Why is it so hard to find a good woman?

Do you find yourself wondering why it’s so hard to find a good woman, or to be attracted to the right woman? Well, I believe that this is a big question to ask yourself. Finding the answers can bring lots of positive change to your life, and I know that you will find a lot of truth right here in this article. Experiencing difficulty in finding a good woman can stem from multiple things that I will discuss throughout this piece, and I know it’s a common question on men’s minds while they’re out there trying to find the perfect fish in the dating sea.

We are living in a time during which our society’s obsession with instant gratification has multiplied in the dating scene. Simply put, ever since sex became easier to get, real love became harder to find. This is precisely why I felt the need to write an article that explores all subjects and questions you have about finding a good woman. It’s important to note that in order to find a great partner you must be prepared to be a great partner as well. This means that you will attract what you put out. Life throws us obstacles, and these challenges also show up in relationships. The way you approached these obstacles in the past has shaped you into the man you are now. Though these experiences have probably left scars, it’s important that you try your best to let go of fear, pain, or pessimism so that you can focus on attracting the right woman for you.

If you need any tailored advice, please feel free to comment below at the bottom of this article or drop me a message about this blog. I am always happy to hear from you!

Finding A Good Woman Is Hard!

Typically, when a man says this I ask him about the activities he’s involved in, what kind of conversations he has with a woman, and what intentions he communicates to her via his behavior. Finding a good man is difficult for a woman as well, so pay close attention to the steps I am going to share with you in terms of finding a good woman! I am also going to go over some patterns in your behavior that you may be experiencing when you’re dating women in general. Having the right conversations with a woman and knowing how to start a conversation with a girl is very critical when you are spending time with her on a date. As a result of our world today we forget how to have those face to face conversations. We are so consumed with text messaging, internet dating, and reality shows. I am not passing judgement on any of these types of things because I am no exception, but I mean to say that we’ve lost the tools for approaching a woman and asking her deep questions to truly get to know what type of woman she is.

That’s why I created a manual with a list of questions to help you!

Furthermore, this has a lot to do with your own perception. I know you’ve heard of the law of attraction, and I often discuss it in my blogs, but this is something that can be manifested. If your thoughts are always believing that you will be attracting the wrong woman, this will only continue to happen. So, I encourage you to try switching your thoughts to something like this: “I haven’t found a woman that measures up to my values or standards yet. But I know she is out there and I will continue to be open to receiving what I am looking for.” You can use this as a daily affirmation if you want! Affirmations are proven to bring positivity, which in turn lights up your energy to receiving relationships that are right for you!

How To Find A Good Woman: 6 Expert Tips

Struggling to find a good woman? Here are some tips that might help you find the woman of your dreams:

  1. Evaluate potential love interests that may be in front of you
  2. Come across as serious
  3. Meet women in the appropriate environment
  4. Don’t jump straight into sex
  5. Evaluate if you’re looking for comfort or a relationship
  6. Are you life trapped? What can you do about it?

Below I go into each tip in depth so you can get a more comprehensive knowledge of how to find a good woman.

Tip #1 She might be in front of you

Now, I am sure you’ve come across plenty of good women in your day but these types of women aren’t always the easiest to get because they have high standards. Women look for a man that is not only confident but who will come off as mature, honest, loyal, and consistent without being overly pushy. A woman like this is someone that will appreciate an intellectual conversation. This is why I made the deep question manual that I mentioned above. These questions will help you to begin forming an emotional connection. She also wants to see some effort from you. How are you planning dates? Are you keeping your word? Are you being consistent?

Tip #2 Can you be taken seriously?

A lot of women will put you on the back-burner if you come off as too friendly and are constantly joking about something. They will think that you aren’t serious about anything longterm and you might just be playing the field. It’s true that women love humor, but there’s always a time and a place for it.

Tip #3 Where are you meeting women?

So often I find out that men are dating women that they meet in clubs… Sometimes they’re even dating their best friend’s ex! I mean things will not start off that well if you continue to pick up girls at clubs or date girls that dated your friends. I have to be blunt. This is just asking for a relationship to go wrong. Let me be very clear when it comes to meeting girls in clubs. I’ve had plenty of clients meet a great girl at a club and it turned into something special. The key was that the guy wasn’t going out trying to meet girls in clubs all the time. So, do you always pick up girls at clubs? Good girls go to clubs too. It’s true that sometimes you can meet a good woman there but it’s hard to have a conversation. Just enjoy that moment and then pick up the phone to really get to know her a few days later. I wouldn’t advise meeting people in clubs all the time, especially if you’re wondering about where to find a good woman.

Tip #4 It’s all about the sex

Yes, I know you love sex but if this is the only thing you are seeking every time you go out, this isn’t the best way to find a woman who will want something real. You are chasing a high that is easily fixed when you have sex with a woman that you find attractive. Of course, women can have sex with whomever they choose and sometimes just want to have fun with no strings attached. Just keep in mind that having sex with a woman too early on makes it harder to decipher who she truly is. You can tell by a woman’s energy, looks, and how she carries herself if she is independent and classy even if she chooses to get down with you for one night! If you’re interested, then both of you should make a conscious decision to not go there right away!

Tip #5– Emotionally unsatisfied

You might be looking for comfort but not a relationship. What I like to call a modern relationship. Here is where you have to be honest with yourself. Are you looking for someone to love and face challenges with or are you solely looking for comfort, affection, and the feeling of being wanted by someone?

Tip #6 Life Trapped

I saved the best for last! Yes, “life trapped” is a thing, and it takes some time to work through. It’s not something that can be healed overnight. It takes work and accountability to notice the patterns when you are falling in them. What is this? A life trap can be defined by patterns that start from childhood. Though there are plenty of different life traps, I am going to discuss the one that pertains to this article’s subject. Many men I speak to woo women but never really connect with them. You may find yourself thinking, “Why is it so hard to meet a good woman” when you are going from woman to woman insisting that none of the women you meet satisfy you. The closer you come to intimate relationships, the more you latch on to the initial infatuation. The problem is that these relationships never last with you. So you make a woman fall for you but never develop a deep bond. When the honeymoon stage starts to fade, you lose interest. When she’s fallen in love with you and begins to show more affection, you might feel that she’s clingy and you feel ready to move on to something else.

