Depending on what life has brought your way, you’ve come to this article. Before we move any further and break down the ways to be a better man for her, I am going to just say one thing: This is your first step. Taking ownership, gathering information, and reading content on what you can do to implement this into your life. Love can be difficult for a lot of us as were all faced with many different challenges in life starting from a very early age. My goal in this article is to help you understand how to become a better man for her. I have tried the tips, tools, and strategies in this article with several men and they have proven to be successful. If you feel that you need more one on one attention and guidance, please feel free to comment on this article or reach out to me directly. I am always here to help guide you towards moving forward!
Relationships take work and one important thing to remember is that personal work has to be done before feeling fulfilled with a partner and in a relationship. This is not to say that you have to break up with your current partner in order to start your personal work, but you do have to be honest with yourself in order to set yourself free. Think about what personal work you have done. Are you holding onto any fear? Start there. Write it out and think about where this fear is coming from. Right now, either the woman that you are dating or in a relationship with has either asked for space or things are not going well, and now you’ve realized that you will do just about anything to make it right… but you don’t know where to start. So, let’s get to it!
First, I am going to explain how a woman operates. We, women, want a man that will respect us and give us attention. Why? Because women are emotional beings and will make decisions based on how they make us feel. On the contrary, most men make decisions based on logic instead of feelings. Only you know how you’re not truly showing up for her and now it’s time to take a new path. The path you’ve been on up until now doesn’t seem to be the right one anymore, but I am going to help you get out of it. Starting now, I want you to take ownership of your responsibilities. Do not place blame on your partner, do not play the victim, and show up 100%. I say this because a lot of times partners blame each other for their faults and this is what makes the arguments go around and around in circles. Ever been there? It happens because nobody takes ownership! It is crucial to understand that you are a separate being – even in a relationship – and if your partner is unhappy with something, you respect the fact that they were honest with you and can take ownership for what you did wrong or what you can do better. The best thing to do is keep this mentality so you stay in your zone. Don’t worry! It does not bring animosity or blame to the relationship. I will expand on this a little further down.
How to become a better man for her: The complexities of being the man in the relationship.
Women want to be heard and they want to feel like their man understands and supports them. The biggest step of them all is to take a moment and begin to really listen to her. Be 100% present when she is speaking with you. I mean put your phone down stop watching sports and be there for her. You may be thinking but she loves to talk. Let me just tell you something. The moment you start getting in the habit of listening to her and being fully present when she talks, the less she will approach you and bug you after a long day when you just want to watch the game on TV. Why? Because her needs are being met and emotionally speaking, she feels heard. This, in turn, ensures that she is secure and content with the relationship.
Another thing to think about is what you are offering her in this relationship. Are you communicating in a positive, productive and healthy way?
One of the most popular things I have couples do when they are having difficulties in their relationship is this:
Before going to bed, just talk about the positive things that happened in your day or what you are thankful for. Spend about ten minutes doing this and then go to sleep. When you wake up in the morning, you say nothing to your partner for the first 15 minutes of your day. All you need to do is hold each other for 15 minutes before you start your days. If you do this activity for 3-4 weeks I can guarantee that you will feel a new closeness with your partner which can cause a dramatic shift in your relationship. It can help clear any emotional attachments to a negative situation and help both of you make the effort to become a better person. In reality, your biggest gift that you can give to yourself and to your relationship is to become a better man and tune into your masculine energy when needed. A woman looks for a man that is going to make her feel safe, secure (which also means loyal), happy, honorable, heard, beautiful, and independent. You might be thinking, “What? That’s so much! Women are so difficult!”
In truth, we really aren’t that difficult if you understand the science behind what truly makes a man a man. I am going to give you the steps on what to do moving forward, but I also want you to take a moment and see how you can identify with each of these steps that I am about to mention.
Be A Good Man by Investing In Your Own Personal Development.
A lot of men think that when they find the right woman it’s just going to take away all their pain. Then they find themselves wondering why the woman in front of them might not be enough. Typically, this is something that stems from childhood. When a man is raised in a household where love isn’t shown a lot (or at all for that matter) when a woman gets close to him the fire goes away. I call this “life trapped”. Yes, this is a thing. I actually talk about it in my article, “Why is it so hard to find a good woman.” As you grow into a man, you get addicted to the thrill and the chase. Then, when a woman starts to open up and share her deepest secrets, passions, and love for you, you tend to clam up or just say she isn’t the one. As a child, you were emotionally wired to resist love. This is something that you have subconsciously adapted to. Another common trend that I see with men is they were raised in a household where their mother and father fought a lot so they end up reproducing the same behavior in their romantic relationships as adults. It may lead to a lot of fights and can develop to emotional, verbal, or physical abuse. When you really work through the root of the problem and challenge yourself to work past that, you will make the shift towards personal development.
