Let’s face it, dating can be really intimidating. Sometimes it’s hard to meet new people and exude that ever-elusive word: Confidence. What does it even mean to be confident, and how can you find it if you feel like you don’t have enough of it? Building your own confidence can help you with all aspects of your life – not just your dating life or with relationships you may already have. If you don’t have confidence from within, you can’t fake it from the outside. So how can you be more confident with women, overcome your shyness, and make your dating life or existing relationship even better? In today’s article, I’ll show you some easy tips on how to be more confident with women.

How to Be Confident with Women

The first step to building your confidence is understanding that confidence is not something you have automatically; confidence is something that you create and build yourself. Most children, for example, are extremely confident because they’re not afraid of the things they don’t know. As we grow older and others tell us what to do and how to act, we become more fearful. We experience rejection, disappointment, sadness, and sooner or later our confidence begins to crumble with it. Our own sense of confidence is an extremely fragile thing that has to be cared for. We have to be able to say: I want to be more confident.

The moment you make that decision, the closer you are to being more confident within yourself and, as a result, with others. Dating someone that is confident means they know what their interests are, they know what their boundaries are, they know what turns them on or doesn’t, and they know how to how to start an interesting conversation. They speak from the heart and they move through space with integrity. They own what they say and they mean what they say. Unless you know yourself and love yourself enough to exude confidence naturally, you’ll have a hard time holding a woman’s attention or strengthening a preexisting relationship.

Tony Robbins always says that emotion is created by motion. If you feel strongly that you don’t know how to be confident with women, then you have to take control of the situation. You have to deliberately do things that make you feel uncomfortable. You have to have those conversations with people that you’re afraid to have or approach people at a party that you’re afraid to approach. You have to put on clothes that make you feel like your best self and help you move in a confident way.

Now, let’s go through four easy ways you can show how to be confident with women.

Four ways to Build your Confidence with Women

1. Challenge yourself.

Do you remember the last time you had to do something really challenging? Go on, think about it for a moment. Something that took you completely out of your comfort zone. Maybe you had to make a speech in front of a large group of people, or maybe you had to work on a project that was way outside of your skillset. Maybe you had to approach someone you were attracted to and say something, or you had to be emotionally honest with someone close to you in a way that made you really nervous. Think hard about something that perhaps you could’ve turned away from and recoiled back into yourself, but you didn’t.

Remember that moment. And when you remember that moment, remember that you had to change your mindset in order to do what you needed to get done. How did you change your mindset? Did you bash yourself for all the things you don’t do well or harp on all the things that you’re afraid of? Did you tell yourself you weren’t good enough to get it done? No, you didn’t. You trusted yourself. That trust is what builds confidence.

Sure, we’re all human — even the most confident people are not confident 24/7. But we continue to show up for ourselves and have self-love, to work on it and to continue to challenge ourselves. Putting ourselves in challenging situations pushes our own limitations and allows us to see what we’re truly capable of. When you succeed at something really difficult, you see your self-worth. You’re able to tell yourself, “Wow, I did this, I’m pretty awesome” and that in itself builds your confidence and helps to build your confidence with women.

The most confident people in the world show up for themselves by pushing their own limitations and challenging themselves in their daily lives. They take their challenges, their failures, and they learn from them because they know that by continuing to challenge themselves, they will get what they want out of their lives. With that understanding, comes confidence. Competence is confidence: feeling like you can do something and fulfill it creates confidence within yourself. Once you create that mental understanding, you can create the physical state of being someone that knows how to build confidence with women.

2. Be kind to yourself.

Don’t beat yourself up. Dating is hard and building your confidence with women takes time and self-love, like watering a plant. There is always that inner voice inside that wants to tell us we’re not good enough, not worthy enough, not good looking enough. Try to see that voice objectively and not associate it with who you are and what you’re capable of. Tell that voice “Thank you so much, but you’re not serving me” and shift your thinking to thoughts about what you love about yourself, things you know you have to offer. We all have something to offer. Be kind to yourself and try to see your own self-judgment objectively, not as a part of your own identity and sense of self-worth.

