Abundance Mentality: Why Women Are Attracted To This!

The most important thing to think about when you think about an abundance mentality is the source of someone completely knowing who they are and stand confident in their beliefs, values, and insecurities. Abundance mentality does not mean that this is something that can be faked, it’s something that needs to be understood and then delivered! This blog is going to show you exactly the skill you need to tweak or build in your life moving forward so you can have this abundance mentality. Abundance mentality is something women love in a man and this is simply when you get your mindset and your life to start working for you

I welcome your comments below in this blog as I love hearing from you and can’t wait to respond to them!

Abundance Mentality Dating: Why Women Love This!

When it comes to dating, you might hear a lot of advice around the abundance mentality. This is needed in order to be successful with dating or scoring with women. Let me explain why a woman likes a man with an abundance mentality before I tell you how to get it or enhance it. To a woman, it shows us that you are emotionally stable and we start to see you as someone we can desire because you have emotional standards for yourself. You are driven within your own desire and happiness. You know that metaphor: like attracts like. Well, this is true. People naturally gravitate to positivity and happiness. Think of someone who motivates you in your life or someone you look up to that has accomplished great things. What do they have that makes you attracted to them. They have drive, perspective, confidence, self-worth, authenticity and most likely they are on their journey and they don’t let others affect them. This is the abundance mentality. As women, the reason why we gravitate towards this is that this is a HUGE part of masculine energy. Something the feminine is subconsciously and consciously attracted to. We look for a man that can protect us and that’s not by the physical aspect. Someone that we know will be a challenge and that we know is worthy. I always make analogies to better explain this. Think of a Honda CRV. It’s a reliable car and gets you from place to place. Now think of your favorite car. Mine is a Porsche. This is a luxury. It has so many elements to this car that makes it fantastic but also took time to build, isn’t like any other car, it feels amazing, looks and is expensive. Also, it’s more rewarding to receive it if you can because you know the trials and accomplishments you achieved to get this or have to achieve to get this, right? This is human psychology people! This comes down to women and men aka attraction! What we tend to forget is that love, mindset, and happiness requires work. There are so many people in life that think they’re entitled to get this. Why?? Because you were born? HECK NO!

Might sound kind of harsh but it’s realistic to everyone; everything requires work to have, upkeep or maintenance. EVERYTHING! So, if your sitting here thinking “women are too much work” this just means two things: 1. You’re lazy and haven’t really worked on understanding relationships, love, happiness and attraction 2. You don’t have an abundance mentality. So, women want a man (and the same for you men that are reading this), you want a woman that is different from the rest, right? So, it’s time to be different in your authentic way of understanding how to have an abundance mentality and stop making excuses on why you shouldn’t be that guy. Women are capable of respecting a man but you have to respect yourself first and then her.

Abundance and scarcity mentality

A lot of men I’ve coached have had issues with their scarcity mindset. With that said if you want to get better at dating, you have to do more then just learn “skill set techniques” you must get better at understanding who you are and do the real work of looking deeper within you. Techniques and skills can most definitely help but this is surface responses and helps you address surface issues, not core issues or core responses that can be inherited in you. Honestly, I believe that a lot of long-term dating problems have stemmed from technique-driven dating advice. Do I think this helps? “Yes,” but long term wise? No. It opens up the door. The philosophy behind this is called “inner game” which the community has called this. This is self-esteem and attitude; something no one else can maintain but you. Your standards and beliefs affect more than you realize within you and other people. Your views on life will literally map out your direction. The way you see your life, the world, and other people will be the filter for everything else in your life. So either you can have more negative and restrictive views and then the more people you interact with will have more negative and restrictive encounters. The more self-limiting beliefs you have around the world and people the harder of a time you’ll have dating. This is what I call the victim mentality. When you are in the scarcity mindset you see yourself as the victim always in your life and this comes down to your language as well. The idea of an abundance mindset is you are the player and you will choose what you want your next move to be without attaching someone’s else actions to your outcomes. Remember, people in life don’t do things to you, you let them. So self-limiting beliefs lock you into place and keep you from being able to progress. Adopting positive beliefs help liberate you and empower you to pursue your goals in ways you never thought were possible. So let’s talk about the most important ways in which you can apply and adopt an abundance mentality today!

The Scarcity Mindset:

Women are a limited resource

They think that they have to make this work with the ONE particular woman they have in front of them because this is the only opportunity. This is their last chance and they expect things to work out since this is something they NEED in order to feel “abundant”.

