Why Men Pull Away: 5 Reasons Why & How To Make It Stop!

“Can you tell me why men pull away?” This is one of the most common questions I hear in my coaching sessions. So why do they pull away? In this article, I am going to walk you through different scenarios that can shed light on why this may be happening to you and give you a different perspective to reflect on and make this stop once and for all. This is a common trend in today’s society, and if you have landed on this article, I know that you have probably been directly affected by it or are afraid of experiencing this with someone you’re interested in.

Why Do Guys Pull Away?

So, let’s start with why this has become such a common trend in our 21st century of dating. Now more than ever, men are finding it hard to commit to a woman. This is especially true when there are so many outside sources that hinder commitment and so many women who are not being authentic and true to who they are and what they want. It’s like this saying I heard a while back. “Once sex got easier to get, love got harder to find.” This may be true to an extent and we can discuss further why.

In this article, I am going to walk you through a step by step process on why these issues may happen. I ask for you to not only read but take the time to see if any of these situations sit with you. Once you notice a situation that has occurred for you previously or currently I want you to ask yourself where this is coming from? I work with many clients and this is the most common thing woman face these days. I invite you to share your comments below and I will personally answer questions you may have and try to give you my advice tailored to the question you’ve asked. I love hearing from you so please feel free to post a comment.

Men who pull away are often in situations in which they are playing the field and playing games with women’s emotions. This leads to instability right off the bat. This is where I like to take a moment to tell my coachees that even though they may be single and dating, not every man that they meet is going to have the same intentions. That’s why it’s important for you to love yourself fully, make sure you’re aligned with your goals and stay committed to your values.

Understanding that you do not need a man in order to be the best version of yourself is crucial. Loving yourself and doing exactly what makes you happy is key, which means that you need to know how to be happy alone. When you have this type of mentality, you will be able to spot red flags instantly and become more admirable. If a man wants to be with you, he will make it known throughout the relationship. He will make it known in healthy ways of properly courting you. He’s not going to send you the late night 11 pm or 1 am text for you to come over and “watch a movie.”

Sincere men put in the effort. So, stop settling because I can promise you they’re out there!

Get this free ebook by clicking here about the truth about love…

Why Men Pull Away: They recognize a challenge or something that they’re not used to…

In the dating world, I often see that one of the most common reasons men pull away is that they find the woman to be challenging, and she gives in because she likes him. She starts settling and making excuses for his lazy or inappropriate behavior. There are many times I see a woman dating a man, and he shows all the signs that he is not ready for a relationship with his behavior and his words. Instead of pushing yourself towards him in the hopes of changing his mind, I believe the right thing to do in this situation is to dig deep into your feelings. If you can control your feelings by maintaining a friendship, then go for it. (And I’m not talking about being “friends with benefits.”)

Being friends with benefits makes it easy for him to get what he wants and often results in men pulling away. Maintaining a real friendship without an attachment of the desired outcome can give him the opportunity to see you in a different light when he is ready. It’s important to keep your options open and not focus all of your energy on one person if you know what I mean. 😉

If you cannot control your feelings, then I would suggest for you not to maintain a relationship with this person. Furthermore, I always think it’s vital to any starting point in dating or a relationship to be clear about each other’s expectations. If you are looking for a relationship, then let the other person know early on! If not, then say so. There have been too many times that I’ve seen a woman dating a man for months on end, only to end up getting hurt because it became a purely physical “modern relationship” in which the man never truly committed. The two never set the expectations for a relationship, or the woman sat in silence out of fear of being pushed away, hoping he would come around.

Reasons Men Pull Away: 5 Things to Look Out For.

What I am going to share with you now is the most common reasons being men’s disappearing acts! As you read through this article, it’s essential that you understand that men are natural born hunters who enjoy the chase. If he is interested in having you as his girlfriend, he will show you this with his actions. Be careful to never settle for a man that isn’t giving you 100% with his actions but is saying everything with his words. This is where a lot of women run into trouble in their search for a good man. Pay attention to his actions more than his words.

Furthermore, I want to mention something else that is aligned to this. I have seen several woman date a man and then come back and say “He was so into me in the beginning, he courted me and showered me with gifts, said all the right things, and was so eager to make me his.” But then once this man gets what he wants he moves on, and his actions start to change slowly. I call this type of man “the snake.” Men like this tend to be very narcissistic but also tend to get what they want often. They have a thrill of the chase, and they see a significant reward for their ego when they have won their prize. I always tell women to be VERY careful of a man who is too forward in the beginning. Take your time, and challenge someone who may be extremely forward. So many women fall for a man like this because we are hopeless romantics and you are pretty amazing! So, when you a see a man showing you so much affection and attention it starts to get you to think, “wow he is so different!” Right? Then you play this emotional mind game in your head stating “I would be stupid if I let this go.” I am going to explain further as you read on.

Tip 1: Men Pull Away Because They Don’t Want to Be in A Relationship.

If a man is honest and tells you he does not want a relationship, then as a woman you should honor his truth in telling you this and take a moment to reflect and understand that you may need to pull away. Not to mention, if he also gives you the popular one-liner by saying, “I’m just seeing where things go,” proceed with caution. This is not a committed answer, so why would he want to commit to you? This is just an answer to lure you away from the truth in hopes to keep you around for what he is in search of pleasure and attention.

Though it can be difficult to ask a man what he is looking for, it also challenges you to get one step closer to your goal. The more comfortable you are with this the easier it will become. I know that some people may not always take my advice to challenge themselves and ask the man what he is looking for, so I want to give you some other clues on what to pay attention to if you don’t want to have this conversation with him. Side note, I am in no way I offering you a pass to wiggle out of the conversation! Remember, challenge yourself.

Why Do Men Pull Back Tip 2: Signs He Is a Player.

It’s important as women that we understand how and when to pay attention to red flags. In another article, I explain the difference between a high-valued woman and a low-valued woman. We all come across players. The difference is whether or not you continue to date them after you spot red flags.

So many women come to me and say “Apollonia, he was so into me in the beginning.” This could be a sign of a man getting the thrill from the chase and simply getting bored easily. This type of man I call “the snake”. This man will call you daily, text you hourly, and talk about how beautiful you are and how happy he is to have met you. He might even go that extra mile and mention that he’s looking for a relationship. But the difference with this relationship is that he is all in, right away, and it seems to good to be true. What I mean by “all in” is that it’s hot and heavy early on, and sometimes you feel like you can’t even catch a breath. You might get excited and think oh my, he is so amazing, but let’s examine his actions. In the end, it fizzles out as quickly as it began. As we are talking about why men pull away and what to do, let’s analyze these common things:

1. What does he talk about with you? Depth conversations, or surface level conversations.
2. Does he set or plan dates and then follow through on a consistent basis?
3. Does he remember the things you tell him?
4. Is he hot and cold and does his phone go off often late at night?
5. Does he ask you to his house often for sleepovers or does he properly court you?
6. Does he stick to his word, or does he say “let’s hang out Friday” and then contacts you on Sunday?
7. Does he have a lot of photos with different women on social media?
8. Or is he that man that tells you everything you want to hear and lays it on heavily in the beginning? He paints a picture perfect idea that you get attached to, and when it doesn’t happen you find yourself saying, “But he was into me when he first met me…What happened?”

Tip 3: When Guys Pull Away They Might Not Be That Into You.

Even though this one may be hard to swallow because we value ourselves so highly as women and no one likes a blow to the ego or rejection, it’s important to talk about. Often times a man will show you signals of commitment but not want to commit to getting to know you. There are two principal reasons for this. Either they just don’t have interest in you and don’t want to hurt your feelings, or you fell in love too easily and they lost interest in the chase of getting their “prize”. I will go deeper into the meaning of the chase and the “prize” as we move along this article.

Here are a couple of common scenarios I see when a man pulls away and loses interest:

1. They do not share the same vision of the future.
2. They see that their values are not aligned.
3. They notice that a woman does not adhere to their goals or their requirements in the relationship.
4. They lose attraction because you become too clingy.
5. He just isn’t attracted to you anymore. It might not feel natural to him.

Tip 4: Why Do Guys Pull Away? You Fall in Love Too Easily.

Typically, men love to see their woman as a prize that they need to work for. They see the woman that they choose to be with as an accomplishment and as someone that took work to earn. It might sound a little silly but it’s true. Men love to know a woman has a mind of her own, is confident, and isn’t easy to get. So, men pull away when women get too clingy. Do not start canceling all your plans to be available to him every day all day.

Keep him on his toes a little to make him wonder where you stand sometimes. Asking him what he is doing every minute of every day and planning things to do without giving him the opportunity to say yes or no can be signs you are becoming clingy and falling too easily for him. As we all know, it should be a mutual chase between the man or the woman. If the balance is off, it becomes too easy for him to take you for granted.

Tip 5: Why Does He Pull Away? Personal Troubles.

Now, a lot of men will not be in a relationship if they don’t feel secure within themselves. This is especially true if the woman is someone beautiful and independent. For example, a man may pull away if he is not financially secure at the moment. This is something that may help him feel superior, confident, and not wonder if he is good enough for you. Also, he may have certain health issues that he is not comfortable telling you about until he figures things out on his own. Another reason could be instability and or unhappiness related to his job. This can be an additional source of stress and men tend to feel as though they need to feel confident or protected with their primary sources of freedom: Money, Health, and Work.

What to Do When Men Pull Away?

In short, when you see that your crush or boyfriend is pulling away, you pull away too. Do not contact him. Concentrate on your own growth, reflect on what you’ve learned from the dynamics of the relationship and move forward with your personal goals.How To Have A Healthy Relationship Be clear about your expectations and your needs. If they aren’t met, then move on and see if he’ll ever come around… Because if he doesn’t, I am sure someone else will!

As we part ways, I leave you with this.

If you only take one thing from this article, I hope that it is fully understanding that you must wholly and profoundly love yourself in order to freely give love to another. This is the healthiest form of love you can receive in life. I challenge you to dig deeper, heal, and work through any past experience that has tested you today!

As always, I am always here to help. Comment below if you have specific questions and need advice. I will personally reply to you or reach out to me directly for a one on one coaching session. I’ve also attached some videos from another expert (man opinion) that will help you during this time as well. xoxo

All my best,

Your coach for knowing why men pull away,

Apollonia Ponti

 

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103 Comments

  1. Please help me,my boyfriend cheated on me and said its because I don’t rely on him cause I’m a independent woman.

    1. Hi Siphiwe,
      This is absolutely no excuse for you to be cheated on. Your independence is important and if he wanted the attention he should have spoken to you about this before he cheated instead of cheating and then placing blame on you. This is narcissistic behavior and I encourage you to stay strong. If you need further help you can reach out to me for a private coaching session here so I can guide you towards working through this. http://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/

  2. Hi thanks for this article was very helpful pls help me solve my current prob..i have only 1 concern….if he loves me ??
    In relationship for 9 months we gel nicely but recently frm a month he got job n i saw change in his behaviour its obvious he wont b able to give much time but even on sundays (2 sunday off a month…yes hectic schedule he has)
    when he has off he dont contact me..no msgs n no calls
    I didnt contacted him i also did same n he msged me on 4th day n casual talk for 2 3 mins again i had to call him after a day askin whts prob he says hes stressed frm family issue n work stress as job is of 12 hrs daily
    What should i do ?? I asked him if he wanna continue relation he says yes…i also admit during this time i got angry n clingy twice on him askin him to msg n call me
    N he started to ignore me more.
    He had done this before also sayin to leave him alone as hes havin family issues.i see him using social media but now he dont care to contact me.
    Pls advice..

    1. Hello Hannah,
      I know right now can be difficult but it’s important you pull back and give him space to see if he will show up for you. Sometimes in relationships, you can be taken for granted and if he is not moving towards you to find comfort when he isn’t making you a priority. I would not reach out to him and keep yourself busy. Do something that makes you happy and do something you have been wanting to do for a while. Watch this video as I believe this will help you as well. All the best and hope this helps! https://youtu.be/IHxpL_E4Ihg
      Apollonia

  3. Hi, I have been talking with a man that is older then me. He is very private and he needed space so I gave it to him. Out of respect cause I once was in his shoes. And found myself again when i had my own time. We haven’t had sex in the months we been together. Just talking and enjoying one another company. There are times he asks me to stay with him more now days and I do. Still no Sex, alot of kissing and holding. Then we both stop one another before it goes further. Why? Idk but we respect one another more. But I have noticed we have recently stopped talking like we use to. The convos shorten. Our conversations are about our days, and some sexting or just straight talk n tease about being romantic. We just have fun. I do know he dont to hurt me, n he is afraid of his own actions. He’s the touchy feely type with women. And it surprises him I don’t get mad or jealous. He tells me he ain’t use to the way I act towards stuff like that. I’ve asked him if he’s trying to push me away he says no then he says maybe… I don’t feel he is cheating, I just think we are both scared to take the next step. Cause we both hurt and was hurt in our last relationships. Getting confused need some advice.

    1. Hi Shay,
      To be honest I don’t think he is scared to take the next step. I do think he likes you and has feelings for you but it seems to me that you are not setting boundaries and voicing your opinion and standards in this relationship so he will eventually take you for granted. I know this isn’t the answer you want to hear but I am here to give you the truth through years of experience. Right now, he has you when he wants you and he does not have anything pushing him to be with you. Some questions I would ask is why does it not bother you that he is touchy feely with other women? Becuase you don’t want to push him away? Or Don’t want to come off bossy, controlling, or needy? If so, then this will push a man away because he will take you for granted. Now, if you are open to open relationships then that’s ok too. Just trying to touch all bases here. But moving forward you need to know your good enough and not an option to this man. Go radio silent for 30 days! Also, challenge yourself to do some new activities to keep your mind busy. I know this will be hard but do this. 🙂 I invite you to reach out to me for a coaching session too if you would like so we can get some actions into play.

