My Girlfriend Wants To Take A Break: What Do I Do?

“What does it mean when my girlfriend wants to take a break?” I am going to make sure you fully understand what it means when a woman says she needs a break. This is something that is so common and many clients ask me about this and book sessions with me in order to overcome the break and get a better understanding of what’s going on.

Here you are going to get a breakdown of what it all means and I will go over the different situations you may have faced that brought you here, and how to turn things around. Women love to say they need space when things aren’t going well, and sometimes this gives you the opportunity to change your approach so you can finally get what you want from the relationship!

A lot of men go into panic mode when this happens! “Apollonia, what does ‘I need space’ mean? She says she wants to take a break! Is it all over?!” If you’re in panic mode, then this is exactly what you’re doing wrong and I will talk about this in detail throughout this article.

I love hearing from you so I welcome your comments below. Please comment on this blog if you need advice or have any questions!

Girlfriend wants to take a break. What does this mean?

A lot of times when a woman is asking for a break, she is either asking for a break because perhaps she fell out of love with you, you’ve become too attached and haven’t disciplined yourself enough to have a life outside of your relationship, you made a mistake in the relationship, or maybe she just doesn’t really truly love herself. So you might have heard, “Oh, I need a break because I need to work on myself,” “I need space because I need to work on myself”, or “You need to work on you, I need to work on me, we need a break!”

90 % of the time, you beg and you plead when a woman says that, and you tell her “No, no, no, we can do this together, don’t do this, don’t break up with me, are we breaking up?” And then she tells you, “No, we’re just on a break, we need to take some time away from each other“. Or, maybe she just told you “We’re breaking up!”

Here’s the thing you don’t know and most men don’t. You can have full control! You can get her back, but you have to do exactly opposite of what you’re programmed to do. And what I mean by “programmed to do” is that we react emotionally. So the first instinct is to react, and our reactions are always about trying to convince that person that they’re making a bad decision.

When it comes to relationships, it’s about human behavior and emotional intelligence. When we’re in relationships, we love that person, but we tend to forget that we are our own individual people, and even though it’s a partnership, you only have control of yourself. That’s why self-love, self-dignity, and self-worth, are the most powerful sources you have within you!

When you have these things, you can balance yourself out to have a healthy relationship. Maybe your relationship had some flaws and both of you need to work on yourselves… And believe me, it’s actually a great thing, but your mindset predicts your reality!

I’m going to give you tips on how to overcome the “I need a break” factor. What I want to emphasize, guys is to not try to gain control of her. She is her own individual, just like you are your own individual. You can’t convince someone to be with you unless they decide that they want to be with you.

That’s how they stay, and that’s how they stick. Convincing is only temporary. So in order to get sustainable results, it will take work so I encourage you to follow my tips below.

My girlfriend wants a break: 4 Expert Tips!

You look at this with compassion, and not from an ego standpoint. You might go through anger, you might go through doubt, you might go through worry, you might go through sadness, or you might even go through all of the above. And you’re sad because you feel like you probably lost the love of your life – you feel like crap! You feel like your whole world has crumbled down, and you are thinking, “How could she do this to me? I trusted her.” Yeah, you did trust her. But no one did anything to you. And this brings us to Tip #1!

Tip #1: Start to look at this like it happened FOR you instead of TO you.

I know it sounds horrible, and it sounds really hard to grasp right now if this is what you’re going through, but nobody intentionally does anything to you. Again, you are your own individual.

Every individual has to look out for themselves. So the way that you advance in this relationship and get this woman back is to understand that first. Have compassion for her and work on finding your own happiness by prioritizing personal growth. This is what is going to spark her interest and her curiosity. When you stop playing the victim role and stop this mentality, you bring a lot of control and masculine energy which attracts women.

Tip # 2: If she needs space, do not contact her!

Here’s what I mean. A lot of times you have trust in this person, but individuality is so important. When someone needs space, give them their space, because this is the time to challenge your attachments. If a woman says that she needs space, give her that space.

Do not call her, do not text her, and here is the biggest worry that I hear all of all. “Apollonia, if I don’t call her, or if I don’t text her, she’s going to forget about me, won’t she? She’s gonna fall out of love with me, won’t she? She wants me to fight for her.” Okay, here is the answer to this million dollar question.

If a woman gives up on you because of the fact that you aren’t putting yourself out there and chasing her after she said that she needed a break, or she needed space, then guess what, guys? She’s not the woman for you. A woman of value and dignity for herself who really wants this relationship to work will not go out there to find another man. She will be invested in herself because the future goal is to try to be with you.

Now, I’m not saying that she is not gonna explore and have fun with her friends. Who knows, but the thing here is you need to show her the type of man that you have become and will continue to be, so she can see that she is missing out on something. You want her to see that you own your own individuality which comes from confidence, and that is so critical in relationships.

Tip 3: Understand what your boundaries are:

When you become clear on your boundaries, you will have a better understanding of how to communicate and how to react differently if these boundaries get tested. Healthy relationships form when you have a clear idea of your values and boundaries because you don’t want to upset your partner.

Your partner will know that their partner will not tolerate behavior that crosses any lines, because that’s what boundaries are for. That’s why it’s so important to have these values; to have these boundaries in relationships.

It’s not a game. It’s your own individual idea of what you need in the relationship. So the both of you can see eye-to-eye, you can both have that healthy thriving happiness and life, grow together, make this world a better place, or reach whatever goals you may have together.

What I mean here is you have to give her her space, and get back your sense of control. So do not text her, do not call her, do not try to convince her. And those silent little ego birdies in our head that are saying she is going to lose focus on you, she’s gonna fall out of love with you if you don’t pop up in her life, but this is false. What’s more, if it does end up happening, it’s actually doing you a favor.

