How To Stop Being The Nice Guy With These 7 Tips!

Being the nice guy also is considered as a guy being stuck in the friend zone. You are here reading this article because you want results on how to stop being a nice guy. Well, you’ve come to the right place! I’ve spent over 8 years working with men on getting out of the friend zone and challenging yourself to be authentically you, so you don’t fall into being the nice guy. In this article, we are going to discuss the common things I see men doing and my clients doing whenever they date a woman that quickly makes you fall into the friend zone and the nice guy trap. Let me be clear on one thing. Being a nice guy is not harmful and is not a bad thing, but you have to have a little bit of backbone when you’re a nice guy. If you master this, I know you will have plenty of women at your fingertips! You know that saying “nice guys finish last” well, that’s not true. They can finish first so pay close attention to this article as I am going to walk you through how!

Please leave your comments below as I love hearing from you!

Why you should stop being a nice guy

The nice guy metaphor comes with it’s up and downs. Don’t you cringe when your crush or a girl you like says “You’re such a nice guy,” or “ Only if I liked nice guys!”. Well, these are common things that you might be hearing right now and not being able to move forward with women. Do you want lasting results on how to get a woman and be exactly who you are? Being a nice guy does not require you to change who you are but it does require you to understand the dynamics of women and how men should interact with them to make an impactful memory and stand out as a man that she sexually desires.
Women that want a healthy balanced relationship do not have nice guy syndrome complex, they want a nice guy.

They don’t want a serial manipulator, passive, and aggressive human. I mean is that any surprise? Most humans don’t. What women want is a nice guy that responds well to others that have a strong sense of identity, morals, values, and a strong sense of boundaries. ( boundaries is where the “nice guys” fall short a lot of times. Might be where you’re lacking.)

How to stop being a nice guy: but which type are you?

Many men argue that all women say they want a nice guy but don’t. Or, women say they want a nice guy, but they don’t, they want a jerk. If you’ve said this, you are entirely wrong. Typically this is just a defense mechanism that you’ve responded like this because it hit a trigger point or it’s the band-aid answer you give from previous rejections.

Mad? Don’t be because I’m giving you the truth but here is the light behind what you’re saying too. People don’t like being lied to. Plus women are known to be a little more emotionally intelligent than men (not all) but statistically speaking they are so they had already formed their first thought about you before they even knew it. So let’s sum up the categories I’ve mentioned so you can figure out which one suits you best and then will get into the tools on how to change this.

Nice Guys= passive, tend to say what their crush wants to hear, and can be too available without knowing how to set boundaries and drawing a woman towards him with attraction. He may also at times overly communicate what he wants from a woman and become 100% available.

Jerks: Assertive, aggressive, and share some common traits with the nice guy but when it works in their best interest to manipulate the situation.

Strong- Minded Man= the man every woman wants. An assertive, strong-willed person who is unapologetically honest with his wants and desires and is ready and willing to take no and give no for an answer but does not implement these things with manipulative, or aggressive behavior.

So let me now explain to you why there is no difference in the attraction process. You the man that is reading this article let’s reverse rolls a little bit. Imagine a nice girl with description #1. Ya but she keeps trying to convince you to like her. There is absolutely no challenge, and she is always available and tells you she wants you. Now description #2 your slightly attracted to her but she has lied, has narcissistic tendencies and you feel magnetically sexually attracted to her because of the highs and lows she gives you since she is not balanced, but this is someone you have doubts about and don’t want to bring home to mom. Description #3 your slightly attracted to her but this woman has clear morals and boundaries and has a sexual appetite for you and has no problem initiating it and talking about it and even pleasing you but will turn you down the moment you disrespect her and she will not push you to do anything you’re comfortable with.

Which girl do you want? Hopefully its #3 and if not there might be an internal battle that you’re facing towards low self-esteem and many others. So look at that! All humans are the same when it comes to the attraction process so that “woman want jerks” answer. Is not equivalent to what you say anymore. 🙂

7 tips: How to not be a nice guy!

Tip #1 Say what you want: At the end of the day if you’re going to take this girl out on a date call it a date. If you’re going to take her out to dinner don’t just say “wanna grab a bit to eat” this isn’t making your presence known and you are not claiming what you want from her. Call it a date! If you’re going to cultivate a relationship with her say what you want. Don’t be shy to say precisely what it is that you want. Say what you want and what you need. Do not always fish her compliments and giving her feedback only on what she wants to hear. Men, this is not what women want. If you don’t like something or don’t want to do something, then state your opinion, desires, and to stop being the nice guy

Tip#2 Say “no”: Don’t be afraid to be brutally honest. If a woman is asking for your opinion on something and it’s an opposite answer of what want then speak up. Say “no” and don’t always give in. If you have a people pleaser mentality then its time to stop pleasing others and start pleasing yourself.

Tip #3 Have goals and put yourself first. Get used to saying “no” more then saying “yes’ especially if you are a people pleaser. If you don’t have goals or you do then now is your time to continue to focus on them. If you don’t have goals then now is your time to find them.

Tip #4 Stop seeking approval: most humans always look for validation because it feels pretty damn good especially when someone likes you. But when you get into the mentality of seeking approval and getting validation from another, it can become addictive. Then once its addictive you subconsciously ignore the fact that you seek approval from others and the woman can see this.
You hold back, or you think that she or other people won’t like you. A woman wants a man that has his own opinion because it shows confidence and that your stable with yourself.