Being A Better Man: By Owning Your Faults
Like I said at the beginning of this article, you cannot continue to always place blame on your partner. You have to take responsibility if the issue is stemming from you. I am going to give you an example. It might be a far-fetched example but I want this to stick. Let’s say your partner continues to cheat on you and you stay in the relationship. Well, you are the one that is staying in this relationship and your partner hasn’t changed their ways. If you said “OK” to staying in this relationship, you need to take ownership of having faith that it won’t happen again. If it does, you have to take responsibility for the fact that you chose to stay in the relationship. Not all the blame lies with your partner for cheating. Yes, they shouldn’t be cheating but you are your own person and playing the victim isn’t going to get you closer to happiness. You are giving your power away by blaming other people for their faults. Let’s think about that saying,“It takes two to be in a relationship.” Well, physically speaking yes, but not emotionally… and that’s the foundation of a relationship. You will never be able to control your partner’s emotions, but you can always set a positive example. If one partner is not showing up, then the other can walk away. This is what I like to call healthy boundaries, which leads me to my next point!
Be A Better Man: Setting Healthy Boundaries
When you set a positive example of the man and partner you want to be, and what you will and will not tolerate, your partner receives subconscious guidelines and it sets healthy boundaries that ensure that you don’t let each other down. I like to think of boundaries as a little bit of fright. You know when you are a little boy and you do something wrong, and your parent’s face changes or your mother tells you to wait until your dad gets home? There is that little moment of fright when you know you are in trouble and truly let your parents down. You crossed the boundaries. This should be a reference point in a relationship. So, the decisions that you make are based on you and your partner. You aren’t going to go out till 5 in the morning with buddies at a strip club if your partner does not like it, because then you are losing respect and breaking boundaries. Then your relationship becomes this tricky balance beam that you are constantly trying to walk on. Instead, be the person you want your partner to be and have conversations about your wants and values in a relationship. Set the tone every day by living by them. This shouldn’t be hard if you know your values. You don’t wake up every day and say I have to live by my values. No, it’s a reflex because these are your beliefs. So, living by your values in a relationship sets the tone to hold each other accountable without even saying a word.
How to Be a Better Man: By Owning Your Masculine Energy
Owning your masculine power is HUGE in a relationship – especially when you want to know how to become a better man for her. Let me be clear. Masculine power does not come from your ego. I’m talking about yelling to be heard, raising your tone because you are more dominant than your partner, telling a woman what to do and how to act because you’re the man etc etc. All of this is a lack of respect and if you find yourself doing this now, it needs to stop or you will never be happy. A man owning his masculine energy is something a woman thrives off of. You have to have both feminine energy and a masculine energy in a relationship. This is the way that you maintain balance. Masculine energy does have a lot to do with decision making when the feminine is not sure. This is where the security comes in, especially when the woman has those days where she does not know, or she isn’t sure. This is when the masculine side steps up to the plate. A lot of people think that the man has only masculine power and the women only feminine, but this isn’t true at all!
Men and woman share both but there has to be an equal combination in a relationship. Example: A woman steps into her masculine power when she is being independent and making decisions at work. She steps into her feminine when she comes home and lays her head down right next to you while she nurtures and loves you. The masculine does the same. He is in feminine power when he nurtures his woman with compassion ( and I am not referring to lovemaking). Here is where the whole masculine power gets messed up. Oftentimes, when a man gets into a relationship, he lets himself go. He stops hanging out with his friends, he stops paying attention to his image, and sometimes he puts his passion on the back-burner because he is 100% focused on the woman he is with. Don’t ever start neglecting your beliefs, values, passions, physical appearance or the important aspects of your life before you met her. Not being careful with this ruins everything. Your masculine energy, boundaries, values, and ultimately your attraction. She could begin to find you boring and she may also have to start carrying both masculine and feminine energies in the relationship. Then I hear this: “We fell out of love “, “I am no longer attracted to him”, “My wife/girlfriend does not want to have sex with me”, or “The spark is not there.”
Become A Better Man: Avoiding Hunger and Taking Action!
There is nothing better than a man taking action! What do I mean by this? Stick to your word!
This is one of the biggest things that women pay attention to and it can ultimately destroy the relationship. Guys, let me tell you something. I know you want to please your girlfriend or wife and here is the key. Saying, “I am not sure… Let me think about it for a little and then give you an answer” instead of instantly saying “Yes!” will give you more credit than you could imagine. Just don’t forget to get back to her with your answer! What I see a lot of men doing is always saying “yes” to the things that they cannot really commit to because they want to make their girl happy in that moment. So, they find themselves being stressed out and overwhelmed and then subsequently blaming their partner. A man gets true credibility when he sticks to his word and takes action in his follow up. This is where trust and security are built for a woman. She wants to know that you are dependable and wants to know that she can count on you. You show her this through the measures you take as a man and by keeping to your word. Let her know that you take her seriously.