Tip 4: Get back in control:

I work with clients who enter my 30-day program, where we conduct transformational coaching, we work on the man himself, and give him that sense of pride back, give him some sense of confidence, and it really connects dots on why this happened in his relationship. He then advances in his life for himself, and for the relationship in the future.

A lot of times, when they go into what we call No Contact for the 30 to 45 days, they go through a lot of emotions. But you have to have your sense of control. She will reach out to you again, because your habits will be changing. She is used to you continuing to reach out to her, calling her, begging her, and making her your first priority.

When she sees a shift in you, it will spark her curiosity.

So you create an imbalance which creates something different and it’s kind of like electroshock! She starts to wonder, it creates a mystery, she starts to get intrigued, she wants to know. You’ll grab her attention because of the fact that you’ve had this bond for this long, but now all of a sudden, you’re changing your techniques, you’re changing your notions, you’re changing the whole way that you would usually approach the situation. It’s completely opposite of what she knew… Suddenly the predictability is gone!

This is the most challenging part though, especially when you’re in love, because it takes time. Not every woman is going to reach out within the first week, second week, third week, or fourth week. Once she notices that you’ve created an imbalance, she is going to pop back in because she wants to know why you’re acting differently. She might just text or call you and say, “Hey, you seem different!”, or she’s going to say, “Hey, how are you?” It creates mystery. Then that’s when you would show her positivity. When you show her, “I’m great! How are you doing?” Or “I’m doing really well,” respond with close-ended responses most of the time.

My girlfriend wants a break but now she’s contacting me! What do I do?

At the end of the day, if you’re really doing the work to heal whatever it is that you needed to heal in that relationship that created the need for space or a break, it’s because you needed to focus on you, your individuality, remember? I told you about this at the beginning of the blog. You need to focus on you. Once you focus on loving yourself, somebody else is going to want to be a part of the fulfilling life you’ve been creating for yourself.

She is going to see a drastic change in this where the control starts to return to you, because she is convinced that you are changing, and she is changing. And at the end of the day, even if she is not changing and she sees that you’re changing, it’s going to motivate her to change if she truly wants to be with you.

So you see how you get the sense of pride and control back in this whole phase. But this is the most important part! You must be able to challenge yourself and not give in. A woman will try everything in the world to get your attention back during this phase. It is up to you to not give in, stay with your sense of control, maintain close-ended responses, and a focus on you and what makes you happy.

If you’re having troubles at this time, know that this is something that I work on with my clients on a regular basis. It is really transformational, and I can guide you through this period from A to Z. I put a link here to private coaching session, and remember you are in control!

Your Coach,

Apollonia Ponti

62 Comments

  1. Zachary Hamilton

    How do I contact you?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Zachary,
      Thank you for reading this blog. I hope it was helpful. The best place to contact me is at my email;
      Info@apolloniaponti.com
      Best,
      Apollonia


  2. Jeff

    Hey Apollonia,

    I have been in a what I thought was a solid relationship living together and just last week had our 5 years anniversary and have lived together for the past 4.5 years. During our 4th year together, I know that she mentioned multiple times that she wants us to get married and did not ask for anything big. We have actually talked about getting married for almost the whole time we have been together. I have been very receptive to getting married, however I have not moved on that as I have been ashamed that I cannot get her the ring that she deserves. We got along fine, rarely had any arguments and we were always able to handle life challenges together as a team. Over the past month, everything was going well, however she has started brining up having more time together as she feels that we don’t really have time together because of my kids. She started bringing this up shortly after going out with a group of single friends. Up until she started hanging out with these friends, everything was very strong. Last week, she told me that she wants space and will stay with one of her friend she took about a week worth of clothes, but most of her things are still here. After her first night staying with her friend, she said that she does not want to be in any relationship and wants a break. She said that she feels alone and has been miserable with me. She pinpointed one occasion that occurred about 4 months ago where she left the house and I did not chase her, which this was a period where she asked for space and I had my 7 year old with me. She indicated that when I didn’t chase her and she stayed somewhere else, she got turned off by me and cannot forgive that. She indicated after the first night with her friend that her heart feels tired, she felt alone, and we don’t truly have time together. She also said she feels that she has a problem with herself because when she gets upset or turned off with something, she is not able to forgive. Now I’ve been trying to give her as much space as she needs, but it’s been incredibly hard as we were living together and I still haven’t been given a solid reason as to why she is doing this. I did make it known to her that I want to fix things and we can do this together. I sent her a text message two days after she left our place to tell her that I miss her. She responded that she is sorry and one day I will understand. She has occasionally messaged me, but not often, and it’s more to ask questions about how to separate certain bills to go in her name and my name. When I ask her how she is doing or any questions, it’s quick one liner messages back, which was never the norm. We typically would text other multiples times during the day. I am confused as to if I should be giving her more space or chasing her as she mentioned that she was hoping previously I would’ve chased her, however now, she wants space. Do you know why she would be behaving this way? Should I be giving her space and not trying to making much contact with her or should I try to make contact with her and chase her as that was one of the issues she said she had with me and it turned it her. I am lost as we had been going so strong for years until this past week. I want to be able to re-engage her, but I am starting to feel that she may have fallen out of love, though things seemed to have been okay until just the past week, other than our time together was not undivided because my children will call me on our dates and she felt that she never had time with just me and her. I love her with all my heart and I confused and don’t know what course to take with this.

