How do I let go of an ex or someone with whom you’ve shared a passionate and lustful relationship with? It can be difficult. In this article, I am going to go over the different types of relationships that we may encounter and why they can be so difficult to let go of. Perhaps you experienced a long-term, serious relationship, or perhaps you were in a hot and heavy relationship in which you couldn’t get enough of each other. Either way, you’ve lost your partner and you want to know how to move past this painful period.
Letting go is a selfish act that needs to be done in order to set you free. It is an incredible release that helps a person to resolve inner conflict and ultimately enjoy the feeling of freedom, confidence, and hopefully down the line, understanding along with compassion. Moving on can be one of the most difficult moments we face in our lives, especially when it comes to love. It is perfectly natural to feel anger, fear, or sadness, but you always want to make sure that you understand the reason why you are letting go of someone.
Generally speaking, when you get to this point, you already know the reasons for why you have to move on. Maybe this relationship isn’t healthy for you anymore, maybe you need to do what’s best for the kids, or maybe it’s a volatile relationship and you’ve finally escaped. All these points are valid and I know that there are many more reasons that people have for needing to let go of relationships. As we move on I am going to break down the steps you can use to start the process of letting go. Remember that you are not alone and I am always here if you need guidance and support.
Learning how to let go is important for your personal evolution
Here’s the thing, 80% of the time you instinctively know when you should move on from a relationship or a partner. It’s about how often you listen to your gut, pay attention to the signs, and really take the time, to be honest with yourself about what you’re feeling at every single moment.
If your ex left you and you tried everything in your power to get them back, you might feel that it is finally time to let go and move on. Letting go is something to take seriously if you want to set yourself free from constant thoughts of your ex-partner, fixation on memories and “what ifs”, and most importantly the feeling of not being good enough. These emotions are common when someone gave you space, left you and disappeared from your life, but giving energy to them is the same as giving control to your ex-partner. It enhances every negative emotion.
Think of it like this. You are probably reading this article because you have experienced one of these relationship factors before. The person that left you or pulled away committed a selfish act. They were the one who wanted the breakup and they were the one that wanted to be set free. So why can’t you do the same? Letting go is a selfish act that truly benefits and brings the positivity to your life that you deserve. When you choose not to let go, it can cause so many negative emotions between you and your ex-partner, and between you and new potential partners that you will meet in the future. If you don’t let go of what happened to you in a past relationship then it will just reappear in the next one for you to face and grow from. There is no better time to let go than now. There will never be a perfect time. It’s not that you will wake up one day and say, “OK, I LET GO!” It takes time, patience, and work!
Learning to let go is a step by step process
The first step in letting go is to understand that everything that you have been through is in your hands to acknowledge and take responsibility for. If you were in an unhealthy relationship in the past, placing all of the blame on the other will not help you let go. Placing blame is still attaching an emotion so the cord will not be cut. Instead, look at it like this: “What did I do to be in this relationship? How did I let this relationship continue and why did I let this relationship continue?” Taking the time to be completely honest with yourself. Discovering a new, truthful relationship is what you deserve. So how did you get into this relationship? What was missing in your life that lead you to believe this was a good relationship and what made you stay? These questions allow you to analyze your own actions, define any patterns, and pinpoint what should change in the future.
The second step in learning to let things go is to work on understanding without judgment, and then forgive yourself for what you may not have done to be truthful to yourself. When you look back on what the relationship was about, please don’t judge yourself for it. I encourage you to just reflect on ways in which you may have held yourself back from being your authentic self in the relationship. For example, not being open about what you truly wanted could be a reason behind why your partner disappeared. It can be multiple things, and you will be able to pinpoint them if you take the time to objectively analyze the relationship and the breakup.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Forgive yourself for being in this relationship and take it at face value. You’ve learned from this, you’re learning to move on, and you’re becoming a stronger person because of it. Now that you are taking the time to really explore this relationship, understand why it happened this way, and then forgive yourself for any mistakes, you are going to grow from it. Once you do this I can guarantee you’ll show up as a better person for your next relationship. If you do it right it might just be your last one!