Despite the fact that you’re meeting women, you still struggle with loneliness and feeling bored or empty. There may be a void inside and you’re actively trying to find a good girl to fill that void. Perhaps you’ve begun to believe that you will always be alone simply because this is what you know. As a child, you may have felt the same ache of loneliness. Maybe you didn’t know your father or mother, or perhaps they were cold, unemotional, and never gave you that affectionate love. Your emotional needs were unmet and you grew up emotionally deprived. You continue to subconsciously create a detachment to love and emotions. So, whenever you insist that a woman isn’t beautiful enough, smart enough, or just isn’t right for you, tune into your life trap and honestly ask yourself if you might be finding fault within others because the feeling of warmth and love feel foreign and uncomfortable to you. If this resonates with you it’s time to identify what’s going on while taking some responsibility for your current actions. Remember, I am always here to guide you.

How To Find A Good Woman?

I believe that finding a good woman becomes easy when you peel back the layers of the onion and explore why you might be attracting the wrong type of women for you. If you recognize a pattern in your everyday routines then I would suggest switching it up a little. If you aren’t stepping outside the box and challenging yourself then the time to begin doing so is now! Since this is such a common challenge for people, I designed a free eBook entitled 7 Common Mistakes Men Make When Attracting A Woman. This eBook breaks down common mistakes that you may be making right now!

Here are just a couple ideas on how and where to find a good woman.

Dating Apps – What! Did you say dating app? Yes, I did! I actually wrote an article all about internet dating and in it I explore today’s online dating world. One way you can find a quality woman on a dating app is by taking a look at her photos and bio. Typically, a woman that is smiling, traveling, and posting healthy activities (as opposed to half naked photos) is a woman you should give an opportunity to.

Coffee Shops – A lot of women who own their own business or are going to school go to coffee shops to work or to take a break. If you notice that she gives you eye contact a quick smile, a hello can go a long way.

Through Friends – Don’t be afraid to ask your friends if they know of any good girls that they can introduce you to. I know this might come off awkward but if you are really looking for a good woman then it’s about your approach.

Social Media – Start looking at your friends’ friends and see if there is a woman that catches your eye. She should have some positivity on her page, and not too many nightlife photos. She should look like a well-rounded individual with passion and goals. A little message can go a long way. Just read her comments or look at her photos to make sure she doesn’t have a boyfriend!

Networking Events – I know it may be difficult to approach a woman, so networking events are great places to meet people. This is the type of place where everyone approaches each other and it doesn’t seem awkward. You’re all there to network and then you can see how the conversation goes from there.

Activities and Communities – This is a great way to meet a woman because not only are you giving back to the community, you also share an interest. A lot of independent ambitious woman involve themselves in non-profits, corporate runs, mud runs, color runs etc. You get the point. Try looking into what is going on in your community or what non-profits you like and start getting involved!

Grocery Stores – I know you might be asking how on earth do you approach a woman at a grocery store? In general, it’s a great way to just spark a conversation. Listen, we might hate to go grocery shopping but the food makes us happy, doesn’t it? It’s a love/hate relationship we have with the grocery store so a cute, confident man approaching us will make it all the more interesting!

Weddings and Holiday Parties – I love these times because everyone is happy and talkative. This is the time where you can just approach anyone, have fun, dance and just live. Meeting a woman here is a great way to start a potential relationship.

Finding A Good Girl Can Be Tough, But It’s Far From Impossible…

In this article, like with all of my articles, my intention is always to be as very clear as possible. It’s important that you look into the reasons why you may not be attracting the right woman.First Date Conversation Starters If you are attracting women that are only after you for your money, looks, or companionship, then it’s important that you really pay attention to the tips I provided you with. I know that when a beautiful woman approaches you and you begin to date, it can sometimes be difficult to let go when you notice that there are some roadblocks that arise or things that you cannot accept. You might decide to let things carry on longer than needed. That’s why it’s so important to ask a woman these deep questions early on. In time you will get to see your answers.

You don’t want to ignore a woman’s behavior. If there is a well-established relationship but her lifestyle isn’t something that you can agree with, then I suggest giving her the opportunity to change. If not, then it’s important to move on. When you become addicted to negative patterns, insecurities can develop also leave you feeling empty or alone.

I want you to focus on your intentions and attraction when it comes to finding a great woman. Change your mindset, know your strengths and weaknesses, and if this is the case for you, work on figuring out why you haven’t been showing up as the best version of yourself. Give yourself time to fix this after you acknowledge it, and continue to focus on asking the right questions and recognizing behaviors that these women show you. If you’re reading this article, I can promise you’ll find an incredible woman soon.


Your love coach on finding a good woman.

Apollonia Ponti

Apollonia Ponti, an international certified coach and founder of apolloniaponti.com. She works with men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills and helps rebuild relationships.

You can find her expert advice on “is she using me”, plus a couple other of your core professional services, through her YouTube Channel, and Attract a Woman E-Book. To get real results with women NOW! Change your life and master your attraction. Book a coaching session here.

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  1. I was married for 20 yrs. I caught her cheating several times so I divorced her. I have been with three other females that just abandoned me one with no excuses she lost her dad and just didn’t want nothing with me the other two one was nuts so who knows the other her name was April man I thought she was the one. We even had a miscarriage. We was best friends and she left. I feel like maybe it’s me? I mean damn I think I do my best I’m always with them helping them in any way. I work all day so I’m not really stuck up their butt.

    1. Hello Matt,
      Thank you for your comment and I know this is very difficult. I have worked with several men with the same issues and it takes a lot of self-reflection as well as identify patterns so you attract different women into your life. One thing that sticks out in this comment is when you said: “you do your best and always helping them in any way.” I would have to speak to you through a private coaching session to get more information and also be able to see where it is that your possibly attracting these women into your life and how to change it. Book a session with me here https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
      Also, this E-Book is free for a limited time. It will possibly help you and help you understand what I do. 🙂 Speak soon!

  2. Ms. Ponti: I wholly disagree. The same women who claim to want a good man are the ones who are indiscriminately throwing themselves at the drug dealing thug, corporate player, or the tattooed felon du jour. For a lot of us, the idea that good women are out there cheering us on is an absolute myth. THAT SHIP HAS SAILED!!!