    Reply


  3. Lucas

    Hello Apollonia,
    I have been divorced for 7 months now after 16 yrs in the relationship, so dating and new relationships are new to me.

    I have been dating this amazingly strong, independent, single mother of 2 and a working/carrer women for 2 months now. She has been though rough relationships in past and suffers from high anxiety and other issues (trust, emotional barriers, ect.) because of them. She took roughly 4 years (consoling, therapy, medication) to work on herself before before dating again. She is normally reserved and guarded but things were going well enough between us that she’s quickly introduced me to her family (mother, brother, sisters) and I have spent a lot of time with her and her kids (I have 2 kids as well).

    She works a lot and has busy schedules with her kids and her time is limited, so I know when we are together it’s because she wants to be and is/was making an effort. And I try to be understanding about her past and her anxiety and emotional issues. I tell her how much I appreaciate her and I shower her with attention and compliments, always telling her how special and beautiful she is and how happy she makes me, and I have ment all of it.

    I have become too attached and emotionally needy. I am not nearly as busy has her and have plenty of free time. At times I would feel insecure and feel like she didn’t really care or was just using me when she needed or wanted attention. I know that was probably not the case, in actuality, she was just busy, tired, or not in the mood.

    The other night, I had been drinking (I’m not a big drinker) and tried pushing the topic of us and were she thought we were going. She said she was happy with were we are and didn’t want to discuss it and I kept pushing the topic, she tried to end the conversation before regrettable things were said and eventually I said things I didn’t mean and now regert.

    I told her I didn’t think she gives me enough time and attention and that she didn’t make me happy enough. She told me Im setting expectation to high for her to meet. She told me I’m playing mind games with her because of what I say and said.

    Over the last couple of days, I have tried to apologize, say how sorry I am, how much I appreciate her and how I was a little drunk and didn’t mean any if it and that I regert it all. I told her that one night wasn’t me, the last 2 months were me. How I wish that night never happened.
    I asked if I should give her some space or keep begging for forgiveness.

    After 2 days she finally responded and told me:
    “I want some space. We clearly need a break so you can figure out how to better handle your triggers and how not to play mind games with people.”

    I really care about her and I don’t want to lose her, but I’m completely lost on what to do, please help!

    Lucas

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Lucas,
      Thank you for reading my blog, my girlfriend wants a break. I’m happy to hear that you are opening your heart to love after 16 years of marriage. It sound like the woman you are dating is pretty amazing but is dealing with her own issues. You refer to yourself as someone who might be too needy. I have an audio video on overcoming neediness that I am recommending. I know this audio video will be very helpful, so here is the link; https://www.apolloniaponti.com/OvercomeNeedinessSeminar.

      Give her some space and see if she is able to figure things out. in the meantime do some self development and don’t pressure her in making a decision she is not ready for.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  4. Dan

    Hey Apollonia,

    I have been in a very solid relationship for 3.5 years now. We have never really gotten into many arguments in the entire time (aside from occasional healthy squabbles) and up until about a month ago everything has been going amazingly strong. She started talking to some online friends a lot, and not wanting to leave the house. About a week ago she told me she wanted a break, and that we may look into couples therapy. Then 2 days later she contacted me and told me she may not want to get back together. She still says she loves me, and wants me in her life, but it just hurts because I haven’t been given a solid reason as to why this has been happening. She has been pushing everyone away from her including her family and real life friends, and I really can’t think of a reason this could be happening aside from a bout of depression. She set up an appointment with her personal counselor, and let me know that she did go ahead and set up an appointment with a couples therapist for us, but she sounded hesitant. Now I’ve been trying to give her as much space as she needs, but it’s been incredibly hard as we were living together and I still haven’t been given a solid reason as to why this is happening. She has occasionally messaged me, but not often, and has still told me she loves me throughout all of this. Do you know why she would be behaving this way? We had been going so strong for years and were planning on buying a new home in the next 2 months.

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Dan,
      Thank you for reading my blog, My girlfriend wants to take a break. It’s difficult, because you have been with her 3.5 years and all the sudden she is being hot and cold towards you.I recommend you give her space, but go with her to the couples therapist. It appears that the issues she is going through, she is trying to work on them since you have indicated that she is seeking professional help.
      I cannot answer your question as to why she is behaving like this, but hopefully you will find out during the counseling session.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  5. Jacob

    Hi my gf of a year said we need a break weve been arguing alot lately over small things then she says she needs a break its been almost a month but i feel im pushing her away because i keep trying so hard to stop the break because i feel like im losing her what do i do?!!

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Jacob,
      Thank you for reading my blog on, “My girlfriend wants a break”. I recommend you give her the time to think about the relationship and not pressure her into making any decision. Take this time to work on yourself development. I have included a blog for your review and guidance in this process; https://www.apolloniaponti.com/how-to-find-your-life-purpose-8-powerful-questions-to-get-you-started/

      In addition, I have two audio seminars that I highly recommend to help you with your personal development, the first one is called, Master your Confidence and the second one is Overcoming Attachments;
      https://www.apolloniaponti.com/masteryourconfidence
      https://www.apolloniaponti.com/OvercomeNeedinessSeminar
      Best,
      Apollonia


    • Connor

      Okay my name is Connor my girlfriend said she wanted to take a week break to think about things but later that night she I feel alseep and was crying txting me saying idk why I’m doing this to yky and everything so I had her over the next day and we talked about everything and we both ended up crying and yelling each other that we love the other but then today we are talking and she promised me on everything she loves me and doesn’t wnana lose me and she was vvv happy before this started what do I dooooo


  6. dale

    Hello,

    My name is Dale, 25 and partner 23, My partner of 1 year had told me on Thursday last week its over and she cant do it anymore because she is being hurt, she knows I am changing and bettering myself, but I feel many things in her life are falling down, failing uni, work isn’t good, not going to the gym anymore and partying most weekends.. she had said she wants to meet up and talk in a week about everything, I haven’t messaged her and most likely wont till Friday if I haven’t received a message..

    but what does this mean? When she told me my instant was that I cant not be together as friends.. then she decided to give it a week to talk.. does she still want me in her life? I feel if she wanted to cut me off she would have, she must have something there for me that she appreciates me deeply to give it another crack?

