Why is it so hard to find a good woman?

Do you find yourself wondering why it’s so hard to find a good woman, or to be attracted to the right woman? Well, I believe that this is a big question to ask yourself. Finding the answers can bring lots of positive change to your life, and I know that you will find a lot of truth right here in this article. Experiencing difficulty in finding a good woman can stem from multiple things that I will discuss throughout this piece, and I know it’s a common question on men’s minds while they’re out there trying to find the perfect fish in the dating sea.

We are living in a time during which our society’s obsession with instant gratification has multiplied in the dating scene. Simply put, ever since sex became easier to get, real love became harder to find. This is precisely why I felt the need to write an article that explores all subjects and questions you have about finding a good woman. It’s important to note that in order to find a great partner you must be prepared to be a great partner as well. This means that you will attract what you put out. Life throws us obstacles, and these challenges also show up in relationships. The way you approached these obstacles in the past has shaped you into the man you are now. Though these experiences have probably left scars, it’s important that you try your best to let go of fear, pain, or pessimism so that you can focus on attracting the right woman for you.

If you need any tailored advice, please feel free to comment below at the bottom of this article or drop me a message about this blog. I am always happy to hear from you!

Finding A Good Woman Is Hard!

Typically, when a man says this I ask him about the activities he’s involved in, what kind of conversations he has with a woman, and what intentions he communicates to her via his behavior. Finding a good man is difficult for a woman as well, so pay close attention to the steps I am going to share with you in terms of finding a good woman! I am also going to go over some patterns in your behavior that you may be experiencing when you’re dating women in general. Having the right conversations with a woman and knowing how to start a conversation with a girl is very critical when you are spending time with her on a date. As a result of our world today we forget how to have those face to face conversations. We are so consumed with text messaging, internet dating, and reality shows. I am not passing judgement on any of these types of things because I am no exception, but I mean to say that we’ve lost the tools for approaching a woman and asking her deep questions to truly get to know what type of woman she is.

That’s why I created a manual with a list of questions to help you!

Furthermore, this has a lot to do with your own perception. I know you’ve heard of the law of attraction, and I often discuss it in my blogs, but this is something that can be manifested. If your thoughts are always believing that you will be attracting the wrong woman, this will only continue to happen. So, I encourage you to try switching your thoughts to something like this: “I haven’t found a woman that measures up to my values or standards yet. But I know she is out there and I will continue to be open to receiving what I am looking for.” You can use this as a daily affirmation if you want! Affirmations are proven to bring positivity, which in turn lights up your energy to receiving relationships that are right for you!

How To Find A Good Woman: 6 Expert Tips

Tip #1 She might be in front of you

Now, I am sure you’ve come across plenty of good women in your day but these types of women aren’t always the easiest to get because they have high standards. Women look for a man that is not only confident but who will come off as mature, honest, loyal, and consistent without being overly pushy. A woman like this is someone that will appreciate an intellectual conversation. This is why I made the deep question manual that I mentioned above. These questions will help you to begin forming an emotional connection. She also wants to see some effort from you. How are you planning dates? Are you keeping your word? Are you being consistent?

Tip #2 Can you be taken seriously?

A lot of women will put you on the back-burner if you come off as too friendly and are constantly joking about something. They will think that you aren’t serious about anything longterm and you might just be playing the field. It’s true that women love humor, but there’s always a time and a place for it.

Tip #3 Where are you meeting women?

So often I find out that men are dating women that they meet in clubs… Sometimes they’re even dating their best friend’s ex! I mean things will not start off that well if you continue to pick up girls at clubs or date girls that dated your friends. I have to be blunt. This is just asking for a relationship to go wrong. Let me be very clear when it comes to meeting girls in clubs. I’ve had plenty of clients meet a great girl at a club and it turned into something special. The key was that the guy wasn’t going out trying to meet girls in clubs all the time. So, do you always pick up girls at clubs? Good girls go to clubs too. It’s true that sometimes you can meet a good woman there but it’s hard to have a conversation. Just enjoy that moment and then pick up the phone to really get to know her a few days later. I wouldn’t advise meeting people in clubs all the time, especially if you’re wondering about where to find a good woman.

Tip #4 It’s all about the sex

Yes, I know you love sex but if this is the only thing you are seeking every time you go out, this isn’t the best way to find a woman who will want something real. You are chasing a high that is easily fixed when you have sex with a woman that you find attractive. Of course, women can have sex with whomever they choose and sometimes just want to have fun with no strings attached. Just keep in mind that having sex with a woman too early on makes it harder to decipher who she truly is. You can tell by a woman’s energy, looks, and how she carries herself if she is independent and classy even if she chooses to get down with you for one night! If you’re interested, then both of you should make a conscious decision to not go there right away!

