What Women Find Attractive: 17 Traits & Everything You Need To Know!

Want to know what women find attractive? Who better for helping you understand this than a woman herself? In this article, I am going to walk you through what women find attractive in a man but I will also go a little deeper so you can walk away from this article with more than surface level answers and get the tools you need to start using them moving forward. Not only am I going to give you the tools and advice; I will also list traits so you can identify with what you currently have, and what you may need to work on moving forward, whether you are in a relationship or not.

I enjoy hearing from you so please feel free to comment below if you have questions! It would be my pleasure to answer them.

What do women find attractive when dating a man?

What makes a man attractive? Here’s a quickfire list of desirable traits & qualities:

  1. Has leadership skills & has a busy life
  2. You’re passionate about something
  3. You don’t know you’re hot
  4. You’re opinionated, in a good way
  5. You take things slowly
  6. You are decisive
  7. You’re stylish and put together
  8. Talks in a deep voice
  9. They have a beard or 5 o’clock shadow
  10. Have a dog
  11. Share with her and be open to challenges to further your growth
  12. He owns his flaws
  13. He wears nice socks!
  14. Your scent is key when it comes to attraction. It leaves a memory of you
  15. They have clean hands
  16. You’re adventurous
  17. You respect YOURSELF and OTHERS!

Read on below for more detail on each of these traits and qualities!

I talk a lot about attraction and why it’s so important when it comes to dating. You must be able to attract a woman if you want her to desire you physically, emotionally, and mentally. So let’s first clarify what the definition of attraction is.

The action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something.
“She has romantic ideas about sexual attraction”
A quality or feature of something or someone that evokes interest, liking, or desire.
“This reform has many attractions for those on the left.”

To attract is to evoke interest. So many people believe this is a game but let’s think of it on a personal level. Once you understand the meaning of attraction 100%, you will be able to change this significantly in your dating life. Everything in life is based on desire, need, and pleasure. Either way, if it’s a need or pleasure, we are attracted to it. A simple example: You’re out shopping for clothes of a specific style, color, or maybe brand. You saw this style somewhere. Perhaps on someone else, in a fashion magazine, in a current trend, maybe on a friend, or even on a mannequin. You are attracted to it because it presented itself to you and you wanted it. It did something to catch your attention.

Now, that you understand this, let’s compare it to everyday life. A lot of us may be a dog or cat lovers. You go to pick out a dog and you see several puppies in one area that you have to choose from. Then one catches your eye. Sometimes instantly, sometimes you spend time figuring it out. They must have done something totally cute, you felt a connection, or you liked the color of their fur. Whatever it was, you were attracted to it. The person next to you was picking out a dog, but they liked another one that you weren’t attracted to. I say this because everybody’s attraction needs are different and I will show you how to work through this.

Now, let’s tie it to human behaviors. People instantly think that because they are a good catch or a good person that they should be instantly liked. No! It doesn’t work like that. You must showcase yourself to attract and the same goes for a woman. Women love to share an emotional connection and that is why the attraction is so important. It takes time and it also requires you to put yourself first. So ultimately, you can evoke interest or desire by presenting your best qualities. The #1 quality you can have is putting yourself first always. We will get into that a little bit later in the article. So, I say this because whether you are dating or in a relationship, you must not lose sight of attraction. You have to show a woman who you are and the way to a woman’s heart is an emotional connection, but also by being a man who has a sense of independence.

17 Traits: What Women Find Attractive In Men

Trait #1 Has leadership skills & has a busy life:

This does not mean that you’re too busy to have a relationship. It means that you have priorities and it shows us that we are not a priority (only in the beginning) of the attraction phase. You are showing her that even though you like her, she has to show you who she is before she becomes a top priority. Having leadership skills is about being decisive and telling her what it is that you like and don’t like. It is also about not being afraid to plan things with her and giving her time, respect the opportunity to get to know you.
It’s like I always say, “You can’t dive in a pool with 3FT of water – You gotta work your way up to the deeper waters.”

Trait #2 You’re passionate about something. Women find it attractive when you talk about your passion and do it! This lights up a fire within you and screams positivity when you are around her. It shows that you have a life outside of her. This is what builds desire.

Trait # 3: You don’t know you’re hot. Women don’t want cocky; they want confident. It’s pretty nice to know a man isn’t obsessed with his looks. He carries himself with class and dignity, and this is what makes us sexually and mentally attracted to him. Give off a vibe that it’s not always about your looks if you’re hot.