    I look forward to your reply, I just need to know what she may be thinking and if she may want to give it another go..

    I have reflected and noticed what I need to do with it all.. but I still have my stresses in my mind about the situation and doubt.. but at the end of the day, if she wants to be with me she will give it another go, if she didn’t she wouldn’t want to meet up am I right?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Dale,

      Thank you for reading my blog, my girlfriend wants to take a break. It appears that you are growing and changing in ways to better yourself and she remains in a stagnated life experience. She does not appear ready to want to improve herself and is finding it a challenge to grow with you. In a relationship, it’s important that both are willing to work together to obtain a happy and healthy life together. I cannot answer your question if she is thinking about giving the relationship another chance, because I don’t have enought information about your situation. If interested in tailoted advice, you can arrange a private coaching session. What I can tell you is that you are important and so is your growth. You are in the right direction with yourself growth and focus on that which will make you happy. I have included my link for a private coaching session if you are interested:
      https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2-2/
      Best,
      Apollonia


  7. Joshua

    After taking a couple of years off from dating, in January 2019. I started to talk to a girl would eventually become my girlfriend. I’m so blessed to be gifted with an beautiful angel and on April 12 we made 2 months being together. This past weekend I attended her award to celebrate her achievements as a publisher. However as of yesterday she want for us to take a break because it was like we both went to fast in our relationship to where it’s like as if we didn’t enough time to really get to know each other. As much as it hurts but I have to respect her decision to put everything on hold until things settle down. And not going to lie early on in our relationship I was dwelling so much on past like I continued to doing bad habits of always looking at her phone as if I didn’t trust her or not taking the time to slow things down if we were going to fast. Now that I think about it, I was being stupid just so I can avoid having to go through the same mistakes after being through so many relationships where I’ve had my heart broken after find out your girl was talking to another guy or sleeping with your best friend. She’s the longest relationship that I’ve been in and it’s the most rewarding being with her because we both experienced bumps and bruises throughout life. Nobody has taken care and loved me so much than her. Meeting each other was the best thing that happened to us. Now that I’ve spent some time to really understand why she wanted to take a break because she’s focused on doing good on her final to graduate from college in a few weeks as the stress has worn her out. After talking to my dad about what happened, he told me that he’s glad that we talked about it instead of burning down the bridge. Perhaps us taking a break would be the best thing for us as a constructive step in our relationship to make stronger once everything settles down. He truly believes that everything would work out and by time it’s her graduation which is 3 weeks away. That we can start talking again, taking the lessons that we’ve learned and to put whatever happened behind us and having a fresh start to continue where we left off in our relationship but do things differently this time as we slowly work things out to make everything better again. I asked her if should still attend her graduating regarding us taking a break, she told it would be nice if still go because it’ll show the appreciation for how much I love her dearly as well as valuing the things we’ve done each other. Hoping that attending her graduation to celebrate her accomplishment that we slowly rekindle that spark we had before. She brought light back into my world before it went black and she showed how good falling in love was, and I don’t want the things we did together to become a distant memory of the past. I know during our break that I should focusing on myself but no matter what I do to occupy myself. She’s constantly on my mind whether it’s wondering how’s she’s doing or reflecting on the memories we had together. I truly believe we still can be together once everything settles down for a bit and learning from my mistakes as well as how we could do better this time. Of course it would take time for us do work things out but I’m not giving up on us. I respect her decision to put us on hold for the time being, allowing us to focus on our priorities. In hopes she’s willing to take the risk of getting back together again for a second chance, I promise to show her how much I’ve changed and adapting to the obstacles of life. Being wiser and more mature as an adultm including having the patience of taking things slowly and one step at a time. To give her a reason everyday, to keep me in her life as we spending to fully know each other, how we can do things differently, and being able to see where this journey takes us and hope for a better story so we can spend our future creating new memories again.

    Reply


    • Christopher Henson

      Hello,

      I have been with my finacee for 9 months and I really have a bad attitude problem and Its tearing us apart and she told me she wanted to take a break..so what do i need to do try to get her back


  8. Jacob

    Hey there, this has been very helpful and really relates to what I need to do for myself to win my relation ship back. Me and my partner have been together 3 and a half years .. it has been very bumpy … I am a insecure man and always turning her off with my jealously.. a week ago I went out, got drunk ..then kissed another girl… I felt so shit I then realised I was the one who was wrong the whole relationship. I then told her what I did. My partner is the only one for me… I love her so much and now she wants a break to figure out if she still wants this… And frankly I don’t blame her. I can tell she still loves me but she is really hurt with the whole thing. I know I want her for the rest of my life but I believe she could eventually tell herself she is happier without me… I then don’t know who else could compare to her.

