30 and Single: How to find the partner you’ve been waiting for!

To all those women out there that are in their 30s or 40s and single, this article is for you! I have spent a great amount of time interviewing and conversing with single women over 30 and women who ended up getting married and having kids in their 40s! I know that if you’re reading this article, you ultimately want to find a partner… but not just any partner. You may be a very successful woman and though you’re thinking, “I’m 30 and single,” you just don’t want a man to bring you down. Let’s be honest, what independent, confident woman like yourself really wants that? We’d rather be single. You may be feeling like all men are immature or perhaps you’ve just had a slew of bad dates and are ready to throw in the towel on dating altogether.

Perhaps you just got out of a long relationship and are scared you might not find someone to start a family with. You want to know that you’ll have somebody to come home to. Trust me I get it!

In this article, I want to show you that you are not alone and that your partner will come. I am also going to point out some of the things we are faced with at our age that can sometimes be very draining. I’ll guide you on how you can really align yourself to find the right partner with all opportunities given to you, and by the end of this article, you’ll walk away feeling gratified, uplifted, and ready to find your soulmate!

Single and 30 or 40: The pressures you experience

I know that at your age, your grandparents, parents, or even friends might be bothering you about not being married or even having a boyfriend at the moment. I mean let’s be real, it takes us an additional hour to find the perfect outfit… Imagine picking our partner! You might be hearing, “You’re too picky, you have to get out there but you are always home…” Or worst of all… “You’re 30 and still single and I want grandbabies!”

Even though family members come from a loving place they can sometimes put the most pressure on us to find someone to marry and have kids with. And then we find ourselves going to wedding after wedding, baby shower after baby shower, only to come home alone again right after. The feeling can really set in… “Am I ever going to find someone to love and someone to love me?” I’ve been there, a lot of us have, and you are not alone. You may even find yourself never going out and rather just staying home and watching Netflix while your younger girlfriends are texting you to go out dancing… Which is far from what your ideal Saturday night looks like.

You might find yourself not liking anyone you go out with and then you end up thinking, “Is there something wrong with me?”

No, there isn’t. When you’re at this age you know what you want and you don’t give in to the bullshit! If a guy isn’t right for you and you see red flags you can gladly walk away and never turn back. There may be nights that you cry because you’re afraid you will not find the one. You know that love can be so incredibly gratifying and you have a big heart that’s ready and willing to give. You want to give and receive love so much, and this can leave you feeling fearful when you don’t have the right person to this share with.

It’s also not unusual to feel left out when you’re talking to your married friends that have children, as you can’t relate to their lives. So many of us have been there. But this is where I tell you that it’s not forever! I guarantee it!

I’ve been talking to a lot of women who got married in their early and late 40s, and some women who married in their late 30s. When I ask them for a word of advice to the ones who are single, the one thing that they all have in common is always this: “Enjoy your single days, travel the world, and you will find your partner.

Single in your 30s and 40s: Begin by Having Fun Dating

This is the truest piece of advice that anyone can give you. When speaking to these married women, I’ve come to realize that one of their biggest regrets was worrying about finding a husband and starting a family, and the nights that they would stay up crying and feeling angry that they didn’t have someone to come home to.

So, for those of you single women over 30 and 40 who are still reading, I am going to start speaking to you about how you can start attracting the right partner. I want to get you excited to be single because girl… I am telling you, you will have your man! A lot of times we put a lot of energy in our careers since we have the time to really focus, but what’s important here is to always devote some time to yourself.

“Me time” is essential, and you’ve got to plan out some activities you can do to really enhance your interactions with new people. There are so many ways to do this! You can try out online dating, being part of social activities like runner’s club or something athletic, or even being part of a non-profit organization. This will bring you fulfillment and friendships that can possibly lead to something more…

Have fun dating because it won’t be forever. Think of it like this: This is the last and final time you will be able to date as long as you live, so enjoy and be in the present moment every time you go on a date! Take it for what’s it worth, be positive and if it doesn’t go anywhere, oh well, on to the next one! Continue to be social and do more activities during the day.

Being single in your 30s and 40s: Forgive Yourself, and Forgive the Men

Sometimes we women can be a little judgmental when it comes to ourselves and others. Forgive yourself for creating the expectation that you should be married or in a relationship by now.30 and Single

Understand, that in your 20s, 30s, or even 40s you might have had a different approach to dating by saying “There are no good men out there.” But if you say it and believe it, this is exactly what you will attract. You are the captain of your ship but the ocean rules everything, and the fish are what give life and beauty to the ocean. So let’s think of your fish as men. Plenty of fish in the sea, you know?

If you’re going to be the captain of your ship and have that good relationship with your ocean, you must forgive your men (fish). Both the ones with whom you may not have had good relationships and the ones that you have judged before. Forgiveness is what sets you free. Understanding that things do not happen to us and they happened for us is a significant step in the forgiveness process.

Feed forgiveness with love in order to receive love. So as silly as this may sound work on loving and forgiving your men (fish) because this is what gives life to your ocean. Your ocean rules everything and if you want to be the captain of your life you must honor your ocean. Get it?