Looks at rejections and breakups negatively

Yes, this hurts but these are also our lessons. It bothers me that some people think that they will die alone, they give up on dating, or they’re just unloved because that ONE relationship or that ONE or FIVE women rejected them! Man, if I thought that every time a teacher told me I would never amount to something I wouldn’t be as successful as I am now. I used this for my fuel! Perspective is everything in getting out of victim mentality. When we experience something that didn’t work out it sucks yes, but it does not amount to what else is out there. You can’t blend water and oil, so if something does not work out you look at this as how you can do better and not hang on to this as this is your last hope for air! Rejection does not mean that your increase in celibacy will go up! It will actually get you more results if you go out and try to get rejected more.

Holding back in social development

You made the decision a while ago that you were shy, that you have approach anxiety. Well, even though this could be true, we have to push through this and make a new decision. You’ve hibernated and played it safe because pushing yourself to be more interactive with people is hard so you choose the easy route to not do this. So, what happens is the one time you get that interaction with a colleague or a woman you develop obsessive thinking and cannot pick up on social cues, and signs they give you since this is the first woman you’ve talked to or showed you interest in months or years! So now she’s the one! No!


This stems from thinking that this someone is your “last chance” or this is the person that holds your happiness. Also, neediness stems from not thinking you deserve this person which is the exact opposite of the abundance mentality. You convince yourself that it’s going to disappear and you’ll be lonely if you don’t lock it down NOW! As a result – you become clingy and needy, constantly texting and calling and poking her on Facebook, with each unanswered message making you even more nervous and convinced that something is wrong. You take personal offense to things that don’t go your way and you have EXTREMELY high expectations on how things need to be right here and right now. Of course, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy as that behavior is precisely what drives women away.

Abundance mentality meaning vs scarcity meaning

The abundance mentality is a simple belief that there are plenty of amazing women out there to date. Your perspective is about positivity and you are a player in your life and not a victim. While rejection and heartbreak do hurt- it certainly does not mean that it’s the end of the world! Life must go on. Abundance mentality in rejection simply means that rejection is NOT one step closer to celibacy or forever being alone, it’s one more person who wasn’t right for you but puts you closer to mastering your abundance cause you look at this as how you could have done better or that it’s no big deal. The difference here, especially with rejection, is to STOP thinking there is ONE chance and instead there are MANY. There are many women out there that can be compatible and you believing that will attract them to you. When you don’t believe it does the opposite. You’ll filter what you believe. This means that you stop stressing yourself over whether or not she’s going to flake on your date, worrying that you’re going to say the wrong thing, she doesn’t reply to your text all the time, or you already expect for this girl to be your girlfriend without her even knowing. You get hyper-focused on the story and not the reality and staying in the present moment. When you do this the obsessive thoughts take the center stage. So what you must do is not stress yourself out and be in the present moment!

Abundance mentality 7 habits to cultivate abundance

Retrain your brain

Shift your thinking to positivity. Negative thinking is a habit. We are not born to think negatively. We allow it to be there. Just like fear. Fear is an illusion we create. You have to become more mindful of your thoughts and patterns and shift these around. Hear them and literally shift these thoughts to something better.

Know your standards:

This is key to abundance! A man with standards will be his own filter without working for or chasing women. When you take pride in understanding your standards and what those are, then it shows a big amount of self-respect for yourself. Women will be drawn to this cause they look at you like the “Porsche”, the ones that are luxurious and has a component to them like no one else does.

Practice Gratitude:

Be thankful for everything you have in life. A lot of us tend to forget about the small things. Just the fact that you have the eyes to read this blog is a big one. The fact that you have water to drink daily. So many things to be thankful for!

Stop comparing your faults to other people’s success:

Stop doing this! Your personal journey is supposed to be different from everyone else. If you compare yourself to someone who is abundant instead of looking at them on how you can learn then you will be in the same place you were before. Remember, you’re the driver no one else is.

Stop hiding in a bubble:

Be observant of things around you and start understanding more about social cues. Ask questions and get involved with other things and people in your life. Especially the ones that bring you up and the ones you can learn from. You have to build some type of social momentum. Live with purpose or find your purpose.  That does not mean staying at home playing video games and just having online friends. This means getting out there and really interacting with people and connecting.