  3. I have a girl thats on and off maybe because I always available and try to get her attention much. She and I met once and it did go fine, but I think care too much after just 1 month that we known each other… I am feeling desperate or that I cant do my things because of her. I dont know what to do

  4. Her five years I met this girl in griefshare we both lost her spouse we were real good friends sharing all our Intimate Secrets together every time I get close and try to do what I think is the right thing she turns and runs I know she’s full of fear I have a slight anger problem I get upset when things aren’t my way but like most of the stuff I read I’m just looking for someone to be caring and loving I had a beautiful wife High School sweethearts we were she passed away from pancreatic cancer and it’s been real hard she was my best friend it always comforted me when I was down sometimes I just want to end it all but no that’s a permanent solution for temporary problems please tell me what should I do at 61 years old I am so lost thank you my name is Louie

    1. Hi Louie,
      Sorry that you are going through this but you have to have self-love for you and I know you have it in you. I believe a coaching session should help you a bit more so I can have more understanding to give you advice. I know you want to find a good woman but it’s important that you are happy with or without this so you can attract the right woman and control things that need to be controlled.

    2. Well it is the women of today that have really changed for the worst of all unfortunately, now that Feminism is everywhere which certainly has a lot to do with it as well. Many of us men can’t even say good morning or hello to a woman that we would really like to meet, which it really has become very extremely dangerous now more than ever since they will usually be very nasty to us and walk away. What in the world happened to these women today anyway? How come most women are so very mean to many of us good innocent single men just looking to have a relationship today? This is the very excellent reason why so many of us men are still single today because of this, and it is really not our fault at all to begin with.

    3. Hey Apollonia Ponti 👋🏼

      Great article, such a good read and great advice, I’ve recently started to become more judgemental about women’s sexuality, whereas before I wasn’t. what does that mean or say about myself ?

      For some context:

      I’ve recently split with my partner and noticed that towards the end of the relationship, I had increased feelings of jealousy and insecurity when she would post sexy images on her Instagram. I understand women want to express there sexual femininity but is there a line between that and attaining attention from men..?

      Since the end of the relationship I still find it distasteful seeing girls on Instagram posing with little to no clothing…

      I’ve stopped watching porn & masturbating for quite some time now to channel my energy into more useful things at this time.

      what’s your thoughts?


  5. Good women you say? Well where would that be? Not today that is for sure. Most women today are just so very stuck up with a rotten personality, and have no manners at all either. Now in the old days which most women were Real Ladies altogether, and they were a lot easier to meet as well. Plus the women back then really did put these very pathetic women today to total shame altogether as well.

    1. Thanks for reading my blog about why is it so hard to find a good woman. Sorry, you feel this way. I know it’s hard out there but that’s why questioning women and getting to know them and walking away when you see something not aligned. Good luck!

  6. An interesting article, but from my perspective finding a good woman feels like mission impossible. Over the time i’v been single, i’v met many woman,but those that i have an interest in are only interested in being friends, so it’s been nearly been 2 years since i last went on a date. On the upside, i’am happy being single, and focused on work, hobbies and outdoor activity’s.

  7. Just read this blog for the third time. You have great insight on dating. Now here goes my dilemma. I come in contact with a number of women every day. Every one thinks of me as there best bud. Because of some old combat injuries I do not look like anybodys idea of a dream. Have a limp and an injured neck. I have found myself in pleasant conversations but I feel their stares because of my impediments. Been told that I am highly intelligent and great at conversations. How do get ladies to overlook my physical deficinces
    Your advice would be greatly appreciated.

    1. Hi John,

      I know this is difficult but it all comes down to how you see yourself. This is the truth behind everything in life. Just because you have injuries does not make this who you are it’s just a part of you on the exterior surface but NOT you. If you doubt these others may too. Also, some people you encounter might not know how to appreciate you for who you are and this will naturally show you the person they are. I believe this is a win-win. 🙂

  8. Your video was veey interrsting to say the least.
    Yes, I would like to find an honest woman someday.
    I hope your book will help me to find just that.

    1. Hi Montgomery,
      I am glad that you found my video interesting and helpful. Good luck finding that special woman and I am sure you will find my book resourceful.

    2. Hi Montgomery.

      I am happy that you find my videos interesting and helpful. I hope you use some of my recommendations outlined on this Blog to find and honest woman, because you deserve it.

  9. So I have been at my job for about a year now. At first, this girl didn’t notice me or bother to talk to me. Couple months went by, she started coming up to me and was being very flirtatious. We had something going and I was also flirting back and talking with her. But i think i made a mistake by confessing to her couple months in. We went on a couple weeks without talking. But she eventually started talking to me again and i just played it cool. Started very recently, she going cold on me again. I watched your videos about being needy and i always make sure i don’t come off needy around her. But now she’s acting like she don’t know me. I don’t know what’s going on, but i just let things happen. What’s the best advice in this situation?
    Thanks Apollonia

  10. Hi APPOLONIA, I really liked this article. I was dating a girl for a while. I think I was too available and I was helping her financially but she was saying that she liked me and we will be together. i was opposed to her life style wanting to go to the club almost every weekends alone without me but she continues to do so. Suddenly, a month ago, she told me she wanted to be only friends and we will always be friends and it will never change. I tried to talked her out of that but with no success. She still want to go to Jamaica with me for her birthday but only as friends and i have to pay for everything, tickets, hotel and other expenses. Now she blocked me everywhere in all social media and she said she will talk to me only if I get the tickets for her birthday trip to Jamaica. I do not know what to do?

    1. Hi Jack,
      Thanks for reading my blog about why is it so hard to find a good woman. Right now you have to give her time and space. You trying to convenience her is just going to push her further away. You need to make sure that you don’t do this anymore given an opportunity she comes back. Hope this helps!

  11. Today unfortunately women have really changed for the worst, making the dating scene very difficult for many of us single men. Just too many very high maintenance women nowadays that just can’t like a man for who he really is anymore, and will only want the very best of all and will never settle for less.