Tip #5- Emotionally unsatisfied

You might be looking for comfort but not a relationship. What I like to call a modern relationship. Here is where you have to be honest with yourself. Are you looking for someone to love and face challenges with or are you solely looking for comfort, affection, and the feeling of being wanted by someone?

Tip #6 Life Trapped

I saved the best for last! Yes, “life trapped” is a thing, and it takes some time to work through. It’s not something that can be healed overnight. It takes work and accountability to notice the patterns when you are falling in them. What is this? A life trap can be defined by patterns that start from childhood. Though there are plenty of different life traps, I am going to discuss the one that pertains to this article’s subject. Many men I speak to woo women but never really connect with them. You may find yourself thinking, “Why is it so hard to meet a good woman” when you are going from woman to woman insisting that none of the women you meet satisfy you. The closer you come to intimate relationships, the more you latch on to the initial infatuation. The problem is that these relationships never last with you. So you make a woman fall for you but never develop a deep bond. When the honeymoon stage starts to fade, you lose interest. When she’s fallen in love with you and begins to show more affection, you might feel that she’s clingy and you feel ready to move on to something else.

Despite the fact that you’re meeting women, you still struggle with loneliness and feeling bored or empty. There may be a void inside and you’re actively trying to find a good girl to fill that void. Perhaps you’ve begun to believe that you will always be alone simply because this is what you know. As a child, you may have felt the same ache of loneliness. Maybe you didn’t know your father or mother, or perhaps they were cold, unemotional, and never gave you that affectionate love. Your emotional needs were unmet and you grew up emotionally deprived. You continue to subconsciously create a detachment to love and emotions. So, whenever you insist that a woman isn’t beautiful enough, smart enough, or just isn’t right for you, tune into your life trap and honestly ask yourself if you might be finding fault within others because the feeling of warmth and love feel foreign and uncomfortable to you. If this resonates with you it’s time to identify what’s going on while taking some responsibility for your current actions. Remember, I am always here to guide you.

How To Find A Good Woman?

I believe that finding a good woman becomes easy when you peel back the layers of the onion and explore why you might be attracting the wrong type of women for you. If you recognize a pattern in your everyday routines then I would suggest switching it up a little. If you aren’t stepping outside the box and challenging yourself then the time to begin doing so is now! Since this is such a common challenge for people, I designed a free eBook entitled 7 Common Mistakes Men Make When Attracting A Woman. This eBook breaks down common mistakes that you may be making right now!

Here are just a couple ideas on how and where to find a good woman.

Dating Apps – What! Did you say dating app? Yes, I did! I actually wrote an article all about internet dating and in it I explore today’s online dating world. One way you can find a quality woman on a dating app is by taking a look at her photos and bio. Typically, a woman that is smiling, traveling, and posting healthy activities (as opposed to half naked photos) is a woman you should give an opportunity to.

Coffee Shops – A lot of women who own their own business or are going to school go to coffee shops to work or to take a break. If you notice that she gives you eye contact a quick smile, a hello can go a long way.

Through Friends – Don’t be afraid to ask your friends if they know of any good girls that they can introduce you to. I know this might come off awkward but if you are really looking for a good woman then it’s about your approach.

Social Media – Start looking at your friends’ friends and see if there is a woman that catches your eye. She should have some positivity on her page, and not too many nightlife photos. She should look like a well-rounded individual with passion and goals. A little message can go a long way. Just read her comments or look at her photos to make sure she doesn’t have a boyfriend!

Networking Events – I know it may be difficult to approach a woman, so networking events are great places to meet people. This is the type of place where everyone approaches each other and it doesn’t seem awkward. You’re all there to network and then you can see how the conversation goes from there.

Activities and Communities – This is a great way to meet a woman because not only are you giving back to the community, you also share an interest. A lot of independent ambitious woman involve themselves in non-profits, corporate runs, mud runs, color runs etc. You get the point. Try looking into what is going on in your community or what non-profits you like and start getting involved!

Grocery Stores – I know you might be asking how on earth do you approach a woman at a grocery store? In general, it’s a great way to just spark a conversation. Listen, we might hate to go grocery shopping but the food makes us happy, doesn’t it? It’s a love/hate relationship we have with the grocery store so a cute, confident man approaching us will make it all the more interesting!

