Living in the age of technology and what’s happening in the world right now has us all realizing the importance of texting. So much chemistry and attraction can actually be generated through text, which is a skill on its own. And let’s face it – not all of us are good texters, especially when there are nerves involved. After you’ve had a fantastic date, questions may start racing through your mind. What should I text her to make her know that I like her? Should she text me first, or should I text her first? How do I find out if she’s interested, too? How often should I text her?

The good news is – communicating through text doesn’t have to be that complicated AND it’s an easy way to get clear signals from her. It’s easy to overanalyze what to say to her, when to say it, and to fall into the trap of playing a dating game. Now more than ever, especially with online dating and initiating conversations through text, it’s important to be straightforward and to know how to text a girl. I’m here to break it down today.

What to text a girl. 6 ways to text her after the first date

#1: Be direct.

Men and women alike always think that playing hard to get is the key to enter anyone’s heart, but it’s really not true. It’s refreshing when someone is direct with their texts and answers questions honestly. And that’s why the “three-day rule” is no longer a reality. Waiting three days after the first date to text her is a ridiculous and archaic rule that is counterintuitive and silly. Doing that will not only lose any attraction involved but also make her feel like you don’t have any interest in her. If you had a magical date and want to text her after to tell her what a great time you had, do it. Text her and let her know “I had a great time” – it will show her that your intentions are clear. Be direct in what you want to do, when you want to see her, where you want to go eat. Be direct in how you lead the conversation.

#2: Use humor.

Using humor is not always the easiest thing to do through text, but if you give her something to laugh about and use your wit, then it will entice her and make her remember you. Maybe you share something that you laughed at that day – like a news article or a funny meme. Using humor is also a great way of connecting with her and finding out what makes her laugh— it keeps things playful and flirtatious.

#3: Let your conversations go somewhere.

This is a big one, especially now that so many of us are communicating through text in our dating lives. If you met someone online through an app and she is responding to your texts, then that means she has an interest in you. And you know what that means? That she would be happy to have a conversation with you over the phone, through FaceTime, or to see you in person. Let the conversation lead somewhere and follow up on it. Don’t just keep carrying on with your text messages with no point of destination. The same goes for if you’ve had an amazing date with someone. Don’t let days just pass, texting her randomly, without being clear that you want to see her again. Make your texts mean business. Develop the conversation while being clear about your intentions to either talk with her or see her again.

Even if you’ve already been clear with your intentions and you’ve set a time to see her again, develop your conversation with her and use texting as a way to get to know her better – to be flirtatious and to show interest. If you ask her “What are you up to today?” and she answers you “I’m making a cake for my mom 😍” don’t just say “Nice, hope you’re having a great day” — use the information you get to develop the conversation further. You could say something like “Ohhhh fancy, show me a pic” or “so sweet, what kind of cake?” Use the opportunity to text as a way of being part of her life. So many men fall into the pitfall of trying to be so correct that they end up sounding robotic. Just engage with her as you would any other friend.

#4: Give her a compliment about something you’ve learned about her.

One thing you can do after a great first date is to show her you were listening to the things she told you. Complimenting her is a great way of not only boosting her ego but also separates you from the pack by showing that you’re interested in her life and her mind, beyond just interested in her physically. You could say something like “You showed me a great time last night – especially when you shared that story about X and Z “ You can be creative about how you let her know that you were listening, but the point is that you want to show that you actually cared about anything personal or vulnerable that she shared with you and that your interest in her goes beyond just the way that she looks.

#5: Be positive.

Staying positive and playful in your texts is essential. If she asks you how you are, don’t go into a long response about how your day was shitty and tiring, even if you do feel that way. You want to stay uplifting in your texts and not bring her energy down. Remain a source of fun and an escape from the mundane whenever you text with her. You don’t want her to feel awkward in how to respond to you or feel brought down whenever she reads a text from you. Keep it light, keep it playful, and keep it positive. You want her to smile whenever she receives a message from you.

#6: Be yourself and don’t try too hard.

Don’t overstress too much about when and how to text her to show that you like her. At the end of the day, you want to just be relaxed and be yourself. Don’t try too hard to be funny or to make yourself seem interesting. Remember that she’s probably nervous to text with you too and that we’re all human at the end of the day. You don’t have to be perfect – you just have to be yourself and show that you like her. If she’s responding to you with smiles and laughs, then obviously that means she’s interested in you. Share your life with her and follow your intuition when it comes to how often you should text her. Don’t bombard her with messages, but if she’s a particularly texty person, then you want to match that and give her something to bounce off of. Just don’t sit there and text her all day. Make sure that you are not disregarding your other priorities. It is okay to say, “This conversation is amazing. I’m about to jump back into work, but let’s pick this up later ;)” Remember it’s sexy for a woman to know that you’ve got a life and you have your priorities straight.

How to text a girl you like. The Dos and Don’ts

Here are some important Do’s and Don’t to remember when it comes to texting a girl you like:

DO: Tell her what a great time you had.

Always a good idea to text her after the date to tell her what a great time you had and that you’d like to do it again soon.

DON’T: Wait a week to text her again.

If you wait too long after a great first date to text her and you’re waiting for her to text you, then you’re saying goodbye to a missed opportunity. She’s not going to wait for you. Women generally liked to be pursued, so if she hasn’t messaged you first, don’t expect her to.

DO: Suggest doing something together that came up in conversation.

After a great first date, suggesting you do something with her that she showed obvious interest in during the date is the perfect way of showing that you were listening to her and want to go on another date. If she mentioned a museum exhibition she’s been wanting to see, for example, then playfully let her know that you want to go with her. You can even plan that to be your second date a week later.

DON’T: Text her incessantly.

There’s a balance to how much you should text her to show her you’re interested. Sometimes letting a day pass without a text can entice her and make her miss you, which is actually a good thing. You don’t want to be texting her constantly and eliminating any sense of mystery. If you’ve talked about your entire life through text, what is there to talk about in person? Leave some things to be desired. At the beginning of getting to know her, while you are dating, it’s completely fine to go every 2-3 days between texting. And on some of those days that you do text, you can just send a simple message of “Thinking about you. Hope you’re having a great day :).” After you’ve had at least 1 date.

DO: Flirt through text.

Flirting through text is a fine art, but it can be done easily. Don’t be afraid to send a smiley or kiss emoji here and there. Show her your silly side and find a common interest that you can use to flirt and tease her a little.

How to ask a girl out by text

Whether you’ve had the first date already or you want to ask a girl out for the first time, it isn’t hard to ask a girl out through text. In fact, in many ways, it can be simpler than having to do it in person. All you have to do is be direct. You can always suggest doing something together that may have come up in one of your conversations. The key is – make your text be to the point. “What are you up to on Saturday night? I’d love to take you out for a glass of wine” may seem like a boring text, but it’s actually not at all. It’s direct, confident, and it means business.

If you’ve already had a great date with her, remember to let her know immediately that you had a good time. Don’t let too much time pass. If she’s interested in you, she’ll be happy to know you want to see her again. So go for it and don’t play games!

How to get a girl to like you over text

You can get a girl to like you over text by sharing your life with her and showing genuine interest in hers. Ask her how her day is going and share something personal about yours. Make her laugh, compliment her. Don’t bombard her with texts, and let your conversation lead to something more substantial. If she’s responding to you consistently, know that she’s interested. Follow your intuition and don’t overthink your texts too much. And always remember to just be yourself and have fun.

Remember you are always loved!

Your coach,

Apollonia Ponti