My Girlfriend Wants To Take A Break: What Do I Do?

“What does it mean when my girlfriend wants to take a break?” I am going to make sure you fully understand what it means when a woman says she needs a break. This is something that is so common and many clients ask me about this and book sessions with me in order to overcome the break and get a better understanding of what’s going on.

Here you are going to get a breakdown of what it all means and I will go over the different situations you may have faced that brought you here, and how to turn things around. Women love to say they need space when things aren’t going well, and sometimes this gives you the opportunity to change your approach so you can finally get what you want from the relationship!

A lot of men go into panic mode when this happens! “Apollonia, what does ‘I need space’ mean? She says she wants to take a break! Is it all over?!” If you’re in panic mode, then this is exactly what you’re doing wrong and I will talk about this in detail throughout this article.

I love hearing from you so I welcome your comments below. Please comment on this blog if you need advice or have any questions!

Girlfriend wants to take a break. What does this mean?

A lot of times when a woman is asking for a break, she is either asking for a break because perhaps she fell out of love with you, you’ve become too attached and haven’t disciplined yourself enough to have a life outside of your relationship, you made a mistake in the relationship, or maybe she just doesn’t really truly love herself. So you might have heard, “Oh, I need a break because I need to work on myself,” “I need space because I need to work on myself”, or “You need to work on you, I need to work on me, we need a break!”

90 % of the time, you beg and you plead when a woman says that, and you tell her “No, no, no, we can do this together, don’t do this, don’t break up with me, are we breaking up?” And then she tells you, “No, we’re just on a break, we need to take some time away from each other“. Or, maybe she just told you “We’re breaking up!”

Here’s the thing you don’t know and most men don’t. You can have full control! You can get her back, but you have to do exactly opposite of what you’re programmed to do. And what I mean by “programmed to do” is that we react emotionally. So the first instinct is to react, and our reactions are always about trying to convince that person that they’re making a bad decision.

When it comes to relationships, it’s about human behavior and emotional intelligence. When we’re in relationships, we love that person, but we tend to forget that we are our own individual people, and even though it’s a partnership, you only have control of yourself. That’s why self-love, self-dignity, and self-worth, are the most powerful sources you have within you!

When you have these things, you can balance yourself out to have a healthy relationship. Maybe your relationship had some flaws and both of you need to work on yourselves… And believe me, it’s actually a great thing, but your mindset predicts your reality!

I’m going to give you tips on how to overcome the “I need a break” factor. What I want to emphasize, guys is to not try to gain control of her. She is her own individual, just like you are your own individual. You can’t convince someone to be with you unless they decide that they want to be with you.

That’s how they stay, and that’s how they stick. Convincing is only temporary. So in order to get sustainable results, it will take work so I encourage you to follow my tips below.

My girlfriend wants a break: 4 Expert Tips!

You look at this with compassion, and not from an ego standpoint. You might go through anger, you might go through doubt, you might go through worry, you might go through sadness, or you might even go through all of the above. And you’re sad because you feel like you probably lost the love of your life – you feel like crap! You feel like your whole world has crumbled down, and you are thinking, “How could she do this to me? I trusted her.” Yeah, you did trust her. But no one did anything to you. And this brings us to Tip #1!

Tip #1: Start to look at this like it happened FOR you instead of TO you.

I know it sounds horrible, and it sounds really hard to grasp right now if this is what you’re going through, but nobody intentionally does anything to you. Again, you are your own individual.

Every individual has to look out for themselves. So the way that you advance in this relationship and get this woman back is to understand that first. Have compassion for her and work on finding your own happiness by prioritizing personal growth. This is what is going to spark her interest and her curiosity. When you stop playing the victim role and stop this mentality, you bring a lot of control and masculine energy which attracts women.

Tip # 2: If she needs space, do not contact her!

Here’s what I mean. A lot of times you have trust in this person, but individuality is so important. When someone needs space, give them their space, because this is the time to challenge your attachments. If a woman says that she needs space, give her that space.