  12. Everything you say and write Apollonia is great for guys who stand a chance of success with a woman. But the fact is, for some of us there is literally no point in approaching or showing sexual interest in any woman. No woman has ever paid the slightest attention to me – nobody has given me a sign or signal, in high school, college, graduate school, work, never a rumour that someone likes me – nothing. I’m always a friend and never of interest sexually. I’ve never done anything to show a woman I’m interested and have no intention of doing so because there is zero chance my interest could ever be reciprocated. This has nothing to do with how I perceive myself – this is decades of life experience talking.

    1. Most women in the past were real ladies with a lot of class, and that is why it was a lot easier finding love in those days for those guys back then. Today most women are very pathetic altogether with a lot of mental problems unfortunately which makes it very difficult for many of us single guys trying to find love today. Most women back then were raised by good parents, and today their parents are very horrible altogether since they don’t even know how to raise their children the right way anymore as they’re growing up. It is just too very bad that most of these women today have no manners and personality at all either, and are very stuck up most of the time when many of us guys will try to start a conversation with them. That is why it is very difficult to find love for many of us guys today because of these type of women that are out there now unfortunately. Born in the wrong Era, and too bad we weren’t born back then.

  13. hi Ms.Apollonia ponti.i’m from sri lanka. I have an INFP personality as i think as for personality mesurement. My mom always control me and i feel weak boy comparing other boys and mens.
    Not sexually weaken but mentaly i’m so emotional
    rather been rational. I cant even bare simple criticism. Therefore women and girls dont like
    my personality.Please give some advise. I have
    very deep pain in my heart becuase i am 24 years
    old but my whole life till today is single. If some good girl can gave me love i will do my love with
    my whole soul.My name is kasun Clement.Thank you!

  14. Just too many low life loser women everywhere nowadays with such a very bad attitude problem making the dating scene now every extremely dangerous for many of us good single men really looking for a very serious relationship today unfortunately.

  15. Good morning,, my name is Sunday. Thanks a lot for your inspirational articles. I learned a lot from it.
    I have this woman who profess that she loves me but when I really need her , she’s not there.
    For instance, she never wants to come to see how I’m doing unless I have to pick her up . Also. when I’m sick or not feeling well, she doesn’t bother to visit me and gives me any assistance. When I try to challenge her, she comes up with excuses.
    She do visit and party with her friends who lives far but has no time to visit me even though I live close to her. She only wants to come if I have to pick her up. I feel this is not true love. Although, she has bought me many gifts and go out with me a lot of time but not being there when I need her makes me feel she doesn’t really love me .
    I have invested so much on her but not being there when I need her makes me feel she doesn’t really love me . What do I do ?

  16. I am passionate about my profession which is working to meet the environmental crisis, as well as caring for my children as a single dad, my writing, and my meditation practice. I’ve lost two long term relationships totally 26 years in part because we couldn’t reconcile with the my partners who didn’t share this focus and intention. Part of this is my fault as I judge the women in my life for falling short of my ideals, but it is also true that most women (like most men) are not living a purpose driven life and I legitimately don’t have much interest in living my life that way. On the other hand, women who are living their own purpose driven lives have as little time as I do to spend time dating. An alternative is non-serious dating just for sex which isn’t so satisfying and also takes too much time for what it is. I’m not expecting you so solve this but curious to read your reflections.

  17. In India women dated with bad boys, then want to settle with nice rich simple boy (beta male resource provider). After few years of marriage they loot 50-60% of her husband’s wealth. Again move to her ex, enjoy life, it’s a business and tricks of women her family (particularly her mother). In many times they murder her husband with her ex or thru professional contract killer. Very ordinary looking girl/woman want handsome model looks rich boy with lifestyle like Bill Gates. 99.99% of them are gold digger. Never ever love her husband in their entire lifetime without forgetting her ex/es. Only top level (10-20%) extremely charismatic boys, rich boys and bad boys enjoy the company of almost 70-80% women. Women in India are very judgmental and picky. In my state West Bengal (which is situated eastern corner of India), Almost 60-70% married women (age range between 30-40/45) has BF.

    Women in India are worse than western women in terms of attitude and giving respect to others…there is no place where you will find “GOOD WOMEN”… That’s why I choose single life. Yes it hurts me all the time. In the deep down I feel very loneliness 24*7 bcoz of no romance, love or sex or no feminizing energy in and around me. But I am SUPER happy no doubt bcoz I’ve seen so many Indian housewife/GF cheat their unfortunate Husband/BF. The number is simply uncountable. So it may be it gift of God to me for singlehood. He save me from such promiscuous wife/GF. It is probably his plan. Good faithful GF/Wife is Unicorn. India IS full of toxic women.

  18. Here is my issue… I meet so few women in my daily life. I might come across one or two new women a year that I am interested in. Then I find out who they are and want nothing to do with them. It’s been about 6 years since I have been in relationship because I decide I am not going to settle what I settled for last time. For the most part I find that women are completely unapproachable and that or they are just down right ugly/trashy. Granted I do live in the #1 worst city in the US to find love. Thanks for that USA Today! Anyways I am at the point where I am just done trying… since moving isn’t an option I guess its humanities loss that I will not reproduce.

  19. It is just too very bad that the Real Good Old Fashioned Women are all gone since most women back then were Real Ladies and the very complete opposite of today altogether. Feminism is cancer.

  20. The ultimate intelligence is playing its tricks again through us. If you’re feeling lonely and void, go out there and scream to the top of your lungs. Take the high road and fight….fight for good. The ultimate intelligence rewards. The hardest part is accepting the gifts.

    Really though, neural pathways are formed and there’s little to change a person outside a billy club. The ladies weren’t raised right and formed screwball pathways. Obviously family planning should be paramount, but they weren’t taught to value men, they weren’t shown how to properly address those cute boys, etc. etc., and the Democrats hate family planning….go blue states. instead we have planned parenthood where they can just dump one. Is it clear now?

    I’m 44 and never had a girlfriend. My intuition always tells me it’s a great move, my heart tells me there’s something wrong, my logical mind has no problems. I don’t see women flipping out and knocking down doors to meet men, but they sure do whine. Men need motivation, and the ladies sure do everything they can to kill it as a hobby.

  21. Just too many women with their very very high standards nowadays which makes it a lot harder for many of us single guys looking for love.

