That awkward moment when you think she may like you but then she tells you she was just being friendly! It’s awful. It leaves you confused and wondering, “Then why the hell were you flirting with me!?” I know why women flirt just to be nice as I’m a woman myself, but I also know how to test the waters to see if she is actually flirting or just being nice. In this article, I am going to give you the reasons why women flirt to just be friendly, but I am also going to give you the play by play on what to do when you aren’t sure. Now you can finally stop asking yourself, “Is she flirting or being friendly?”

There’s a huge misconception about being flirtatious and being friendly. A lot of people are just friendly and it might come across as them being interested when in reality it’s just how they are naturally. Did they playfully tease you, and did they come out and explicitly tell you that they are interested? Probably not, so let’s discuss how you can find out and what signals you have to look for the next time you both see each other.

As always, I welcome your comments and questions in the comment section below. Please feel free to share your story and it would be my pleasure to reply to you personally.

“Is she flirting with me?” Here are some major flirting signals:

  1. Talks about your future
  2. She does not talk about other men
  3. Mentions and notices things about you
  4. Usually available for you and initiates plans with you
  5. Gives you longer eye contact
  6. Positive Body Language
  7. Calls you often and keeps in contact
  8. Finds a way to be physical
  9. Sends you selfies

Read on below for more info on these!

Is she flirting or just being nice: Keep an eye out for these two behavioral traits!

I want to be able to break this down as best as possible for you before I give you the signals to pay attention to. The reason for this is that it’s important to understand the different behavioral traits women have adapted to. You can then gage where she is mentally, and focus on the tips that I am going to give you below. This is a true game changer! The two behavioral traits I am going to go over with you are when a woman is being nice and authentic in the way that she is interacting with you vs. a woman that is being friendly or flirting just for attention. You will feel like she welcomes the conversations with you and she is not judgemental of whatever is going on around you. She will also engage in conversations with you because she is truly interested in chatting and maybe a people person.

People often confuse this way of interacting with romantic interest because she is asking you questions and is having so many conversations with you. But here is the thing – I know it can be so confusing and you’re feeling like, “What the heck!? Why would she engage so much if she isn’t interested?” Well, remember that she has a right to engage, even if she isn’t romantically interested. It’s the same thing as asking, “Why do people talk to people,” and this is where men go wrong when engaging in conversations. They often end up getting the wrong idea because they didn’t pay attention to the signs I’m going to share with you below.

When you’re wondering, “Is she flirting or being nice,” remember that she will typically continue trying to have a conversation with you even if other people are around, but it should get more personable. It should be more about you. This type of woman will make you feel comfortable and she can be pretty enticing because of her open, humble demeanor.

On the other hand, a woman that is solely doing this for attention will engage in conversation with you but in a totally different way. She will ask a lot about surface level things and you will notice that she will be looking around at other things around you while you’re speaking. She will not be making eye contact with you and she may just want to talk about me, myself, and I.

Also, she could be a little off-putting, seem like she is bored with the conversation and does not want to be there. Eventually, if this is a girl that you are hanging around with, then she will sometimes flirt with you just to make herself feel good. It’s more like a cat and mouse game. She does it for fun but never takes it any further. If you find a woman that is doing this for fun and not taking it further, then it’s time to take 5 steps back and stop giving in to her behaviors. It is crucial to understand that if a woman likes you and she’s actually flirting, she will eventually let you know even if you don’t pick up on the signs at first.

I would suggest observing her threshold for flirtatious behavior. Observe her around other men, and especially her guy friends. If she is tactile, joking and overly playful with them, and she acts the same exact way around you, then chances are that she is just being friendly.

Find out her normal behavior first, and find out what her personality is like in other interactions so that you can determine whether she is flirting or just being friendly with you and others.

Is she interested in me or just being friendly? Flirting signs from a woman.

Talks about your future. She asks you if you believe in marriage if you want kids, and where you would like to be in ten years. She might even want to start traveling with you. It’s important that you don’t put on your blinders when it comes to this. If a woman just wants a travel buddy, that’s different. Don’t read this and say, “Well she has mentioned she wanted to travel!” Ok, that’s great if she did, but what other things about a relationship topic have been brought up around you?