Do not call her, do not text her, and here is the biggest worry that I hear all of all. “Apollonia, if I don’t call her, or if I don’t text her, she’s going to forget about me, won’t she? She’s gonna fall out of love with me, won’t she? She wants me to fight for her.” Okay, here is the answer to this million dollar question.

If a woman gives up on you because of the fact that you aren’t putting yourself out there and chasing her after she said that she needed a break, or she needed space, then guess what, guys? She’s not the woman for you. A woman of value and dignity for herself who really wants this relationship to work will not go out there to find another man. She will be invested in herself because the future goal is to try to be with you.

Now, I’m not saying that she is not gonna explore and have fun with her friends. Who knows, but the thing here is you need to show her the type of man that you have become and will continue to be, so she can see that she is missing out on something. You want her to see that you own your own individuality which comes from confidence, and that is so critical in relationships.

Tip 3: Understand what your boundaries are:

When you become clear on your boundaries, you will have a better understanding of how to communicate and how to react differently if these boundaries get tested. Healthy relationships form when you have a clear idea of your values and boundaries because you don’t want to upset your partner.

Your partner will know that their partner will not tolerate behavior that crosses any lines, because that’s what boundaries are for. That’s why it’s so important to have these values; to have these boundaries in relationships.

It’s not a game. It’s your own individual idea of what you need in the relationship. So the both of you can see eye-to-eye, you can both have that healthy thriving happiness and life, grow together, make this world a better place, or reach whatever goals you may have together.

What I mean here is you have to give her her space, and get back your sense of control. So do not text her, do not call her, do not try to convince her. And those silent little ego birdies in our head that are saying she is going to lose focus on you, she’s gonna fall out of love with you if you don’t pop up in her life, but this is false. What’s more, if it does end up happening, it’s actually doing you a favor.

Tip 4: Get back in control:

I work with clients who enter my 30-day program, where we conduct transformational coaching, we work on the man himself, and give him that sense of pride back, give him some sense of confidence, and it really connects dots on why this happened in his relationship. He then advances in his life for himself, and for the relationship in the future.

A lot of times, when they go into what we call No Contact for the 30 to 45 days, they go through a lot of emotions. But you have to have your sense of control. She will reach out to you again, because your habits will be changing. She is used to you continuing to reach out to her, calling her, begging her, and making her your first priority.

When she sees a shift in you, it will spark her curiosity.

So you create an imbalance which creates something different and it’s kind of like electroshock! She starts to wonder, it creates a mystery, she starts to get intrigued, she wants to know. You’ll grab her attention because of the fact that you’ve had this bond for this long, but now all of a sudden, you’re changing your techniques, you’re changing your notions, you’re changing the whole way that you would usually approach the situation. It’s completely opposite of what she knew… Suddenly the predictability is gone!

This is the most challenging part though, especially when you’re in love, because it takes time. Not every woman is going to reach out within the first week, second week, third week, or fourth week. Once she notices that you’ve created an imbalance, she is going to pop back in because she wants to know why you’re acting differently. She might just text or call you and say, “Hey, you seem different!”, or she’s going to say, “Hey, how are you?” It creates mystery. Then that’s when you would show her positivity. When you show her, “I’m great! How are you doing?” Or “I’m doing really well,” respond with close-ended responses most of the time.

My girlfriend wants a break but now she’s contacting me! What do I do?

At the end of the day, if you’re really doing the work to heal whatever it is that you needed to heal in that relationship that created the need for space or a break, it’s because you needed to focus on you, your individuality, remember? I told you about this at the beginning of the blog. You need to focus on you. Once you focus on loving yourself, somebody else is going to want to be a part of the fulfilling life you’ve been creating for yourself.

She is going to see a drastic change in this where the control starts to return to you, because she is convinced that you are changing, and she is changing. And at the end of the day, even if she is not changing and she sees that you’re changing, it’s going to motivate her to change if she truly wants to be with you.

So you see how you get the sense of pride and control back in this whole phase. But this is the most important part! You must be able to challenge yourself and not give in. A woman will try everything in the world to get your attention back during this phase. It is up to you to not give in, stay with your sense of control, maintain close-ended responses, and a focus on you and what makes you happy.