Weddings and Holiday Parties – I love these times because everyone is happy and talkative. This is the time where you can just approach anyone, have fun, dance and just live. Meeting a woman here is a great way to start a potential relationship.

Finding A Good Girl Can Be Tough, But It’s Far From Impossible…

In this article, like with all of my articles, my intention is always to be as very clear as possible. It’s important that you look into the reasons why you may not be attracting the right woman.First Date Conversation Starters If you are attracting women that are only after you for your money, looks, or companionship, then it’s important that you really pay attention to the tips I provided you with. I know that when a beautiful woman approaches you and you begin to date, it can sometimes be difficult to let go when you notice that there are some roadblocks that arise or things that you cannot accept. You might decide to let things carry on longer than needed. That’s why it’s so important to ask a woman these deep questions early on. In time you will get to see your answers.

You don’t want to ignore a woman’s behavior. If there is a well-established relationship but her lifestyle isn’t something that you can agree with, then I suggest giving her the opportunity to change. If not, then it’s important to move on. When you become addicted to negative patterns, insecurities can develop also leave you feeling empty or alone.

I want you to focus on your intentions and attraction when it comes to finding a great woman. Change your mindset, know your strengths and weaknesses, and if this is the case for you, work on figuring out why you haven’t been showing up as the best version of yourself. Give yourself time to fix this after you acknowledge it, and continue to focus on asking the right questions and recognizing behaviors that these women show you. If you’re reading this article, I can promise you’ll find an incredible woman soon.


Your love coach on finding a good woman.

Apollonia Ponti

Apollonia Ponti, an international certified coach and founder of apolloniaponti.com. She works with men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills and helps rebuild relationships.

You can find her expert advice on “is she using me”, plus a couple other of your core professional services, through her YouTube Channel, and Attract a Woman E-Book. To get real results with women NOW! Change your life and master your attraction. Book a coaching session here.


  1. Jack

    Hi APPOLONIA, I really liked this article. I was dating a girl for a while. I think I was too available and I was helping her financially but she was saying that she liked me and we will be together. i was opposed to her life style wanting to go to the club almost every weekends alone without me but she continues to do so. Suddenly, a month ago, she told me she wanted to be only friends and we will always be friends and it will never change. I tried to talked her out of that but with no success. She still want to go to Jamaica with me for her birthday but only as friends and i have to pay for everything, tickets, hotel and other expenses. Now she blocked me everywhere in all social media and she said she will talk to me only if I get the tickets for her birthday trip to Jamaica. I do not know what to do?


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Jack,
      Thanks for reading my blog about why is it so hard to find a good woman. Right now you have to give her time and space. You trying to convenience her is just going to push her further away. You need to make sure that you don’t do this anymore given an opportunity she comes back. Hope this helps!

  2. Kevin Wu

    So I have been at my job for about a year now. At first, this girl didn’t notice me or bother to talk to me. Couple months went by, she started coming up to me and was being very flirtatious. We had something going and I was also flirting back and talking with her. But i think i made a mistake by confessing to her couple months in. We went on a couple weeks without talking. But she eventually started talking to me again and i just played it cool. Started very recently, she going cold on me again. I watched your videos about being needy and i always make sure i don’t come off needy around her. But now she’s acting like she don’t know me. I don’t know what’s going on, but i just let things happen. What’s the best advice in this situation?
    Thanks Apollonia


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Kevin,
      The best advice I can give you is to start working on “You”. Stay positive and do things that are fun. If you are interested in a private coaching session, where I can give you tailored advice to your situation, here is my link: https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2-2/

  3. Montgomery

    Your video was veey interrsting to say the least.
    Yes, I would like to find an honest woman someday.
    I hope your book will help me to find just that.


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Montgomery,
      I am glad that you found my video interesting and helpful. Good luck finding that special woman and I am sure you will find my book resourceful.

    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Montgomery.

      I am happy that you find my videos interesting and helpful. I hope you use some of my recommendations outlined on this Blog to find and honest woman, because you deserve it.

  4. Tom E Bogan jr

    Hi yes i am a male i always think i am not good enough or something i always feel like that so 2hat else could i try?


  5. John R Toth

    Just read this blog for the third time. You have great insight on dating. Now here goes my dilemma. I come in contact with a number of women every day. Every one thinks of me as there best bud. Because of some old combat injuries I do not look like anybodys idea of a dream. Have a limp and an injured neck. I have found myself in pleasant conversations but I feel their stares because of my impediments. Been told that I am highly intelligent and great at conversations. How do get ladies to overlook my physical deficinces
    Your advice would be greatly appreciated.