Trait # 4: You’re opinionated, in a good way. What girls find attractive in guys is when they stand their ground in their beliefs and conversations. You always communicate in a respectful manner because you hold yourself to a standard. So, when you don’t agree with something and you have a question of why she did something, you communicate it to her. You tend to disagree or agree when the time feels right for you because you hold yourself to a standard. You are your own person.

Trait # 5: You take things slow. Women find it attractive when you take steps to getting to know her and not lead head first and dive in right away. So you might ask, what do women find attractive in men? Here is the trick: You take things slow and show you are invested in trying to get to know us but are open to getting to know us even better. You show her that you are a catch because you want to make sure she is the right fit for you. She knows that you are of quality because you see yourself of quality.

Trait # 6: You are decisive. What girls find attractive is when a man can give a woman options but makes a decision when it comes to how to move forward and where and when you want to set a date. This shows a lot of power.

Trait #7: You’re stylish and put together. You have to know what you are comfortable with and dress nicely for her so it shows effort. Just like men, women are visual creatures as well. You don’t have to be the hottest guy in the world but you do have to be put together so you can align your style with who you are.

Trait #8 Talks in a deep voice. This does not mean that you have to have a deep voice. It means that you are confident in what you say. You stay clear from the following. “Well, sorry, um, like, ah” Your voice exudes confidence. You can’t hide that!

Trait #9 They have a beard or 5 o’clock shadow. Some women love this and if you can do it. Try it out. Shows more of a masculine side. Honestly, this is 50/50 because I believe it does not 100% matter but it is good to change up your look at times.

Trait # 10 Get a dog! This is a slam dunk! What girls find attractive is a man with a dog. DISCLOSURE: Don’t just get a dog! You want to get a dog because you want it and have the time to take care of it. This is especially great if you have trouble talking to women. This will help you talk to women as women are magnets to cute animals. This will help open up the conversation.

Trait #11: Share with her and be open to challenges to further your growth. Talk about topics the both of you like and teach her things, because when you spark conversation about something she is interested in, she will be asking questions. This is the time that you can share with her and this will give you an emotional connection.

Trait #12: He owns his flaws.. You know the ways that you need to improve yourself but you do not focus on your shortcomings. You work towards making them better but you highlight your strong points. You understand that life is eternal growth mode. You are just trying to be the best man every sec, min, hour, month, year, and decade!

Trait #13: He wears nice socks! Okay, I know this sounds so silly. But women really do like this. We don’t always talk about it but it showcases style… Which as you’ve come to understand, is attractive.

30 and Single

Trait: 14: Your scent is key when it comes to attraction. It leaves a memory of you. This gets endorphins running in a woman’s mind and this is what will help her think of you when you are away. The scent is the strongest sense tied to memory…

Trait #15: Your hands. This is important. Don’t pick your skin or nails to the bone. This shows instability and nerves.

Trait #16 You’re adventurous. You take risks and seek adventure! Within life and for yourself. This does not mean you have to go bungee jumping every weekend, but you like to step out of your comfort zone to challenge yourself. This shows strength to a woman.

Trait #17 You respect YOURSELF and OTHERS! The way you treat the waiter and everyone around you is something that she will observe. This is something women look at and if they were impressed with your manners, they will actually brag to their friends about it.

What do women find sexy when in a relationship?

As years go on we start to get into routines. This sometimes becomes part of your behavior because you get comfortable. I say this because I’ve experienced this and also seen with hundreds of clients that are in relationships. When you are in a relationship the most important thing is to always keep our individuality because this is what will always draw our partner to be attracted to us despite the petty arguments and frustrations we get into. Being your own individual, knowing that you will be happy with or without that person, but they thrive and give you happiness. They add happiness to your life. A lot of times when we get into new relationships we forget our own needs, desires, and goals, but staying on track will not only keep you focused, it will keep the attraction alive between you and your partner.

Let’s say this happened to you. You can still recover. Start looking into something you’ve been wanting to do for a while, go to the gym, lose a couple pounds, dress differently, and work on yourself, so you can thrive to be the best person you possibly can be – for yourself and no one else. That is the goal.

If you are currently in a relationship, when a woman sees that you are venturing out to change the way you are, this will create mystery. It will get her thinking, “What is going on that is making him change and do new things?” This is part of the attraction. So I encourage you to think of new things that you want to do for yourself. Even if it’s booking a trip to go somewhere, do it! What are your shortcomings in the relationship? If it being indecisive, start being decisive.