  22. Hi, I really liked the article. I have been involved in a series of relationships that turned just real sour at the end. It was BAD! I am still shaken by all that happened. I used to be a very different person too, and I know and acknowledge I attracted the wrong ones. Last one I truly loved, and I took a break from dating for a couple of years, it sucked and I hated being alone but I was working on bettering myself after a very bad and abusive ex. I lost her cuz of my own unresolved issues and pushed her away, it still hurts. She was also 10 yrs older than me so I think that made it difficult too. I have been constantly asking myself the question of why I can’t seem to find good women and the ‘right one’. I am definitely going to put this article to the test and I think I found one girl that I am interested on, but she just seems to come from a very wealthy family and ‘high maintenance’ I have been struggling a bit economically and this makes me insecure. I am not sure if she will give me a pass or no. There’s definitely connection and we have a history (she’s an actress and I am a director – we met at an audition). My issue is that I think I’ve lost some confidence in myself after 3 consecutive failing relationships, and strangely enough they all left me. I’m really not that bad of a man, I just think they weren’t that good for me and I just drove them away… I am just afraid to be ‘dumped’ again, I suppose. Any advice??

  23. Jay, it is very unfortunate that most women just want the best of all these days since they’re very very high maintenance now more than ever. And to think back in the past when most women were struggling to make ends meat since they really hardly had any money at all, and today they want everything. A very big change in the women today unfortunately. Good Luck.

  24. I never have been able to stay with any woman to long. Although there are some where we lasted five years and one or two for ten years. I find it’s best to take whatever they wish to share; then go find another woman. One thing they all have in common is they want more. Regardless of whatever they do have; it never seems to satisfy them. The good sex tends makes them feel better about themselves, then they seek more money, more material things; I would prefer a woman who can simply accept the day at hand, and who is not looking to own half the world.

    1. Hey Robert, I would suggest writing out the red flags that they might have given off at the beginning. There are plenty of women out there who aren’t interested in material things. Often times we repeat being with the same type of person until we learn what we value and how to spot it in others.
      Starts with you.

  25. Women in the past were very easy to meet with no trouble at all either. Today they’re very picky, along with so many demands that they want from men now unfortunately.

    1. Hi JM,
      It’s true. Dating has gotten harder but there is still opportunity. Thanks for stopping by and reading this blog.

  26. To Apollonia Ponti, If women had been like the past, which then finding love would’ve been much easier than today with no trouble at all. It is the women today unfortunately that have really changed now along with their very high standards and demands that they have for many of us single men now that are having a very difficult time finding love, and to think that most women in the past were the very complete opposite of today which is the real reason why love has really become so hard to find now for many of us men still looking. Women have really changed unfortunately today from the past, and many of us men really can’t even blame ourselves at all either. Most women are just so very greedy, selfish, spoiled, picky, and very money hungry now more than ever before since we really can’t even blame ourselves at all. And now you have most single women nowadays that are going for much older men with a lot of money that i have noticed too, and that makes them real gold diggers to begin with.

    1. Hey JM, that’s something that’s been going on for a very long time. Also, it sounds like you might be attracting this type of woman into your like if this is all you’re seeing. It works both ways, there are great men and women out there… and then there’s men and women out there who aren’t so great or have trauma from their past they haven’t dealt with…
      You don’t have to blame yourself, but if this is what you’re constantly seeing, then it might be time to look at why you’re attracting that in your life.
      thank you for stopping by and reading why is it so hard to find a good woman.
      Wishing you the best and take care of yourself,

  27. How is “sex easier to get” these days? Some of us never get any at all no matter what we do – so I guess a relationship is totally out of reach. Might as well just forget going out at all.

  28. They just had a couple on TV that just celebrated their 82nd year together. Oh Boy, Most women back then were faithful. And today they cause most divorces. Most women in the old days were the best of all. What in the world happened to them these days since they’re the biggest cheaters now altogether?

  29. Hi Apollonia – I’ve always been a shy introvert and have never approached a woman in my life (not even once). I’m in my late 30s and women friends have told me that single women at my age want to settle down. The issue is I have zero relationship or dating experience, and my friends say that is a large red flag for most women. When I was younger, women were not interested in me because I was shy – and now they’re not interested because I have no experience. I feel doomed.

    1. Hi Allen,
      Thank you for sharing a little bit of your story.
      I would highly suggest you take our Friend Zone no more course, here is the link https://www.apolloniaponti.com/products/. You’ll be able to find a lot of valuable and helpful tools there.
      We also have a lot of valuable content on our youtube channel and podcast at no cost.
      Wishing peace and love always


  30. It’s cool to see you’re still responding to such an old blog! After two pretty majorly abusive relationships, I’m finally becoming more optimistic about life again. That said I can’t seem to meet decent women. I know for a fact they’re out there, I just can’t seem to find them. I’m absolutely ready for love. Hook ups and casual sex turn me off. I want someone to share my time with, take on road trips and just enjoy life with.

    These days it seems the majority of both men and women lost sight of what relationships could truly be. They sell themselves both short and it turns into this toxic cycle of using the other for sex, money, and a quick fix. They don’t get into the deeper parts of connection that I personally find exciting.

    Now that I’ve peeled the layers (so to speak), I’m finding myself stuck. Luckily I’m happy alone, but damn I would love to meet someone. Problem is that everyone I meet isn’t ready for something serious, is going to ghost me, or will straight up use me. The last woman I dated told me how much she loved me and how I was her soulmate, all while sleeping with multiple people and ghosted me for her ex after she was done. I can’t emphasize enough how I’m ready for something serious, I just simply can’t find likeminded people.

    1. Hi Artur,

      Thank you so much for your email and for sharing your thoughts with us.

