In the whirl of life and trying to figure out how to find the right partner, how to find your purpose, how to have happiness or even success we often forget about ourselves. How can we really get clear if we don’t have our own lives in order? There is so much pressure that is involved in understanding how to take control of your life. If we feel like we are out of control then we get hard on ourselves then we hear not to have control and go with the flow so if we go with the flow, we can also get hard on ourselves. So the cycle of guilt begins! Let’s clear that up for you here today! 

We don’t always have all our ducks in a row. Maybe we have the best relationship, but our financial situation is not how we want it, and sometimes even when we have everything that we could seemingly want, somehow we’re not fully happy inside and things feel out of control. Feeling like our lives are out of control permeates our actions in every way. Your energy creates your environment. That’s why this article is specifically dedicated to how you can take control of your life and grow as a person. I want to give you tools to help fix whatever you need to grow in – whether that be your love life, your career, or your personal happiness.

How to take back control of your life

When an aspect of your life feels chaotic, it affects how you project yourself and how you treat others. It’s important to understand that the changes that you may need or want to make don’t just happen overnight. I tell a lot of my clients that are seeking personal change that their age reflects their experience and that experience cannot be changed instantly. That experience can be your subconscious, the events in your life that have led to the person you are today, and perhaps personal trauma. If you’re 30 years old, let’s say, and you want to change your life in some way, then you have to acknowledge all the experiences that created who you are today. There is no such thing as a quick change when it comes to personal growth. Many of us seek quick hedonistic fixes, seeking out what makes us feel good in the present moment, and then we give up when our attempts are unsuccessful.

We’re not entirely to blame for that. We live in an era where instant gratification is always at our fingertips, so it’s understandable that so many of us feel like we can change right away. Anytime I give advice about changing behavior, I always bear in mind that this takes time to process and time to develop. We must be patient with ourselves. We can’t just order what we want in our lives as it exists on Postmates and it will be delivered within the hour. You can, however, change your mindset.

We have to invest the time. Taking time comes with its own ups and downs. The good news is: you’ve already started that process by reading this blog. Coaches like me are here to give you tools to better live your life, and it’s admirable that you’ve taken the time to attune yourself to outside advice. Taking the time also means having self-discipline and not blaming your own personal issues on outside circumstances or on others.

How to take control of your own life

Having self-discipline means allowing yourself to be in situations that may make you feel incredibly uncomfortable. I mean it. I’ve been in situations in my own professional life where I was forced to do things that were initially nerve-wracking and I questioned why I even did it. I would get a pit in my stomach or feel physically ill to the point of throwing up. All I would want to do is quit or do something else that made me feel more comfortable.

When we get to the point of feeling uncomfortable, our bodies physically react. That reaction is in itself a type of growth. The fact that you mentally don’t quit, that you endure it, creates growth within yourself. Once you face it, you experience change that may feel terrible at first, but later you will feel the positive repercussions.

A really tangible way of describing this is when people do personal training at the gym when they’ve never done it before. Often they start to feel nauseous or like throwing up. But trainers always say that if you endure it, if you keep on keeping on, you see the results over time.

How to take control of your life and be happy

Feeling control and feeling true happiness is relative to each person. It’s also not something that you reach and then just stop pursuing. Our lives are always seeking happiness and the feeling of control over what we want each day. We are always constantly seeking outside advice with regard to our own happiness. Just the fact that you’re reading this blog is a testament to that. At the end of the day, however, we have to remember one thing: trust yourself and your own intuition. We all have the answers within ourselves if we allow ourselves to have them.

The advice of another person is just that – advice. Your friends, your family, this blog – we are all just trying to help you find your own sense of what you believe is best for you. What you should remember is that at the end of the day, you have to trust your own gut feeling. Don’t take advice without following your heart and mind.

You may be lost and wondering to yourself – how do I find what I really want or how do I know what is missing in my life? Maybe you have the feeling inside you that something is not right, but you’re not sure what it is. Give yourself the time and space to find that. Meditation and self-reflection can be a good way to start. When we force ourselves to be silent and observe our mind without judgment, we are able to listen more to what is going on deep inside. Ask yourself – what are the things in my life that I still want to improve? Write those things down and take the time to sit with them. Allowing yourself the time to reflect in silence is a good way to get in touch with your intuition.

How to take control of your life stress management

When we have so many things to do and manage in our lives, we make excuses. Oh, I couldn’t get this done because I didn’t have the time. I can’t meditate because I don’t even have five minutes to do it. I can’t see a therapist because I can’t find a good one. It’s human nature to make excuses to try to rationalize why we don’t do the things we actually want to do. When you stop stressing about what you should or shouldn’t be doing in the past or in the future, then you can start to manage your life in the present. The minute that you know you’re not fully present to things you want in life and the time you want to dedicate to the things you want, the more you can begin to live your life more fully in the now and have more control of your life.

Instead of making an excuse, try using that excuse as an opportunity to change your own behavior. If you feel you don’t have the time for five minutes of silent meditation, for example, then wake up slightly earlier. When every part of you lives in the present moment, then you start to feel free of the imprisonment of time. That freedom eases the stress of life and you start to realize that time can also be a completely perceived stress that doesn’t always exist as we imagine it.

The way we identify our own stress to the words we use is a huge part of this. Words are power. Anytime you tell yourself you can’t do something or don’t have the time for something, you already make it a reality. Just uttering those words in your mind creates that reality. We can’t complain without considering a solution. When we complain or make excuses, it comes out of insecurity and instability. Never just complain for the sake of complaining, because then you give something negative in your life the power to exist and to have agency. Complaining is just another way that our ego tries to make us a victim of our lives, rather than in the front seat of the car in control of our lives. When we give ourselves solutions, we give ourselves more control.

Lastly, we have to stop deliberately choosing words that make us a victim and instead become an active player in our lives. I’ve had countless clients that use destructive language to describe themselves and are incredibly self-deprecating. Ultimately, they choose to be the victims of their own lives and, as a result, they attract women that also choose to be victims. Ask yourself what you really want in the women that you date and start to see yourself as to how you really want to see yourself, rather than victimizing yourself. You shoot yourself in the foot if you tell yourself you can’t attract the right woman because you’re cursed or you’re not rich enough, for example. Instead, be an active participant in the things you want in your life and then you will attract the same kind of partners in your life.

If you want more information on how to ask yourself important questions to navigate your life and the things you want, I encourage you to download my 20 deep questions to ask a woman to get to know her true self. You can ask a woman these questions on dates, but you can also ask them of yourself and explore your own personal growth in the process. This all takes time, but I applaud you for taking the first step.

If you enjoyed this article and found any of it helpful, as always please comment below! Remember, you are always loved.

Your coach,

Apollonia Ponti