  4. This was and interesting article. I’ve been seen a man for nearly a year. He has told me he loves me, but I get mixed messages and it’s causing me to be confused about the longevity of our relationship. He doesn’t plan time for dates or going out. He might say come to dinner the next day, but I might not hear from him about dinner, like he forgot. I feel that a lot of what we do is based on him and although he might ask my opinion, it’s often is not taken. I don’t feel like a priority to him. I’m confused, but I am in love with him. Help

    1. Hello Jeana,
      Thank you for your comment. So this is very common and it seems to me he is keeping you around but not a priority. You will not get a true commitment from a man if he does not see you as a priority. There could be a way of changing this and you should not give him your time when he asks for it moving forward. I encourage you to reach out to me here and book a 30 or 1HR coaching session so we can discuss how to change this moving forward. Hope to hear from you soon. http://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
      Best,
      Apollonia Ponti

  5. Hello,

    I was reading your article and I just had to write to you and ask for your guidance. I have been seeing a married man for almost two years. Everything was great and it seemed as we were going to be together then I am not sure what happened about 2-3 months ago that he just started to pull away and makes the excuse that he’s doing what he’s doing to protect us. Not sure what that means…. Confused, and heart broken

    1. Hello Yana,
      In this type of situation usually, the man will go back to the wife especially if there are kids involved because it is easier financially. As you know these relationships are not healthy and you do not deserve to be the other woman. You have more to offer than just being that. Even though he showered you with love and affection that is not enough. I believe what you should do moving forward is take a break and focus on you and see if he makes a move to file for divorce and be with you. Please feel free to reach out to me for a private session if you would like some guidance. I am here for you! 🙂
      Best,
      Apollonia

  6. Hi,

    I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 8 months now. He completely swept me off my feet in the beginning (it was like a love bomb). He started changing a couple months after that — we never really “dated” — it just went from a couple dates where he would take me out and drop me off at my apartment and go back to his. Then, a few weeks later he was practically living in my apartment full time. He blames me for everything wrong in the relationship — shuts down emotionally now and we just had another blowout and he says to me he needs a week of space. I think he was just using me for convenience because my apartment was closer to his for work. I am so confused. He is not texting much anymore, not interested in my goals and things we used to share and that bonded us in the beginning. It just feels so empty and I can’t talk to him because he automatically says that I focus on him too much and I analyze the relationship too much. He calls me crazy and negative, among other things. He basically just comes over and sleeps. No connection, no emotion. I don’t know what to do anymore. I think it’s time to let him go — I also think he has narcissistic traits as i’ve been trying to read and educate myself. Could you offer any advice? Thank you.

    1. Hello Stephanie,
      Yes, it seems as though this man has you where he wants you. Even though spending time with him makes you feel better in hopes it will change when you see him it will not. Honestly, I would go ghost for 30 days. Focus on you getting the control of yourself and your emotions because I understand that this can be hard but you deserve better and you have a right to demand better. He will want to know why you aren’t talking to him and after 30 days you deliver that message and once you do you have the control back. I have an amazing coach that works with women so if you need anything in the future we are here for you.
      Best,
      Apollonia

  7. Hi,

    I had this ex-boyfriend whom I was in a relationsip with for just 6 months. During our last month, August, his mom underwent an operation and is still recovering. There was no father figure so had to be the one to be in charge of everything. Which, I think, was pretty new to him. And he just started a new job at a bank.

    So things went a little out of hand when I had this episode. I was needy. I noticed that I was the only one making efforts. He doesn’t plan on seeing me. I know it’s my fault for pushing myself too much towards him and giving him the pressure that hey, you have a girlfriend work that ass off!

    So we broke up. For a week, nothing changed. We’re still like the couple that we always have been. Then I called him out cos I got confused as to why are we still like this when you already broke up with me.

    Apparently, my ex wanted that kind of setup. No commitment. After calling him out, things changed. He got distant.

    Until one night, I called him and he told me to let go and stop. That we should focus more on ourselves more specially on our jobs. After that, I never talked to him.

    One week after, he messaged me telling me he misses me. He misses everything and invited me for a dinner. Event mentioned that he misses making love with me. Kissing me. Hugging. And talking to me. And that I’m still important to him. He said I’m not someone he can just categorize as his ex-girlfriend.

    So, this guy has been updating me ever since. Planning on going on a hike together. Foodtrips.

    Help me. I don’t know what is happening. Is this just a booty call or something else?

    1. Hello Yianna,
      Here is the thing. You want to focus on you not only because this is healthy which is the main reason and you’re putting yourself first but by putting yourself first he will want you more. There is a deep desire for people to be with someone that puts themselves first. I would not only follow his lead. Make sure you are not too available in the process and really schedule time for you. Then take control back a little bit so you can eventually see where this is headed.
      Best,
      Apollonia

  8. Dear Apollonia,

    Two months ago I met a man. We were so attracted to each other that it all happened so fast, on the first date. He warned me that he didn’t want a relationship… I did my best to listen to his feelings, show understanding and get some intimacy and we eventually got close and started meeting every week. I was sleeping over at his house, we were having good time, having sex, doing normal things like cooking and spending the whole weekend together. I knew he had a very problematic past – a father who never married his mother or took any responsibility, a brother from another mother who caused him problems, personal problems with drugs in the past and two broken relationships with 1) bulimic anorexic girl and 2) a girl who cheated on him 10 months ago. I was so good to listen, give him the peace he needed and be very patient with him.

    We had very profound conversations, sharing the most intimate secrets and trusting each other. The physical part was amazing! After I couldn’t withhold my feelings on several occasions (two –three times during these two months) he started to pull back. The invitations to sleep over stopped all of a sudden, he stopped texting me every day and we have not met now for three weeks. I don’t see anything of what he told me before (that I was a different kind of a woman, that he hardly let someone so close to himself, that I am one of the few people he lets touch and hug him, that he cared about me given that he texted me every day, that I am a person worth having closer and that he didn’t want to hurt me). I try to revive things but every time I ask to meet he comes with “Maybe, if you find time although I am going out this weekend” and after going out “I got so drunk, I have a terrible hangover let’s meet another day” (which never comes), or when I ask whether we would meet he says “Let’s go to the cinema!” and then asks “Have you seen the movies? Although there is nothing good..” and it all stops there.

    I feel such a terrible pain but don’t initiate a conversation just not to pull him ever further. I thought he confided in me, liked time with me and enjoyed bed time but now I feel terribly helpless and wonder what should I do… Please help me! I am so hopeless…

    1. Hello,
      I know this is hard and I am so sorry that you are going through this. You have dated a man that is emotionally unavailable and is following the same pattern that he had in his life. You mentioned his father never married his mother so this is an issue that he has to overcome himself. This is his past playing into his life now. You have to make yourself less available to him and understand that you deserve more than this. I would encourage you to book a session with me or a male coach on my team so we can help you during this time. You can reach out to me on my contact page. If so please state you messaged me on my blog so I can remember. We are here if you need further guidance.
      Best,
      Apollonia

    2. Relax and just enjoy the time you do have together. Don’t obsessed about this. If he doesn’t seem to want to spend time with you, find something else do that you like to do. Make plans with yourself and stick to them. Don’t chase any man except the ice cream man. He might be going through some things he’s not ready to share. Or, he might just be stringing you along. You don’t know. But, there’s no reason to worry about anything unless you know there’s something to worry about. There are plenty of things you could be doing to make yourself happy and keep busy (in a good, happy, productive way) even if you are dead ass broke. Keep yourself entertained. If nothing else, if this guy isn’t ready to be a grown up yet, if you are doing something you love, you will meet other people that have the same interests that you do. You might not meet prince charming, but you will meet some good friends that have the same interests that you do. And remember: you don’t have to be soulmates with someone to go see a movie or have coffee. I’m about a hair away from aetheist, and I have friends all across the board. You don’t have to have everything in common with a person to be friends, or be friendly or just hang out. Wish you the best of luck with your dude and everything else. Big hugs.

  9. I met someone just about 10 days back have been chatting with him . We were chatting everyday literally every .from good morning to sexting to hugs kisses and pics where he is at

    Last 2 days he is been very quiet. He messages when i do .

    This has happened tome many times . I.met 2 men before . We got along so well . Suddenly 1 disappeared and other just stopped chatting n seeing me

    I am not sure what to do.
    This guy i met 10 days back i really like him ..

    1. Hello,
      You might be going all in too soon. I would take a couple steps back and figure out what it is that you want from a man and put yourself first. It takes time to build attraction and sometimes people text for attention only. You don’t know there intentions until you continue to date someone and see them face to face. I wouldn’t take this personally and I would suggest mirroring what they are doing to you.
      Best,
      Apollonia

    2. Sometimes men pull away for the same reasons we do . Ex: they have a huge stress related pimple and because most men don’t wear makeup, they can’t hide it, and they are embarrassed. Just because men exhibit different behavior than we do ( all that “manly” conditioning) doesn’t mean they are so different than we are. Let’s stop talking about men and women like we are different species and we need to study each other. Neither men nor women have a collective mind. Let’s just treat each other as individuals and take every case into account. I met the nicest, sweetest guy a year ago. Doesn’t mean it’s all been perfect, but he’s an individual just like I am and this b.s. “guys do this” and “women do that” is just not helpful to anyone. I love my short, stocky, loudmouth best friend/ sometimes bf dearly. First, and foremost, hes my best friend, the best friend I have ever had, when he’s not being a pain in the ass. But he’s still my best friend, and I love him, I hope we will always be friends.

  10. I love your articles. Appreciate to help and advice my situation. I’m in relation with my boyfriends for 3 months. He’s start to talk about the future and marriage since our 3rd date. He was send me fill text everyday it’s made my heart fell full and in love with him so much and we start to have sex after 4th date. But since last months I few something changed after I asked him about the series relation between us, he’s send me a less of text, didn’t keep the date schedule. When I talked about get marriage he said we just know each other a few months. Now I’m move to other country and so worry about the long distance relation with him. He’s promised me will waiting to me and will come to visit me on Jan. But right now I got only one message from him a day someday it’s no text from him. I love him so much. How should I get him back.

    1. Hello Jenny,
      Thanks, and I am happy you enjoy the articles. It seems as though you gave him too much early on. I know right now it hurts but what I would suggest you do is focus on you and what makes you happy. Push away a little bit because he has to feel as though he is losing you too. Slow the pace of things when he reaches back out and don’t come off too eager for a relationship. The one thing I have to mention here is if he is not ready for a relationship with you then you cannot force this. The best thing you can do is take a step back and let him pursue you.
      Best,
      Apollonia

  11. Here;s an interesting one and maybe I am being a brat but I’m going to ask anyway. Late October I started seeing this guy. I did everything wrong one the first date, but I din’t care one bit because I honestly didn’t find him to be great looking. Super nice, great dresser, good body, but different than I expected. Anyway, we went out again because if a guy seems to have most of the qualities I like, if I think he’s super nice and cool, I’ll give it a try. We sleep together on date 2 and again, I DON’T CARE that I probably should not have. He still wants to see me though. After date four, I decide I’m just trying to like the guy so I tell him I can’t see him anymore. I don’t say exactly why but that something is not there.He starts to ask why and then backs off (smart) and takes it like a gentleman.That was after like 2 weeks. The next day or two all I do is tell my friends about this and it occurs to me I’m thinking about him nonstop. So I text him and BAM! Back together, dating and having the best sex I have EVER had in my life. We text a lot, he intiates, I don’tact needy at all… It’s nice, it’s warm, it’s sexy, it’s just great. THEN… his mom dies. He has to leave town but he just keeps on texting me the whole time. Before that he even invited me into his own world at a ceremony he had to attend. Up to this point he says thing like when you meet so and so and things like that. While out of town, everything is still great and he says he doesn’t want to dwell on his mom.I respect that so I don’t push at all. Before he gets back he he says he needs to take me to his home town (a popular vacation destination). When he gets back I meet him but his flight was delayed so it’s pretty late (not normal for us to do late night stuff like that). I even said if it’s too late let’s reschedule. He says no so I go. The next day is fine… texting blah blah blah, but the following day he seems to be distant. I do nothing. The next day, today, I text him first. He says he had a headache the day before but it’s probably stress over deciding to leave an old job for a new one and a lawsuit he’s in. He then tells me about it. But…. he definitely seems more distant than when his mom died, so I’m thinking am I just being a complete brat here or is he actually losing interest. It seems really obvious to me but I have recently decided I don’t make excuses for a man’s behaviour any more. If they want you, no matter the circumstances, you know it. what’s your take? Feel free to completely call me out, if I am just being a big baby here. At this point, I actually do really like the guy. I wish he would say something like “I’m cray about you” or something but his actions up to this point have been great so saying words may be a bit much to expect less than 2 months in anyway. Either way, I just want to know if I should completely bail at this point because I hate this feeling!