Emotional Balance and Control:

Let’s say a woman stands you up on a date. Ok well, mentally you might say, “I’ll wait for another hour. If she doesn’t show up, oh well, I will move on.” Someone with a scarcity mindset will get mad and possibly react by texting her with anger. Why? Because he anticipated the date as the highlight of his week! So he is going to desperately salvage it and continue to enable these bad behaviors on his part and hers. Also, let’s say you went on a couple of dates with a woman and you’re two weeks in. You both have talked about a relationship and it’s just so amazing. Then she ghosts you. She never replies. Ok well, now you think, “it’s her loss and I move on.” When we get into a scarcity mindset we react and call her out on why she should respond to you. But yet you only dated for two weeks and this is not enough time. This was all words and it takes longer to see someone’s actions. Also, something that happens often with clients is the woman will actually write to them and say she does not see a future with him. Now, his ego kicks in because he’s in scarcity and replies back trying to convince her (this is in the initial stages, not a relationship) or tries to call her out and put it back on her saying something like “yeah right you’re going back to your ex” or “ yea I wasn’t feeling you either.” No emotional control. This is a lack.

Learns and Understands Attraction:

Takes pride in social and personal development. Women want a man that they can also learn from at different levels just like you would want in a woman. So invest in making yourself better, physically, mentally and emotionally.

Somebody with an abundance mentality won’t invest so much importance in the date in the first place. Also, they understand their value and look at women as let’s see if she can meet me where I’m at in my life. Dates are something to definitely look forward to, but without the pressure. Remember rejection also works in your favor. Instead of wasting your time with someone who isn’t willing to invest a little of theirs, you save yourself time. At least you know right away! It’s all about the shift in perspective. People with an abundance mentality have more dates and better love lives than those with a scarcity mentality. People in scarcity mindsets find themselves in toxic relationships. Abundance mentality people don’t settle so they find themselves in interdependence relationships. Women respond to men with an abundance mentality – after all, that belief in abundance is a critical part of the confidence and, as I say over and over again, confidence is sexy.
As a woman, I know and this is something many men haven’t caught on to yet. Now you have since you’ve read this so let’s put these tips into action now! Let’s realize now how amazing this world is and how impactful this mentality will be and let’s change your life.

You are always loved.

Your coach,

Apollonia Ponti

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    1. Hi Narciso. Thank you so much for reading Abundance Mentality. I’m so glad you enjoyed the article! Thank you for your feedback.

      Wishing you the best,

  1. After reading this article i feel as if i have discovered a part of a womens brain 😁 Very smoothly explained.. “think positive” people! I can also see how one insecurity in a man can lead to many negative outcomes and completely ruin your judgement on yourself and the relationship you desire in the future so its essential to stay confident throughout the whole process 🙂

    1. Hi Mohammad. Thank you for reading Abundance Mentality. I’m so glad you see that! Exactly! Thank you for that feedback and so happy to read it and that my content has helped.

      Wishing you the best,

  2. Hello Apollonia, I have been tremendously helped by you and I can’t say thank you enough.

    God knows how long I have struggled with this. Right now the awareness gap I have been gaining through you, is way way amang.

    1. Hi Gilbert, thank you for taking the time to read Abundance Mentality. I’m so happy to read that. That means the world to me and that you’re gaining so much from the content.
      Thank you for this feedback!
      Wishing you the absolute best,

    1. Hi Ebenezer. Thank you for reading Abundance Mentality. Thank you for that feedback. I’m so happy to see you enjoy the content!


  3. “You made the decision a while ago that you were shy, that you have approach anxiety.” No, Apollonia, this is not true. If you had an idea of what I’ve have been through you would not say this. Even though I am in great shape, dress well and take good care of myself, etc., I am a small person with a quiet voice and have always been bullied from the time I was very young – I’m in my thirties now but still look like a teenager. So, yes, I care about what others think (shyness) for my own physical safety and also have extreme approach anxiety because it never goes well. No matter what i do, women never notice me when there are other guys around because I just can’t compete with other guys for women’s attention. Of course there are many women out there to date – and I never set my heart on one. I have observed enough interaction between guys who are successful with women and the women they are successful with to know that I don’t have what it takes to compete with other guys. This stuff about confidence may be true, but a guy has to have sufficient physical presence in the first place to be credible when he approaches a woman. I don’t

  4. I really needed To hear these things Apollonia! Before I got married 15 years ago I had a lot of these qualities and lost them in the marriage. We’ve been separated four months. I know I’m better than what I became all those years and this blog really helps me. Because of the separation my confidence has been deeply shaken.I want the marriage to work and I’m working on becoming a better man than I was when we got married. I would love to book a coaching session with you I hope in time I can Do that.