When it comes to this use of the term “hunger,” this is exactly what I mean. Avoiding hunger is staying away from things that only quench your thirst at the moment – aka temptations. As years go on you might be tempted by something that is out there. I mean a new unhealthy activity, another woman, or even social media. I say this because avoiding hunger is not only for a man but for a woman too. We start to look for a thrill. It is taught to us at an early age and it can easily become an addiction. Don’t for one minute ever think that you cannot get that thrill from your partner because you sure can! That’s why all the things that I am mentioning in this article are so important. It can take your relationship to new peaks and grant you access to something more divine. When you turn to something that feeds your hunger, the satisfaction will only be for that moment and you will be left with the consequences. Drop the bad habits and really show up confidently to be 100% loyal to your partner. Both of you deserve this from one another.
Be A Better Man by Fulfilling Her Intellectually, Emotionally, and Sexually.
Sex is important and so is emotional stimulation for a man and woman. Find what interests both of you. What are your partner’s passions? Learn about them so you can stimulate her mind. If there is a specific activity or if she is an entrepreneur, speak to her about her business the or things that she is interested in. Find out about what things she values in life. When you can lay in bed and discuss the things that you both love, an intellectual connection is formed and this can lead to more physical intimacy. We, women, get turned on by a man who can reach the soul connection of a woman. When reaching a woman’s soul connection, you have to be there for her and share your masculine energy while being her protector. Think of it like this – When you get aroused by your woman you are 100% focused on one thing. Typically, what gets you aroused is when she touches you, kisses you, or begins foreplay. When it comes to women, what makes us deeply connected to our arousal is when a man can be connected in such a way that draws us to him emotionally. Being this man 100% means being in tune with yourself, being honest and open, but also adapting all of the qualities that I mentioned above.
A man’s role in a relationship.
Remember, a man’s role in a relationship is not to always be the dominant one but to know where he stands and where he shows up best. Let’s say that you have a very independent woman and she is a CEO of a big company. When she comes home she brings this masculine energy with her. This is where you show up in your masculine energy and tell her that the energy she brings home is better kept at the office and let you do the job and be the man she needs you to be. Show her it’s safe to let go! Help her with the things that need to be done at home or with the kids. When disagreements happen, give her a chance to speak and remember to always speak from your heart. Before you respond, ask yourself, “Is this coming from my heart or from my ego?” This gives you the ability to be more present with her and shows her that you are setting positive boundaries. It sets the tone in the relationship, which is a masculine energy. Your role as a man is not to yell at her or be disrespectful in any way. If this is something that you do now I do invite you to contact me so we can work through some blocks that are happening and figure out why this may occur. The leading cause of why there are so few healthy relationships is that a lot of modern relationships are lead through egos instead of compassion. We show up in the way that we were taught during childhood. We either go on the rest of our lives thinking that what we learned as a child is correct, or we never put in the effort to correct it so it does not move on to the patterns or behaviors of our children. If you want to establish a true connection with your girlfriend/wife, I highly advise you to ask yourself what is blocking you from being the best man you can be for her. A man is not a man if he is getting jealous easily and not letting his woman live her life and explore it on her own. Listen, you cannot control someone just because you are in a relationship with them and this is where a lot of people get into trouble. Being the husband or wife does not give you complete control over your partner. So, if your partner is going to go out and test the boundaries then LET THEM. I know that may sound crazy but you will learn a lot about yourself. If you see that your partner is going too far, then this is when you should walk away. I have absolutely no doubt that you can reach a fulfilling relationship in the future.
How to become a better person in a relationship.
Now that you have been able to take the time to reflect on this article, I just want to mention one more important thing about all of this. Happiness. Let’s just think of this as the roof of the relationship. Think of the roof of a house. If there is no roof, you’re not going to have a comfortable living situation. The most important thing of all, happiness, is the roof of the relationship. What does it take for you to be happy and in a relationship? It could be financial freedom or for you to graduate school, find the job that you want, or just breaking free of past behaviors. There is nothing better than a man having a positive outlook on life. This is a highly valued and limited quality in this world today. If you are a man with a positive outlook on life not only will you be desirable to plenty of women or your partner, but you will be desirable to yourself. Self-love is something that is not taught to us growing up but this is the key principle to everything in life – not just relationships. When you are able to release and break into new developments within yourself and succeed in loving yourself more than anything else out there, then you will set the tone for all your relationships in your life (friendships included). All relationships! If you need any further guidance I am always here for you. Also, I would love to hear your comments below on how you can show up to be a better man! Hold yourself accountable right here and right now!
Your coach on being a better man.
Apollonia Ponti, an international certified coach and founder of apolloniaponti.com. She works with men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills and helps rebuild relationships.
You can find her expert advice on “is she using me”, plus a couple other of your core professional services, through her YouTube Channel, and Attract a Woman E-Book. To get real results with women NOW! Change your life and master your attraction. Book a coaching session here.
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