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Jacob,
      I’m so glad to hear that this blog has been helpful. Yes, it can be difficult when a partner is insecure, but what matters is that you are realizing that you have to make changes in order to grow personally and in this relationship. Take this time to do some self development. I have a audio video that I am recommending to assist you with your self growth. Here is the link:
      https://www.apolloniaponti.com/OvercomeNeedinessSeminar
      Best,
      Apollonia


  9. Matt C

    Hi, I’m looking for some help. This girl that I’ve been dating for two weeks is really sensitive and private, she doesn’t like to open up to people, she’s having a hard time fitting me into her life, because she doesn’t know where to put me, because she is a really busy person and she has bad family issues. She begged me on a FaceTime call last night after we had a talk on Snapchat about me always starting convo, etc, and she said that she wants a break for the next 2 weeks because she is going to be extra busy with school, skating, and then she’s going on vacation. She even said on the FaceTime call that she really likes me. And I believe it because she’s showed it multiple times when we would hang out, and this is her first relationship as well, so she isn’t really sure on what to do and she’s probably nervous. At this point I just don’t want the relationship to end because I think we can both make it work for each other. All I’m worried about is her dumping me after this break like she was planning it, which I doubt will happen and will hopefully not happen. I just need some guidance on what to do, because even though we are on a break now, she still snaps me back whenever I send streaks, like she wants to talk to me, but she never says anything anymore, just random pics back and forth. She is perfect and I don’t want to let her go. Please help, I need it, thanks

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Matt,
      Thank you for your comment and reading my blog about my girlfriend wants to take a break. It seems like she has a lot of emotional challenges she’s trying to deal with. It’s not going to work out if you push her or become overbearing. She has to see that you are focusing on you and not waiting around for her which will give her a sense that she can lose you and build the attraction and focus back to the relationship. Good luck and hope this helps!
      Apollonia


  10. Rebecca

    This blog post is very useful for everyone else reading just because the information and knowledge which have contains everyone is very important. I like this post. This has been very very helpful after my current breakup. I assume my state of affairs is probably a little exceptional but nevertheless, I can observe those steps reason its the most effective issue that makes feel. Thanks

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Rebecca,
      Thank you for your comment! I am so happy you found this article useful. It’s feedback like this that keeps me doing what I do.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  11. Dylan

    I’ve been seperated for 5 years. Divorce hasn’t been final because of paperwork concerning the custody of the children. My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for a year and a half and it’s a serious relationship. She was aware of why my divorce wasnt final the whole time. We had an argument last week about it not being final and now she wants to take a break until things are worked out, but it feels like 1 minute, which was last Tuesday, everything was great. I stayed at her house, had great sex, and fell asleep and cuddled each other. The next day things went haywire with the argument, which wasnt a bad argument, and now she wants to take a break until things are finalized with no contact whatsoever. I dont understand because she is aware it could take a little longer. I guess I dont understand how 1 minute it’s ok and then the next its not. Anyway need some advice on what to do?

    Reply


  12. Gabe

    Hey, my girlfriend and I were talking during practice and she said “I feel like I need to better my grades before we get back together” then she said “Im sorry!” then we hugged.

    Im not sure if she is meaning for a breakup or just a break??

    Reply


  13. B

    Apollonia
    First, God bless you for your timely advice. I’m in a relationship with a woman who is separated from an abusive husband. We met on a recent trip and I have dated her 2-3 times. Recently prior to her departure on another trip I became emotional and needy. I could not help it. I’m just coming off a painful divorce myself. I’ve applied your advice and backed off and I’m working to find myself so if she returns I can put my best foot forward. I found that I don’t know who I’m and thats a source of concern as well.
    thanks

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello,

      It sounds like you are ready to work on your self development, and if so I have some audio seminars tailored specifically for you. In addition, if you are interested in a private coaching session tailored to your needs here is the link:
      https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2-2/

      Overcome Attachments Neediness and Fears:
      https://www.apolloniaponti.com/OvercomeNeedinessSeminar

      Master Your Confidence Audio Seminar: 
      https://www.apolloniaponti.com/masteryourconfidence
      Best,
      Apollonia


    • alex

      Apollonia
      First, God bless you for your timely advice. I’m in a relationship with a woman last one month she did not talk to me properly. sometimes she starts saying if you have an important thing then call me, she does not want to talk anything about our relationship. she said that she wants to live alone for some days so I said ok you can take your time. after 20 days she called me I pick up her call she said how r u? I said that fine then after 2 minutes she said ok bye she does not talk about anything our relationship that makes me not sure where I’m standing in her life.
      tell me what should I do can I mirror her action or call her to talk clearly about our relationship or waited for her next call?
      I will wait for your response


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Alex,

      Yes, It can be hard when you are in a relationship and she is asking for a break! I recommend that you take this time to work on you! This includes taking the time to do fun things. I have developed an audio video seminar on Mastering your confidence that I highly recommend. In addition, if you are interested in a private coaching session I will also include this link:
      https://www.apolloniaponti.com/masteryourconfidence
      https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2-2/

      Best,
      Apollonia


  14. Lanae

    Me & my fiancé have been together for 9 months. It’ll be one year in June. She’s a heartless person … very cold hearted & im very soft hearted. I love with everything in me & she has a really hard time showing her love. I’ve made it work thus far , then all of a sudden she tells me the other day that she needs a break. 😩

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Lanae,
      It can be confusing when a person you love gives you conflicting messages and leaves you wandering what happened. Now that she is asking for a break, It’s a good time for you to do some self development. Please, include some fun things. I have experience offering guidance to my clients on these issues. if you are interested in a private coaching session tailored to your needs, here is my link: https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2-2/. I wish you the best.
      Apollonia