    1. Hi Karen,
      Thanks for your comment. The only thing I would “call out” about this is when you say if they want you no matter the circumstances, you know it. The reason being is because he has proven it to you over time. He is not in a vulnerable state and also going through a lot. Typically a man under financial stress and job stress takes a significant toll on his ego and self-dignity. It’s a different stress. Losing someone you welcome support because he had no control over it. Now, the other stuff he possibly did and is having a significant amount of guilt. What I would suggest is that you step back a bit and let him reach out when he is ready. I do believe checking in with him from time to time is good and not let your ego get the best of you. Be positive in your time and conversations with him right now. Do not input any additional stress and let things progress naturally. Show him that you will support him even if that’s giving him some time to breathe. You will find out the answer. I would encourage you to also book a session with me here so I can give you exact tailored advice for your situation. http://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
      Best,
      Apollonia

    2. My mind agrees with what you are saying but I have not heard from him at all today which only makes me think my gut feeling is that he is definitely on his way out…

      1. Understood. Understand there is nothing you can do if he pushes away. Focus on you right now and make sure you stay in a positive mind frame. I know it’s hard but the less focus you but on this the better it will be for you. Give it some space and back away for now. 🙂

  12. hello! well i ve read this article and i want to share my story also. I met this guy online and we “clicked” immediately. we ‘ve been texting-videocalling all the time and he told me from the beginning he was looking for sth serious etc. He called all the time and texted A LOT. we werent in a relationship since we haven’t met yet but we promised to meet in 4 months from now. the thing is he became a lot more distant this week. he doesn’t call or text as often. dont get me wrong he still does but if he sent 20 messages a day now he sends 5 . maybe he got scared because i am kind of clingy sometimes but at the beginning he seemed to not bother at all. i like him so much and i am afraid he might bail on me . what should i do? as far as i know asking him is not a good idea right?

  13. Hi Appollonia thank you for the article I thought it was great. I started dating a guy back in June 2018, it was like a whirl wind romance we were seeing each other at least 3/4 times a week, he asked me to meet his mum after about a week i said no its to soon, then within a month I had met his mum, best friend, sister, female friends, Aunty, cousins. He was bringing me to family events, buying me shoes, cooking for me, spontaneously turning up with flowers and breakfast, coming to my family events, staying with me for a whole week. For 2 months I spoke to him every single day. Then after 2 months he bought us tickets for a festival and at the event we had an argument whereby I had apparently reprimanded like a child. From that point everything changed, he became distant and we were constantly arguing. So I broke up with him in September, but he came back saying he wanted to reconcile. In October we talked and got back together, but he continued to be distant and make little effort, not returning my calls and messages for 24/48, telling me we’re meeting up but never making a plan to do so. Always saying he’s busy working as an excuse as to why we are not meeting. In December I broke it off again. We were at the same event in January and again he said he wanted to try again, saying we should go away for the weekend and spend quality time rebuilding our relationship this of course never materialised and 3 weeks later I blocked him on phone calls, whats app, and social media. It’s now been 2 months since I blocked him and he hasn’t tried to contact me by other means. I still love him and want him, but I have been working on myself and will not settle for less than I deserve. However I still don’t understand why he changed and why we he became all talk and no action.

    1. I forgot to mention that he also kept saying from very early on that he would marry me and have kids with me.
      And during the stage where he was pulling away he would always talk about my attitude being a problem, but obviously I would be upset with him because their was no action!

    2. Hi Rhimina,
      Thank you for reading this article and I am glad you found it interesting. There are several reasons why a man pulls away and stops contact suddenly without giving you any explanation. The important thing now, is for you to take time and reflect on this relationship. This time is for your personal growth and to rebuild your confidence. You are on the right path by working on your self and learning that you deserve so much more. I know that you truly care for him, because as you stated you have allowed him into your life several times. Keep busy and focus on what you need and try something new. I am not sure if you will ever understand why he became all talk and no action. Take this experience and grow from it so that you can have the healthy relationship you so deserve.
      Best,
      Apollonia

  14. This article really hits home. I recently reconnected with a guy I hooked up with in my twenties (I’m now 48 and we are both recently divorced!). He lives about 4 hours away. He told me he had a weekend conference near where I live, so for over a month we had a huge buildup to that weekend. “Our”
    Weekend. I was very forward with him, both through texts and talking, and he knew how awful my marriage had been and that I hadn’t been intimate in 7+ years! We had an AMAZING weekend and I know he likes me..but don’t know to what extent. I know I probably moves too fast and have expectations that probably won’t be met..I have been so depressed. So hard for me not to text him daily..I try to wait for him to initiate. I want to ask if he sees this going anywhere..but I am scared of the answer. It is also just very hard since it’s the firat time I felt wanted in about 15 years!! How do i get over this?? What do i do?? I can’t stop thinking about him.

  15. I’ve had a breakup with my boyfriend a year ago…though I’m not comfortable with it,still I want to figure out what went wrong,hoping to have help from you:)
    Our relationship was not a relationship at all ,I see now..I was too naive to understand how to handle a relationship.It began suddenly within one week of Facebook chatting,then we went on dates whatever but I never tried to show the rights on him! I didn’t call if he didn’t and he used to remain without calling for several days ,I wondered if he doesn’t miss me at all! But I didn’t understand the difference between being needy and being way too nice to not being needy at all ,like whatever he did,even if I felt bad I used to remain too much cool and told him that it was okay!!! Because maybe I put him on a pedestal,maybe I thought that it would cause resentment and fighting ,so let it be and I compromised! Probably I lost my high value and he started pulling away and I also didn’t say anything to him at that time..but when he ended the relationship he just said that he never felt that he was in a relationship with me..
    I also want to know how to communicate with a man when he does something that we don’t like..because I read that men doesn’t like to have told what to do or what to not,then if he does something that I don’t like,if I charge him for it then it will be accusing him and he may pull away eventually because it may show that I am needy but you tell me I am his girlfriend so I do have some rights,don’t I? so,how come telling my needs make me needy? My head just blows away to figure out the balance..sorry for the long post,but I loved your article and hope that you’ll make some time to reply…thank you????

    1. Hello,

      This is an interesting article. My boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me because I was complaining that we are not spending enough time together. I see him once every 2-3 weeks. Then he went silent for 3 days, so I texts him and call him out on that. He wasn’t happy about that. He told me I deserved someone who can give me full time attention and he isn’t the right person since he is very busy. I told him no one is too busy . That’s just an excuse. Anyway, I was shock when he broke up with me. Didn’t see it coming especially when he kept telling me wants to marry me. This definitely was a blow. How do get over this? I deleted his number to prevent me from texting him nasty comments. Honestly, I want him regret his decision for letting me go. Can you give some advise ?

      Regards,

      Kim

      1. Hi Kim,
        The way you can make him regret it is by moving on and being happy without him. Positive attitude and change is what draws people back to you. With that said he might reach out again and don’t be too easy to let him in. You want to make sure he has changed too. Follow a couple of things I’ve mentioned in this blog and stick to focusing on you and letting go of him one step at a time.
        Best,
        Apollonia

  16. I was seeing a man for a month. I drove 1 hour and half 4 weekends in a row to spend time at his house. He could not leave his house bc of his dogs. He was texting me a lot always him..first. asking me what I was doing..bla Bla bla..calling me a couple of times a week. We never had sex…it was just kissing and touching..he complimented me how wonderful and nice I was. That he was in for the long haul with me. He liked to cooked and always cooked me nice dinners and breakfasts. Then I asked him if he was my boyfriend. He said will see next weekend??? He was fighting with his ex..I asked him how long ago they broke up and he would not answer. Then one morning…he left me alone in his house to work outside. So I packed my stuff and left. He sent me a text apologizing for not making breakfast . I told him that I was confused not knowing what was going that morning. He said you are welcome to anything in my house. I said I drove all the way to your house to spend time with you. He went quiet dead that day and night. Usually he would always answer my texts and he would sent me a text good night with a kiss that day i.got nothing. Next morning I asked him why the silent treatment..and ask him if he dead or was in hospital..was not interested no more..if he just wanted a friend with benefit..or if he was on another date? I simply ask honesty with a straight answer. He got upset and offended..he said he fell asleep. I apologized to him twice for that text. He stopped talking to me. It was excruciating because I like him. He made me feel very bad that I asked him why he ghosted me that day. I asked him if he wanted to continue seeing me or not. For 3 days he would not give me an answer. I said goodbye to him it was nice meeting you best of luck. Now I regret it so much about my text and.my goodbyes. I want to stay friend with him and have a second chance. But he wont answer. I am sad because I screwed up …

  17. Hi
    l was in a relationship with a man for five (5) yes and every thing seemed to be moving well and we both loved each other……….. but during the 3-4 years we were both at school and l visited him every weekend………….
    during his graduation l was introduced officially to his family…. and that is when l noticed that he had more girl friends and had come to the function but l played it all cool
    but this man started going out alone saying that he was protecting me from the outside world
    so one day it so a happened that l had a show to perform in since am a model,,,, he shopped for me and gave me everything l wanted to run the show but surprisingly he never showed up and on going home there was another woman who was there and pregnant for him …….,… l cried out my eyes and l moved out of the house in the middle of the night and left the two….. it marked the end of our communication and l regretted why l just moved out the house and during that time he never wanted to see or talk to me
    l moved on with my life and l had to run to another town cause l wanted to run a way from shame from people and memories and the new couple moved on and he visited the girls family and love together as husband and wife. and it so happened that l got another job in that town since l had ti late go even my job there….
    but after a year of being alone he beats her and dearly needs me back ……….. what can l do???????????????? please help
    thanks

  18. 8 yrs and 2 kids and after every fight we have had he leaves and stays away for days to weeks.just 2 in a half weeks from today we fought and I know wat was that started the fight.i caught myself too fucking late he started changing I watched as he changed on me from 1 caring and loving he’s trying bf to the imposter with the IDGAF and thinks u lying every time he asks u something attitude towards me.i was only supposed to get dropped of at the store and come back home with soda anyhow my son in laws friend was going that way and asked if I wanted a lift & that he going that way so I sedd yes my bf heard the whole conversation because he sitting beside me.he just shrugged his head and told me to hurry back ND I left with my son in laws friend ,I was wanting to go my sister’s place to see her check up on her from time to time just in case she need anything. So he told me he had some business to handle not far from my sister’s place and if I like he would take me to my sisters and go handle his shit it was going be fast kine he sedd so I told him shoots ND we did wat was planned take me to sisters ND he went handle his shit and wasn’t fast kine either homie took almost 3 hrs before he pulling up my cup soda empty so I knew I was fucked late af for 1 and another 1 no soda and I got dropped off from the same guy I left with earlier.i went home and he sedd so wea the soda I told him sorry baby no moa me my sister and nephews drank it while waiting for my ride for pick me up.and he gave me 1 look das all I took was da look I seen um he attitude towards me change went from caring loving bf to 1 imposter with IDGAF and I lying Everytime he asks me anything attitude.after witnessing that I caught myself my actions that wasn’t intentionally done to hurt him in anyway which it did hurt him I couldn’t reach him he to far gone so we fought because of his macho attitude to me.and we had words with each other and like all the rest of our fights wat does he do LEAVE GRABS HIS BACKPACK N HES GONE,in that bag has everything he owns in it.he takes that bag every where with him.and he stays away no call absolutely no CONTACT with me and his children we have together I know wea he’s at and all but that’s besides the point u have a family at home waiting for you ND hes up at his comfort zone ain’t losing sleep over his family at all.he acts as if he no moa a gf and 2 kids ND 1 house to go to.and instead staying in front of his friends property on the side of the road in his car that’s wea my bf staying in his car at his friends house ND property.i always is the 1 to go to him and reconcile with him to come home then he’ll come back home ND life goes on till the next fight we have he going stay away for 1 month now or longer I’m scared I really tried to keep in touch with him to apologize to him letting him know that I see my wrong and I’m owning up to it. I even wrote him a letter telling him sorry for my actions and how much I love missing him so much and how much his boys misses him to asks for him everyday and it’s ok to come home so we can talk and left on his window wipers on his car.i know he got the letter from me.wat he does he ignores all my efforts of keeping in touch with him no response,he didn’t even show up for our son’s bday so sad that went hurt my heart.leaving me in 1 fucked and fucked up situation at the sametime tryna keep my shit together because of my children and keeping our the only thing we good rn which is our house that doesn’t feel like home because now it’s going onto 3 weeks in the matter of days now and he’s still never come call nothing no contact at all.im scared and idk wat to do any more but I not giving up even though so badly I like just say fuck it and give up on him ND us.but I keep on fighting for him.by going to him almost like I chasing him.the moment I feel awkward I take off and I come back again another time till he wants to come home.idk why and I like to know why and how does he not worry about his family and not wanna check up on them.idk wat to do ND I not giving up but I out of options on approaching him on if he still wants me to be apart of his life I mean wtf please tell me something anything or u done 8yrs 2 kids how can u give up all dis and deahs no lady involve.he just chooses to stay away and I like know why I’m scared to go find out emotionally I not ready.plz help me I need some advice on wat kind of actions to take in my situation ND ur opinion on my problem with my bf having no contact with me N kids and chooses to stay away no contact.thank you

    1. Hi Kahealani. Thank you for taking the time to read Why Men Pull Away. I think you should pull back and not try to get him to take notice right now. If he doesn’t want to be involved in the kids lives, then you have your answer. I think pull back and keep things really easy going and civil/ friendly if you do ever see him, because remember you guys have kids together so just think about them. How do you want them to perceive their mom? I would suggest really doing some work on yourself and focusing on building a great life for yourself and your kids. You can absolutely do this!! Heal from this relationship and past relationships. You have to fall in love with yourself first before someone else can love you. Good luck! You can do this.
      Best,
      Apollonia

