The Alpha Female: How to Date Her and Get Her to Commit

In many parts of the animal kingdom, there is the Alpha – the one who is the most powerful member of the sex. A status of rank, it seems natural that humans carry over these categories in the form of the alpha female and the alpha male as a sort of archetype and personality type. Of course, it is not always that black and white when it comes to how we define our gender. The archetype of the alpha male may seem at first clear; we imagine the dominant, growling silverback gorilla in all of his grizzly masculinity or a man that smokes cigars and dominates in sports, but even so, is that really that accurate? Nowadays, there are different shades of the alpha male and the alpha female, and it is not always clear to the eye and ear.

So who is the alpha female? Does she exist, and where is she? The truth is, the image of a powerful female has not always been the most positive one. For centuries that image was seen as not fulfilling the proper role of a woman subservient to her husband’s needs and as a caring mother to her children. Today, on the contrary, the image of a strong and powerful woman is everywhere. It seems, too, that the alpha female exists in the psyche of most females today and that image comes, thankfully, with a sense of pride.

So why would an alpha female be seen as difficult to date or to get to commit? I’m here to tell you that strong women that believe their abilities are limitless are not difficult to date. They have high self-esteem and emotional intelligence. They don’t buy into what society deems a woman’s role should be – nor should they. That decisiveness and strength is exactly what attracts you to her, so if you feel intimidated by the alpha female or don’t know how to date her, let’s get to the bottom of it in today’s blog, shall we?


What is an Alpha Female

While I’m hesitant to make stereotypes, the truth is that stereotypes like the alpha male and female carry along with it a mythology that can help us understand how we think and how we date. It helps us to think about how wrought our definition of gender truly is, and it helps us to make sense of our own insecurities. That being said: who is the alpha female?

Alpha females are decisive; they’re initiators that people rely on, and they’re intrinsically independent and self-assured. That’s why they attract other people to them like moths to a flame, including you. Their independence radiates because they know how to take control in social situations. They know what they’re going to order at the table. They know how to go about making their dreams a reality because they initiate the things they want in life. The typical stereotype is that she’s a CEO or a high profile job, but she doesn’t have to be that. The point is: she’s highly motivated and self-confident.

The irony in the archetype of “alpha female” is this: while the desire to identify as a strong, decisive, and independent woman exists in the minds of most females everywhere today, it is at the same time demonized. Think of Lady Macbeth from Shakespeare’s Macbeth, for example. She is power-hungry to be queen and ruthless in her pursuits. She belittles her husband’s manhood for not taking more control, and she is demonized for her pursuit of power. Think of Meryl Streep in the film The Devil Wears Prada, or think of Anna Wintour. Think of any female politician – Hillary Clinton, especially. These are women that are villainized for being powerful, but they are also the archetypal “Alpha female.”

And with that villainization comes intimidation. A strong and decisive woman that is in control and ambitious doesn’t necessarily show that she needs a man in her life to make her any happier. She’s determined in her life, highly motivated, and intelligent, so what can a man even bring to the table?

Top 7 A Game Tips to Get an Alpha Female

While it may seem that an alpha female doesn’t need a man in her life, the truth is that everyone needs love in their life. Here are some tips on how to approach and better understand the alpha woman that may at first intimidate you.

Tip #1: Know that you deserve to be with her.

Try to break apart your stereotype of her as an intimidating “alpha female” and see her as your equal. Just because she’s a strong woman doesn’t mean you need to put her on a pedestal or be afraid of her. A strong and independent woman wants to be with a strong and independent man that is also decisive and knows what he wants. So if you’re interested in her, then know for yourself that you deserve to be with her and exercise your decisiveness when you date her. When you have a woman in front of you that you see of high value, it’s essential that you see yourself as an equal and to know that you deserve the relationship.

Tip #2: Don’t make excuses and always follow through.

Strong and intelligent women particularly hate when men say they’re going to do something, and then don’t do it. Stick to your plan if you make a plan with her. I always say – make your texts mean business. Use your text to make decisive plans with her, and then leave it at that. Don’t text her all night and day obsessively. If you make a plan on Saturday night at 8 pm, then follow up in the morning on Saturday or the night before with the details. She’ll appreciate the follow-through.

Tip #3: Pursue her, but also give her space.

