The words that we always hear that make us cringe are typically, “I need a break” or “I need space”, and that’s when you kind of go into the fight or flight mode, right? You start freaking out because you’re going to lose this woman or you’ve maybe made a mistake and you have the potential to lose this woman, and then you go into the fight or flight mode. You’re going in to rescue mode, where you’re trying to tell her you love her, do everything for her and you’re just trying to clean everything up, but it’s actually the opposite of what you need to do because that can come off as overbearing and it kills attraction. If you’re reading this article you might be going through this right now. There’s no need to stress, understand that taking a break is sometimes a good idea. Read on to find out why it is and how to take a break in a relationship the right way.
How to take a break in a relationship and 4 reasons why taking a break in a relationship is a good idea.
#1 You’ve lost your sense of self.
Now the first thing in regards to taking a break when it’s a good idea is when you lose your sense of self. Understand that taking space happens for so many reasons in relationships. This is where one on one coaching sessions can help tremendously so they can be tailored for you and per situation. The biggest reason I see a lot for needing a break in a relationship is when one of the partners or both people lose their sense of self.
This happens a lot in relationships and it’s very easy to happen if you don’t have control of yourself, right? When you lose your sense of self in a relationship, you can wind up doing everything else for your partner and putting your partner first before you put yourself. Taking a break is a great idea when you lose your sense of self because it builds attraction back, it helps you get clear here with your intent, with what you want, who you are, and how to move forward in the relationship and how to communicate it.
#2 Trust needs to be regained again.
The next thing is you might need to press the reset button and regain trust again. Maybe someone cheated on the other or they don’t trust each other for a specific reason and they want to get back together, they dive right in again, into a full-blown relationship. The trust issues are still there, though. But I get it, you want to dive in and have the relationship again, you want that feeling again because you love this person. This is the opposite of what you should do, however, and the reason being is because in order to regain trust in a relationship, it takes one thing, and I’ll give you a guess of what that is, take a moment. What do you think I’m going to say?
Time. In order to regain trust, it takes time. But why? To prove someone’s actions. You can only prove and gain trust through time and actions to show the change. Actions are a sense of change. The biggest thing in regards to taking a break that I want you to understand is if something happened that really broke trust in your relationship, you really need to hit that reset button and I challenge you to not jump back into this relationship. I know a question that might be going through your head right now, “Apollonia, but if I don’t jump back into this relationship, this woman will probably leave me and fall in love with another guy.” And the response to that is, “Okay, well then she never loved you really in the first place.”
We have to give up our sense of control when we are just wanting something so bad to work because the more that we try to make something fit or put water in oil as some may say, the more energy we’re giving and the more we lose our sense of self. The more things go the opposite way for us. When we’re trying to control things, they typically fall out of control. That’s why it’s so important that I make videos and write these articles for you guys because I really want you to understand this. I have created tons of content on this that will literally change you into being a new man, but it’s about how you put in the work for these specific areas of your life.
#3 You or your partner don’t know what you want.
Now the next thing in regards to when taking a break is a good idea is when either you or your partner are confused and you don’t know what you want. A lot of times, people go into relationships and they want to have that person there but they don’t want that full commitment. They might be confused because life has its challenges or they might be confused because they have trust issues. They might be confused because she doesn’t know what she wants and here’s the thing, men, is when a woman doesn’t know what she wants, that’s a red flag and I talk about that all the time because a woman that wants a relationship and wants you are going to know it and be sure of it. When you feel like you’ve lost your sense of control and the woman has more control of this relationship than you do, taking a break is a good idea when she’s really confused on what she wants and she’s not sure that she really wants to be with you.
#4 There’s disrespect and lack of boundaries.
The next reason why taking a break is a good idea is your partner is being disrespectful and you’re having a difficult time setting boundaries. This is so important. Now, this goes back to tip number one, right, is finding yourself again. Because if you haven’t found yourself, it’s hard to set boundaries because you’ve let this person either control you or you’ve been this passive man in the relationship and that’s not what I want you to be because that’s not what keeps a relationship healthy and it does not cultivate that fun attractive, seductive thing in relationships for years to come. What I’m saying here is, if you have difficulty setting boundaries in your relationship, being assertive with women or just in general in your dating life, I encourage you to really focus on this. Knowing your values and learning how to set and keep boundaries is key. It’s an attractive quality and women don’t want a doormat. They want a partner who values himself.