  19. So I started up with this guy about 6 1/2 years ago I was 19 he was 27. I lived in another state at the time and would see him when I came to visit family. When We first started hanging out he would take me to fun places around the city. We ended up sleeping together. He still was showing me attention and we were having fun together. He was sweet and funny and showed me respect. He’d call and talk to me on the phone while I was back home. I came into town for a lil while and had car trouble and no longer had a ride home. He offered to drive me and my friend home. He brought his cousin along to have someone to drive back with and the whole ride back to my house about 6 hr drive he sat in the backseat with me holding my hand and kissing me while his cousin drove. We get to where we are going and he ends up staying the night before hitting the road in the morning. Calls me when he makes it home and tells me about the drive. We continue to stay in touch. Couple months go by and two of my friends and I decide to take a trip to the beach this particular beach about two hours from where I visit family and where this guy lives. So I shoot him a message tell him I’m going to be in his state, he immediately say he wants to come see me. So he drives up there and we stay up all night together watch the sun rise on the beach. He asks me to come back with him. With out hesitation and say yes and there I go with my one tote bag of clothes back to his house. I stayed with him for about a month before going to stay with family. The first two weeks were great. We had great sex and would be cuddled up ever night. We’d go out to grab food maybe get a drink, then he started getting weird. A month goes by and I Decided to go stay with family. Still seeing each other everyday for the most part. I would still go spend the night with him sometimes and then one day he hits me with the I don’t want a relationship With you. Confused as hell asking why and he never had a good answer. He always said it was him not me but specifically said that he didn’t want a relationship with ME, why? I still do not understand to this day. Anyway I ended up finding out that he had knocked up his previous girl and she was having his baby. He already had one kid with his high school sweetheart and supposedly the girl he fell hard for. I honestly don’t think he’s ever gotten over her but the way he talks about her was alway kinda harsh. Anyway here I am feeling crushed and confused by all of this. Then he tells me that he can’t see me anymore he trying to make it work with the new baby mama. Ha that’s funny because the whole time she was staying with him he still would call me and want to see me. She ended up moving out. Things didn’t work out and let me state it was not because of me. So we pick back up and hang out almost everyday again. Having sex most nights me sleeping over and what not. He started confiding in me telling me everything about how he feels about everything besides me. This continues for about 3-4 years I guest a friends with benefits sort of thing but yet we were always doing bf gf things. Yet he still did not want a relationship with me. Not that I kept asking for it I stopped and just accepted the way things were because I cared about him and I wanted him near me. He says he just isn’t in the right mind to have a relationship with anyone doesn’t want one. Then he goes to work with family in a different state. We didn’t talk while he was away. As soon as he gets back he’s calling me up wanting to see me. Talks about how his trip was and how he met a girl and that she was his gf while he was there. Ugh I thought you didn’t want a girlfriend? I’m feel stupid at this point but still felt the need to be near him. He ends up leaving to work out of state again and I finally met someone new that made me feel like I mattered again. I’m with this guy for about four five months and not hearing from the previous one that didn’t want a relationship at all. Then boom he calls on Christmas none the less wants to see me. I’m freaking out like a bomb exploded inside me I hated him for what he did with my emotions I had found someone new who made me feel great and he had to try and mess that up. He showed up at my house I kicked him out feeling frustrated and mad like why? Why do you keep coming back to me? I ignored him even when he’d text me telling me to come over or to come drink with him. I didn’t keep it from my man he and I can tell he knew I had unresolved feelings for him but I hated him or I thought I did. A year goes by and Things got complicated with my man. I fell in love with this new man and he broke my heart. So I did something stupid and decided to let the old one back in. Feeling Harry broken and lonely I started sleeping with him again only once in awhile I didn’t want to see him all the time like a used to because I was already hurt. The sex was fun at first but then he started to pull away again trying to tell me he doesn’t want me falling in love with him. I told him what was up and that I loved this other man and that I just need someone near me. We’ve been doing this for two years now. Hanging out having sex sleeping together. He has moments when I feel he generally feels safe and at hone with me and others where he can’t get away from me fast enough. I have no idea what he wants or is thinking like why does he always come back to me. Why does he insist on making me feel like he wants me but doesn’t. I’ve may his friends his family. Why does he insist on making me feel like I’m not good enough for him? Does he like me does he not? I need answers and he’s not giving them to me. When I’ve asked if he even care at all for me he can never answer me directly always try’s to change the subject. Why am I not good enough for him to be in a relationship with me?

  20. Thank you for this. So very much. I just ended a 12yr relationship (he cheated) and I started dating. I’m sure way to soon being single 2 months. I realized I still need healing time. I’ve been talking to so many guys but it’s just to fill a void of companionship and I realize that now. And I’ve been wondering why this why that what I didnt ask myself was am I good for this. I’m not thank you and I hope my lil story helps someone else realize even though you end a relationship and you were unhappy the last bit of it. You still need time to heal and love yourself.

  21. This was a great article. Even though i knew all these things you put into proper perspective. I can clearly see how i made my mistakes and the red flags i should have responded to differently. Thank you for this. This is truth.

    1. Hi Anji. Thank you for taking the time to read Why Men Pull Away. I’m glad that this article helped you!
      Wishing you the best,
      Apollonia

  22. What a wonderful article. I’ve been seeing this amazing man for 2 months. He’s married and changing career at the moment. I agreed to date him because his marriage is in a bad place (his wife was cheating on him for the past 8 months and they argue all the time). He was honest from the beginning that he couldn’t make any promise. However, he showered me with affection. Last week, shit hit the fan with his wife (but he didn’t say what was the cause). And now I feel him pull away. Our last call was sweet, but he calls less and hasn’t texted in days. I’m giving him space but am wondering if he just needs time and space to process his personal situation, or if he is simply pulling away from me.
    Thank you again for your great article

  23. We are both 54 and we have been dating for over two years and I tired of the push/pull me away whenever he chooses. I don’t mind standing by my man and working for our relationship, however I do not want to be a fool and taken advantage of…? mixed messages from him, like from making passionate love to me one minute and not calling for three days? I don’t want to be clingy or anything or ask too many questions and be all girlfriend like…like I said we are older, so how do I get a little more surety from him as to his feelings & or future plan…petrified to talk about marriage, however I am not concerned about infidelity. just moving forward changing our original plan without loosing him? he may want the talk or he may not…how do I know without loosing him? love him with all my heart.

  24. Hello Apollonia,

    I have been dating someone for a year now, it started out great in the beginning. Very open, comfortable and trusting. I do agree that we moved fast but I felt we were both going where things were leading us and we were on the same page. Then BAM things changed..I know a huge reason why (he is going through a divorce). They were together on/off for like 2 years and married for less then a month but she had a way of manipulating him and making him feel guilty. I did leave but then I went back, sometimes I wonder if I should have. Things have gotten better and we have gotten closer but his ex wont let up and he is mentally exhausted and stressed and pulls away and keeps to himself when he is in his head. When he does that though he is cold, and not receptive to my love and affection and I don’t get much from him. He asks me for more understanding but I honestly don’t know how much more understanding I can be, nor know how to at this point? He is a good person and he tells me I am helping him be a better man but is sometimes confusing with his actions? I have caught him talking to someone but it has been only talking that i am positive of and I confronted him and said it’s either me, just me or it’s not. He said I want you, I see my life with you but I need more of you. I didn’t have any words because I am lit giving him every ounce of me :/ He said he misses US but yet was talking to someone. i said you don’t go looking for it elsewhere and why did you do that? He said I honestly don’t know why, I guess i felt that i was missing something. He can be a very difficult person but so lovely and caring. We have fun, laugh and enjoy a lot of the same things. I guess my question is, how do I make him understand my feelings as well as being there for him? He says when he gets like this (stuck in his head) to leave him be for a bit. When that happens I feel like I am walking on eggshells and I don’t know if I can hug him, love him give him affection. He barely talks to me and it definitely pushes me away. I just want to be able to understand him and his needs when he is in a funk or should I hive him the space and do me? It’s challenging because we live together as well and some nights are just shitty and hurt my heart :/ I just want him and I to be happy together again.

    Thanks for listening

  25. Hii good afternoon… I have a situation at hand and I need help! There’s this guy i met through a WhatsApp group we crushed on each other and we got talking after some weeks of chatting and all, he invited me over(his based in a different state from mine, so I had to travel all the way)….I went and the following day we made love…I really don’t know what got into me..and his the extremely jealous type of person and also he told me about himself but he didn’t ask a thing about me….he just got out from a painful relationship that his ex was dating someone else alongside him to and they dated for 4 years before breaking up so when I got back to base…..everything was cool the communication was strong…he could call me and we talk for long and all…and he’d even say ‘I love you’ at the end of each call. So something happened I thought he was ignoring me so I uploaded a male friends photo just to get his attention and get him jealous….and it worked but it kinda back fired cause he got so angry and too jealous…he refused picking my calls until I called him with my moms line he picked and we trashed things out that night…..things came back to normal kind of but I still felt empty inside…don’t know why….I just have a feeling that this guy doesn’t love me enough…but sometimes I chat him up, he doesn’t even read my chats, but his online posting stuffs on his status…I have come out clearly to ask him if he doesn’t want the relationship or he knows he doesn’t have much feelings for me, let’s just go our separate ways. He kinda got irritated and angry, flared up saying if he doesn’t love me,would he have gotten jealous over seeing my post of other guy..calling them sweet names,vwould he have given a damn about what I post on my status….so I should stop asking him stupid and annoying questions cause he wouldn’t answer….that was what he said. Don’t know what to do…please help should I just force myself to forget about him?? Its difficult but I would have to force myself cause I believe if a guy truly loves a girl he’d do just anything even distance wouldn’t be a barrier. And after I got him jealous, he doesn’t call me again except I call him then if he misses the call, he calls back….please what should I do…I know I already made a huge mistake by making love to him from the very beginning. Please help me, I need advice now!!

  26. i really need help to understand what’s going on my boyfriend breakup with me before weeks after we meet a week went by he text me to tell me he want to talk we talk he said he was sorry for pushing me away then that when he ask me to be his girlfriend after that he told he want to move out together he wanted to get a place so we can live together he give before that i talk to him that we were moving to fast i explained him that moving together is not a game that it was a big step that not always gonna be happiness that probably in down the road there will argument but will be up to us to get through it he said it doesn’t matter i still want to move out together he give up his apartment were he was living we started looking for places we didn’t had luck to find any st the moment he is been staying anywhere there was never a huge argument or anything like that after that he left for like a week to california he came back he bought me flowers he call me to go see him everything was going perfect we finally find places we went and look at the apartment this wasn’t in a good place after that day we went to my parents were i’m living at the momenti made him food that night we finally went back at his grandma we went to bed we both were tired in the morning we both woke up get ready for work when i was at work i got a text from him saying that he was trying to make this work that he was trying to be a nice guy but when i tell him we will talk about it later or walk off and say fine to him he doesn’t like that and that we shouldn’t live together and that right now he need some space but those things that he claimed to happen like walking off and say fine those things never happen we never got in to a big argument or yelling at each other and now im like what happened i can’t fin an answer or what’s going on

  27. i really need help to understand what’s going on my boyfriend breakup with me before weeks after we meet a week went by he text me to tell me he want to talk we talk he said he was sorry for pushing me away then that when he ask me to be his girlfriend after that he told he want to move out together he wanted to get a place so we can live together he give before that i talk to him that we were moving to fast i explained him that moving together is not a game that it was a big step that not always gonna be happiness that probably in down the road there will argument but will be up to us to get through it he said it doesn’t matter i still want to move out together he give up his apartment were he was living we started looking for places we didn’t had luck to find any at the moment he is been staying anywhere there was never a huge argument or anything like that after that he left for like a week to california he came back he bought me flowers he call me to go see him everything was going perfect we finally find places we went and look at the apartment this wasn’t in a good place after that day we went to my parents were i’m living at the momenti made him food that night we finally went back at his grandma we went to bed we both were tired in the morning we both woke up get ready for work when i was at work i got a text from him saying that he was trying to make this work that he was trying to be a nice guy but when i tell him we will talk about it later or walk off and say fine to him he doesn’t like that and that we shouldn’t live together and that right now he need some space but those things that he claimed to happen like walking off and say fine those things never happen we never got in to a big argument or yelling at each other and now im like what happened i can’t fin an answer or what’s going on

  28. Hi Apollonia,

    This guy broke my heart. We met on a Friday night in 2015. Talked and laughed and I thought that he could’ve truly been the one for me. Then we started having a casual relationship then I told him I was falling for him. He says he didn’t want anything serious and stupid me continue to have casual flings with him.
    At that point I found out he has a gf. Anyway fast forward a couple years later they got engaged and he never told me. He used to say he wasn’t in a relationship. I grew tired and locked him off.
    Now in 2019 he’s back and apologized his heart strings out (obviously something happened with the fiancé).
    But he still doesn’t seem like he wants to be with me. Just probably wanted to apologize for what he did.
    My question is; now that he came back. Should I even remain being friends with him? I’m afraid these feelings come back because I took a long time to pull myself out of a bad place because of him.

  29. I just wanted to say that you are exactly right about men. They love the thrill of the chase. The book, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” explains everything about relationships clearly and how two people should respond to each other. It explains the same results as you have. Thank you for posting this. I hope all the women who read this take it to heart and know that they deserve to be treated special and with respect.

