The prove mentality will never work. Let me tell you what this means. The prove mentality is when you get into a relationship with a girl or you’re dating a girl, and we automatically put her on a pedestal because we are seeking validation. This is how it starts. When you go into relationships seeking validation, you start to prove your integrity. You start to prove who you are. You start to prove how you show up. You start to try to prove to convince her that you are the right guy and that you are the one that she needs. And when we start to go into the prove mentality, we start to lose ourselves and then the woman starts to lose attraction for us. This is why you can’t always get a woman to commit.

This is something so, so important. Now, the reason why I’m doing this piece is that this happens often with men and it’s really important that we put this to a head and really bring it to a surface and say, “Okay, I understand where I might have a lack in relationships. I understand where I might idolize in relationships. I talk about idolization in my Friend Zone No More product because there’s a lot of personal development in that product. I do mindset activities with you.
I help you to understand the mind of a woman, and how to tackle dating with women, in general. One in particular in there I talk about is idolization and when we start to idolize someone, we see them as a trophy. For example, I idolize Oprah, but this is a healthy idolization because of the fact that she is my idol. She inspires me to be better. But when we idolize some other person, a man or woman that we want to be with, but they don’t inspire us, they don’t challenge us to be a better person, or they don’t deliver to us, to make our world more magnetic, to make our partnership more magnetic, to make our goals more magnetic, this is when we get into the prove mentality. Because we’re idolizing someone, we start to try to prove as though we are worth the time, the relationship and effort for him or her.

There is a difference between having an idol, someone that inspires you to be better, a mentor and idolizing your partner in a relationship. When we idolize in a relationship, we can start to feel less than, not enough. As opposed to feeling like you are equals in the relationship together. You each bring yourselves and have that sense of interdependence together.

Trying too hard in a relationship to prove your worth…

When we start to prove that we’re worthy, the other person won’t be able to see that. Why? Because we start acting not authentic and authentic with ourselves. We start to act outside of our existence, and we are basically going into what I call the flight or fright mode. We then start to orbit, let’s just say, out of our true being. So, what can happen here is, the woman might see something special about you, but then you go into prove mentality and then she sees lack. Then she sees fear and then she sees instability and then she sees fright and then she sees insecurities. What drives a woman, as a lot of you know, is an emotional connection. It’s how we choose a life partner. What we ask is, “How are we going to feel safe” and feeling safe does not mean is he going to fight for me.
Is he going to punch that guy out? That has nothing to do with it. Safeness is security. How is this man going to make me feel secure? How is this man going to make me feel safe with my body, with my emotions, with my mind? If I have children with him, as a wife, how is he going to make me feel? Because this is the feminine essence of a woman. This can date back into the history of men and women, where men are the masculine creatures. It does not mean that men are not supposed to be vulnerable. Men are supposed to be vulnerable, but your vulnerability has to come from integrity. So when we go into the prove mentality, we’re proving our own self-worth to someone else when we don’t even see it.

Men who try too hard enter the “prove” mentality…

Because if you saw it and you saw your self-worth and you have the confidence within yourself, you would never go into the prove mentality. So, when you start to prove, you notice your relationships become challenging. You’ll notice that the girls that you start dating don’t see you like quality. You notice that you’re not getting to that final line, to get that girl, because we’re stuck in that prove mentality. We’re not in essence of going with the flow and seeing what this woman is all about and understanding that I have to see who this girl is. A part of this comes from setting standards for yourself and understanding what you want from women and what you want from life. Another part of this is having passions for something else instead of just the person in front of you.

Am I trying too hard to make my relationship work?

I want you to really come from a bird’s eye view in regards to a perspective of yourself. Because when we get into the prove mentality, we start to not be ourselves. We start to not become ourselves. I’ll get on a client call, coaching a client and we’ll have a conversation and I ask two simple questions all the time. Who is the man that you want to become and who is the man that you are now? When we compare those two things, we start to see how we’re not showing up in our own existence and how we’re not controlling our emotions, our behaviors and personal growth. And not being disciplined enough to challenge yourself to say yes to the right things and say no to the wrong ones.
So, I challenge you to do this because when you’re stuck in the prove mentality, it means that you have a lack of inner integrity and you have a lack of trust within yourself.