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi John,

      I know this is difficult but it all comes down to how you see yourself. This is the truth behind everything in life. Just because you have injuries does not make this who you are it’s just a part of you on the exterior surface but NOT you. If you doubt these others may too. Also, some people you encounter might not know how to appreciate you for who you are and this will naturally show you the person they are. I believe this is a win-win. 🙂

  6. Paul

    An interesting article, but from my perspective finding a good woman feels like mission impossible. Over the time i’v been single, i’v met many woman,but those that i have an interest in are only interested in being friends, so it’s been nearly been 2 years since i last went on a date. On the upside, i’am happy being single, and focused on work, hobbies and outdoor activity’s.


  7. John Doe

    Good women you say? Well where would that be? Not today that is for sure. Most women today are just so very stuck up with a rotten personality, and have no manners at all either. Now in the old days which most women were Real Ladies altogether, and they were a lot easier to meet as well. Plus the women back then really did put these very pathetic women today to total shame altogether as well.


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Thanks for reading my blog about why is it so hard to find a good woman. Sorry, you feel this way. I know it’s hard out there but that’s why questioning women and getting to know them and walking away when you see something not aligned. Good luck!

  8. Louie

    Her five years I met this girl in griefshare we both lost her spouse we were real good friends sharing all our Intimate Secrets together every time I get close and try to do what I think is the right thing she turns and runs I know she’s full of fear I have a slight anger problem I get upset when things aren’t my way but like most of the stuff I read I’m just looking for someone to be caring and loving I had a beautiful wife High School sweethearts we were she passed away from pancreatic cancer and it’s been real hard she was my best friend it always comforted me when I was down sometimes I just want to end it all but no that’s a permanent solution for temporary problems please tell me what should I do at 61 years old I am so lost thank you my name is Louie


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Louie,
      Sorry that you are going through this but you have to have self-love for you and I know you have it in you. I believe a coaching session should help you a bit more so I can have more understanding to give you advice. I know you want to find a good woman but it’s important that you are happy with or without this so you can attract the right woman and control things that need to be controlled.

    • Steve

      Well it is the women of today that have really changed for the worst of all unfortunately, now that Feminism is everywhere which certainly has a lot to do with it as well. Many of us men can’t even say good morning or hello to a woman that we would really like to meet, which it really has become very extremely dangerous now more than ever since they will usually be very nasty to us and walk away. What in the world happened to these women today anyway? How come most women are so very mean to many of us good innocent single men just looking to have a relationship today? This is the very excellent reason why so many of us men are still single today because of this, and it is really not our fault at all to begin with.

  9. Idar

    I have a girl thats on and off maybe because I always available and try to get her attention much. She and I met once and it did go fine, but I think care too much after just 1 month that we known each other… I am feeling desperate or that I cant do my things because of her. I dont know what to do


  10. Mickey

    Ms. Ponti: I wholly disagree. The same women who claim to want a good man are the ones who are indiscriminately throwing themselves at the drug dealing thug, corporate player, or the tattooed felon du jour. For a lot of us, the idea that good women are out there cheering us on is an absolute myth. THAT SHIP HAS SAILED!!!


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Mickey,
      Sorry, you feel that way. Wishing you the best!

  11. Matt

    I was married for 20 yrs. I caught her cheating several times so I divorced her. I have been with three other females that just abandoned me one with no excuses she lost her dad and just didn’t want nothing with me the other two one was nuts so who knows the other her name was April man I thought she was the one. We even had a miscarriage. We was best friends and she left. I feel like maybe it’s me? I mean damn I think I do my best I’m always with them helping them in any way. I work all day so I’m not really stuck up their butt.


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Matt,
      Thank you for your comment and I know this is very difficult. I have worked with several men with the same issues and it takes a lot of self-reflection as well as identify patterns so you attract different women into your life. One thing that sticks out in this comment is when you said: “you do your best and always helping them in any way.” I would have to speak to you through a private coaching session to get more information and also be able to see where it is that your possibly attracting these women into your life and how to change it. Book a session with me here https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
      Also, this E-Book is free for a limited time. It will possibly help you and help you understand what I do. 🙂 Speak soon!


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About me

I work with YOU, men, to master your attraction skills and confidence in order to find the right partner or become an irresistible dater, Deepen your current relationship, or get out of the friend-zone!


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