  15. Ben

    Hi Apollonia,

    My girl and I have been together for about 6 months. We didn’t make it official and what not but we hang out like a couple, holding hands etc… She just came back from an exchange program and when she got back she said that “We really need to talk”, as you’d imagine my heart sank when I saw those 4 words.
    Before the talk, I tried to hug her and set the tone right but from her reactions from my contact it was apparent I knew what was going to go down. She kept moving away a bit and everything it was quite sad when I saw that. Anyway during the talk she asked if I was happy in this relationship(I definitely was), because she felt like she wasn’t putting enough effort and that the problem is not me but her and for her to continue with us she has to get over her own issues. She keeps things to herself and I told her I’d be her outlet and I’m always here for her. She also raised that because she has to solve her own issues, she cant get comfortable with me and can’t reciprocate the same feelings I have for her and that she doesn’t want to hurt anyone because of her problems. Quote: “I don’t want to continue this pretending everything’s okay” “I don’t want to hurt you”

    Another thing she brought up is that she’s going to start interning and she didn’t want to interrupt my commitments and she doesn’t know if she can manage during her internship. I said I’ve always put her ahead of my other commitments and she is never in the way. (I always schedule ahead of time to accommodate for her) and that I’m willing to help her get through it.

    Nearing the end of the talk, (Beforehand, I tried to find out whats going on with her and everything but she wouldn’t say because she keeps it to herself) she told me she wants to be alone and think all of this through. So she said that she wants to take a break for a month. We set a date for our next meet up. Which the decision then will be final.

    right now I just want to give her time and space to sort all her own thoughts and issues out. I haven’t contacted her or anything, I saw her post on social media and i gave it a like to show that I’m still around for her.

    I’d like to know what you think of this situation and what would be the appropriate steps. I’m taking this time away from her to spend time with my friends and do my stuff and self-betterment

    Reply


  16. Adrian

    Hey Apollonia!

    I read this article a few weeks back when having trouble with my girlfriend and I just wanted to drop by and say a big thank you for all of the advice. Your words connected the dots needed for me to realize what to do and how to proceed.

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Adrian,
      Thank you for your email. I appreciate your feedback. I’m happy to hear that my words have been of help to you.
      Best,
      Apollonia


    • Samuël

      My girlfriend that I have had for the last 2,5 years just announced that she wanted to break up, which we changed into a break. Here is the thing: she is currently depressed and is scared for future commitments. I’m prepared to give her the space she needs (am busy enough myself) but I worry about her mental health when I’m not there to support her, any tips?


  17. sean

    Me and my girlfriend of 6 months are rough right now. In the beginning we both were all over eachother and loved eachother for the first 3 months. I had a problem where I would think there’s a problem and make stuff up in my head that wasn’t there, but she wouldn’t break my hbit and let me off too easily with it. It got to the point where during the 4th month we stopped being romantic and started moving apart because she was getting annoyed of arguing all the time. I had made he mistake of making up problems when there wasn’t one, and that caused problems and made me upset. We took a break for a weekend and came back in swinging, but still weren’t very romantic. I didn’t feel like a priority to her yesterday and didn’t feel that she liked me like I felt about her. And I told her that and she said she’s confised and wanted to think but she thinks that’s what happened because our arguments pushed her feelings away. I still feel very strongly for her and am worried that we’re talking today and may break up. I’m thinking about talking stuff out and if she really wants to work this stuff out, and saying we should take a break hoping we’d comeback and reconnect like we first were now we have a Better understanding of eachother. What should I do and what do u think of it? And if you could respond as quick as possible that’d be nice, but if not I 100% understand

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Sean,
      My recommendation is that you take the time out and work on developing, ” you”. I understand that your feelings for her are are strong, but you deserve a healthy relationship and that means taking the time to work on yourself. If interested in a coaching session tailored to your situation and life experiences, here is my Link.
      https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2-2/
      Best,
      Apollonia


  18. Phillip

    Hi,
    My gf of 13 months (never a fight … all our friends got intermixed and were sure we’d go the distance) just asked for a break saying she is not sure she can “get there with me” … yes, she is a big “Friends” and “The Bachelor” fan. We had a long talk afterwards where she told me I was the best relationship she has had, yet while she loved me deeply, wasn’t sure she was still in love with me. We had talked or texted every day of our relationship, even though she was out of town very frequently for work (domestic and internationally). The next day I was rear-ended in an auto accident, so there was some contact that day (I posted about it on FB and she called me that night) and the next (I called her with the post-hospital update), but nothing since. The first few days were tough, but each day, while I am still sad, gets easier. I am trying to move forward but feel I have lost my best friend. I know I am still raw (it feels like I lost an appendage), but I am also life-experienced enough to know she is what I want and that we are great for each other. What is the best way to give us a solid fighting chance?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Phillip,
      Thank you for your comment! I know how difficult this situation can be and I am sure there are a lot of thoughts going through your mind. The best advice I can provide is to work on developing you and what makes you happy. If you are interested in a private coaching session tailored to your situation, here is my Link:
      https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2-2/
      Best,
      Apollonia


  19. AA

    Would the article above be valid for long distance relationship?