  30. Hi am Elizabeth ive been dating this guy for several months but recently he changed he started pulling away I don’t know if the mistake was mine because I said I loved himfast I made the fast move am so confused please help me.

  31. I am very confused.
    I met a man about two months ago. We work for employers who work closely. After spending about an hour talking and working together, he started coming to chat with me for 15 minutes about twice per week. I started to kinda joke around with him during our chats just before he was taking a vacation to go home for two weeks. While he was gone, I thought of things to chat with him about when he got back. However, it has been three weeks since he returned to work and he has yet to come and talk to me. He pulled up alongside me in his vehicle once and smiled and waved, after I asked a mutual co-worker about his whereabouts. Yet, he has yet to come and talk to me again. I don’t understand what happened. Was it something that I said before he left for vacation? Did I smell sweaty one day? I thought that he was the one that I had been looking for. We are both middle-aged, so, it seems like the games should be behind us. Even if he wasn’t interested in a relationship, I would love to just be his friend because he is such a nice guy. If he really wanted to talk to me, he would have gotten out of his vehicle and talked to me, right? Or should I have gotten out in the rain and talked to him? Does he think that I don’t want to talk to him? I just don’t understand how it went from him coming down several times per week to chat with me to not coming down at all. Why pull up beside me and wave and smile but not talk to me?

    1. Hi, thank you for taking the time to read Why Men Pull Away. It sounds like you might have put him on a pedestal and maybe became too available for him. Meaning wanting his attention more and being over the top, instead of just yourself. He also just might not be the guy for you. We can’t control things like that. I would suggest pulling back and just dating other guys and keeping it really casual with him. Almost like he’s not there. If you guys happen to catch each other’s eye, I would smile and then just walk away. Guys like to chase. They need to feel like they’ve won something. All you have to do is just focus on your life and your goals. You deserve a man to chase you and make you feel wanted, so if this guy isn’t doing that… then walk away. Remember you’re worth it. You don’t have to do anything else.
      Best,
      Apollonia

  32. Hi i have just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 months i really just don’t know what to think. He started messaging me we inly went out a few times and then he was asking me to stay at his house all the time. I never went chasing after him i used to wait until he messaged me. He never really clarified what he actually wanted relationship wise but he was pretty full on and saying his intentions for me were strong if there were times I couldn’t go over he used to say he couldn’t wait to see me again. About a week ago the messages he was sending me started to change when i asked him if we were alright he said yes. Then his messages were practically none existent sonwhen i asked again he said he had a lot of things going on in his life that he couldn’t handle and he needed space so inlet him be for a couple of days and them sent a message to ask for my things back and ask what had happened he said that i was a beautiful woman and he didn’t feel the same way as i did and that he cannot live a lie. I just don’t know what changed

    1. Hey Louise. Thank you for taking the time to read Why Men Pull Away. You might not have messaged him first, but you still might have been too available. It’s really important to still have your own life and priorities. This guy also sounds like he could be a narcissist or even a love addict. Often times if it’s a lot at first, and a guy is “gaslighting” you or building you up and there’s really no intentions set… it’s happening all kind of fast… it’s a huge red flag. This guy doesn’t sound like he was healthy. Be grateful this didn’t last that long, he could have caused some serious damage.
      Learn from this one about how you want to be and pat yourself on the back… you did great. This guy probably realized he couldn’t manipulate you. Watch out for the “I miss you” text later on. There’s plenty of great guys out there. Don’t let this one make you feel any differently about yourself, it’s his issues, not yours.
      Best,
      Apollonia

  33. Been in a relationship with this guy for 7 months n everything was good now he don’t text or call I had a miscarriage no reach out he said everything in pause until he figure out things if he lost friends n etc he okay with that. Then he said if you feel uncomfortable leave he wasted to much time in a relationship and he trying to get back to his self. No reason why it nothing I don5want to let go because kids are involved but I know it’s not healthy. I don’t call or text him. Every post I post he think it’s about him smh. Need input n what should I do. I tried loving, caring, he said I don’t listen that was the 1st sign am a cancer i listen to everything trust.

    1. Hi T. Thank you for reading Why Men Pull Away. This guy does not sound like he is capable of showing up for you. And it sounds like he walked away when you really needed him. I would look at defining what your boundaries are for yourself. If you want someone that is there for you and available… this is not the guy. I would pull back and focus on yourself. Your own life. Focus on your friends and your hobbies, what areas of your life need more work? Focus on those. Find more ways to fall in love with yourself and not settle for someone who can’t even show up and still has to find themselves.
      He is giving a lot of red flags. I would see if this is a pattern in your relationships… guys not being available or being emotionally immature, then I would look at see where you might be missing the red flags when you first started to date them. If a man doesn’t show you that he’s a gentleman and he’s capable of being there…. run far away from that guy. If he shows that he doesn’t respect you… then you have to respect yourself enough to walk away. This is on YOU to do.
      Wishing you the best,
      Apollonia

  34. Hi I met this guy he is my friends housemate and he was cool we had a lot of chemistry he started to help me with my homework every night he asked me if I like him and I said yes and he said he liked me as well and I wanted to date him I was shocked he said let’s predate. I cuddled with him and he came when I needed help with homework but I noticed he wouldn’t ask me out on a date. I started to ask him are you bored of me? Are you bored of me? So last week I send him crazy insecure txt like I don’t wanna date you then saying I did which confused him ever since he pulled away and said he was going back to his town for the holidays and we were on a break that during the break he was gonna think about his feelings and I should think about mine but I feel I pushed away. He said he doesn’t to be in a relationship where I have doubts about his intentions and that his not obsess with me but honestly likes me. I don’t know what except when he comes back in 2 weeks for school. He did want to hang out with me after we saw each other last but he did give me a good night kiss freely do you think he is interested? I think he is confused when I told him I don’t trust him and then I did. He is gonna txt me when he comes back to talk about this relationship and we continue to predate or date

    1. Hi Lina. Thank you for taking the time to read Why Men Pull Away. I would really recommend pulling back for yourself and falling more in love with yourself. You can still date this person. But right now, you’re putting your validation on him and your emotions on him… your happiness and how you feel about yourself come from inside of you, not from another person. I think he’s attracted to you and I think he will reach out and give it another shot, without knowing more I can’t say for certain, but now it’s about knowing who you are and loving yourself. Because if you don’t love yourself, it’s going to be very difficult to feel love from anyone else. Let go of the past. If you haven’t healed from the past, try to do that. See where you can learn from your mistakes and grow.
      Wishing you the best
      Apollonia

  35. Thank you for this article. I have been dating a man for 3 weeks and at first it was going really well, he even said his feeling have taken a turn in a good way but then he seemed to pull back..his texts have decreased a Nd before he used to call me hun or babe..now back to first name basis …not sure what is happening?? So I’ve limited my texts, letting him take the lead! Am I doing the right thing? This man is different from others I have dated .I almost feel like he may be “courting me”. Any advice you could give would be greatly appreciated!

  36. thank you for this beautiful article
    I am currently living the same situation I found myself in a few months ago with my ex
    This guy am with right now is in “crazy” love with me and we have been together for 6 months except that; overnight, and with no reason or any given explanation, he just started ignoring me
    I dealt with this situation with my ex the hard way where I had to just ignore him completely just as he did out the blue
    I can tell it was painful but I managed to get myself together and move on
    it’s just funny how am living this hard time again with a different person who always claimed that I was his first love.
    Staying busy is what am trying to do to keep myself off of thinking of him but I can not tell that it is an easy task especially that this guy has everything I love in a man..
    any further advices you give will be much appreciated dear Apollonia

    Rosa

  37. Wow this article is just what I was looking for. I have been dating this guy for 5 months now, we first met in April last year but I never gave him any shance until August then we started going out. We went for 3 dates night out then we started staying home at my flat. I mean when he comes to pick me up to go out, instead of us going out for a date but we’ll endup staying home. He’s gonna bring drink, and we’ll order something to eat or I cook foods sometimes. I’m an indepandent women I do my things on my own, I don’t rely on him at all. I don’t even ask him for money.

    At the bigining he used to come to me every Saturday and we’ll spend the night together at my flat, then he started to change after couple of months he never comes to me saturdays again. It became so difficult for me to see him, sometimes he’ll call and make a plan to come over but he won’t turn up at all. Sometimes he won’t even call me to say that he is not coming again for whatever reason till the next morning, he’ll then call to say that he’s sorry, he was busy. He keeps cancelling our plan and meeting in the last minute and always change his mind. He goes out every saturday I don’t know with who? He never takes me out, on a date or dinner at all, he always makes excuses when I ask him to pick me up or drop me off he always says to me that I need to learn how to drive. I can’t even remember when was the last time that I entered his car.

    When we first went out he told me that he used to date a women who got pregnant for him and moved in together in the same house. After she had a miscarrage things did not workout again between them and they have to be separated. He’s still leaving in that house but he said to me that they did put money together to get that house so after those problems that women had to leave, and now the case his with the solicitors waiting for things to be sorted sell that house and give her money back then move on with his life. Since from the bigining he’s been trying to make me pregnant but I’ve been on birth control pills.

    After he noticed that I was taking the pills, he started sleeping with me using condoms. Then he started telling me to go off the pills they’re not good for my body. After I stopped taking the pills we went back to having normal sex without using condoms or any other form of contraception. A month later I got pregnant. On the time that I was expecting my periods they didn’t come up normal, so he came to me that evening and saw some blood and he was upset. He them went on sleeping with me using condom again. By this time I was already feelinv sick and getting pregnancy symptoms. Then I told him that I think I was pregnant, and started asking him about what’s going to happen now , what was he thinking and about his ex how was things going, but that night he was so upset to me he even refused to eat or drink.

    The next morning I sent him a text to say sorry about making him upset last night and it won’t happen again. He replied to me nicely too and I reminded him not to forget my strawberry when he’s coming to me that evening. But I was still worried. I went to the surgery that day and had a pregnancy test which came up positive. That same day after work I tried to call him but he refused to pick up, he rejected my call and turned his phone off. , I sent him a tex and he did not reply. I had no choice so I had to text him about the pregnancy result, so he then replied very happy and excited about this news. He then started calling all the times, texting to see how I’m doing, if I have eaten etc.. On new year eve we planed to go to Church together, but that evening when I got back from work I tried to call him but he was so angry at me, so I have to leave him and went to my church alone while we made a plan to go to his church. One day before he was at my place that evening and I heard him talking in the bathroom while he left me on the table eating, he took his phone to the bathroom and went to talk in there when I asked him he was like his made called and his auntie they’ll be coming to his house on new year day. The next day on new year day he called me like about 10 and wanted to come to me that afternoon but I told him to come in the evening because I was sleeping. That evening he didn’t even come, he called me later on to tell me that he was with his mum and sister and they left his house very late so he’ll come the next morning.

    The next morning he came to me at 6 o’clock and we stayed till 10:00 in bed. I was sleeping, but he was on his phone, and when I turn around he’ll put the phone away quickley and pretend to sleep. After they called him about his business he just left me and promised to come back and should call him if I needed anything. After an hour I tried to call him and ask if he could get me a beef burger and also some bottles of water for the house, but he replied to me angrily and acted like he doesn’t know where to get water from, so I told him to forget about everything so I was going to work anyway and won’t have time to eat then he was like are you sure I said yes he was like I can send someone to deliver the burger to you and I refused. I felt so sad about this I tought he loved me, and I am pregnant. Last sunday when he came to my house I was telling him about meeting my family now I am pregnant and we’re African, and also how my aunties are, so everything was fine, normal and he later left my house without problem. The next day he didn’t text me or call in the morning like usual. I tried to call him in the afternoon and he was like he left home late to work so this is why. But it went on like that all week.

    Then last wednesday he came to me and he was telling me that he’ll need to stay away from me because of my Aunties and I tought this was just a joke but it was for real. He stopped calling again or texting. Last Friday I called and told him that we wanted to talk so he said to me he’ll be coming to my house on saturday after work but he didn’t and didn’t even called. Sunday morning he called me at 9:00 and I asked him but he was telling me that he went to a birthday party. Then he came that afternoon and I told him we need to sort things out and make some plans on how to deal with this and also if we can start living together now I am pregnant and can’t continue living alone most of the time I need him , but is answer was No.

    I asked him why but he said because we can’t live together, don’t I see him when I need him? So he will come to me whenever I need him but we’ll not live together. Maybe after the baby has arrived but not now, I have like 8 months to go maybe things will change by then but we can’t talk about this now. And if I don’t need the baby I can give it to him to look after by himself or will hire someone to take care of the babe. I then went on and asked him if he had someone else in his life but the answer was No, then asked about his previous relationship if he’s been able to sort things out but he said no still trying to, if there was anything he would have told me. Then he was about to leave but I tried to stop him and said to him that we haven’t finished talking yet so why he’s just leaving quickly? He was like I have to let him go, he’s going to his mum and he won’t come to my house again for a long time, and maybe he won’t even come again at all. We’ll be meeting up out there. He left my house upset without looking back

    I don’t know what to do. I have come to undertand that he’s not ready to settle down, he’s seeing other women out there and he didn’t want a serious relationship with me, but I’m confused why he wanted me pregnant then? And now I am thinking of terminating the pregnancy because I can’t be a single mother. He’s still looking around and one day he’ll get married to someone else and what about me, who will look at me again with my child? Will I still look sexy and beautiful like I am now? Will he be enterested in me after my vagina becomes loose when I give birth? I don’t know if I am wrong please help!