The third step consists of getting back in control of the situation. You might be wondering what I mean by this? Well, we often feel that we are handing power to the other person when we let go. They influence our thoughts and they continue to be in our minds, especially when they were the ones to break up with us or disappear. So how do you regain control when this happens? What if I told you that you regain control of your mindset and activities? Now, if you’re still in contact with this past partner, you’ll need to cut the ties and stop contacting them for a while and work on developing yourself. If you are no longer in contact with this person, you can regain control by reminding yourself that they let you go. In fact, they did you a favor!
You now have a clearer picture and have the power to focus and make your life into what you’ve always wanted it to be. Just picture your ex in slow motion doing a jaw-dropped double take the next time they run into you. That’s you now! Take this time to be social, invest the time into something you are passionate about, schedule activities weekly or bi-monthly that you’ve been nervous to try out. Work out often and update your look. Become a new and improved version of the person your ex fell in love with in the first place. Now is your time because you have the control.
Fourth Step, have fun with friends and go on dates! Once you personally identify what you could have done better and are ready to go on a date with someone else, do it! If you aren’t ready then I would suggest for you to just go out with your friends and have some fun. Being around people that uplift you and make you happy and vibrant is so important when it comes to being able to move forward in life and keeping yourself occupied.
The fifth step comes in the form of Self-Care. Travel! Go for a quick getaway to a place that makes you happy! Traveling gives you that alone time that you sometimes need, and you can be in your happy place somewhere you love. This also gives you some time to just escape the normal everyday routines and clears your mind for when you get back home. Once you do this you may return back home with a new perspective and a fresh look at the truth and also feel more empowered than when you left.
How do I let go of someone who hurt me?
As you know, when someone you love hurts you it feels like a dagger straight to your heart. If you know that this relationship can’t be mended and you have no other choice other than to let go, it can feel dreadful and tiring. You’re thinking, “How do I let go?,” and you might feel as though you are having an out of body experience because of all the pain you’re in, but I am here to tell you it will not last forever. If you have been sitting on the couch watching Netflix and binge eating ice cream, now is the time to stop! 😉
It’s essential to take the time to take a step back and notice the patterns that attracted you to this person. Did you set aside some of your values or beliefs to make things work or to satisfy your partner? How honest were you with yourself? What I always suggest to clients is to write down what good and bad came out of the relationship. I would encourage you to even do a checklist so you can get a clear picture, and then reflect on the ways you may have ignored important elements and allowed things to continue. Mastering this is key so that you can break negative patterns. I wouldn’t recommend talking to your ex-partner for a while and figuring things out on your own. Silence is always the best thing when someone hurts you. By the way, it leaves them guessing and a bit of mystery never hurt anyone! It will only help you have a clearer vision of what’s to come and restore the feeling of control that was lost when your partner hurt you.
Furthermore, if you are moving on because of any physical pain that you may have endured, learning how to let go can be extremely hard. When you’ve experienced something traumatic like this in your life, you need time to heal. Do not rush it and do not think that you are less than anyone else because that’s not the truth. I hear so many men and women thinking that they may have deserved it or feel guilty for putting themselves through it. I strongly suggest for you to reach out for support and I want you to know that there is no reason to feel guilty. The strongest people sometimes experience the worst relationships. I feel so strongly about this topic because I was once there, too. I share my story on another blog that I wrote about abusive relationships. You can find more there on this sensitive topic since this is something that deserves to be mentioned and also someone to give you guidance on this sensitive topic.
I would love to hear about your progress in letting go and how you’ve seen some positive changes happen in this process in the comments below. Remember that this process is doable if you’re willing to commit and believe in it! Letting go is to set yourself free, and when you set yourself free your more open to receiving what you ultimately want and that may be true love!
Your Love Coach in letting go.
Apollonia Ponti, an international certified coach and founder of apolloniaponti.com. She works with men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills and helps rebuild relationships.
You can find her expert advice on “is she using me”, plus a couple other of your core professional services, through her YouTube Channel, and Attract a Woman E-Book. To get real results with women NOW! Change your life and master your attraction. Book a coaching session here.