little shy around you, but I don’t mean she completely closes off. She just shows that she cares about what you say and how you react. She chooses her words wisely and can come across as a bit shy. If she is acting differently around you, laughing more, flipping her hair, touching you whenever she can, and she’s not like that around her friends, then she could be trying to seduce you.

Calls you often and keeps in contact. She will often reach out to you to check on you to see how you are and likes to keep the conversations going. The conversations often lead into “What are you doing this weekend or later?”

Finds a way to be physical. This has a lot to do with body language. She will find a way to get close to you and in the beginning stages, she will touch your shoulder or back as she is making eye contact with you. If this woman is always trying to be physical then it is something you should pay close attention to.

Sends you selfies. I don’t mean one selfie and then never does it again. She continues to send you photos when she knows she looks her best. Let’s say she’s going out for a girls night and she send you pics. She does this because she wants you to desire her and she wants you to see her at her best. It takes women a lot of effort to get dressed up so she does not want that effort to go to waste when she’s interested in a guy!

So, is she interested or just being friendly with you?

At the end of the day, you’re looking for these signs because you don’t want to get rejected! Right? Here is the thing. Some girls are just flirty and some just don’t know how to do it. You have to be able to get a girl on a date and meet up with you, even if she is shy. Shy women may even act kind of cold. So I want you to get the idea out of your head that you need to find out if she’s being flirty because it can be a waste of time.

You just need to be confident and go for it! If you are interested in a woman then just ask her out. You have nothing to lose. You are still going to be where you are. Stop being so careful about avoiding rejection. When men get rejected they are actually closer to getting the woman they want. You might embarrass yourself and you might not know how to react after you’ve been embarrassed but I’m going to tell you how to act! The best thing you can do after rejection is act as though nothing ever happened. Recover fast! I’ve coached so many men and the ones that have the most success are the ones that overcome their fear of rejection.

At the end of the day, women are attracted to a man that takes action. You asking a woman out on a date or even just asking her, “Are you flirting with me?” in a playful way will help you take the initiative with this relationship and this woman. You may have said the wrong thing but this is the only way to learn! It’s OK, and this is so important to the process. If you are a man that is trying to avoid this process altogether then you aren’t going to learn, and you aren’t going to know what to say.

You have to fall off the bike a couple times in order to learn. So, with that said, there is a fine line between a woman being flirty and a woman being friendly that is sometimes hard to distinguish. So if you truly want to get to the bottom of it then it’s time you just step up and question her intentions.
Remember, sometimes women flirt without any sexual intentions behind it because women genuinely believe that men and women can be friends. So the best thing that you can do is determine where she is by following the steps in this blog then making the move. If she rejects you in the end, act like it’s no big deal!

Your Coach,

Apollonia Ponti

Apollonia Ponti, an international certified coach and founder of She works with men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills and helps rebuild relationships.

You can find her expert advice on “is she using me”, plus a couple other of your core professional services, through her YouTube Channel, and Attract a Woman E-Book.

To get real results with women NOW! Change your life and master your attraction. Book a coaching session here.


  1. Rich M.

    HI Apollonia:

    I hope you are doing well. I have a question. Recently, a former female coworker texted me out no where and she said that she was sorry that she had not got to writing a letter of recommendation for me because I am looking to change job’s. She insisted on writing this letter for me. I did not request for her to write this letter for me!
    She also stated we need to catch up! I assumed she wants to meet up with me. Is she showing some interest in me or just being friendly!

    Thank you,

    Rich M.


    • kade

      ok so there is this girl who’s friends says she’s just being friendly but she leans on me and puts her leg on mine and like laughed at all my jokes even the bad ones but her friends says that’s just her oh and she touches me a tonnn

  2. Tim Watson

    Hi I enjoy watching your videos.

    Long story short. A girl I see every week rejected me 2 years. I couldn’t do the friends thing so I shunned her and didn’t speak to her for 2 years.

    Out of nowhere, she says hi to me after I’ve ignored her and gave her rude responses back.

    We started talking again I started liking her again and I really want to move on away from her.

    I stopped texting her and I stopped talking to her, yet she still talks to me.

    Why after ignoring and being rude to a girl, would she still want to talk to me?

    Normally people give up and move on, yet she is still around.


    • Keyan Gonzales

      So im 17 and the girl i like at school is a year younger. Our school has 2 lunch shifts and last/this year we have the same lunch. She always sits next to me and seems to interact with me more than others at the table. Just the other day she lightly grabs my jacket sleeve and pulls me into the breakfast line to get something with her. And the day before that some guy gave her a friend hug and left but when he walked away she said how “its weird/annoying that he thinks we’re friends”( sorry i dont remember exactly what she said). She said it to me directly. Ive never seen that side of her. Did she say that bc she thought i might be jealous? Does her making that comment mean anything? Regardless I plan to ask her out to the mall or movies next friday.