If you’re having troubles at this time, know that this is something that I work on with my clients on a regular basis. It is really transformational, and I can guide you through this period from A to Z. I put a link here to private coaching session, and remember you are in control!

Your Coach,

Apollonia Ponti


  1. Phillip

    My gf of 13 months (never a fight … all our friends got intermixed and were sure we’d go the distance) just asked for a break saying she is not sure she can “get there with me” … yes, she is a big “Friends” and “The Bachelor” fan. We had a long talk afterwards where she told me I was the best relationship she has had, yet while she loved me deeply, wasn’t sure she was still in love with me. We had talked or texted every day of our relationship, even though she was out of town very frequently for work (domestic and internationally). The next day I was rear-ended in an auto accident, so there was some contact that day (I posted about it on FB and she called me that night) and the next (I called her with the post-hospital update), but nothing since. The first few days were tough, but each day, while I am still sad, gets easier. I am trying to move forward but feel I have lost my best friend. I know I am still raw (it feels like I lost an appendage), but I am also life-experienced enough to know she is what I want and that we are great for each other. What is the best way to give us a solid fighting chance?


  2. AA

    Would the article above be valid for long distance relationship?


  3. Prudy Fortuna

    hi, my girlfriend had a relationship of almost 4 years and i lived together for about a year now and we got along just fine. since the beggining of the relationship i found out a couple of times that she would flirt with some guys on instagram and get kinda close with them and share personal things but when they tried to make a move or tried to get her to meet with then she would tell them that she has a boyfriend. that happenned a few times and i found out, she every time told me that she only loved me and that she needs to work out on stop doing that, she told me once that she might need professional help but that she doesnt want to lose me. long story short .. it happened again with a guy at her gym.. shes 26 and the guy is 20 and very fit, shes also very fit and beautiful, im in shape but the guy just looks better. i noticed her talking more than usual on whatsapp and one night she left her phone unlocked and checked her phone just to find out what i feared, they kept talking all day and she also called him pretty names and all that… the even met out of the gym but i read the guy telling her that he wants to kiss her and she then replied that she cant do that to me. so after reading that i confronted her, told her that i was moving out, that i never wanted to see her again and all that crap we say when we are mad. then she told me that please dont leave her that im the love of her life, the best that had happened to her.. at that moment i said that i didnt want to talk but 2 hours later i came to the house and sat down with her and told her sorry for talking to her like that but i felt betrayed she then told me that she is really sorry but she feels that i dont deserve to be treated like that and that she thinks that the best thing to do is to take a break and see a couples therapist. i refused at first but then i saw that she was really serious about it so i got out of the house and took all my clothes… every day i talked to her and told her that i missed her very much and i also made the appointment with the therapist and a couple of days later i see that she wont talk to me and i asked her if she wants to be with the other guy she told me that please stop talking about negative things and if i want to keep talking with her i needed to talk about positive things. i see that she spents less time online and that she is focusing on getting a masters degree and do the things that she commented she wanted to do. i also think that she is not talking with the other guy cause the guy works at the gym and he got transfered recently and she as a member could go to any of that gym branches and she keeps going to the ones she is used to. she is not going out and gets home early just the usual hang out with her friends. sorry for the long post. what should i do?


  4. Frank

    Hello Apollonia
    I enjoy your videos, especially from a woman’s perspective. Currently, I’m dating a woman that’s been divorced twice. After a month, she partially moved in because I asked her to. Also, we started dating exclusively. Recently, she hinted toward not being in love with me, but she says she cares for me. I recently caught her lying to me and it affected my ability to trust her. She moved back to her place about a month ago saying the initial move was too soon. I agreed with her. She also said if we had dated longer, I wouldn’t have so many questions. Don’t know about that. We still see one another two to three times a week. It’s getting close to a year now. She does most of the calling and texting and she still wants to be exclusive. How can you want exclusivity but not be in love? She had asked me in the past, “why I want a woman with issues?” I’ve only told her once that I love her, but because of the lack of reciprocation, I stay away from telling her that and using terms of endearment. Also, I’ve been informed by her own son how she cheated on his father and other men in the past. I found that to be some what profound. It made me question their relationship because I wonder if he was telling me this to spite her or is he giving me warning or both. I give her plenty of space but the exposure by her son and the exclusivity tag (exclusivity means relationship to me) is confusing things for me. I’ve started to focus more on myself and even have considered dating other women. I’m trying to detach from her to protect my heart and mirror her actions. Sometimes, I believe she’s with me because of what I do for her so far as how I date her. When we see one another, she normally spends the weekend at my home. Do I just go with the flow or is this something I need to remove myself from?