    Reply


  20. Prudy Fortuna

    hi, my girlfriend had a relationship of almost 4 years and i lived together for about a year now and we got along just fine. since the beggining of the relationship i found out a couple of times that she would flirt with some guys on instagram and get kinda close with them and share personal things but when they tried to make a move or tried to get her to meet with then she would tell them that she has a boyfriend. that happenned a few times and i found out, she every time told me that she only loved me and that she needs to work out on stop doing that, she told me once that she might need professional help but that she doesnt want to lose me. long story short .. it happened again with a guy at her gym.. shes 26 and the guy is 20 and very fit, shes also very fit and beautiful, im in shape but the guy just looks better. i noticed her talking more than usual on whatsapp and one night she left her phone unlocked and checked her phone just to find out what i feared, they kept talking all day and she also called him pretty names and all that… the even met out of the gym but i read the guy telling her that he wants to kiss her and she then replied that she cant do that to me. so after reading that i confronted her, told her that i was moving out, that i never wanted to see her again and all that crap we say when we are mad. then she told me that please dont leave her that im the love of her life, the best that had happened to her.. at that moment i said that i didnt want to talk but 2 hours later i came to the house and sat down with her and told her sorry for talking to her like that but i felt betrayed she then told me that she is really sorry but she feels that i dont deserve to be treated like that and that she thinks that the best thing to do is to take a break and see a couples therapist. i refused at first but then i saw that she was really serious about it so i got out of the house and took all my clothes… every day i talked to her and told her that i missed her very much and i also made the appointment with the therapist and a couple of days later i see that she wont talk to me and i asked her if she wants to be with the other guy she told me that please stop talking about negative things and if i want to keep talking with her i needed to talk about positive things. i see that she spents less time online and that she is focusing on getting a masters degree and do the things that she commented she wanted to do. i also think that she is not talking with the other guy cause the guy works at the gym and he got transfered recently and she as a member could go to any of that gym branches and she keeps going to the ones she is used to. she is not going out and gets home early just the usual hang out with her friends. sorry for the long post. what should i do?

    Reply


  21. Frank

    Hello Apollonia
    I enjoy your videos, especially from a woman’s perspective. Currently, I’m dating a woman that’s been divorced twice. After a month, she partially moved in because I asked her to. Also, we started dating exclusively. Recently, she hinted toward not being in love with me, but she says she cares for me. I recently caught her lying to me and it affected my ability to trust her. She moved back to her place about a month ago saying the initial move was too soon. I agreed with her. She also said if we had dated longer, I wouldn’t have so many questions. Don’t know about that. We still see one another two to three times a week. It’s getting close to a year now. She does most of the calling and texting and she still wants to be exclusive. How can you want exclusivity but not be in love? She had asked me in the past, “why I want a woman with issues?” I’ve only told her once that I love her, but because of the lack of reciprocation, I stay away from telling her that and using terms of endearment. Also, I’ve been informed by her own son how she cheated on his father and other men in the past. I found that to be some what profound. It made me question their relationship because I wonder if he was telling me this to spite her or is he giving me warning or both. I give her plenty of space but the exposure by her son and the exclusivity tag (exclusivity means relationship to me) is confusing things for me. I’ve started to focus more on myself and even have considered dating other women. I’m trying to detach from her to protect my heart and mirror her actions. Sometimes, I believe she’s with me because of what I do for her so far as how I date her. When we see one another, she normally spends the weekend at my home. Do I just go with the flow or is this something I need to remove myself from?

    Reply


    • Bob thomas

      First of all this blog was excellent and so relatable to my life right now. Currently I have been dating my girlfriend for little over a year we have been doing a long distance relationship for the past 7 months as she is off to college. She asked me to take a break and that she would get back to me in a week. But basically she re assured me that she loved me and didn’t want to lose me but the distance is really hard for her. We have had this trouble before but we were able to see eachother and fix the issue. Unfortunately we don’t have the ability to see eachother. When she is away at school I feel she is a different person which I show support and don’t get jealous. The thing is we have never taken a break and she comes home for the summer next month. Confused why she wants a break but doesn’t want to break up and she says she loves me and wants to be with me. Her communication was changing and I noticed something was up. Should I stress it? Also we haven’t been texting or calling but she wants me to Snapchat her should
      I totally shut it off? When I Snapchat her she leaves me on read for most of the day even though she wants me to. Thanks so much!!


  22. Daron Cooper

    This has been very very helpful after my recent breakup. I think my situation might be a little different but still I will follow these steps cause its the only thing that makes sense. Thank you

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Daron,
      Thank you for reading my blog about my girlfriend wants to take a break. I know it’s a difficult time but you can do it.
      Best,
      Apollonia


    • Jacob lopez

      This blog is helping me get out of my normal routine and start to explore different hobbies and more importantly love myself again. Thank you apollonia


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Jacob,
      Thanks for reading my blog about my girlfriend wants to take a break! I’m happy you enjoyed it. I am so happy to hear this and yes getting out of the normal routine is so important. I know you can do it and wishing you the best of luck!
      Best,
      Apollonia


  23. Cal

    Hey there my girl wanted to take break to build a friendship after feeling we jump in too early . I’m all for giving space if needed and no contact while working individual growth but she’s contacting me . Am I trippin ?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Cal,

      No, not at all. This is how women are. Sometimes she says one thing but the fear of losign you might be kicking in. I would just stay your distance and let her come to you a little more naturally as you want to respect her growth but also build attraction. Thanks for your comment on “my girlfriend wants to take a break”

      Best,
      Apollonia


  24. Carl

    Hi Apollonia,

    My gf asked for a break and I wasn’t contacting her at all but I gave in and I told her after 5 days of no contact that I missed her and that I wasn’t expecting an answer from her, I just wanted to say that. She said that she missed me too, but she needs space and we shouldn’t be contacting each other during the break. I felt really dumb. Did I ruin everything? I want to say yes don’t worry and not contact her at all but I wonder if I already f*cked it up.