  38. Thank you for the article! I’ve known my guy on and off for over 20 years, we dated when were younger. fast forward to present…
    We are both in the same situation, both married but unhappy and close to the end, but children to think of. He lives about 2 hours away so we don’t get to see each much. When we do i just love being with him and he always tells me the same thing. He has told me he loves me and i have told him also. I wold say probably the last 6 months the texts are pretty intense! He was always texting me and telling all the things i love to hear. Lately though he seems to be distancing him self it seems. But i say that and then he’ll text and say something that says otherwise. Seems like i’m on a roller coaster some days!! I know right now he is going through somethings, not being happy at home and he is having finical troubles and a few health issues. Could this be why he is all over the place? I don’t like to always ask ” is everything ok ” I don’t want to be a nag. When i do say Love you, he does say it back. Am I overthinking things maybe?? Some days I fell like i just want to say all this is too much but I do love him and i do believe he loves me.
    What do think?

  39. Hi,
    I am really confused about a man I have started getting close a while ago while I was ending my 3,5 years relationship with my ex boyfriend.
    We started chatting everyday, starting meeting up for coffee between work breaks, started making excuses to see each other even for short periods of time throughout the day. At the time my relationship with my ex was basically over but wasn’t official. The new man I met knew about this and we both admitted to it being wrong that we were interacting the way we did, we didn’t have any psychical interaction but we both admitted to like each other a lot and want to be with one another.
    We kept talking, and one day he started to pull away(all this happened in a month) He went from wanting to see me every single day and wanting to talk to me from every single moment to not showing any interest in any of that. We still kept in touch somewhat but it was barely anything and at a point I got upset with him and went off on him about it…We were still chatting here and there(with my efforts and I was officially single by then)
    We ended up meeting about a week or so later. I asked him what changed and he eventually said he isn’t good enough for me… I knew he hated his job and had financial problems along with some other problem. Once I read your article I found some relative things that made me think of his reasoning. He told me he can’t bring someone else into his life before he figures out his problems… at the moment all that sounded like excuse to me, after all he had all those problems when I first met him and when he was all about me back then, telling me how much better I was making his days…so it is really hard to believe that this is the actual reason. However there wasn’t anything I could do to change his mind, now he tells me he would still like to be my friend but honestly he puts zero effort in contacting me or seeing me or even reaching out to me. I’m lost and don’t know what to think or do about it. I’d really appreciate your input and thoughts on this. Thank you.

  40. Hi.someone please help me
    I’m getting tired of boys who came into me and talk to me about different things and so little by little I talk to them and we become friends .I mean just friends”or maybe its just for for me that I look at them as just a friend”
    and after that we have a connection of talking all the time they act weird and become disappeared. And then I decided to stop talking to them and after a distance between us they came back eagerly and talk a lot about everything and -again like before- after I feel the connection of talking to them they become weird and this cycle just repete forever and I’m tired of that

    1. Hey Sara it sounds like these guys are emotionally unavailable. I would suggest writing out all of the red flags from these guys that you might have missed and realize that you have a choice now.
      You no longer have to talk to these guys. There’s red flags or a hesitation you’re feeling before you’re interacting with guys like this… trust your gut. Don’t engage with them.
      Go out and date NICE guys even if you’re not attracted to them for a little bit. You’ve got to get your mind attracted to guys that are available.
      Best,
      Apollonia

  41. Thank you for writing this. It’s nice to know what I’m going through is not something people haven’t dealt with before. I’m dating a guy I’ve known since high school. We had an off the record relationship for about a year right before he met his wife got married and had two kids. We recently reconnected after they separated. A little while and the relationship got serious and he was all in. A few months pass and right around New Year’s eve he started acting distant and weird. I knew in my gut something was going on then I confronted him about it and he admitted to going on dating apps. He said he wanted more space and I reluctantly agreed. It was at that point I realize I wasn’t getting what I need and broke it off. He called and texted for about a week after but then eventually fizzled out. About one week later I made the foolish decision to answer a phone call from him and he begged and pleaded to be back with me stating he didn’t want to lose me and would do whatever it took to keep me around. I told him I couldn’t deal with a part-time boyfriend if he was willing to do what it took to show me that he is trustworthy and would commit 100% to me I was willing to give it a chance and he said he was all in. However now here we are about a week later and he is starting to display the same behaviors avoidance shadiness and pretty much everything that could make a woman feel insecure. I’m a confident successful individual it’s just for some reason this guy has a hold on me and I don’t know what to do. Either I go all in and trust him blindly in order to give him a true chance or break it off before I get hurt again. Also came to find out that when we were still together aside from the dating apps he was messaging multiple women that were on his Instagram that made me suspicious. I guess instincts are there for a reason. I just don’t know what to do.

    1. Hey Maxine. It sounds like he didn’t work on himself during that time to actually fix the issues. He is escaping and looking for validation outside of himself. He doesn’t love himself.
      I would really suggest telling him you need a break and he needs to work on loving himself because if he can’t do that, he’ll never be able to accept love from someone else, and the behaviors will be right back.
      I think trust your gut. It really seems spot on. We have to give someone space though for them to work on themselves. Maybe he can go to therapy. Stick to your values and boundaries.
      Either he goes to therapy or you guys take a break for 30 days while he works on his issues and learns how to love himself and bring a better man into the relationship.

      You can do this. You’re worth it.
      Best,
      Apollonia

      1. Hi everyone. I have a question
        There was a boy started becoming friend with me.it was Just Friend type and he put the first step cuz i didn’t know him properly.
        He had a gf and we were just friends who talked about everything.then he broke up and there were times that he acted a lit wierd.like one time in the middle of goodbye hug I heard a deep breath.I told myself maybe he was not smelling my hair.and there was other time that he said to me that i don’t get when a guy flirts to me and I’m dump in that and I responded if anyone likes me and know me he will tell me directly and other things like when i was telling him about my dream guy he kept comparing himself with my dream guy and asked me how i think about him and then told me i was a joke.
        I ignored all of that signs and i was sure if he has a feeling he would tell me directly cuz i told him’as i mentioned above’
        Little by little he acted wired and cold. He was not the guy I knew before and whenever i talked to him or I texted first he acted like something that made me feel bad and humiliated.
        Once I talk to him and ask him why and he didn’t answer that and just changed the subject
        I decided not to see him as my friend then one of my friend told me to talk to him frankly.
        2days ago I told him everything and the also that there was a periode i thought he had feelings”not now” I asked him the reason of his behaviour because it makes me uncomfortable and baffled. And now I know there isn’t something more like feelings but i can’t see any friendship either because all of the hurt.
        I was totally frank and said anything to make him feel comfortable to tell the truth even his first aim to become friend with me
        He said there wasn’t anything more and any other feelings from his side and he is sorry for his acts that made me misunderstood him.also said he is changing his lifestyle and he is not really close to any other of his friends including me
        I found out that was a complete lie and i have to remove him from my life. But a part inside me thinks I did a wrong think to tell him everything and asked him the truth because he couldn’t tell everything and it’s also hard for him.and if the friendship between us is going to be rebuilt that couldn’t happen because of what I said.i don’t know what to do now
        Thanks for your help🙏🏼

        1. relationships could be hard and that’s why we offer this platform for people to share their stories and learn from their mistakes so they don’t happen again. It is important to understand your emotions and discover your interests and know yourself better overall.
          Best of luck with everything and please continue to watch our videos, We have amazing, valuable content available to all of you in our youtube channel, podcast, etc.

  42. Hi Apollonia. I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago but we still live together due to being on the same lease. I regret having broken up with him because I did it while we were on a “break”. Now he’s hesitant about getting back together. We still love each other but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be clingy anymore and I would like to get back in a relationship with him but right now he’s wavering about the decision. He wants me to give him time and not rush things. How do I handle this while living with him? We are on the same lease.

    1. Hey Katie. thank you for reading and commenting on why men pull away. I would suggest actually doing the work and working on why you get clingy and needy… and also why you’re reacting and not responding, too. During this time, focus on you. Your happiness comes from inside of you, not on someone else. You can’t put your needs, self-esteem, validation on someone else or make someone else responsible for how you feel about YOU. that’s what pushes people away.
      I would read Attached by Amir Levine and Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. These books will help so much with getting to the bottom of it and making those changes!!
      You can do this!
      Wishing you the best,
      Apollonia

  43. Thanks for the article! Unfortunately now-a-days with all this technology it’s always a guessing game! I’ve been dating my guy for 2 months, he’s such a gentleman, opens up doors, rings my doorbell go pick me up, never lets me pay, plans dates, invites me out with friends (haven’t met his parents yet, but he’s met mine, because he picks me up at my house). He texts me every morning. But, recently I’ve felt a bit of a change with him. He doesn’t text as much, he got defensive the other day. But when we are together we laugh, we cuddle and it’s like we are “together”. We haven’t had “the talk” yet, I want to, but I also want it to come from him.. we have plans next week for Valentine’s Day, as a Christmas gift he got us concert tickets.. but this week things have felt off, am I just in my head, or is he pulling away?

  44. My ex boyfriend of 4.5 years left me for his deceased brother’s ex fiance. As foolish as it may seem I find myself still having strong feelings for him. We have a son together and he has two other children from previous relationships.. is there hope we can be a family or is it best to let him go? He would always paint a picture of what our future would be but there was never any action to follow through. I’m doing my best to heal and move forward but a part me aches to still want to be a family with him our son and his two older children. I never understood why he started to pull away and why after 4.5 years he fell out of love with me? Does that mean he never loved me and it was all an act?

    1. Hey Linda. Thank you for taking the time to read Why Men Pull Away. I don’t think it means that he didn’t love you AT ALL!!! It actually sounds like he doesn’t love himself and he is searching for outside things in order to make himself feel better. He’s trying to find what’s wrong on the outside “it’s my job, it’s this relationship, it’s my car… ” etc. He doesn’t love himself… or something triggered or snapped in him when his brother passed away. But no, it does not mean your relationship was a lie. He loved you. But he doesn’t love himself… so he can’t accept love from anyone. It’s just chasing a high in order to escape.
      Focus on yourself. On your sons. On finding happiness from inside of you and fulfilling YOUR life.
      It’s not going to be easy… but this had NOTHING to do with you. Keep finding the things that inspire you and make you fall in love with yourself. You will absolutely get through this and there’s better right around the corner.
      Best,
      Apollonia

  45. Yeah. I am with a wonderful guy who it seems to me is pulling away. It’s intermittent. Two daughters, one 11 and the other 22, same mom. Just came out of a 25 year marriage, 10 of which were not good at all. So I get his reservations and caution. But the whole nine yards of red carpet were rolled out for me. Now it’s just “status quo.” We are an hour apart. We are in our 3rd year of an exclusive relationship. But I want more. I want commitment. And movement forward. I’m VERY independent and your article resonated with me on so many levels. I’m focusing on me and truly, that’s what I need to be doing. I just don’t understand why we can’t do that “together”. I don’t want to pressure, but I have my own wants, needs and values. I promised myself I would not compromise those. But here I am. Feeling like a second-class citizen. I think it’s time to honour my own needs.

  46. Hi! This is an amazing article. Also, you are so considerate! I appreciate that you take the time to respond to every comment. That’s almost unheard of!

    I would like some advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. Initially he told me that he doesn’t want a relationship, and 3 years ago I thought that I would change his mind. If it happened today, I’d walk away, but here I am. 3 years deep. We’re in love with each other. I know that he loves me deeply, and I him. But still, he won’t give me the full commitment, and after reading your article I think it’s because his finances and career are not stable yet. He has a hard time dealing with his insecurities. And often times, our plans depend on him, how he’s feeling and what he’s doing. I truly believe that he consciously means no harm. He doesn’t like obligations or expectations. And I acquiesced. I went with the flow because I didn’t want him to pull away.

    One of the hardest things for me is that he is very resistant to coming around my family, and I am extremely family-oriented. He’s met my family, but he stays away. This is another red flag that I’d walk away from today. I think it has to do with his insecurities – he hates small talk because he feels that he doesn’t have much to show for himself. We’ve argued about me having to basically beg him to come and say “hi” to my mom – I live with her. He doesn’t bring me around his parents either because his relationship with them is complicated.

    If I were an outsider looking in, I would tell ‘me’ that he has a lot of personal growth that needs to happen before he can give you what you need. Being with him is challenging in ways that it doesn’t have to be. Back to me inside the relationship: and of course, it’s also beautiful. I really do adore him. And also, do I need what I tell myself I need? Where did I get these ideas from? Society? Maybe I should open my mind and be more accepting…are these my thoughts? His thoughts? Our thoughts?

    Also, when he talks about the future, he doesn’t talk about ‘us’. He says “my kids” and “if I get married”.

    Now, I feel like it’s too late for me to change up my expectations and assert myself. I’m torn and looking for your insight. Please, lay it on me.

  47. Please help me. I beg you.

    I have been dating a guy for 1 and a half month now. He is sensitive, sweet and loves to cuddle etc. I can tell you that he was in a 4 year relationship with with ex and they broke up in June last month.

    He has been so head over heels for me and he even told me after the first three weeks that he is developing strong feelings for me. He used to reply to me within SECONDS. When we sat on a cafe he was staring at me and then he touched his stomach and was taking a deep breath saying omg, just by looking at you I get butterflies and I’m so nervous around you. Always when we meet he says he has missed me so much and he hugs me etc. he even told me he feels very lucky/happy because of me. But these two weeks he has changed. He still hugs me and he says he missed me when I see him, but he has been more off and when I write to him he only “likes” my messages. He is so distant for two weeks! Especially this week. I don’t know what’s going on. Everything was so nice. He seems not nervous anymore. Really comfortable and like he doesn’t care anymore, I have no idea what happend. Why is he likes this and what should I do? There is a BIG change in him.