      I hope you are watching our youtube videos, We have a lot of valuable content about all the topics you went over and hopefully you can find some answers.
      Every situation is different and unique so if there is anything specific you’d like to address please email us at Teamapollonia@gmail.com.
      Best of luck,

  31. I wish you the best in what I feel is an honest attempt to bring people together, however like many I have seen that the vast majority of women today aren’t worth the effort to date. While the internet is filled with the statistics of divorce rates, the breakdown of standards in relationships and the infantalization of women through feminism and radical ideologies, the abundant false rape charges innocent men have lost the futures for, and the dramatic rise of health issues such as obesity (which yes is a problem for both genders), I have found that most of the women I have had to be around have been downright toxic. I will never say all women are, just most have been. From the abusive family members I have had to deal with (including an aunt who nearly strangled my sister to death when my sister was a kid when my aunt was drunk to another who tried to have my grandmother with alzheimers rewrite her will to give said aunt and her family sole inheritance of all her substantial funds), to the final act that made me say no more when someone I had built up a relationship for over half a decade with and who I dearly loved and valued turned out to be lying to me, the sad fact of the matter is there is a serious real confirmation bias that women of quality are rarer that uranium. And sadly having worked with many younger women in my job the decent ones are also too few and far between. I have worked with the lazy, the drug addicted (pot, alcohol, opiods etc.), the down-right stupid (as in potentially getting a staff infection from not getting a doctor to look at a stab wound), and the sexually loose (as in went through guys like I go through ammunition in HALO), to the cheaters there are almost zero women worth the risk of marrying today. And I have seen the results of that betrayal first hand as I have worked with men who’s wives had affairs and bore children not their husbands, wives who leave their husbands who are honest men who were PhD students working as TAs and professors, and the hurt and pain it causes. So while I wish the best in your attempt to bring people together who may earnestly like to find that companionship, keep in mind that for many there is not an automatic positive association with relationships or intimacy. And while again I will never say this is all women, nor do I wish to demonize a whole group for the actions of individuals unjustly, the fact of the matter is that until serious efforts are done to make the laws truly equal and all parties equally accountable for their actions, some of us will always look upon event the idea of a relationship with the same hesitation as one would approaching a coiled snake.

  32. Allen. You HAVE to work on those traits. Can’t just blame others that they won’t accept you. For men it is esier, you don’t have to be a Romeo to have success. Start working out, get into a hobby/activity that you really like and start meeting all kinds of people, that gives you practice it will work, I promise.

  33. Finding a good woman in the past was very easy, compared to today which has become a real challenge for many of us single men now unfortunately.

  34. Hi Eve – I appreciate your comment. I work out 4 times a week and climb mountains as a hobby – so I am definitely in shape. I’m not blaming anyone for anything – women certainly are under no obligation to accept me – and I am not entitled to anyone’s time or attention – nor anyone else to mine. No woman has ever given me a signal of any sort that she is interested and so it is clear that they aren’t interested in me. I will never initiate contact with any woman, no matter how attractive she may be – since rejection or worse would always be guaranteed.

  35. I’m a 70yo sgl man. I find myself in agreement with most of the men’s comments. When you remove the addicted women, those with serious health problems(often obesity and diabetes related), those with serious financial problems, and those with unrealistically high standards(a laundry list as long as your arm), there aren’t many left—or so it seems to me. Also, there are evil people with a New World Order agenda whose goal is to destroy normal male-female relationships to achieve their goals, and they’ve introduced factors into society which make it very difficult to develop and maintain healthy interpersonal relationships.

  36. It is just too very bad that we don’t have a real time machine to send most of these women back in time to see what it was really like back then, they really would’ve been in very bad shape since that was the real world back then. Today they’re so very spoiled, selfish, greedy, picky, very money hungry, and that list just keeps growing more and more each day. That is why love is very hard to find, especially with these kind of women around today.

    1. Hi Todd,

      Thank you for reading our blog.
      Sorry you feel that way about women, I guarantee you there are plenty of amazing, high-value women out there.
      Times have changed, women have a lot more saying these days and they use their voices to advocate for those who don’t or can’t.
      I would love for you to watch our youtube channel and learn more about this subject.
      Apollonia’s team

      1. Well if women today were just like the old days, then many of us men would’ve been married already. Women unfortunately have really changed today from the old days when love was real easy to find back then, for those men that were really looking for it.

  37. Most women are like damaged goods nowadays unfortunately since they just can’t commit to only one guy anymore.

  38. I haven’t been in a relationship for 12 years now, and I never do one night stands. I strongly believed in a true longterm affection that will last because it is build on honesty and mutual support, and I never tried to juggle myself into a relationship by being disingenuous or seem to be something that I am not. I believed that I will attract a genuine, honest partner if I am honest and genuine.
    After 12 years of being lonely, ridiculed and betrayed I have given up and I am confident to say: What you are saying is complete BS. I cant speak for men as I dont really have any male friends (except one) that suffers from relationship problems – as they are good at “the game” (as they refer to it themselves). But I know women dont want authenticity, honesty, affection or support. They want you to push them and lie to them so that they feel they are chasing the next best thing to an unrealistic ideal demigod that they are not worthy of (which is “the game” in a nutshell). I dont know why or what this wickedness is meant to accomplish, but I know there is nothing here for me and it has nothing to do with me.
    I have lots of friends and IMO lots of good character traits. I am constantly trying to improve myself and I would consider myself to be in above-average mental and physical shape (for my age-group and socioeconomic status). All I want is a serious and deep relationship with someone who loves me for who I am and with whom I can share both of our accomplishments and sorows, but I guess thats asking too much in this era of the insane…
    When I hear about men and women cheating eachother for 10 years straight, basicly stealing each others lives instead of giving them a chance for new happiness by being honest, just because they are so consumed by their own greed I know this world is sick and it makes me sick too.
    I think Ill have to pass and try to content with myself for the rest of my life, sad as it may be

    1. Hi Jens, thank you for reading “Why is it so hard to find a good woman?” In order to get advice pertaining to your situation, I would encourage you to book a coaching session with her so she can help. Here are the links with more information. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/

      Apollonia carefully crafted her products that address a multitude of subjects which you may find helpful as well: https://www.apolloniaponti.com/products/

      If finances are an issue, Apollonia provides free content and I know you can find information that will help. 🙂 https://www.apolloniaponti.com/blog/ and https://www.youtube.com/c/ApolloniaPonti
      Take care and best of luck!

  39. I understand how difficult it is to find a good woman in United States or the Western world. But, I honestly know where other men and I can find the women of our dreams because of my experiences in Odessa, Ukraine. I have started an online dating and video chatting business with my friend and translator (Elizabeth) of 2 years. Ladies in her dating agency cannot find good men or any men where they live. The women are constantly ignored, mistreated, etc. Last year, I have witnessed an unknown Ukrainian man bumping into Elizabeth and a date (Valeria) and not apologizing to them at all. So, I really want to help the ladies in Elizabeth’s dating agency find men who would treat them with respect, love them unconditionally, and wish to marry and create families with them.