    1. Hi Tony. Thank you for reading abundance mentality. I’m so happy to read that this helped you. Keep going! Whenever you’re ready for a coaching session, I’m here!
      Just remember you are worth it and you can absolutely find your confidence again and fall back in love with yourself, too.
      Wishing you the best,

  5. Apollonia, this is just perfect. Thank you.
    Also I understand that the context you are taking is dating and relationships, but it is more than that.
    With a scarcity mindset we cannot go looking for a job, a friend, a house, a pet, etc.
    This is just plain perfect.
    And from a personal experience, I know that I have A LOT to offer to a woman in a relationship but, when I am coming from scarcity, they run away as fast as possible.
    Thanks again Apollonia.

    1. Hi German,

      Thank you for reading about my blog abundance mentality and dating! I appreciate the feedback and so happy you read it!



  6. OMG! This was sooo good. This should be spread all over the internet so that every insecure boy or a man reads this. Heck, it might even turn some incels to noncels. ;D But seriously this made a huge impact on me, and I’m on route to being abundant (tho the journey started a while back).

    1. Hi Markku. Thank you for reading Abundance Mentality. So glad you enjoyed the article and it made an impact!
      Wishing you the best,

  7. Thanks a lot for the blog, I think I had the scarcity syndrome but I let go of it last month after watching several of your YouTube videos on confidence n the importance of knowing ourselves as men…..
    Continue doing your thing you’re the best bcoz you’re good at it.
    Remember you’re always loved too Apollonia Ponti

    1. Hi Gerald! Your welcome thank you for reading this blog about abundance mentality and dating. Happy this has helped shift your mindset.I appreciate this so much, Gerald. 🙂

    2. I would suggest that you re-read the section on “Holding back from social development’. Work on developing your confidence by developing positive friendships with both sexes through shared interests, clubs, etc. Further to that, realise that there is someone(s) for everyone, it’s not a glib phrase, it’s true. Maybe you are looking at the wrong women. If you are worried that you have a small build, try looking at smaller women (or very big women who often are attracted to smaller men). Also, work on all aspects of yourself. Rich, ugly men still get their pick of women. Why do you think that is? Don’t limit yourself, get out there and make the most of your life. Good luck.

  8. Hi Apollonia – since there is no way any woman would ever be interested in me for me, do you think I should just pay for it? I’m 34 and have never experienced intimacy.

    1. Hi Timon,
      Not at all. I think you need to change your way of thinking. There are 8 billion people in the world I’m sure there are many for you. You will attract what you think. Remember that. Wishing you nothing but the best and thanks for stopping by. xo

      1. Hi Apollonia – I honestly don’t understand what you mean by “[y]ou will attract what you think.” No woman (literally) shows interest in me – ever – and I am completely ignored or brushed off whenever I do try to strike up a conversation with a woman I find attractive. Where is the evidence – *any* evidence – that I can be attractive to any woman? It’s very hard going through life as a man never having ever experienced any intimacy whatsoever – what most guys get by the time they’re 25. I don’t want to pay for it – but what choice do I have?

        1. Hey Timon. It means that you attract how you subconsciously feel about yourself and what you believe. Look up “limiting beliefs”. It’s the subconscious’ way of keeping you safe so that you “don’t get hurt”. So if you really don’t believe that you’re good enough, you might not even realize you behave in a way that gives people that impression.

  9. Yes definitely a great read. I’ve been out of the dating scene for 5 years and recently got back in and went back to old habits of getting friend zoned. But I always pull through and will start getting my abundance mindset and not let little things bother me.

    1. Hi Andrew!
      Thanks for your comment. Yes, happy you read this blog about the abundance mentality and dating. It’s so important and I know for sure if you can master this you will be confident in your approach in relationships. Here is something I’ve created that might help you further as well. 🙂 https://www.apolloniaponti.co/friend-zone-no-more

  10. It’s soo hard for men to hold an “Abundancy Mindset” since men have a MUCH STRONGER sex drive than women and because of that WOMEN decide IF and WHEN sex happens. So unfair!! Women come from a place of sexual ABUNDANCE; whereas men come from a place of sexual SCARCITY. Women can GET sex whenever they want with NO problem, whereas men can only ask, (and most of the time get REJECTED). Women NEVER get rejected sexually! Sorry to disagree with you and Natalie, but men have to jump through hoops for sex and women face no such obstacles. I wish that women would finally admit this instead of trying to convince men that they want sex as much as men-it’s simply NOT true.

