You meet a gorgeous woman; you go on a date with her. You show possible interest for one another, you kiss, and then all of sudden: she’s gone. She pulls away, she ghosts, she completely disappears. And you’re left wondering — why?

We’ve often talked about how to attract a woman, how to have a healthy relationship, and how to bring the fire back — but one thing that often goes ignored is the answer to one simple question. Why do women pull away? Why do women lose attraction?

And what a better place to come to than to ask a woman herself. Today I’ll be sharing my advice on why women pull away and why they lose attraction. It’s something that often baffles men and today I hope to make things clearer!

Why do women pull away

Whether it’s a relationship or the beginning of dating someone, it’s not a great feeling when someone pulls away from you and you’re left wondering why. There are several reasons why this can happen and all of these reasons are interrelated.

There’s a quote that I love from Rupaul and it’s this: “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell can you love someone else?” The reason I bring this up is that so many men (and women) enter relationships without love for themselves, a deep sense of self-respect and confidence, and they expect to find it in someone else. That is precisely why many of their partners pull away from them and they’re left even more hurt than they were before. Because they don’t have a sense of inner grounding, they seek it in their partner and they place them as the number one priority in their lives. This is why their partner will pull away.

Let’s get into these reasons into a little more detail, shall we?

4 Reasons why women pull away from men

Reason #1: Attraction

The biggest reason women pull away is because of attraction. Attraction may seem like an elusive and indescribable thing, but it is often very rational and tangible, especially in the beginning dating phase. The biggest mistake men make is that they don’t allow enough time to truly get to know a woman, to understand what she’s all about and what she can offer. Instead, they place her as the priority before even getting to know her. When men start to place a woman as a priority in their lives before they even get to know them, she begins to think “What’s wrong with him? He doesn’t even know me that well yet.” Then her initial attraction disappears.

The attraction is lost because we’re trying to figure out what is wrong with someone, rather than building a mutual connection, a sense of mystery and curiosity. Building mutual values is incredibly important and that’s why it’s equally important to allow yourself to get to know her fully before jumping to conclusions about your feelings.

Reason #2: Lack of confidence and self-respect

It is essential that you have a strong sense of self-respect and confidence within yourself. Women are attracted to men who are attracted to themselves. If you judge your worth based on the woman that is beside you, then what is in it for her? When a man is focused on his own goals and objectives, his dreams and adventures, and is not afraid to prioritize his time for his own goals than that is attractive.

If you’re more into her than you are of yourself in the first stages of the relationship, it makes her feel like your confidence is rooted in her presence. That is a huge reason why women pull away. And when you know you have everything right away, then we lose interest. Love should be like a tango, a dance back and forth. If you rely on someone else to define your confidence, then other people will not find you attractive. If your self-respect is dependent upon someone else, then you cannot expect them to respect you. It’s too much pressure on another person to expect them to create your own sense of self-respect. Self-respect has nothing to do with the approval of others or with reputation; it has to come from your sense of character and willingness to accept responsibility for what you want in your life.

Women make decisions based on how men make us feel. Security plays a big role in that – whether that be emotional, physical, or mental security, but that also means that a man has his own sense of independence. If a man is not confident in his independence, then it means that the relationship is not secure. We ask ourselves: How can he protect me if his confidence depends on me? Finding your confidence and self-respect is essential for finding the right partner. And confidence is a muscle, just like any other. It has to be nourished and built; it requires attention. I’ve seen many men find their inner confidence and find the right pathways to elevate their sense of self-worth. It is possible.

Reason #3: Lack of self-discipline.

If a woman doesn’t see you have self-discipline and love for yourself, she will lose attraction and start to pull away. A man with discipline for the goals he has in life, whether that be a career or personal ambitions, is attractive. Having a strong sense of discipline comes from a sense of security for yourself, and that is related to what I mentioned before about confidence and self-respect.

Women want men that can serve as anchors in their lives. That means you need to know where you stand in your life and what your goals are; you have to be confident in the love that you have for yourself, otherwise, we won’t feel like we can lean and rely on you. When we feel we can’t lean on you, then we’re too afraid to invest in you. Women are emotional connectors. We crave men in our lives that know what they want and don’t want so that they can serve as a sense of security. If you feel like you’re not stable in your own inner world, and unable to incorporate self-discipline, then you need to take the time to do that for yourself before you try to date others, otherwise, you may find that women are disappearing from your life.

Reason #4: No standards

This means standards with women and standards with life. If you’re interested right away and you don’t ask any questions about what I want to do in my life, or about my family, or where I see myself in 5 years, then I ask myself: where are his standards? This is the biggest reason why a woman won’t give a guy a second or third date. Women will pull away from a man who doesn’t have standards.

It should not be that you compromise everything you value for her and that you let go of all of your boundaries. A woman wants to invest long term in a man that knows what he wants and doesn’t want. Those values then work together with hers. You care about family, you care about certain aspects of your work, and that allows for her to identify with you, understand your inner world and life. You shouldn’t abandon what you want in your life entirely for her. Making certain standards for yourself is part of that.

Ask yourself: what do I want in my life? What am I unwilling to compromise on? What kind of woman do I want to be with? Define those standards, and be aware of the things that you need to make you happy.

Why do women pull away in relationships

Perhaps you find yourself repeatedly in relationships where women are pulling away from you. You find yourself in a toxic environment over and over, and you don’t understand why the relationships you are cultivating with women are falling apart, even if they last for a period of time. Why do your relationships repeatedly not work? Why do women pull away from you in relationships?

The problem that a lot of people face is that they enter relationships without knowing themselves fully and without having that core sense of confidence and grounding. The women that will enter your life will come in and out like water when you lack self-respect and discipline. You will lose yourself in the relationship, becoming a pushover and unaware of all the compromises you make for the other person, rather than the decisions you want to make for yourself. And the attraction will disappear as a result – creating something toxic for both you and her.

A toxic relationship can only be allowed to enter your life if you allow it to. Toxicity is a habit, and we normalize habits. It isn’t a person or a type of person; it’s a habit that can be changed and rewired, just like our sense of confidence. We can all change. We can decide what we want to have in our lives and not have in our lives. We can decide to build our sense of self-respect, to take time for ourselves, to reanalyze how we see the world and what kind of people we let in.

Taking time alone is not something that should be underestimated if you need it to rewire your sense of self-worth and your life goals. Yes, another person can help you see yourself as a mirror, but you cannot rely on another person to create the person you want to be or to create your belief in yourself. Women pull away from men that don’t know how to love themselves fully.

Not loving yourself fully also makes it difficult to emotionally connect with a woman. You cannot be fully there for her as a listener if you’re dealing with the difficulties of your own inner world. Women want to feel heard and understood, and if a woman brings something to your attention and you ignore it, she might end up feeling like you’re incompatible.

Remember to take time for yourself, to love yourself, and to not rush into anything you’re not ready for. It takes time to get to know someone. Pace yourself and give the things around you time to grow and to settle. If a woman is worth your time, then give it time to get to know her. Try not to see your identity as based in the eyes of your partner – that will only make you unfamiliar in your own skin and pull your partner away from you.

As always, remember you are loved and comment on anything you found helpful in today’s blog.

Your Coach,

Apollonia Ponti