How to Talk to Women. Attract and Keep the Right One!

Does it sometimes feel like you have no idea how to talk to women? Well, you’re not alone. When you’re getting to know her, it can be really hard to know exactly what to say and what questions to ask. How can you draw her into your world while also finding out more about her? How can you be assertive, without being pushy? How can you compliment her without overdoing it? Let’s face it – it can be scary to approach a woman you’re interested in, and almost everyone has experienced that.

I don’t know how to talk to women

Coming from a female perspective, in this article, I hope to help you find your way to communicate better with the women you’re interested in. The first step is to reframe the words you choose to identify with. If you tell yourself “I don’t know how to talk to women,” then you are already making that a reality. Tell yourself that you do know how to talk to women, and we’re already one step closer.

Now, let’s say a woman keeps giving you excuses. She’s not reciprocating and is giving you mixed signals already. My question then to you is this: Why are you trying to convince this woman to like you? There are so many women out there that are ready to see you for who you are and that have the potential to understand your self-worth. Don’t waste your time with women that don’t respect you at the get-go. If a woman is not reciprocating, then move on. Come into the mindset first of understanding your own self-worth and knowing if the woman in front of you sees value in you and is reciprocating your advances. Having that mindset will also help you be able to communicate with women better.

Learn how to talk to women

I’m going to be completely honest, when you first meet a woman, she will want you to initiate. Now, I wish that more women initiated and I do work with other coaches that coach women to help them do this, but the truth is that in general women want you to initiate. They want you to set up the date. They want you to reach out after you meet them and to text them. They want to be in the position of responding.

Now, do not misunderstand that if a woman does not respond, it does not mean that you should continue initiating. If she doesn’t text you back and then two days later texts you and says, “Hey, how are you?” and you ask her out again, but she doesn’t respond, then don’t continue any longer. She should be able to initiate at that point and make a compromise with you of setting another time if it doesn’t work for her. If you’re having issues with knowing how to ask a girl out on a date, feel free to check out some of my videos that can help with that.

Once you take the initiative to ask her out, then you can start to be a bit assertive. Just because you’re assertive, doesn’t mean you’re telling her what to do. It means getting to the point. It means making your text mean business. For example, you could say, “Let’s do dinner on Friday at 7:00 pm. Does that work?” Be direct and straight to the point; set the day and time. If she’s not available, then ask when she’d be available this weekend and what other times work for her. It’s not pushy to be clear and to the point, and women will appreciate it.

How to talk to women confidently

The best way to communicate with a woman is to call them, rather than to text them. A lot of times we don’t pick up the phone and call because we’re working, but the easiest way to set up a date is to just call and to have that connection of each other’s voice.

Women will, directly and indirectly, lead you. For example, a woman might say, “Listen, I don’t really like talking on the phone. I would prefer just texting here and there.” In that case, listen to her. But if she doesn’t make a specific note of that, then get on the phone and call her. Communicate with her, listen, and ask her questions. Download my 20 question manual to get to know a woman’s true self if you have any trouble knowing what questions to ask! These questions can open up the conversation, and some of them are quite deep, so I encourage you to use them a little bit further on, perhaps on the third or fourth date.

Don’t be afraid to be a leader. This means leading in terms of initiating, but this also means leading when you see red flags or she says something disrespectful. If she says something you didn’t like, then question it. It’s not insignificant. If you see something that bothers you, then take the lead and trust it. Question her intent. Men tend to get fixated on how perfect a woman is, but you have to be able to see that the woman values herself just as much as she values you. If anything leads you to something otherwise, then you have to follow your intuition and question it. If you are a man of self-worth, dignity, pride, and you respect yourself, you will find a woman that respects you.

You will date women that don’t need or want the same things or are insecure with themselves, and it’s important to question their intent in order to understand that. It shows that you’re a leader and coming from a place of pride, of putting yourself first. But it also shows respect for her by telling her what you tolerate and don’t tolerate. It’s important to not always feel like it’s a one-way street – that you have to act a certain way to get her – but to also stand your own ground and ask the same level of interest and work from her.

How to attract women without talking

There’s a lot you can do to attract women without talking. Building an emotional connection is part of that, and much of that connection can be created through mystery. When you build mystery, you’re also connecting on a much deeper level, and she’ll be open to it. That is the key. When she’s open to it, you don’t have to convince her to be with you. It will just naturally flow and happen.

Making eye contact is an extremely important part of attracting women without talking. Hold her gaze with a warm smile when she’s talking to you – don’t look in different directions. Holding eye contact shows that you are confident and interested.

Another important way is by being yourself through your appearance. Dress well, being conscious of how you present yourself. Showing that you took time to make yourself look nice shows a woman that you’re interested, without saying anything.

Your body language can also communicate beyond words. Stand tall and grounded, make polite gestures, like opening the door for her first if that comes naturally to you. Keep your shoulders relaxed and avoid fidgeting. Walk with purpose and direction. When you have control over your body language, you exude confidence and are seen as attractive. If you notice that you’re really hitting it off, you could laugh and maybe touch her on the shoulder to show interest. If she reciprocates somehow, then you know you have things going, without saying anything.

If you found the advice in this blog helpful, as always please comment below and tell me your personal stories. I love knowing what worked for you and what your experiences have been! Remember, you are always loved.