    1. To Foreign Chat Web, Most women in America over here are just down right horrible and very evil altogether now, unlike back in the past most women were the very complete opposite.

  40. Now that so many women are very independent today which most of these women don’t need a man at all, and that makes finding love very hard for many of us single men now as well.

  41. I agree with some points listed that you’ve made, but not all of them. As a women, I feel a lot of your insight is tailored to put women in a good light. It’s a lot of just bad women out there, simple as that. Women statistically file for divorces more than men so that speak for itself and a lot them are steady looking for better options while in relationships- not to mention the women that are just looking for attention or money.

  42. Many of us guys unfortunately were just doomed to be single and alone, even though it wasn’t our choice either.

  43. I just hate so very much being a single man today since i wasn’t that lucky and blessed enough to meet a really good woman to settle down with.

  44. Most women back in the old days were very old fashioned and real ladies as well, making dating and meeting a good woman back then very easy for the men in those days. Today most women are just so very awful too meet unfortunately.

      1. The real problem is that so many women nowadays have a lot of very severe mental issues when many of us men will try to start a conversation with them, and they will be so very nasty to us as well for no reason. Very stuck up women are everywhere nowadays unfortunately, and many of us men have to be very careful of sexual harassment since they’re just looking to get us in trouble these days too. Funny how most women in the past weren’t like today at all since they really did have much better manners, and a very good personality back then as well. Most of their parents really did raised them right in those days which was a real plus as well, and today most of their parents are real morons since they’re not raising them right at all nowadays unfortunately. Their parents can’t even keep track what they really are doing now, and they just don’t care either. Like that show that they had on TV a while back when it was called Girls Going Wild. It all started back then which is why so many of these women are very much out of control now, and they have really hurt many of us good single men over these years too. Now a great deal of these women today are very high maintenance, independent, since they really don’t need many of us men at all anyway. And they have really become so very selfish, greedy, spoiled, picky, narcissists, gold diggers, cheaters, and very money hungry now more than ever before. Very difficult for many of us men trying to find real love today, now that they really have changed from the old days unfortunately. Too bad many of us men weren’t born in the old days since it wasn’t all about money at that time, unlike today most women do want men with a lot of money. As you can see a very big change in the women now, and they’re very much too blame why so many of us good single men can’t find love today even when we really try.

  45. I seem to just have the worst luck of all time! Well not all time but it’s definitely frustrating😂. I can’t seem to find someone who puts the same amount back into the relationship. I have only been on one decent date and she asked me out again and then bailed on me. She repeated this a few times and then finally admitted she had a boyfriend the whole time. The other dates have all been really hard, I went on a date that was supposed to be a double and her friend didn’t bring a date and she would not carry a conversation or sit close to me. I had a girlfriend who would never want to do anything and never answered my texts but would get really upset when I told her I thought it might be better if we split up. I can’t figure out what it is that’s wrong with me, I am very handsome, I work hard and I am physically fit. Although a little on the skinny side (150 lbs). I don’t really know where to go from here because I really want to date but I’ve had such bad experiences with girls it’s hard for me to think it’s worth it.

    1. Hi Chad,

      I’m sorry to hear this. I know it can be tough but I also know that this is something that can be difficult and that’s dating. How often do you get out? Also, I would encourage the how to approach product or a coaching session so we can help you identify where we can possibly help and get you better results. Also, watch this video https://www.apolloniaponti.co/how-to-approach-women-secret-video


      Team AP

  46. I just think I’m done looking to be honest. I think it’d be better if I just focus on myself and forget about women altogther. I love you’re article by the way. I think you’re extremely professional and you really hit home with a LOT of these points and if i ever had somebody interest in a Love Coach I would 100% send them YOUR way. You are the real deal so thank you for this work and I appreciate your work.

    All the best.


    1. Hey Thomas,

      Thank you for reading Is She Playing Hard to Get? 11 Tips You Must Have!Don’t give up on love, although it is certainly necessary to focus on yourself from time to time.
      We are here for you and we greatly appreciate the support.
      If you or your friends need coaching feel free to send them to this link: https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/

      We greatly appreciate your support!
      Best wishes,
      Team Apollonia

  47. Most women unfortunately are very difficult to approach nowadays to meet, unlike the past when it use to be so very easy just like our family members did. A very different time back then. And this is a very completely different world today, and most women are just very afraid of most of us single guys right now as well.

    1. Hi Dave, I understand your pain, keep your head up and stay positive so you can attract exactly what it is you’re looking for.
      -Team Apollonia

      1. For some of us, there are none. Women aren’t interested in me and that’s that. I honestly don’t understand why people keep saying there’s a woman out there for me. As much as I want there to be, there isn’t. So it’s not worth trying to find her.

          1. How can you be so sure there’s a woman out there for me? I’m 44 and have never gone on a date. There is simply no evidence that any woman has ever had any interest in me other than as a friend.

  48. I’m too picky. Not going to change, either.
    Almost 50 and been married, in 2 other long-term relationships, rarely just ‘dated’ a woman, and truly discovered… THERE’S NO WOMAN FOR ME.
    That sucks, too.
    I really enjoy being in a relationship. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
    But, I have been cheated on by all but the last relationship that recently ended. (11 years). However, she lied. She was not the woman I thought she was. She did something that goes completely against who I am and what I believe in. She said she ‘didn’t do anything like that’, but I caught her red-handed. (No. I will not say what it was. That’s how she fooled me to begin with. [It’s kind of like being filthy rich and not wanting to let it be known. They may only ‘act’ like your perfect match to snag you?] I told her what I accepted, and what I didn’t. She claimed she felt the same way. Lies.)
    Now, I know there is TRULY no woman for me.
    I will just grow old(er), alone.

    1. Hi Phillip,
      You’re wrong, there IS a woman out there for you. I know how heartbreaking it can be to be cheated on, especially when you’ve been with someone for that long.