You will need to pursue the alpha woman. Perhaps some will pursue a bit themselves, but the majority won’t. That being said, she will want a man that pursues her, which makes her feel special, but that also doesn’t over pursue. An alpha woman is busy and usually productive when she’s alone, so she will want that time when she can think about you. She will want a man that isn’t codependent, so showing her that you can give her space is important. Remember to continue prioritizing your life, your goals, and your ambitions.

Tip #4: Have standards.

I mention this a lot in my advice and I think it’s incredibly important, especially when dating a strong and intelligent woman. Know what you want in a partner — and I don’t mean this in a superficial way. I mean really flesh out the values and the personality characteristics of your ideal partner. When you have standards and a clear image of what you want, then that creates a kind of power. Women like when men know what they want in a woman and are unafraid to voice that. Look at the relationships you’ve had in the past and look at where they went wrong. Then make them your standards – it’s as simple as that.

Tip #5: Let her learn from you.

The alpha woman seeks to constantly evolve and grow in her life, and she wants to learn from you. She wants you to inspire her or spark her curiosity. This comes in the kind of conversation you have with her. Give her something to bounce off of, show interest in the things she likes, and also share your passions with her. In short, don’t just think that because she’s this strong and educated woman that she doesn’t want your opinion or doesn’t want to learn from you. She does.

Tip #6: Show intent and ambition in your life.

Powerful women want their partners to have ambition in their lives. They want to be with men that have goals they want to pursue, dreams they want to make happen. This doesn’t mean you have to be rich and have everything figured out, but it does mean that you can’t expect to be with someone like an alpha woman if you don’t have a job, are still living with your parents, and aren’t doing anything about it. She wants to be with someone at her level, someone that also has high aspirations and dreams.

Tip #7: Understand your own insecurities.

This is the biggest one of all. If you’re reading this article’s title, then perhaps you feel that strong and powerful alpha women are difficult to date. If that’s really the case, then perhaps it stems from insecurity. That’s ok to admit, and it’s important to admit it and to understand it. It shows maturity to have the emotional intelligence to say to oneself that we all have insecurities or preconceptions about things that can make us insecure. Emotional intelligence is when we can say to ourselves that those insecurities are not who we are and they don’t have to interfere with our relationships.

Ask yourself: why is it that a strong woman scares me? Why do I feel intimidated by a powerful woman? What does she have to offer me, and what do I have to offer her?

Alpha Female Traits

We talked already about who the alpha female is, but let’s get a little more into her traits and characteristics.

The stereotype of the alpha female is someone who is a natural-born leader. Alpha females lead by example and through their actions, and as a result, they often work in leadership roles. She isn’t afraid to go after what she wants. She takes obstacles head-on and is incredibly driven to reach her goals, which is why she is a strong woman.

Alpha females don’t see themselves as any different than a man when it comes to power dynamics. She sees herself as an equal and expects to be treated as such. She doesn’t abide by typical “female” stereotypes – she sees herself as equal to her partner. She takes the initiative when it comes to getting what she wants in life, and she doesn’t let her gender stand in her way.

Let’s face it: women have not typically been in the role of power because our society is patriarchal. As a result, the “alpha woman” today has evolved into something that almost every woman aspires to be like or is already becoming. You will find that a lot of women identify as being an alpha female, even if they aren’t CEOs or even strong leaders. What that means for you is that a strong, powerful alpha woman is someone that should allow you, too, to tap into your most powerful sense of self, and not your own insecurities.

Alpha Females in Relationships

Strong women in relationships want someone that can meet them as an equal, that has ambition and drive, can be decisive and take control of a situation, and can offer her inspiration. She wants to be with a man that knows what he wants, that is reliable and follows through with his plans, and that has confidence.

All of this is advice that can carry over to nearly any other topic: love yourself, know your standards, know that you are deserving of what you want, and do not be afraid to go after it. Most of all, don’t be afraid of a strong and powerful woman.

If you liked today’s blog or found it helpful, please comment below!

Your coach,

Apollonia Pont

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  1. Hey I be been reading your blog I’ll sign up later this week I’ll keep in touch.thamk you sweetheart

    1. Hi Roger! Thank you so much and thanks for reading the blog about the alpha female. 🙂

  2. Liked always dated bar flies and project chicks. Never worked out. From hood but educated Usmc and Fdny South Bronx. Can salsa and buchata. Good looking but always meet wrong women. Your blog on high value women great.

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