There’s a thing called setting the tone in a relationship and it’s the same thing when it comes to dating. The man is going to set the tone on one end and the woman is going to set the tone on the other. This is called setting boundaries. This is how you establish boundaries. You’re talking about your values, you’re talking about what you want in a relationship, what you don’t want, kids, marriage, etc. Whatever it is, these are the things that you talk about at the beginning of the stages of a relationship. Take your time to talk about this one step at a time as you get to know a woman.

What do women find sexy in a man at the end of the day?

I want you to understand something when it comes to a woman mentally and emotionally. We go through the whole, “Are we pretty enough, are we skinny enough, are we going to be liked, is he going to want to be in a relationship with me, am I good enough for him, is he going to call me back, is he going to take me out on this date, is this going to be another loser..?” I mean, when we meet a man all these questions go through our head. I know because I’m a woman myself and I’ve been there, but I want you to understand that you are enough. When you don’t understand that you are enough, you’re not showing up to be truly who you are. That raw truth of who you really are and your truth are not going to be able to shine through and then a wall is built.

This might mean that you aren’t being you and putting yourself first. Maybe it is because you look at vulnerability as a weakness as this world has taught men that if they cry, they’re weak. If you show your true feelings, you’re “weak.” If you’re the first one to say I love you, that means that you like your partner more, which is honestly BS. Vulnerability shows confidence. When a woman is actually able to see you step into your power and tell her exactly what you like, what you don’t like, and what you want, it gives you the opportunity to step up and see if she can meet you at your level. Hold yourself with pride.

There is something special about a man that steps into his vulnerability and owns it, who does not look back and frown does not put his head down and does not even belittle himself. Ultimately he is of high value.

Your Coach,

Apollonia Ponti

Apollonia Ponti, an international certified coach and founder of apolloniaponti.com. She works with men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills and helps rebuild relationships. You can find her expert advice on “building your attraction skills”, plus a couple other of your core professional services, through her YouTube Channel, and Attract a Woman E-Book. To get real results with women NOW! Change your life and master your attraction. Book a coaching session here.

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  1. Great article, Apollonia thanks for all the great tutelage. Lord knows in the world we live in today we can use all the help I can get.

  2. I’m just wondering if I should take things slowly or just tell a girl that I like her. What I’m worried is that if I take my time and try to get to know her, I might end up being categorized as a “friend” and not a potential lover. I’m kind of confused on how I should approach her.

    1. Hello Shawn,
      Do the following when getting to know her. 1. Flirt with her. 2. If you want to take her out on dates call a date a date. 3. Have your own opinion don’t be scared to say “no” women love that. 3. Appear busy and prioritize things with her so she knows your time is valuable.
      Hope this helps!

  3. OMG, you’re not only an Attractive Lady, you’ve got Lots of Wisdom and a Beautiful Intellect. I’m a very successful man and I’ve worked hard all my life. I am listening and your words and thoughts reach right into my heart. Thank you sincerely, Lynnh

  4. I told my crush I like her, but she told me right now she is in a “bad place”. I believe she still has feelings for her ex. We still talk and have great conversations, we laugh, good eye contact. she knows I’m interested. My question is should I stay and be her “friend” for now or move on?

    1. Hello Oscar,
      Well, you 100% want her to be over her ex before entering another relationship. Here is what I would suggest. Do not be 100% available all the time with her, do something that you like and talk about it with her. Something that will gain her interest but also stay on focus of you and flirt with her from time to time. You want to speed up the process of attraction and you do this by not being there 100%. Hope this helps and best of luck!

  5. Can long distance relationships work?? I have believed the answer as no. I recently took a chance and met a single mother online living two hours away from me. Dating two weeks and the chemistry has been off the charts. She has experience in maintaining long distance relationships with two marriages. And she said she is willing to continue ours to see where it leads together. Any advice to make this flourish??

    1. Hello Christopher,
      Yes, a lot of relationships have flourished from long distance and I believe it can 100% work. They key is to communicate and to always make sure the both of you manage your schedule to see eachother. Also, understand that as the relationship progresses there will have to be a decision made as to who will be moving to be closer together. If the chemistry is there then I would not deny it.

  6. I am trying to learn to attract girls because I suck at it, thanks for your advices so far.
    I have this Girl and I told her I love her already but you said it’s wrong to be the first to say that.
    Also I have problems with starting up conversation that will strike those feelings, I need your advice thanks.
    And I also find it difficult in approaching girls because I fear might be insulted.
    Thanks, looking forward to your reply

    1. Thanks for your reply.
      But I confused what should I do
      Should I leave her .
      Once I leave she started crying and all .
      How to make her understand .
      What is the exact solution for this .