  11. The only “abundance” out there is the phalanx of women who firmly believe that men just aren’t worth a damn! This is jst more false hope. STOP IT!!!

    1. Hi Lumpy,
      Thank you for reading my blog about the abundance mentality. I appreciate your comment and you stopping by. 🙂

  12. I’m glad I found your texts today, too bad I didn’t find them a week ago x) This will ease my loss of a love. I have already started a journey on evolve my self and what I lack in. I basically need to change myself from being a nice guy to become the true man that’s just been hiding within me my whole life. What more articles can you recommend for that purpose?
    I also have had my spiritual awakening so I can refere alot to this with the present.

  13. This blog describes me perfectly. I know the first step is to retrain the brain from scarcity to abundance, but how? I took this one girl out a couple times couple months ago, basically got friend zoned (told her I did not want that )texted her once in two months during the crisis to see how she is, no response. Can’t stop obsessing over her, because of what you described. I am 43, never had a girlfriend, inexperienced in the bedroom. So when I actually meet a pretty girl, admittedly, I think it’s her or nothing. I realize that is wrong but how do you get abundance when you don’t have the social circles to meet an abundance of women? Should I try apps? The frustration just wants to push me to give up but like you said, I would not be true to myself because I do want intimacy and a connection. Again, where to start? I’m actually a good communicator and good sense of humor, but by and large the whole relationship/sex thing just has not happened. I really don’t know why. Any point in the right direction you can give is appreciated. Love your videos, be safe.

    1. Hi Richard,
      Please join our master class tomorrow, you will absolutely benefit from it.
      I hope you find the information you’ll be getting tomorrow helpful and you can learn new tools you can implement in your love life.
      Thank you for contacting us.

    2. Thank you so much for watching our videos, We are so happy to hear they have been helpful.
      Everything starts with you Richard. If intimacy hasn’t happened yet then think about if you were waiting for her to initiate it or maybe you did and she didn’t read it that way, so many could play a part on this.
      I would encourage you to keep watching your videos, We actually have a few talking about this specific subject.

      Best of luck

  14. I often read all of this “Change this thought”, “Change this attitude”, etc., etc. That is so much easier said than done when you are not the person going through it. I am not looking for pity, and I’m fully ready for the “Man up! Suck it up! Quit whining!” squad to berate me as well. I have been reading self help books, been following all the advice or dasting coaches, applying it, putting myself out there, yet the results are the same. Struggling to get dates, and if I do, it often ends up being short lived, or I later find I’m just a “fill in” or something to do for someone, or worse putting my heart and soul into someone when everything seems right only to find my feelings were played with all along. The biggest hurdles for me are 2 things I have zero control of and are powerless to change, one is my height, I’m only 5’1, that is almost always an automatic deal breaker for 80% of the women, the other is when they find out I’m a Gemini, another 10-15% sprint away. I’m not big into the club and bar scene, the fact that I’m not I find I get branded as “Boring” before I’m even given the opportunity to show I am fun and exciting without going to those places, that seems to knock off another 2-3% of the women, so trying to have an abundance mindset is hard when you’re left with 2-3% of the dating pool that would even give you a chance and when you’re someone who has 8-9 out of every 10 dates/potential dates being rejections.
    On a closing note I’m finding women seem to always reject the romantic men, the ones who open a door for them, who buy them surprise gifts, who are polite. I’m finding it’s the men who abuse them, talk to them any kind of way, who cheat on them, they are the ones who always get the girl. If that’s what it takes, then I guess I’ll die single, I just don’t have it in me to be that kind of a man.

    1. Hey Dave,

      Thank you so much for reading my blog post “Abundance Mentality: Why Women Are Attracted to This! and for sharing.
      We appreciate your vulnerability and for being open with us.

      We offer a bunch of great products. We also have an amazing program called the Algorithm of Attraction, that goes in depth in regards to all of the questions you are asking in your comment.

      We would love to work with you! Please feel free to reach out to us at team@apolloniaponti.com
      Team Apollonia

  15. Hi Apollonia,
    Such an informative article!! It appears that I’ve been living with a scarcity mindset all along, which is quite upsetting as I’ve been totally oblivious to an abundant mindset, operating primarily out of fear and lack. The good news is, I can now make the decision to prescribe to the mindset of abundance, not only for my benefit, but for those around me, namely my kids.
    Thank you for this,

    1. Hi John,
      So happy you liked the article. Hope this and my work continues to guide you and help. Thanks for your comment. 🙂
      – Apollonia

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