  3. Jose Cespedes

    I can’t figure her out. All the obvious signs are there… She is giving off
    vibes that she likes my presence in clear view. She is waiting for me to make
    a move on her, right. Anyone familiar with a girl you just met and she
    starts showing interest in you in particular. Unless she is being friendly.
    Not excess touching or lip licking. I do give her my full attention as well.
    Any suggestions


  4. Jason

    Hey Apollonia Ponti hows things? I have probably the most unusual situation you’ll ever hear… this girl I’ve been talking too in voice chats while playing online gaming with her. We have been in constant communication for well over a month and since then she teases me as I do back to her and she sends me pics of her cat and her nails painted and stuff she likes. She also has opened up to me about issues that’s happened in her life that I’m imagining she wouldn’t just discuss with anyone. Now the major issue here is that she is in a different country but only an hours flight away so I would be able to see her no issues. As I’m severely unconfident I couldn’t imagine that a girl quite as amazing as she is would be interested in me. But from reading here and other online resources I’m thinking the facts are that she might be interested as she randomly messages me and starts messaging first at times so am I being completely stupid here by overthinking it or in your opinion does it seem likely she is might be interested in me?


    • Sean

      Hey Apollonia.
      There is this girl i love and she has also told her friend she is inlove with me but she does not want to admit her feeling to me even though i have spilled mines to her..
      I honestly don’t know what to do! please help

  5. blogster


    I have had many taken women engage in very flirtatious behaviour with me without me even initiating it: playful slap and punches of the shoulder, awkwardly asking me in front of others to join them for a swim, following me around the gym we both go to, very close proximity, thrusting of hips or thighs towards me.

    One of these I found out today just got married. Yet a few months ago, she would not leave me alone.

    One day, middle of last year, I realise that she is wearing an engagement ring. In all the time I had known her, I had never seen her wearing a ring. I asked her if her boyfriend had just proposed to her (they had just been on a holiday) and she denied it. It then became clear, one way or the other, she wasn’t an honest person.

    Never spoke to her again. Women are not as honest as today’s media likes to make out. Nor are they virtuous saints.

    So I caught her out


  6. Joe Cuppa

    Hi Apollonia,

    I have a work colleague who I really like. I think she might be interested in me also as she displays a lot of the same actions you mention such as eye contact, touching (not often, but more than once), fidgeting, feet facing me, touching her hair, etc. when we meet. She often gives me compliments such as ‘you had a hair cut’ or ‘you changed your profile pic’ – ‘it looks good’.
    We seem to have a lot in common too and our conversation is never in those awkward uncomfortable silences.
    She’s invited me out with her work team and has come along for drinks with mine before however I’ve not been able to get her to come out alone with me. I need help.

    Recently I told her I am considering looking at jobs in other companies and she responded by saying if I leave then she will have to also as she can’t do her job with me (I have 2 other colleagues in my team who can support her role).

    There has been a couple of occasions where I invited her with our team for drinks after work or lunch at the local burger place where she has cancelled last minute although I can understand some of the reasons provide as she works closely with our Executive teams. However, she has suggested that we go for beers after these work socials.

    Am I convincing myself or is she really into me too?



    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Joe,
      Thank you for your comment and support! In order to give you and answer to your question, ” is she really into you”, I need to know more about you and your relationship. If interested in a private coaching session tailored to your needs, here is my link:

  7. Mickey

    Is she flirting or being friendly? Well considering the man-hate of the #metoo hysteria, I’d say most likely,,,NEITHER!!!


  8. Richard

    Hi Appolloina:
    I have contacted you before. I have this female co-worker who has given me very strong eye contact and has asked me to sit close to her when showing me things on the computer at work. She also plays with her hair and has in the past inquired on what I do weekends in conversations. When I tell her about these places I visit, she saids she would like to also go to these very same places. She has talked about other men in front of me but does not bring them up in a romantic way. She did say though that she liked our male supervisor leadership skills. She also did bring up another male employee that she and he have become “very, very good friends and that he is a nice man.” I am so confused! We have had no contact for about month now. I did see though at fast food restaurant and we did talked for about a half – hour. She was polite but we did not walk – out together. So, I do like her (Crush) but I don’t know if I am just wasting my time with her and I should me on.


  9. Crescêncio Bila

    Hi Apollonia Ponti.
    I’m watching your videos on YouTube from cape Town – South Africa and let me tell you this: “I Love it”… I’m becoming addicted of your videos all because is really helping me to make someone fall in love and chase me like nobody business!!!
    Please… Don’t stop.

    Make more videos like: “How to react when she ask forgiveness after something wrong that she have done? ”



    • Apollonia Ponti

      I am so happy to hear this!!! I love hearing success stories just from my videos. Thank you for sharing. I will make a video similar to this. I actually have some videos that can help around this but I will def do one tailored to it.

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I work with YOU, men, to master your attraction skills and confidence in order to find the right partner or become an irresistible dater, Deepen your current relationship, or get out of the friend-zone!


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