Signs you’re trying too hard.

Sign 1. You aren’t trusting yourself

So I ask yourself to trust you. How can you trust yourself? Well, I want you to start with this. What are the good decisions that you’ve made in your life? Maybe you’ve bought your first home. Maybe you’ve created an amazing business. Maybe you’re an amazing employee and your boss loves you. Maybe you’re a great child to your mother. Maybe you have a great family. Maybe you have great friendships. Maybe you have a solid bank account, with a good savings account in there. Or you have the drive and as simple as direction and you treat others with respect and kindness. What is so trustworthy about you? If you can peel that back and really focus on the qualities that you offer constantly and you remind yourself in this and you don’t get wrapped up in the negative, then I can guarantee you, you will not come from that prove mentality that kills attraction.

Sign 2. You’re not going with the flow.

There’s an essence of a man who’s going with the flow. I know as a woman, when I go back and I think about the men that I’ve dated, I can recall which men I could just say, I want to be in a relationship. And he’d be like, yes. And I would say jump and he’d be like, how high? But those were the men that I didn’t give the opportunity to because in me, I felt like there was nothing special. I can tell you guys not to get bashed in the comments because I’m here as a woman giving you guys real advice. Because the same thing can happen vice versa. There’s a woman, I’m sure that you’ve dated and you knew that you probably had them around your finger, right? But yet you’re like, “Why can’t I just get the ones that I really want?”
Because they’re a challenge, right? So as humans and how we operate as human nature, is we want to accept the challenges in life. We are meant for challenges because nothing in life is really that easy. We have to work for everything. So, what makes you think that we wouldn’t want to work for someone or something, especially if they can offer us something better in our lives. If they can come in and provide us with some type of security, some type of something that’s stable within our own hearts and that’s what women look for. We look for emotional security and emotional support. So if you are not in tune with your core as a man and emotions, then I really strongly, strongly suggest for you to do this.

Sign 3. You’re not engaging in your passions and building your life.

This does not mean that you want to completely ignore your partner or constantly be unavailable. But what areas of your life are you neglecting? It’s important to continue to still keep your hobbies. What things interest you or make you light up when you do them? Learning to become a pilot, taking art classes, jiu-jitsu classes. When we’re just focused on the relationship and how the other person feels, we can wind up pushing them away. It can come off as needy and create anxiety in the relationship. You want to continue to build your connections with friends and find the areas in your life that make you feel motivated and inspired. This is an extremely attractive quality for a woman. When we see that a man is enjoying his life and feels secure with himself, is excited about the things happening in his life, we want to be a part of that.

I have two things that I want you to walk away with…

My Friend Zone No More product. I don’t say this as if you know you’re a guy that’s in the friend zone or anything like that. But the thing is, when we come from a prove mentality, we do become that nice guy or we do become that guy that gets put in the friend zone. In this product that I built for you, I have over two hours of video content to start retraining your subconscious mind, to really figure out what it is that women want from you and start becoming that person. This is not for you to be not authentic with yourself, but it’s really for you to be authentic and start to tweak some things and work on yourself in regards to that. I also have a VIP Membership group that I really enjoy and I really am active in there with you guys and everybody that purchases that product gets that access to me one-on-one.

I encourage you to do this and I encourage you to also invest in yourself and stop trying to prove to women that you are a desirable option. You will have to see that you are a desirable option, and then there’s no more proving. Then, all you have to do is be yourself. Understand your emotions, understand you, and stay in tune with who you are. Feed into the positivity and create that environment around you that is positive and you can get your girl. If you liked today’s blog, please comment below. And as always, I encourage you to share any questions, comments, or concerns as I try to get back to you, every single one of you, as much as possible.

Your Coach,

Apollonia Ponti