“If we really want to love we must learn how to forgive.” – Mother Teresa

30 and single: Clear Your Energy

Everything in life has a magnetic force and it’s up to us to attract the outcomes that we want. Energy can send off frequencies to our body and our brain but the best news ever is that we control this! Men can sense if you are pressuring yourself to be in a relationship and want children. They might not be able to know what exactly they sense, but they will pick up on a roadblock that will make them feel less attracted and more disconnected. Trust me when I tell you that these men can feel it so just let go and trust in the process. If you have never worked on clearing your energy before, here are some tips that I suggest.Self-Care Tips
Journaling: This helps release feelings and blockages that you don’t even know exist! I know for me I am a visual learning so the more I saw my thoughts on paper the easier I was able to see my flaws, and when I was over thinking things. Journaling was a big wake up call in my life and it can be for you too!  Even if you don’t have anything that is coming to mind just pick up a pen, get a journal, sit in a quiet space and write about anything. I can promise you something will come to mind either today or tomorrow. Just do not give up!
Meditation: I am sure you have heard meditation has been the cure for all! Even though I believe meditation is a strong practice I do believe you should start this when you are ready. The thing about meditation is it takes a lot of patience so you have to be willing to take your time and let the natural insecurities of meditation come up. What do I mean by this? Well, you will always think of other things, in the beginning, it might be hard to stay still, you might not find a meditation that you really like etc. That’s why I say patience is everything! If you need help with meditations I actually suggest meditations based on your personality type. You can always feel free to comment below and I will help you!
Working Out:: Helps lift your energy and endorphins. Working out is actually proven to release any negative endorphins you have in your body. Typically after working out, you feel as though you can conquer the world! That’s why I highly recommend this before a date as well as clearing your energy.
Quite Time:Reading a book or doing something you love! This is so critical in me time and self-love. I know a nice hot bubble bath and a glass of red wine will sound good to you, right? Just do something you love!

Getting older and still single: Practice Manifestation

Yes, at this age we may have experienced a lot of heartbreak and possibly even some pretty bad breakups. But do not lose sight of the bigger picture, which is Love. When you find your partner, it will all make sense. Every single heartbreak, every tear, and every lesson. I am living proof of this. I would have never been ready for my soul mate if I never went through the relationships I experienced. So, trust in the timing.

Start buying little things for two people; act like you have already found your partner. Ask for it daily, set the intention and envision this. Every single day!

Visualize your partner telling you he loves you and picture walking with him hand and hand. Many women I speak to tell me they manifested their partner or husband. I know I sure did! I manifested this so much that I remember being in an elevator one day and having to shock my body to come back to reality because I really felt my partner standing next to me. I had an inner voice speak to me and say loud and clear, “He’s coming.”

Two months later he showed up.

Make a dream board or a vision book and really focus on the qualities and vision you see with your partner. Then write down what both you and your partner contribute to the relationship.

Don’t ever stop being you, never settle, continue to be social and focus on all the good things that are yet to come your way. What I envision for you reading this is maybe a couple months or one or two years down the line reflecting back to this article and just simply smiling because I have no doubt in my heart you will find your partner.


Apollonia Ponti

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  1. Women have changed in a very big way from the old days making love very difficult to find for so many of us good single men that really want too.

  2. It is just too very bad that they didn’t have places to go for many of us men without bars since it definitely would’ve been much easier meeting a good woman to settle down with, without the drinking part. Now most women today just want to drink so much and get very wasted, and they just want to sleep around with different men all the time instead of committing themselves to only one man unfortunately. Most of these women are just so very horrible now, and will never ever make a good wife at all to begin with.

    1. Hey Ben. Thanks for reading 30 and single. It sounds like these are the type of women that you’re surrounding yourself by and basing all women off of that. I would suggest changing where you’re going or meeting women somewhere else. If you’re trying to pick up women at a bar, then yes, you’re more likely to run into girls that want to party. Try meeting women through hobbies and activities and similar interests. I would also work on rebuilding your trust and letting go of your past.

  3. Thank you Apollonia, I stumbled upon this article. You clearly called out the what exactly women like me go through and the struggle is real. So much so this has affected my mental health too.
    But all said, I’m going to be positive take one step at a time.
    I’m visualising someday I will come back and say This was all worth it. I promise to share my story with you! 😊
    Lots of Love,

  4. Hi, Apollonia! I stumbled across your article after google searching “is it weird to be single at 30?”. I’ve had my fair share of love (or what I thought was love) but mostly heartbreak. I have 2 wonderful kids (11 & 1) from 2 of those relationships. My last relationship (ended when my daughter was 4 months) was very abusive – and that wasn’t the first abusive relationship that I’ve been in. Because my last relationship was so bad, I wasn’t even thinking of dating – I was done with men. I’ve been single for a year now – and tonight I’m sad about it. I’m very sad and I feel as if I’ll never find “the one”. I want love and I deserve it! But I always attract the wrong ones. How do I attract the right ones? I’m, also, curious about finding a meditation based on my personality (per your suggestion).

    1. Hello Heather,

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read 30 and Single: How to find the partner you’ve been waiting for.
      We know better than anyone that dating is not easy! We are sorry to hear about the pain you have suffered from your past relationships.
      That’s why we are here to help you find the one. You are exactly correct when you say you deserve this kind of love because you do more than anyone and we want to make sure you obtain the true love you deserve. My team and I would love to speak with your further. You can head to https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/ to reserve a 1:1 Coaching call. We appreciate you taking the time to write to us. We look forward to hearing from you!

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