    I asked him I noticed you’re strange nowadays are you okay? He then said to me: it’s just because of this corona virus situation and I feel so limited I can’t do much and I don’t recognize myself anymore. Something is missing. That’s what he said. Made me think he shouldn’t feel like something is missing if he is with me? He should feel happy like he felt in the beginning right?

    Thank you I appreciate a reply so much!

    1. Hey Anna. Thank you for commenting on Why Men Pull Away. So it is not your job to fix someone or be their whole world or make them happy or be their whole sense of happiness… this is considered codependency … needing to be needed so that you feel a sense of security. No, he’s allowed to feel off because of coronavirus. He’s allowed to feel sad. He’s allowed to experience life and emotions. We’re in fear of losing someone instead of letting someone feel safe to experience emotions. These things have nothing to do with you. I have a codependency product out I think would be great for you!
      It will be available on my products page soon and it’s something you can use over and over again to help making YOU feel more secure 🙂
      Wishing you the absolute best,
      Apollonia

  48. Hello ! Thank you for the article.

    I have been dating a guy that I adore for about 4 months. He was married before and had been separated from his ex for about a year but still finalizing divorce. About two months ago he asked me officially to be his girlfriend, of course I said yes.

    We make turns visiting each other. Have a great time. And we have great chemistry I’m sex.

    My problem is that at the beginning he was way more sweet and into me , saying things like “I’m not going anywhere “ and “I’m not gonna hurt you “ this is when he was basically trying to get me as I was apprehensive for the relationship due to my experience with men. So I guess he was trying to win me over. We have spent a lot more time together, sometimes with his daughter as well. He is very welcoming.

    Lately he has been making off handed comments like “if you wanted someone romantic you Needed to find a different guy” after I told him from the very beginning I love romance and that before he asked me to be his girlfriend and he was romantic then.
    He acts with a lot of affection one moment and feels distant the next.

    Last night we had some wine and I blurted our that I don’t think he will ever love me. Just because of all the comments he has been making recently. It’s like he is giving me disclaimers not to expect too much of him.

    This morning I brought it up again and told him that he knows and knew from the beginning when we met that I one day want marriage and a family. And then he was all for it. And. Ow he is changing his tune. He made it seem like – I take it how it is ( don’t expect anything from him ) Or we leave it. But he still does not want to see me. He made it clear that he has shut his emotions off and probably will not love me or fall in love with me for a very long time. But he likes me a lot and wants to spend time with me and wants to get to know me beter before he opens his heart.

    I on the other hand. I Am already falling for him. I want to know if I should let him go now or just give him time to open up. Should I pull away a little or should I talk to him about it again. We are both trying to protect ourselves I think.

    I feel awful for even bringing up the conversation like I ruined it. I also cried. I feel embarrassed. He is wonderful in every other way. I really don’t want to lose him.

    Ps. I’m 32. He is 35. If that matters.
    He is generally easy to talk to but I always feel stupid for taking about my things that matter to me. I don’t know if I am just being crazy. I hope this message makes sense I’m rambling sorry. Thanks for your time.

    M

    He had made comments about never wanting to get married again

  49. Hi.Please help me.
    I was dating with man for 3 month. He have been single for 5 years.I am married and have two children.But my marriage is broken long time ago.I was thinking about divorce for the last ten years but still living with him as was not enough brave to go away with two children.Then I met him.He invited me for coffee and our story began.He knew from the first day about my marriage and two kids.We were meeting each other every single day for few times for few hour.He was planning the future with me.He wanted a baby from me and to live together,to marry me.He is 46. He have never been married before but had a partner for 10 years and has a daughter.Our relationship was beautiful at the begining.Then after a month we started to fight without big reasons (for me there were no reasons at all).And every time when we had a little fight or misundestanding he made it a big bubble,a big fight and always blamed me for this.That I do not respect him and etc.His mood could change suddenly after my question or my opionion to something that he not agree with.And always he blamed me for his sudden mood change.Yesterday he came to me happy and smiling.In good mood.After a while,after some conversation he suddenly started to blame me again that it was my plan to whipe away his smile.I sat queitly in the car,tears were dropping all over my face and all the way back he could not stop blaming.He dripped me hope and said go,it is enough.I went home.After 20 min he sent me the message that he loves me and he is hungry.He asked me to make some lunch and meet him later.We met.Had lunch together.He said thank you for the lunch.He was very upset.He said that he feels anxiety and short of breath.Asked me to drop him home.I dropped him home.He kissed me,was waving to me when he walked home and then at evening time he wrote me so many nasty things.That he feels pain,that he never felt so much pain before me.I tried him to calm down through the messages but he kept writing me rude things.The last one before night he wrote me: goodnight,stop texting me,leave me alone to die”.Next morning I text him asking how he is feeling.And again,he text me that he never been so bullied as I do,that I destroyed him,that all the pain in chest and anxiety he feels because it is my fault.And the he text me that he wishes me to swim away.I still tried to ask him if I can help him in any way and he text me back that he want me to keep away from him for a while.Then hi text me: stay away from me.I just cant understand is it really my fault and I did something wrong or him.There were no reason for fight.But every time I was saying somehing he could tuen it in a big bubble and blame me.Please please I dont know how to act,how to react.

    1. Thank you for sharing your story and sorry to hear everything you’ve been through.
      I highly recommend you watch our youtube videos or listen to our podcast, you’ll be able to gain so much clarity to your situation.
      Anything that is happening to him and venting on you has absolutely nothing to do with you but only with himself.
      Wishing you the best of luck .

      Apollonia

  50. Hello,

    So Ive been casually seeing someone for the last month and a half or so. Met on a dating app. Conversation and connection has been amazing. Finally met in person, have been on about 5 dates watching movies, playing board games, just getting to know one another. There have been opportunities for sexual interaction but I put the breaks on that and expressed from even before meeting in person that my end goal is to be in a long term committed relationship so we haven’t gotten to that stage yet. He expressed early on that he had no expectations and wasn’t necessarily looking for a relationship while meeting people on the app but that if he were to meet the right person he would be 100% open to a relationship. So now a month and a half later, he texts me every day, we have maybe 1-2 FT calls a week and when we first started seeing each other we saw each other about 1-2 times per week. Now, I haven’t seen him in 2 weeks as of today and he hasn’t stopped texting me every day, but has seemed a bit distant. He ended up coming forward and saying that he really likes me and wants to continue to see me and spend time with me but is being “cautious” because he was so caught off guard at how great we hit it off, how amazing things have been between us, how effortless, and how much more he wants in such a short span of time as well as the fact that he is just recently single within the last year. He affirmed that he didn’t want it to come off negative in any way shape or form and still wanted to see me, spend time, and talk to me but that was his reason for being a bit distant the last week, hence why I think we have not hung out. I think it’s reasonable, and honest but I think the best thing for me to do is back off and be a bit distant myself. What do you recommend I do actions wise to pull him back in? Im thinking its to give him his space and fall back myself, but not sure.

  51. Dear Apollonia,

    I met this guy 2 years ago. We were good friends. He has always been there with me as my good friend who takes care of me when I’m sad. As long as I remember, he stopped to talk with me twice in the past, because I didn’t treat him well. I was kinda ignorant back then, I didn’t care about him.
    In January, my bf suddenly left me and I can’t do anything. I was so sad because of that and I tried to have someone to talk because I was so frustrated. He came to me and asking if I’m okay. He said I can count on him. He wants to have me as a gf, he said he has a feeling for me. I wasn’t ready for that, I told him to wait, we were in between “friends to date”.
    He was so kind, caring, patience, understanding. I started to love him a week ago. I stop talking with another guy. I’m so into him. It makes me kinda clingy to him, but it didn’t get along. I accidentally saw someone replied his new post on Instagram. She has him and her as her profile picture. I asked him if he has something to say to me, that was the right time, and I won’t get mad at him. Long story short, I told him about that picture. He thought that I was stalking him. He said she’s his friend. I was so disappointed. He stops talking with me suddenly. I asked him why, I sent long messages. He didn’t even read it and just said “I’m scared of you.” and that’s it. He’s gone now but I’m still into him. I just started to love him. What should I do?

  52. Helo,
    There is guy i have been dating for fivemonths now and he promised me marriage. I visits him and we have fun which he discuss the future with me but suddenly he has change for a month now. He no longer call or text me as usual. Even if i asked to see him he says no and i truly love him. Please how do i get him back

  53. I experienced like thids too, he always there at the beginning even he is very busy. He texted me everyday have convo everyday for 4 months, then in a fifth month, he became distant. still text me everyday but just few convo. sixth month still text everyday but just one to two texts only. Im not counting the text but the change of time he spend with me. Just text because of covid. He is pulling and feel the changes. So I tried to pull away too and didnt respond, he still send messages asking how I was. I like to ignore it but I think I am too rude to do that so I cant control myself and respond, a little exchange of messages only then he’s gone again. I already tell him why he changed, he said he’s very busy. I tried to understand but I know no one is busy to someone you like. He told me before not to fall in love with him. Thats why I confused of his actions. I already initiate farewell many times but he always said no. Why he is like that?
    Were very close physically but no sex.

    1. Hi Lala,

      Thank you for sharing your story and reading our blog.
      I would encourage you to read the blog again or watch it on youtube, I’m sure you’ll find the answer to your question https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5POsTXx1kVY.
      best of luck with everything and enjoy exploring through our youtube channel and blog.
      Apollonia’s team

  54. Great work you are doing. I will like to constructively add based on one of your comments that it may not be a good idea to recommend divorce in a situation where a female client is seeing a married man, we should seek to rather keep families together and maintain societal morals and good conscience. I can’t imagine as a wife that a lady is being encouraged to take my man, I’m sure you wouldn’t like that too personally.

    Secondly, I believe you seek to help both male and female so if opinions are more balanced, it would be really appreciated. The article in my opinion kinda focused on the man as a scum and absolving any possible self-sabotage from the woman. I for one had pulled away from my girlfriend for none of the reasons above but because of her poor attitude. Without responding, I pulled away from her from disrespecting me, breaking me down with her words, making me feel unimportant to her. Any man would do the same if with such woman. So pls, a more balanced perspective subsequently would do readers real good. You are doing well. Cheers!

  55. Ok so I met the man I feel to be the love of my life/my soulmate/the ‘one’ 20 months ago and the first 9 months of our relationship were an absolute dream! Unfortunately, he cheated on me while I was out of the country with my family, so I ended things with him and honestly, I think he may suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (I have been studying forensic psychology for 2 years now and have been quite obsessed, actually, with cluster B disorders.. I feel that he definitely has many traits of someone who has NPD, except some huge differences- such as admitting his faults, apologizing for his wrongdoings, not being shallow or superficial in any aspect of his life, he was more affectionate than anyone I’ve ever been with, and a few other discrepancies that make me afraid of labeling him one and then wholeheartedly believing it) because he LITERALLY contacted me EVERY DAY- MULTIPLE times a day- for 5 months after we split! He went from blocking me for the first time ever after a stupid argument, to calling me when drunk and crying about how bad he Just screwed up BC he hooked up with another woman and “it made him feel very scared BC it made him realize he was falling madly in love with me and didnt want anyone else”, to blocking me again when I told him I couldn’t forgive him and I was done, to unblocking me 2 days later and then incessantly reaching out to me feven after I blocked him everywhere and had to change my # 3 times!) but after not hearing from him for about 6 weeks this February, he requested to be friends after I had made a new FB, and I didn’t accept or deny it, but we began to chit chat when he told me he still had feelings for me and couldn’t move on, although he had tried. He dated another woman for about 6-10 weeks and apparently realized he was not over me and couldn’t see how he may ever find himself as happy with anyone else. Needless to say, we continued to talk for a few months, stopped talking after I found out he had relapsed on drugs (I am also an addict but in recovery) didn’t hear from him at all after that for over 2 months! I saw he had started to date someone so I got on with my life and went no contact, met someone new but still couldn’t get past my ex, and ended things with the new guy due to my intense feelings for my ex. Mid June I got a call from none other than ex and sadly, he was in jail for drug related charges! He had been broken up with the new girl for only a few days but reiterated how much he wanted to be with me and claimed he just cannot move past me or “us” and wants to be with me for life; have a family with me, grow old together, all the good stuff. But I am just so confused! I know for certain that he was the best relationship I had ever had for 9 months, yet I also know his betrayal was the worst thing I had ever experienced in any relationship!(I’m now 31 years old) He has continued to contact me and has not asked me for money or anything, but I just can’t help feeling like he is never going to be 100% honest with me about anything. He asked me to give him a chance to show me that he is serious about being with me and wants to know if I will grant him a second try! I want to so badly, but I’m so so worried that he will only break my heart again! Especially if he really does have NPD!! Although, to be totally honest… he has actually shown me that he has changed a bit and it’s wonderful to witness! He is more caring and considerate, very mindful, and he just generally seems to have matured a great deal in a 6 month span. Now, he may be spending 6-18 months in prison, which I told him I refuse to sit around waiting until he is released for us to try once
    More at being a couple, but if he is out soon then I would like to take another shot at making things with him work and seeing if he really is the dreamy, fairy tale prince brought to life! Am I being duped by an expert manipulator who is just lonely and thinks he loves me?? Am I just infatuated and confusing lust with love because he made my heart melt with his extremely romantIc side and because we had the greatest sex I’ve ever experienced..??? Help! I am lost!
    Thanks so much for your time and expertise!!