    • Bob thomas

      First of all this blog was excellent and so relatable to my life right now. Currently I have been dating my girlfriend for little over a year we have been doing a long distance relationship for the past 7 months as she is off to college. She asked me to take a break and that she would get back to me in a week. But basically she re assured me that she loved me and didn’t want to lose me but the distance is really hard for her. We have had this trouble before but we were able to see eachother and fix the issue. Unfortunately we don’t have the ability to see eachother. When she is away at school I feel she is a different person which I show support and don’t get jealous. The thing is we have never taken a break and she comes home for the summer next month. Confused why she wants a break but doesn’t want to break up and she says she loves me and wants to be with me. Her communication was changing and I noticed something was up. Should I stress it? Also we haven’t been texting or calling but she wants me to Snapchat her should
      I totally shut it off? When I Snapchat her she leaves me on read for most of the day even though she wants me to. Thanks so much!!

  5. Daron Cooper

    This has been very very helpful after my recent breakup. I think my situation might be a little different but still I will follow these steps cause its the only thing that makes sense. Thank you


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Daron,
      Thank you for reading my blog about my girlfriend wants to take a break. I know it’s a difficult time but you can do it.

    • Jacob lopez

      This blog is helping me get out of my normal routine and start to explore different hobbies and more importantly love myself again. Thank you apollonia

    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Jacob,
      Thanks for reading my blog about my girlfriend wants to take a break! I’m happy you enjoyed it. I am so happy to hear this and yes getting out of the normal routine is so important. I know you can do it and wishing you the best of luck!

  6. Cal

    Hey there my girl wanted to take break to build a friendship after feeling we jump in too early . I’m all for giving space if needed and no contact while working individual growth but she’s contacting me . Am I trippin ?


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Cal,

      No, not at all. This is how women are. Sometimes she says one thing but the fear of losign you might be kicking in. I would just stay your distance and let her come to you a little more naturally as you want to respect her growth but also build attraction. Thanks for your comment on “my girlfriend wants to take a break”


  7. Carl

    Hi Apollonia,

    My gf asked for a break and I wasn’t contacting her at all but I gave in and I told her after 5 days of no contact that I missed her and that I wasn’t expecting an answer from her, I just wanted to say that. She said that she missed me too, but she needs space and we shouldn’t be contacting each other during the break. I felt really dumb. Did I ruin everything? I want to say yes don’t worry and not contact her at all but I wonder if I already f*cked it up.

    Did I ruin my chances with her?


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Carl,
      Thanks for reading my blog about my girlfriend wants to take a break. I know this time can be incredibly difficult but also very challenging on your emotions. That’s why it’s so important to follow some of these things in my blog. What I would strongly suggest is to give her space and not contact her for 30 days. This will help you reflect and your relationship. If you need guidance with this I encourage you to book a session with me as I’m here for you.

  8. Jason

    I broke my girlfriends trust by not being completely honest with her. I’ve seen her 4 times in two weeks. Today we talked in person for close to two hours. She pretty much said that we need a break from eachother because with everything built up from our 3 year relationship she cannot truly be happy with me right now. She also said as much as she doesn’t want me to, she thinks I need to see other people so I wipe away my curiosity of other women. I feel like she is doing this for our future togetherness because she does not want me to mess up again, because it would be over forever. For right now she said she wants to be alone, have fun with her friends and family and forget about the negativity towards me. I told her that I do not want to grow by seeing other women because I know who I want to be with and that I am not giving up on us. I said that I do need to grow and gain her trust back and I feel like I can while we have this space apart from eachother to come back as an improved person. I agreed that space is good because we are so young and we feel like we are meant to be together just time will tell us. It will also teach us a lot about a relationship. I also need to prove to her that she can trust me by sticking to my word of what I said I am going to do. I feel confident about us in the future for sure because we have such a strong connection. However what should I do and how do I go about this? How long do I go no contact? and really just how can I gain her trust back to prove that I only want her?