    Did I ruin my chances with her?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Carl,
      Thanks for reading my blog about my girlfriend wants to take a break. I know this time can be incredibly difficult but also very challenging on your emotions. That’s why it’s so important to follow some of these things in my blog. What I would strongly suggest is to give her space and not contact her for 30 days. This will help you reflect and your relationship. If you need guidance with this I encourage you to book a session with me as I’m here for you. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
      Best,
      Apollonia


  25. Jason

    I broke my girlfriends trust by not being completely honest with her. I’ve seen her 4 times in two weeks. Today we talked in person for close to two hours. She pretty much said that we need a break from eachother because with everything built up from our 3 year relationship she cannot truly be happy with me right now. She also said as much as she doesn’t want me to, she thinks I need to see other people so I wipe away my curiosity of other women. I feel like she is doing this for our future togetherness because she does not want me to mess up again, because it would be over forever. For right now she said she wants to be alone, have fun with her friends and family and forget about the negativity towards me. I told her that I do not want to grow by seeing other women because I know who I want to be with and that I am not giving up on us. I said that I do need to grow and gain her trust back and I feel like I can while we have this space apart from eachother to come back as an improved person. I agreed that space is good because we are so young and we feel like we are meant to be together just time will tell us. It will also teach us a lot about a relationship. I also need to prove to her that she can trust me by sticking to my word of what I said I am going to do. I feel confident about us in the future for sure because we have such a strong connection. However what should I do and how do I go about this? How long do I go no contact? and really just how can I gain her trust back to prove that I only want her?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Jason,
      The way that you will gain her trust back is by not trying to take control. You have to shift your dynamics with yourself and her and be positive, free, and happy. Show her that you are working towards your own personal development and growth. Start doing something that you have been wanting to try for a while and use this time to explore new things so she can see that you are taking this seriously. Also, do this for you! In time, both of you need to mature and work on you. The way you get this relationship back is by doing exactly this and letting time pass so you can become that better person for yourself than her. I wrote another blog that I think can help you too. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/how-to-be-a-better-man/
      Best,
      Apollonia


    • Jason

      Thank you! This is not the first time I made her upset. Just with everything built up she is upset and can’t truly be happy with me right now because she can’t help but think about everything. I know time and space from eachother is going to heal that pain and wipe away the negative emotions towards me. I told her that I’m never giving up and this is the turning point for us to deepen. If this is what I have to do then this is what I have to do. Being patient and growing myself. But how much time is enough time and what is too little time? Her and I really have a special connection and our true is going to be tested right here, but I’m willing to create that attraction to pull her back in and work on myself to keep it together.


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Jason,
      There is no specific time. The time will be when you change the behaviors that broke the relationship and she starts to see this. It can take a while so being attached to the outcome won’t help. Letting go and trusting the process and doing what’s best for you will. 🙂
      Best,
      Apollonia


  26. Michael

    I have this lady that I love so much and I have made my intentions known to her but she claims to have a boyfriend which I later found out that she was not telling the truth.

    She blatantly told me not to trip for her but anytime we talk on the phone or she’s around me, she flirts with me. I don’t understand her. So I took her flirting signs as a green light, thinking that she wanted me to fight for her the more. But this past week, she traveled and told me not to bother about dating her for real. I was confused. So I decided that I wasn’t going to contact her, and I didn’t contact her for almost two weeks. But of recent, she contacted me to just say hello and I just had to respond. If she doesn’t want anything to do with me then why does she contact me. I still don’t know what to do. I love her so much but I am confused.

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Michael,
      Thanks for reading my blog about my girlfriend wants to take a break. Here is what I would suggest. To back away for a while and not show her attention. I can guarantee that you will see change. She will reach out but you have to be strong. It seems as though she is just using you for attention and you will continue to get your feelings hurt. So place yourself on a pedestal and she might come back to you. Do not let her treat you like this and if so just do not give her attention.
      Hope this helps!
      Best,
      Apollonia


  27. Raj

    Actually I have a girl in my life at my cllg. I like her & she knows that too & i used to chase her but she don’t respond to it sincerely but I doesn’t want to quit on her as we are good friends from last 6 months and she’s a girl i wanted to be with. She’s doing this bcz she’s got stuck in her last love life I guess & now I’m getting no idea to how to deal with this situation

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Raj,
      Thanks for commenting and reading my blog about my girlfriend wants to take a break. I just want to clarify so I understand. Are you saying she is still in love with the man before you? An ex?
      -Apollonia


  28. Ahsan

    I am going through the same situation.
    My girl needed a break/space and i over reacted and beg to her and things get worse.
    Now i am not texting her and calling her. But I know she is busy in her own space and happy too. i am thinking that she doesn’t need me. It’s been 3-4 months. No positive vibe from her side.
    What if she never comes back?
    I will regret because i could have somehow emotionally convinced her and might had got her back in my life.
    How to overcome that feeling of regret?

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Ahsan,
      Thanks for reading my article about my girlfriend wants to take a break. I would suggest that you stop going back to the “what if” of the situation. Seems like you are emotionally attached to this woman and the best thing you can do is become happy without her. This is the only way that you can attract her back and also be in control is to be happy with you. To overcome the feeling of regret is by letting go. I would suggest that you get my audio seminar as this can help. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/OvercomeNeedinessSeminar
      Best,
      Apollonia


    • Richard

      I was in a 5 yr one sided relationship with a girl. This february she told me that she likes me and she considered it a relationship but with no commitments. She asked me today that we should not talk for few days , to which she ment that she doesn’t want to be the first one to contact or text ..if I’ll call then she’s ok. Is she depressed lately?? something’s hindering her from texting me?? Or something i dont know!!


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I work with YOU, men, to master your attraction skills and confidence in order to find the right partner or become an irresistible dater, Deepen your current relationship, or get out of the friend-zone!

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