She does not talk about other men. You might be thinking, “Well she does and it’s to make me jealous.” Well, if she does then she’s a little insecure with herself. A woman that is interested in you and is actually flirting will not want to want to talk about other men. She is going to want to try to impress you.

Mentions and notices things about you. She may mention that she likes your shirt or the outfit you chose for the day. She will notice things like you growing out your beard or that you got a haircut and then give you compliments. Typically speaking, when she compliments you, she will touch you, and that’s how you know she’s flirting.

Usually available for you and initiates plans with you. She is typically pretty available for you and wants to hang out.

Gives you longer eye contact. This is key! It’s the oldest one in the books but the one that has the most truth behind it. She will look at you more than she looks at everyone else. More often than not it will be accompanied by a smile on her face. She will hold eye contact with you because she is interested.

Body Language. She will play with her hair a little more when she is flirting and her body will typically be facing you so you have her full attention. She may giggle a lot more with you than she does with others. She may be a little shy around you, but I don’t mean she completely closes off. She just shows that she cares about what you say and how you react. She chooses her words wisely and can come across as a bit shy. If she is acting differently around you, laughing more, flipping her hair, touching you whenever she can, and she’s not like that around her friends, then she could be trying to seduce you.

Calls you often and keeps in contact. She will often reach out to you to check on you to see how you are and likes to keep the conversations going. The conversations often lead into “What are you doing this weekend or later?”

Finds a way to be physical. This has a lot to do with body language. She will find a way to get close to you and in the beginning stages, she will touch your shoulder or back as she is making eye contact with you. If this woman is always trying to be physical then it is something you should pay close attention to.

Sends you selfies. I don’t mean one selfie and then never does it again. She continues to send you photos when she knows she looks her best. Let’s say she’s going out for a girls night and she send you pics. She does this because she wants you to desire her and she wants you to see her at her best. It takes women a lot of effort to get dressed up so she does not want that effort to go to waste when she’s interested in a guy!

So, is she interested or just being friendly with you?

At the end of the day, you’re looking for these signs because you don’t want to get rejected! Right? Here is the thing. Some girls are just flirty and some just don’t know how to do it. You have to be able to get a girl on a date and meet up with you, even if she is shy. Shy women may even act kind of cold. So I want you to get the idea out of your head that you need to find out if she’s being flirty because it can be a waste of time.

You just need to be confident and go for it! If you are interested in a woman then just ask her out. You have nothing to lose. You are still going to be where you are. Stop being so careful about avoiding rejection. When men get rejected they are actually closer to getting the woman they want. You might embarrass yourself and you might not know how to react after you’ve been embarrassed but I’m going to tell you how to act! The best thing you can do after rejection is act as though nothing ever happened. Recover fast! I’ve coached so many men and the ones that have the most success are the ones that overcome their fear of rejection.

At the end of the day, women are attracted to a man that takes action. You asking a woman out on a date or even just asking her, “Are you flirting with me?” in a playful way will help you take the initiative with this relationship and this woman. You may have said the wrong thing but this is the only way to learn! It’s OK, and this is so important to the process. If you are a man that is trying to avoid this process altogether then you aren’t going to learn, and you aren’t going to know what to say.

You have to fall off the bike a couple times in order to learn. So, with that said, there is a fine line between a woman being flirty and a woman being friendly that is sometimes hard to distinguish. So if you truly want to get to the bottom of it then it’s time you just step up and question her intentions.
Remember, sometimes women flirt without any sexual intentions behind it because women genuinely believe that men and women can be friends. So the best thing that you can do is determine where she is by following the steps in this blog then making the move. If she rejects you in the end, act like it’s no big deal!

Your Coach,

Apollonia Ponti

Apollonia Ponti, an international certified coach and founder of She works with men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills and helps rebuild relationships.

You can find her expert advice on “is she using me”, plus a couple other of your core professional services, through her YouTube Channel, and Attract a Woman E-Book.

To get real results with women NOW! Change your life and master your attraction. Book a coaching session here.