Your coach,

Apollonia Ponti

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  1. What another winning blog, Apollonia, on how to talk to women! So much of how we present ourselves begins with how we, as men, nurture ourselves. Trying to make a positive impression on a woman without having a sense of identity is akin to attempting to operate a motor vehicle on an empty tank; after the initial sputtering, that vehicle is not going to make it anywhere!

    For years, I had wandered aimlessly with the mistaken notion that the right woman was going to materialize out of nowhere and create my happiness. Oh, how delusional I was to believe that! It took a few setbacks for the reality to finally set in that motivated me to create the climate for change. I had some sobering questions to ask myself. In the same vein as your manual about the 20 questions to ask a woman to help her know her true self, I had to get to know MY true self, what I sought to improve on, what I was looking for in a relationship and what I was willing to put forth to achieve and maintain it.

    Today, as I navigate the landscape and terrain of a relatively new relationship, your insightful blogs are serving as lamps to guide my path in nurturing this relationship and creating little surprises that keep it fresh and new, even through the imminent challenges that might arise. Thank you, Apollonia!

  2. I never talk to women other than in completely professional circumstances no matter how attractive they are. There is no point. No woman has ever shown interest in me in a way that is clear and unambiguous enough for me to take it as real. Please don’t tell me that as a guy it’s my ‘job’ to show interest first – that’s not going to happen because I’m not going to put myself in a position where I could be accused.

  3. I did grow “… up hearing girls tell me, “ewww, get away lil ugly.” In fact this happened continually until I stopped approaching women a couple of years ago. Maybe “… single women do want to be approached by men[,]” but let’s be honest – only by men they find attractive

    Very few women actually say no thank you to an approach, no matter how polite, respectful and friendly it is. As a fundamentally unattractive man, for me approaching women is basically asking to be called a creep or otherwise insulted. In the past I tried countless times to put myself out there, only to be treated badly by women – just for smiling and saying ‘hi’ from a safe distance in the day time in an open public space. I’m tired of this, so I no longer approach any woman any more, even those i find very attractive. Why should I be insulted for being friendly?

  4. So many people giving dating advice seem to think getting a yes is a real possibility for every guy – and that rejection isn’t all that likely. They say things like “not every woman will like you…” “everyone gets rejected sometimes…” and “even if she rejects you…” They also say that women want to be asked out.

    The fact – which I don’t really see acknowledged anywhere – is that although some guys get a yes from almost every woman they ask out, some of us never get a date no matter what we do, no matter how much we spend on coaching, etc., Some of us are just unable to attract any women on a sexual level. We may have lots of women friends, but there is *never* the tiniest chance that any woman could see us as a sexual person. And if we try to act like one, we are seen as creeps because we are just – for whatever reason – not ‘supposed’ to be sexual people… irrespective of what we want, or how hard we try to “practice, practice, practice…” we are not. And cannot be.

    1. Hi Paul,

      So sorry for anything that has happened to you in the past that made you think of you in that way.
      Just please listen to how you are speaking to yourself, you are listening.
      Once you start realizing how capable you are of accomplishing anything you set your mind to, and speaking highly of yourselves, you’ll see a change.
      We have a lot of valuable content on our youtube channel and podcast, I would highly suggest reading this article so you understand what we are trying to explain
      Best of luck and remember you are loved.
      Apollonia’s team

      1. Why is everyone ignoring the possibility the women have a reason to do that to him that’s not his low self-esteem? Gotta be the brave and strong one again. This is not low self-esteem, this is covert narcissism, fooled the unaware but can’t escape a wise one. Ofc you should check for signs of interest and attraction -if not at least comfort- before, during and after verbal contact. Not everyone is gonna like you, you aren’t God. Neither of us are. Idk what kind of guy you are but the way you use women as an umbrella term to describe your past experiences and the amount of misses tell me you are misogynistic and unempathetic. Most decent women don’t particularly enjoy loving men who hate them and men who don’t give a fuck about their feelings. Sounds like you don’t give a damn about the emotional comfort of the women you approach while doing so, yet claim victimhood of those cruel bitches. Damn those evil whores. Thank my sisters for me. Which female wants an unempathetic female-hater and a guy with victim mentality who blames his mistakes, fails the lessons he was supposed to learn but couldn’t bc he saw them as victimhood, thus never gets to take his own life into his hands, as her boo? You know what’s worse than just a low-quality man? A low-quality man avoiding the fact. His (maybe future) boo probably is another unempathetic, this time male-hater, girl with victim mentality who blames her mistakes and unfortunes on the people who were involved in them and never takes her own life in her hands.
        There is at least one partner for each of us but you gotta aim for your own level if you want reciprocation. If you keep hitting on the high quality women without being a high quality man naturally they will reject you. They aren’t doing sth wrong, they are doing everyone involved a favor. As your share, I’m skipping to there as if I’m right you don’t gasf about the sides of others, my pleasure, this is your opportunity to evolve to a high quality man and save yourself, I hope but highly doubt that you’ll take action. Hope you find your soulmate soon and together you could hate on other girls who rejected you and vice versa for her, a high quality woman won’t join you in that. Yes, even if you memorize the bibles of low-quality guys; pick up stuff. You can pick up a few but they will leave your ass naked quicker than you picked them up. I wish you and your soulmate both lots of happiness, even though that’s not possible with the personalities you have. Just don’t have children, children are for us non-Gods who care about people other than themselves. Your highnesses shouldn’t stoop so low. They are thankless bothers to people like you who want the world offered to them in silver plates.

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