  49. I’m totally unable to do whatever it is guys do to make a woman interested in them. I can talk and laugh and chat – i.e., have a normal fun conversation – with women for hours but nothing ever happens. I literally never get a sense that she’s interested in me at all other than to talk to at that time, and certainly not sexually / romantically. And no I don’t try to escalate because there is no evidence that it will be anything other than a complete failure every time. Women just aren’t interested in me that way because I can’t be interesting in that way. People say to me that if I don’t have game, I need to go on dates and “get some”. What they don’t realize is that some of us just can’t get dates or game no matter what we do because we are simply unattractive, so there is no point in bothering to try.

      1. Yes, I know it’s about attraction and how the human mind works. I also know that I’m unable to attract any woman on a sexual / romantic level – no matter what – and there is no evidence to support a contrary position. My women friends give me advice (just to try to help – it doesn’t) – they tell me: “of course you can attract women sexually – you just need to put yourself out there and try.” I have no idea why they tell me this – it isn’t true – so I don’t know why they keep saying it. They even offer to go out with me to help spot interest. There is no point – the fact is, not one woman has ever shown the slightest sexual interest in me. I don’t blame women for not being interested – it’s totally understandable – the fact is, I’m fundamentally unattractive. Any attempt to express sexual interest in any woman on my part would likely be met with a harassment accusation. And I won’t risk my career, so I have never expressed my interest in any woman and never will.

          1. If I am not fundamentally unattractive, then why is it that not one woman has ever seen me in a sexual light? I will not risk being accused – which no matter what my women friends say – there is no evidence that it will not happen if I try to flirt with a woman. The only option for guys like me who have zero chance with any woman never to express sexual / romantic interest no matter how attracted I am.

  50. What about a good looking single man like me that keeps in very great shape with a very nice personality and i still get rejected by a woman that i would really want to meet? And this has happened to me quite a bit which doesn’t make any sense to me at all. What are women looking for these days in a man since i know other single friends having the same problem too? It is very sad how the women today have really changed from many years ago when love was a lot easier to find at that time. It looks like all the good women have been taken already, and don’t exist at all anymore these days. Now that many more women are gay which does make it even much harder trying to find the one.

      1. Where are these good women? People keep telling me this but no woman ever indicates she might be attracted to me or open to me expressing my interest first. I will not do anything to show any woman I’m interested without a clear signal form her, because it would be offensive.

  51. I’m a 54 year old virgin. I have always had woman friends but have never been able to translate that into intimate relationships with women I feel attracted to. This was the case in high school, but I never made the kind of move that most other guys make on women they ‘like’ because I simply wasn’t able to. By the time I reached university, my pattern was set – not having relationships is what I have come to expect. No woman has ever expressed sexual interest in me and I believe that no woman will do so.
    The fact is, as a guy, if you go through your late teens and early 20s never dating women, you don’t have any evidence that women could ‘like’ you based on one or more girlfriends. You see women showing interest in other guys and not even knowing you exist. Having zero experience – and observing other guys gaining it – deepens and reinforces a guy’s sense that he is unattractive at a basic level. I never raise this subject with my women friends and when they do with me, I don’t engage because I do not believe there is any way to overcome the fact that I am obviously unattractive on a sexual level. I do not take to the ‘fake it until you make it’ approach – I see it as unauthentic self-delusion – living a lie.
    It may not be true that society ‘judges’ people for not having sex. But anything outside what is at least perceived to be ‘normal’ is liable to be viewed as deviant in some way. For guys, there’s a strong cultural investment in “success” with women. Popular songs, films, and coming-of-age movies often centre on early relationships as milestones of normal development – it’s a cultural “thing” about becoming a man. Although I am not interested in popular culture, this has deepened my sense of shame. My friends have all had sexual relationships of varying durations from about the age of 17-18 onwards. I have always watched from the sidelines while others relate intimately, and I have felt lonely as a result. This is not about sex in particular, but about intimacy in general.
    Other than shaking hands or other public physical greetings, I have not been touched by a human being or held by anyone in over 15 years. I have no living family so physical contact for me seems out of bounds. It has gotten to the point that when I am attracted to a woman, I don’t feel excitement or pleasure, but react with sadness because it’s a fact that she could never be attracted to me.

  52. I am a single guy that always was hoping to meet the right woman to settle down with, and it isn’t easy at all for many of us single guys now since i know other friends having it very difficult too unfortunately. Women today have really changed in a very big way since they aren’t sociable at all when you try to start a conversation with them, and they usually just walk away from us most of the time as well. Very unfriendly troubled women everywhere now which makes it tougher than ever since most of these women don’t even have any good manners, and their personality really stinks as well on top of it all. What in the world happened to these women today that are really like this now? I wish i had been born many years earlier since meeting a good woman back then was very easy, just like our family members had it since they definitely were born at a much better time than we were today. Most women were certainly much more out going and very friendly back in those days since most men and women really had wonderful relationships that very much lasted, and today many relationships just don’t even last that long anymore either. It is very obvious why so many of us guys are still single today because of this since many of us never expected this to happen to us in the first place to begin with.

    1. Hi John.

      Women are friendly and outgoing just as much today then back then. The way you approach women is what will determine how your interaction will go.
      You will find the right woman for you.

      -AP TEAM

      1. But then again if there weren’t so many very evil horrible stuck up low life loser feminists narcissists women nowadays, which then many of us single guys would’ve met the right one already. Not to mention how very entitled these women are today as well. Very hard to blame many of us single guys that really have no control over these very pathetic women today that really are the real problem now. God created these fools in the first place and it is a real shame how much different most women were in the past that were very old fashioned and real ladies at that time since it wasn’t about looks and wealth that most women want today. That is why our parents grandparents aunts and uncles really lucked out back in the past when they met one another. Sure they did since most women really made love very easy to find at that time too. What in the world happened to the women today?

  53. I’ve been single 13 years now. Most of the women who have expressed an interest in that time were already married/partnered which made me think “wouldn’t they do the same to me?” That might not be the primary reason why I’m still single, but it’s still a reason.

  54. If the first thing to do is “evaluate potential love interests that may be in front of you”, then I have zero chance. No woman could be interested in me in that way no matter what. As such, there are no potential love interests in front of me or anywhere – only women to whom I’d better not express my desires or risk a lot of trouble. I’m 43, have never experienced intimacy of any kind, and the only way I could do so would be to pay for it – and I’m not going to do that.

  55. Very obvious for many of us to really hate all the holidays when they come around when we have absolutely no one to share our life with.

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