    2. Hello Che,
      I said to take your time. Not it’s wrong to be the first to say it. You have to say it when you notice that the girl is 100% reciprocating the love and you are in a relationship. If she is in a relationship then it’s time you move on. It will just cause pain for you to be with a woman that’s in a relationship and not 100% in. It seems as though you are too nice and you just need to take the time to work on you. I have something coming out soon that will help with approaching women but, think about it. Fear will hold you back from possibilities. If you get rejected then learn from it and move on.

  7. Hi ,
    I liked your article .
    I m confused about my girl.
    Bcs she is in a relationship with another guy for a long time . But she loves me at the same time she don’t want to break her relationship . Kindly give me idea how I get her permanently .
    She sometimes say I love u , sometimes no I don’t want .
    I m confused over this .

  8. hey Apollonia ,
    i am in a difficult situation here , although everything was going great , a week ago i made a huge mistake that made my girlfriend feel really mad , she said she felt so disrespected and that she never felt low in her life by the thing that i did and although i didn’t mean to make her feel like that i understand that i made a huge mistake so i apologized many times by other than few texts she said she doesn’t want to see me and she doesn’t even know how she could look at me in the eyes again which was so heartbraken to hear , she’s not responding to me now and she doesn’t seem to want to see me again , i am trying to give her space so that she analyzes her emotions but i was wondering if there is anything i can do in this stage ?

    1. Hi Pedro,
      Thank you for reading my blog. My recommendation is that you give her, her time and space right now. You trying to reach out to her is going to push her further away. Take this time to work on your self development and in finding your purpose. I have included a blog on finding your purpose to give you some guidance. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/how-to-find-your-life-purpose-8-powerful-questions-to-get-you-started/.

  9. Hi Apollonia – this stopped being relevant to me at “[y]ou must be able to attract a woman if you want her to desire you physically, emotionally, and mentally”. Reading the list of traits above, i have most of them – but what does it matter if no woman ever notices me or smiles at me? I have many friends who are women, so I guess I attract women at some level, but I will not express sexual interest in any woman no matter how much I like her because I’m not about to risk a harassment accusation. I guess I’m permanently stuck.

  10. Hey Apollonia,

    Reading this as I am reflecting on my last relationship and it is kinda freaking me out how many of these I could easily identify as traits my ex would verbalize to me as things she loved (like 15 out of 17).
    I don’t have a lot of experience in relationships, took a long break to improve myself before meeting her but since I have not been able to find someone so thought it was just a fluke.
    I don’t think I am a different person from then so really struggling to understand what I am doing wrong if those traits are more common attractants then I realize. I thought we just clicked.
    Confused but thanks for the great article.


  11. Whereas i agree that these traits are great, and like many of the commentators above i believe i have them, i don’t think just having them is enough. You can attract a girl to you but you can’t make her want to be with you if she doesn’t want to. I have found recently that without me knowing i attracted this girl to me (she has even listed a number of the traits above that i have), once i found out and i reciprocated the sentiments, she pulled away leaving me to now desire something i can’t have. I’m confused as to what i can do next other than give her space (hard), and let the friendship we had fall by the wayside (harder).


  12. Greetings Apollonia;
    I have this friend who is a man and his girlfriend ended their relationship about 6 months ago. He had talked to me about how he can’t live without her. Well, that’s not all….his mom, dad, step dad, friends and I all did everything we could to help him to get over her. Here are some of the things he says…” I told her I won’t ever abandon her” ” I know she wants to have an relationship but people are putting things in her head.” A friend asked him; if you have to choose between her and your two boys who would you choose”? He says his family than says but she’s (ex-girlfriend) is family too. His son’s are from his first and only marriage. His ex girlfriend and him have never been married, have no children and have been in an relationship for 8 months before she broke it off.
    These are some of the things he has done…went into an ex boyfriend of hers and pretend he was him so he could text her, found out where she works at and went to her job when she was working, he knows where she lives at and cries and begs her to take him back. There is so much more but I’m going to end this with….she put charges on him for communicating threats and putting his hands on her. A restraining order was issued and he had an warrant for his arrest. I’m so worried but he won’t get help, in his mind he he knows she loves him, he has chased just about all his friends away, he is now homeless bcuz his mom kicked him out.
    He is a good man…or he once was a good man. He served in the Military….he was a Military Marksman.
    My heart breaks knowing he is hurting so much and he is seriously mentally loosing his mind.
    I thank you forgiving me this opportunity to talk to you about my friend….well actually he was a friend of my daughter who passed away August 13, 2020 at the age of 27 years old. I call him my grandson.

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