I made an audio seminar called Master Your Confidence which I encourage you to download if this is something that you struggle with because this is going to help you get aligned with yourself if you have trouble setting boundaries. There might be this inner confidence that is hard for you to find or get clarity on or maybe you’re just confused about it, and I believe this audio seminar will definitely help you.
Now if one of the reasons why you are taking a beak is you’ve been disrespected by a woman, I asked you: why are you still in this relationship? This is when taking a break is a good idea. It’s not to say that you guys won’t ever be together again, but it’s to show her that your intent is true. If you stay in the relationship with someone that’s disrespectful, you’re basically enabling their behavior and saying it’s okay by staying there. When you walk away and show your intent that you’re not going to put up with this anymore and you’re not scared of losing her, then it gives her the opportunity to really step it up.
How to deal with taking a break in a relationship!
If your partner comes to you and you hear those words, “We need to take a break.” Don’t panic. The most important thing that you want to remember is, do not beg or plead or become needy and insecure here. That can wind up pushing them away further and solidifying that it might not work out. I understand that this can be a really good thing. Your partner is seeing that something is not going well, and instead of ending things, this is an opportunity to get some space, gain some clarity and possibly come back even stronger.
If your partner approaches you and wants to take a break, breathe and realize that chances are you really feel the same way. There might be something that’s happening where if you guys keep going, you can wind up completely destroying any chance you have for your relationship to work. Talk to your partner and agree with them. Tell them you both need space and if it was something where you might have been too needy and your partner is needing space, take at least 3 weeks to a month. This is where the work really comes in though. In order for your relationship to possibly come back and work out, it takes working on yourself and finding your happiness from within.
Is taking a break in a relationship healthy?
Absolutely. When things are becoming derailed in a relationship, it can either go too far for the relationship to work out or there can be a pause. Understand that space in relationships is extremely healthy. Making sure that you are taking care of your own happiness, supporting each other, communicating, and that your values and life goals are aligned with each other. Taking a time-out to realign and recenter can actually allow for the relationship to become even stronger.
The problems can increase and destroy a relationship when you push things down, try to “work it out” and push through whatever is happening. That leads to one of the partners not feeling heard, and for someone in the relationship to either try too hard and push the other person away or revert back to the bad behaviours that got you guys here in the first place because by not resetting boundaries and sticking to your morals, the other person is now enabled and there are no consequences for bad actions.
What to do while taking a break in a relationship…
This is the perfect time to get back to self-reflection and rebuilding your confidence and happiness from within! If you feel like you’ve lost yourself, start seeing what areas of your life you have been neglecting while you’ve been focused on your partner. How long has it been since you’ve seen your friends and family? What hobbies have you given up that you’ve missed?
This is where you want to ask yourself questions and really get honest with yourself. Outside of the relationship, are you happy with where your life is at? Is your career where you want it? Are there things that you’ve always wanted to try but kept putting it off? Go take those salsa dance lessons, go skydiving, do things that get you out of your comfort zone and try new things that push your perspective and experiences on life.
Take yourself on dates and learn to fall back in love with yourself. What are the qualities that your partner fell in love within the first place? If you feel like life has been weighing you down and you’ve been negative or not happy, start doing a gratitude list nightly where you write out 5-10 things that you are grateful for that day. Get back in the gym and start working out and taking care of yourself, this releases endorphins and serotonin and helps with how you feel about yourself and your overall happiness.
Another thing to do while you and your partner are taking a break is to reestablish your boundaries and the things that are important to you. In order for other people to respect you, you have to respect yourself. No one else will do that for you. If you need help on how to create boundaries, you can check out the article here. And know that no matter what happens, when you are working on yourself and you stick with your morals and integrity, the right things and people will come into your life and stay.
If you liked today’s article, please give it a thumb’s up and as always I welcome your comments, questions below and I’ll see you again in the next video and remember you are always loved.