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Jason,
      The way that you will gain her trust back is by not trying to take control. You have to shift your dynamics with yourself and her and be positive, free, and happy. Show her that you are working towards your own personal development and growth. Start doing something that you have been wanting to try for a while and use this time to explore new things so she can see that you are taking this seriously. Also, do this for you! In time, both of you need to mature and work on you. The way you get this relationship back is by doing exactly this and letting time pass so you can become that better person for yourself than her. I wrote another blog that I think can help you too.

    • Jason

      Thank you! This is not the first time I made her upset. Just with everything built up she is upset and can’t truly be happy with me right now because she can’t help but think about everything. I know time and space from eachother is going to heal that pain and wipe away the negative emotions towards me. I told her that I’m never giving up and this is the turning point for us to deepen. If this is what I have to do then this is what I have to do. Being patient and growing myself. But how much time is enough time and what is too little time? Her and I really have a special connection and our true is going to be tested right here, but I’m willing to create that attraction to pull her back in and work on myself to keep it together.

    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Jason,
      There is no specific time. The time will be when you change the behaviors that broke the relationship and she starts to see this. It can take a while so being attached to the outcome won’t help. Letting go and trusting the process and doing what’s best for you will. 🙂

  9. Michael

    I have this lady that I love so much and I have made my intentions known to her but she claims to have a boyfriend which I later found out that she was not telling the truth.

    She blatantly told me not to trip for her but anytime we talk on the phone or she’s around me, she flirts with me. I don’t understand her. So I took her flirting signs as a green light, thinking that she wanted me to fight for her the more. But this past week, she traveled and told me not to bother about dating her for real. I was confused. So I decided that I wasn’t going to contact her, and I didn’t contact her for almost two weeks. But of recent, she contacted me to just say hello and I just had to respond. If she doesn’t want anything to do with me then why does she contact me. I still don’t know what to do. I love her so much but I am confused.


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Michael,
      Thanks for reading my blog about my girlfriend wants to take a break. Here is what I would suggest. To back away for a while and not show her attention. I can guarantee that you will see change. She will reach out but you have to be strong. It seems as though she is just using you for attention and you will continue to get your feelings hurt. So place yourself on a pedestal and she might come back to you. Do not let her treat you like this and if so just do not give her attention.
      Hope this helps!

  10. Raj

    Actually I have a girl in my life at my cllg. I like her & she knows that too & i used to chase her but she don’t respond to it sincerely but I doesn’t want to quit on her as we are good friends from last 6 months and she’s a girl i wanted to be with. She’s doing this bcz she’s got stuck in her last love life I guess & now I’m getting no idea to how to deal with this situation


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Raj,
      Thanks for commenting and reading my blog about my girlfriend wants to take a break. I just want to clarify so I understand. Are you saying she is still in love with the man before you? An ex?

  11. Ahsan

    I am going through the same situation.
    My girl needed a break/space and i over reacted and beg to her and things get worse.
    Now i am not texting her and calling her. But I know she is busy in her own space and happy too. i am thinking that she doesn’t need me. It’s been 3-4 months. No positive vibe from her side.
    What if she never comes back?
    I will regret because i could have somehow emotionally convinced her and might had got her back in my life.
    How to overcome that feeling of regret?


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Ahsan,
      Thanks for reading my article about my girlfriend wants to take a break. I would suggest that you stop going back to the “what if” of the situation. Seems like you are emotionally attached to this woman and the best thing you can do is become happy without her. This is the only way that you can attract her back and also be in control is to be happy with you. To overcome the feeling of regret is by letting go. I would suggest that you get my audio seminar as this can help.

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I work with YOU, men, to master your attraction skills and confidence in order to find the right partner or become an irresistible dater, Deepen your current relationship, or get out of the friend-zone!


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