    1. Hi Gelareh,

      I’m so sorry to hear this and know it’s incredibly hard. But I would ask yourself a question. How are you being loving to yourself in this relationship? It seems like a lot of toxic things have happened and it’s important you date from loving yourself and not to try and seek love from someone else. I would recommend a coaching session or check out this free product to give you more advice pertaining to your situation. https://www.frenchrelationshipexpert.com/free-ebook/
      Best,
      Apollonia and Team

      1. A lady friend of mine was invited out for drinks by her guy colleague who was hosting some of his out-of-town friends in February 2020. It was post one of their friend’s child’s wedding during that weekend. While this was happening, this particular guy asked if my friend could not invite one of her friends to join them, and during their talk, pictures of me were spotted from my friend’s phone when this guy expressed his interest. My friend called and told me of this encounter, and asked that she shared my number with the guy, to which I agreed. I was happily single at the time. The guy indeed reached out and we started chatting, via text mostly – he lives in a different town, divorced with 3 kids and we have about 16 years age difference (50’s and 30’s). Lockdown was upon us in March 2020 and our chats intensified and we connected emotionally. He couldn’t get enough of me and I’d fallen in love with him, so we declared the relationship “official” and made plans to see each other in flesh once the lockdown restrictions get lifted. All the while intense feelings were building up, with much anticipation of the great sex we would have as he just oozed passion and appeal. We would video call and sext through the night, he was present and gave me all the attention—it was beautiful. From August right through to October however, I noticed a sudden change in his behavior. He started socializing, which is fine but suddenly some days he’d be out of reach at nighttime, and would not return my calls/texts as promptly as before. He became evasive and upset when I quizzed him, and he would go on for days without talking to me until I myself reach out. He’d get vague when asked about plans to visit each other as initially planned, and to this very day we haven’t met nor have had sex with each other. The recent episode of being out of reach had us not talking for a week until I made contact with him. This time he’s become very cold and distant, and still is not making contact. My gut tells me there is a woman involved, and sort of confirmed during one of his disappearances when he said he would like to have a girlfriend in his local town but needs my approval, and that he doesn’t want to lose me either. I was hurt, and my mind told me instantly that he was indeed seeing someone, but my heart is still attached to him. I’m not ready to let go as I am still in love with him. Any advice? Is it worth salvaging the relationship?

  56. A lady friend of mine was invited out for drinks by her guy colleague who was hosting some of his out-of-town friends in February 2020. It was post one of their friend’s child’s wedding during that weekend. While this was happening, this particular guy asked if my friend could not invite one of her friends to join them, and during their talk, pictures of me were spotted from my friend’s phone when this guy expressed his interest. My friend called and told me of this encounter, and asked that she shared my number with the guy, to which I agreed. I was happily single at the time.

    The guy indeed reached out and we started chatting, via text mostly – he lives in a different town, divorced with 3 kids and we have about 16 years age difference (50’s and 30’s). Lockdown was upon us in March 2020 and our chats intensified and we connected emotionally. He couldn’t get enough of me and I’d fallen in love with him, so we declared the relationship “official” and made plans to see each other in flesh once the lockdown restrictions get lifted. All the while intense feelings were building up, with much anticipation of the great sex we would have as he just oozed passion and appeal. We would video call and sext through the night, he was present and gave me all the attention—it was beautiful.

    From August right through to October however, I noticed a sudden change in his behavior. He started socializing, which is fine but suddenly some days he’d be out of reach at nighttime, and would not return my calls/texts as promptly as before. He became evasive and upset when I quizzed him, and he would go on for days without talking to me until I myself reach out. He’d get vague when asked about plans to visit each other as initially planned, and to this very day we haven’t met nor have had sex with each other. The recent episode of being out of reach had us not talking for a week until I made contact with him. This time he’s become very cold and distant, and still is not making contact. My gut tells me there is a woman involved, and sort of confirmed during one of his disappearances when he said he would like to have a girlfriend in his local town but needs my approval, and that he doesn’t want to lose me either. I was hurt, and my mind told me instantly that he was indeed seeing someone, but my heart is still attached to him. I’m not ready to let go as I am still in love with him. Any advice? Is it worth salvaging the relationship?

  57. This article was very helpful thank you.

    I have been seeing a guy for the last few months..started off great..obviously enjoyed the chase u mentioned.
    A month in he went quiet..asked him what was up and out of the blue said we wasn’t compatible and he had too much going on. I left him to it and 4 days later explained he had dramas with his ex to do with the child. He said he still wanted to carry on as we was and didn’t want to lose it. We met up and things from then on was better than ever. No arguments and no clashing.

    The other day he went quiet and I instantly feared the same thing happening again. I txt him and when I got ignored I thought I’d call him. He said he didn’t see my message and when I replied with “oh that’s weird as u was online at the time”, he switched! Said I was controlling and had trust issues. I see how that may have come across..but I didnt for one minute think that and never been callee controlling in my life! He then cancelled all plans on the weekend and said he has no vehicle..no money..which meant he can’t see his kid. He then said he’d not sure of the situation now he thinks I have trust issues. I left him a day and asked if he was OK.. he replied “I don’t want to talk, I just want to be left alone for a bit”.

    My fear is this will keep happening if hes not ready..or hes messing me around and seeing his other options.

    I dont feel like I was clingy for most of the relationship..he was the one that called me and told me he missed me and was very affectionate. He always wanted to make plans and made an effort. Im so very confused. Its like a switch has gone off and his behaviour is completely different and very cold.

  58. Hi Apollonia,

    Loved the article and wondering if you can help me out a little over here.. I completely ended things with my ex then met this guy a few days after/a little over a month ago from now, through dating app.. I wanted to sleep with him on the first date (at that moment I literally didn’t care about anything else but it had more to do with my anger to self and ex) but we didn’t have the condition (protection), so couldn’t.. he asked if I would love to see him again and said we can wait.. I slept with him on the second date, things were very sweet but not too heavy, we see each other twice a week for 2 weeks until he went back home for Thanksgiving (for almost two weeks). He was texting through out the whole time while he was away, telling me about his day.. I even sensed myself losing the feelings over time but he seems fine.. however the frequency did decrease from over a hundred of texts a day to dozens..

    Now he’s back to the city, we met up again, I could feel something’s off, our conversation was at the surface level and not as easy like it used to.. I ended the night pretty quickly (5 hours), we did not have sex and I did imply to him that he should leave before midnight.

    I had him out because I wasn’t feeling great about this in my gut, but today when I’m actually thinking about it I’m confused about my feelings but also realised I’m sort of dependent on the companionship that he sort of offered.. I don’t know if I really like him or if that’s all I like about him.

    Since I also feel like I would like to see him again I texted him.. he’s taking hours to reply now, should I just pull back?

    Now I’m just freaked out that I might lose his companionship and if I do I’d be really sad.. I do like him and enjoy spending time with him a lot. What should I do if I want to continue? I’m a little worried that he’s cooling off.

    I’m lost.. any thought would be appreciated.

  59. Hey apollonia I appreciated the article it’s definitely explained alot on what’s going on in my current relationship. I’ve been with this guy for 6 years now in the beginning it was ok but it was never what I really wanted I liked him because he was sweet generous and kind and also I knew him since we were younger our parents were best friends I started to find out little things like he was doing drugs and he was the clingy one at first so I then became the same way to accommodate his needs I was very young minded at the time and yes I made a few mistakes I cheated on him and he caught me but then he started to be evil very evil and started doing more to me then what was done he then started to pull away more and get into more and more and more trouble I’m not going to say everything on this comment but if you can please reach out to me some how I would greatly appreciate it.

  60. I have been talking with a man that I met awhile ago, he flirted for a year before I agreed to give him my number. This was 4 months ago. In the beginning he texted first every day. in the last month, he barely replies to a text from me. I did ask him to let me know if he would like me to go away. He responded no, just going through rough things now. He did share what they are. Also, he still comes into my workplace, where we met. I am so confused – We are older 40+. How do I ‘let go’ when he won’t just tell me to go away.

    1. Hey!

      Thank you for reading my blog post Why Men Pull Away: 5 Reasons Why & How To Make It Stop!
      We would love to provide you with some helpful tips to deal with you current session.
      Just head to this link to book a one on one coaching session so we can give you the best advice possible for your needs. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
      We look forward to working with you!

      – Team Apollonia

  61. Thank you, Apollonia, for writing this article. It gave me some clarity of mind.
    I’m actually a little confused right now about a guy. Recently I have been seeking community with people my age (small groups btwn ages of 23-29), and found a great group. Coincidentally, a guy that goes to that same group caught my eye. I started watching him and noticed some things about his character that I really liked. I guess he took notice because as of 4 weeks ago, he’s been constantly sitting by me or behind me at every event or hangout, hugs me all the time, helping me with things, asking me more personal questions than the rest of the guys do, making me his partner in games, last week he hinted that he wanted to “hang out” more but just us two, and even wanted to come hang out with my brother at our house (my brother is a newbie to the group too). I’ve even caught him watching me at times. I also have a very large circle of people that I know, so almost every time we eat out on Sundays as a group, I see people I know and we end up greeting and talking a bit. He always was very curious who they were to me (whether man, woman, old, young, etc). We also have had chances to talk about life goals, he even mentioned in a throwaway line that he wanted kids (I do too).
    I was trying not to get too excited because, you know, this is new, I’m new, and I didn’t want to seem overeager. So I responded, smiled back whenever he flirted a little bit or chose me as his partner, asked him about himself, talked a lot about common interests (we have a lot). We even talked about places to eat together, and we both agreed on several different places we wanted to eat or visit. In return to his invitation last week, “We should hang out, just us together,” I told him, “Sure that would be great, just let me know the day!” Heard nothing from him.
    Then today, we went out running as a group and gathered for a book club discussion afterwards. All of a sudden, another girl from the group that I’ve been getting to know is sitting with him at church. She and I really hit it off when I first came, and we’ve had a great dynamic, but today I got major passive-aggressive “bitch-he’s-MINE” vibes from her. Out of the blue. I’ve never seen her so close with him before, in the past months that I’ve known them both. She was riding with him in his truck to every event today (she has a car). The book club was hosted at his house today, and she was very touchy with him. She even stated “Oh, he and I are doing _____… we did ______… to us that means _______” throughout the entire day. This makes no sense to me because for her, she was making a HUGE deal out of moving up to the state of Washington in a few months, was insistent on cutting all ties with Texas. It was “the Lord’s will for her and everything.” Then today, complete switch. She said, “Oh, I’m not so sure about leaving this group. It’s such a wonderful community, I’ve never had friends like this before. It’s making me rethink things for sure!” For her to change her tune today was really startling, and I started backing off a little and watching because I didn’t want to cause drama. I’m pretty sure from her signals today that she has her eyes on him too. He didn’t rebuff her either, but still hugged me in front of her and was acting charming as ever. From the sound and look of it today, they are dating or about to. There has been no sign up til this past week when he didn’t answer my “Sure, that would be great, just let me know the day!” (that tipped me off that something was up).
    I don’t know whether to feel like a fool because I almost fell too quickly for a guy that maybe was playing me and didn’t tell me that he was interested in another woman at the same time, or happy because it seems that maybe I was reading too much into it and it’s not meant to be. I felt like he was singling me out (enough where my brother noticed), only to find that he either was considering both of us and chose her, or encouraging me while he was beginning to date her.
    Some advice please? Was I reading too much into his interest? Am I right in feeling almost cheated or irritated? Is the best thing just to move on with my life, and unfortunately put him behind me (my instinct is telling me yes do that, even though I was really interested)?

  62. Hello

    This article is really great, thank you. I’m struggling right now. Last October I met the guy of my dreams. We started seeing each other and when we were on separate trips traveling to see family for holidays we stayed in touch, when we arrived back to our city he got a job transfer. He said he didn’t want a long distance relationship but to see how things go. We proceeded to have what I’d call a long distance relationship (calling several times a week, keeping/making promises to call, planning to see each other). Then I went to visit him. Before this I visited my dad and some old trauma came up. By the time I arrived to my guy o was already depleted and tired. He had plans for us to watch a soccer game that was super important to him, and I felt myself becoming less and less a priority for him. I wanted to play a sexy game during this match and he thought I was joking, which made me feel stupid. From then on, I was on defence and he was already on edge with work. We had some amazing moments, but weren’t quite in sync. Then in the end he said we weren’t on the same path and when I said it was silly for me to come here to someone that doesn’t want me he was really upset and said that’s not true he just doesn’t see how it would work. I told him whether he thinks it would work, or wouldn’t, he is right because it’s a decision it seems he’s already made. He was super attentive after that. Seeming like he couldn’t express in words what he was reareally feeling. He hurt his neck the night after and I nursed him. In between we had small arguements and tiffs but always made up. I arrived home on Sunday and although we spoke that evening, he hasn’t called me since. I feel some clarity now away from the situation and realize how terribly I behaved. I feel I pushed him away, but he had already br0ken up with me before he moved, I’m not sure it would have made a difference. I’m not sure what to do, apologise for my behaviour? Just let it all go?

    I know that he and I both feel a love for one another. He is so attentive to my needs, always doing what makes me happy, except when it impedes on his watching sports. I feel like I pushed him and didn’t accept him for who he is. Maybe I’m too hard on myself. Help!! I really love him.

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