Once you start to be kind to yourself, dare yourself to take action and to put yourself in situations that force yourself to make decisions outside of your comfort zone. You can own your dating life and your own confidence by training your mind. You have the power to let go, to experience the present moment and to make your own decisions in that moment.

3. Get out of the house.

Emotion is created by motion, as I said before, which essentially means that if you’re not feeling confident inside, then you have to take control and step out of the house. The house is your inner world that makes you feel safe and comfortable. Sure, it’s easier on a Friday night after a long night of work to stay inside and watch movies alone in bed – but what if you went out and did something completely out of your norm? Getting out of the house means stepping out of your inner world and socializing with people you don’t normally socialize with. It also means putting clothes on that make you feel awesome and sexy on the outside. If you don’t have those clothes, go out shopping and find them! When you wear something that makes you feel great on the inside, you’ll build your confidence with women.

It also means trusting yourself fully, even if that makes you afraid. By this, I mean owning what you want to say and not doubting yourself in the moment. Feeling like you can trust that you are interesting, funny, and handsome just as you are. Being yourself and feeling competent within yourself. Trust, like confidence, is something that is built. And it’s built through setting forth that motion – getting out of the house, changing the situations you put yourself in, being kind to yourself and trusting yourself in the process.

4. Allow yourself to let go.

You have the power to let go and feel things that are happening to you now. You have the power to let go of anything that doesn’t serve you. Taking control of your life and challenging yourself contributes to your ability to let go. Negative thoughts, feeling too afraid to get out there, or not trusting yourself enough to engage in interesting or meaningful conversation, are all normal things. Remember, you own your power of confidence and you want to be confident. Allow yourself to show up for that present moment and let go of your self-doubts and fears.

I talk a lot about this in my Master your Confidence audio seminar, which I invite you to join. If you’re struggling with this, go to my product page and download that one-hour seminar. It will be like spending 30 days with me one-on-one.

How to have confidence with women. 3 things to start doing today

1. Join my Master Your Confidence seminar.

In my Master your Confidence audio seminar, I talk about challenging yourself and I give you tools on how to start doing that so that you can be more effective in building your confidence. Whether it’s a relationship you already have or you’re trying to get out there, I help you live more in the present moment and take control of your life in order to build a strong sense of self. Download my one-hour seminar by clicking the link on my website!

2. Give yourself a positive affirmation.

Instead of thinking: she won’t like me, I’m not handsome enough, I’m not interesting enough, I don’t know what else to talk about with her – think of something positive that you can affirm to yourself. Think of something uplifting rather than negative. A positive affirmation can be really effective if you actually say it out loud or write it down. For example, if you don’t like your own physical appearance, then practice saying one positive thing about the way you look when you look in the mirror. To get yourself to accept your own positive affirmations more quickly, try making statements into a question. For example, “Why is my hair so amazing right now?” instead of “I have amazing hair.” Our brains are wired to seek answers to the questions we pose to ourselves, without analyzing whether or not the question is valid.

Our thoughts are incredibly powerful. We tend to believe what we continue to say to ourselves every day. If you can shift even one negative thought to a positive one right now, then you’re already on the path to building your confidence with women.

3. Do something that scares you.

The best way to deal with your own insecurities is to deal with them head-on. Maybe you’re afraid of riding roller coasters or driving on the freeway. If you are, then go out there and do it right now. See what happens to your mind before, during, and after. Observe yourself objectively, without negative judgment.

Taking risks is a part of life, but we have to allow them to be. When you do this, you shift something in your mind that was predisposed before, and allow yourself to access a different part of yourself that is more open to new experiences and a new way of being. You then become more confident on the outside because you change your sense of normal on the inside. Doing that builds your own sense of confidence.

How to be More Confident with Women and Leave a Lasting Impression

Remember, you own your power of confidence. Try not to take things too personally or feel like others are trying to attack you. You can build your own sense of confidence and you can be more confident with women if it’s something you truly want for yourself. It may not be something that happens overnight, but be patient, bold, and loving with yourself, and soon enough that love you give to yourself will develop into a strong sense of confidence. And that will leave a lasting impression with women.

If you liked today’s article, please comment below and let me know if this has happened to you and what you do to not take it personally. Remember you are always loved.
Your coach,
Apollonia Ponti