Tip #5 Face your fears & challenge your mindset: Do the things that scare you and always challenge yourself. Example: What if you’re scared of skiing, but you want to learn. Then its time that you hire an instructor to teach you. Why? Not only because its good to challenge yourself since you can grow from it and learn so much from it but as a man you become more confident within when you challenge yourself with your fears, and then you conquer them. This is what makes you stop seeking validation and approval from others because you already have it within.

Tip # 6 Avoiding Confrontation: Avoiding telling others when you disagree with them can also be a form of manipulation because it will be brought up later. They try to keep things as kosher as possible on a surface level but avoid the deeper feeling behind it all. If you disagree with a woman, you have to let her know. Of course, keep respect in mine, but women are not attracted to a man who lets his values or personal needs down or set aside to only follow hers.

Tip # 7 Slow down your conversations: If you are someone who tends to talk a lot and possibly even talk about other men with her then stop. Understand what you have to bring to the table and leave some mystery of what you’re offering.

How to not be a nice guy anymore

Bottom line, you are either attracted to someone or your not. But if you find yourself having a tough time getting into a relationship, then I highly suggest you schedule a session with me. Limiting beliefs are a very common thing many men face and whether its an unconscious pattern of fear, driving you away, fear of vulnerability and some things possibly not sorted out in your life now is the time to make those changes. By understanding that you are a prize too and not just the woman is a way that you should shift your mindset when your dating. It’s essential that you hold yourself to a standard and know you can get exactly what you want. Knowing this comes from inner confidence but also respect for yourself and others. Keep up with these tips, and you won’t be disappointed.

The common thing I see with my students when they think they have the nice guy mentality. They don’t know where it does wrong and how to make those minor adjustments. If that’s you, then I encourage you to reach out to me!

I welcome your comments or concerns below. If you are going through this and need help with your attraction skills please feel free to book a session here with Apollonia! 


  1. mike

    michael from kenya.
    thanks alot for helping us men decipher a woman’s mind now i know better. i got dumbed like a month ago & am trying get her back, my personality is the people pleaser, nice guy, insecure, needy……am very aware of these characters bt along the way i tend to get lost in myself loose control n got back to my old ways hence the reason i got dumbed… i love her, she’s not everything in my life, bt she’s one i’d rather have… she’s very cold at the moment and am kind of stuck, i wanna ask her out for our 1st meeting but am not sure how…. i don’t know what to do to attract her back….
    i know my shortcomings am continuously working on them bt i need her to see and understand this rather than telling…..i know u gt my point.
    kind regards,


    • Ishmael Appawu

      You see bro, just he like he said ‘you see her as your prize, you also have to start seeing yourself as the prize’. Her attraction is so low at the moment and you need to give her space to build it up again. If she doesn’t, just let her go. Move on. Mustering such courage to move on makes you bold for future dates.

    • Jerry

      Thanks for your assistance in this matter. The tone you take is sincere and thoughtful. I have confidence issues. Everyday I learn something that make me feel better about understanding women.

  2. John

    Hello,I’m John from Egypt. I’m watching your videos and i discovered that I used to make mistakes before. I used to be insecure and weak and i was a nice guy but now I’m improving myself and learn from my mistakes. I think one day watching your videos will change my life 180 degrees


  3. Clin

    I think 🤔 this deadly friend zone is where I was… But I’m out.


  4. Gsczecks

    Great article. I’m going through a tough time in my marriage right now n I realize I’ve become a yes man n 2 nice. My wife used 2 love doing things n spending time with me but now she’s asking 4 space cuz I’ve lost my individuality, confidence n mystery. I’m rediscovering my identity as a man n myself personally n learning 2 put me b4 her cuz I gotta be able 2 take care of myself 1st then be able 2 take care of her.

    Would like if u did a video or article for interracial relationships cuz it’s not something u find out there. E.g. I’m Asian descent n my wife is a beautiful black Caribbean woman.

    P.S. There are many types of interracial relationships n each 1 is different n has unique challenges. Not just black n white.


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Gsczecks,
      Thank you for your comment! I am glad that you are taking the time to work on yourself. By learning to love “you”, you will maintain a healthy relationship. I will consider doing a video or an article on interracial relationships. My viewers/subscribers have been asking me to speak on this topic. You are correct, this is not just black and white, because our world is full of diversity.

    • Alx68

      You are into the wrong women sorry to say, black women are bitchy like hell,and strongminded. So you have to have the same mindset. No offence to you, but a man has to be firm otherwise women get in control and that’s a bad thing for both.

  5. John Blanchard

    Great article; I’m trying hard to get out of the friend zone right now and reading this is helping me to deal with it.


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi John,

      Thanks so much. Happy you enjoyed reading this blog about how to stop being the nice guy. I’m here if you need support!



    • James

      Yes, I am tired of the results of being a “nice guy”. Setting and acting on boundaries is my work in progress. A lot of your material resonates with me. I will make book a session.

  6. John Blanchard

    Great article; I’m going through a situation right now and reading this is helping me to deal with it.


  7. Curt

    I get it. Challenge and mystery are essential along with being true to yourself. Changing your core values or near core values will cause havic down the road in a relationship. Great article!

    I’m not seeking a girlfriend right now. However, I want to hangout (date without the intent of getting serious) to get to know several girls on a deeper level – staying in a balanced friend zone. If I fall for one, then the game is afoot. I don’t want to lead a girl into a romantic relationship unless that is my intent. Do you have any articles that cover this subject?

    I’m divorced and in my 50s. I’m not a young buck looking to add notches to my belt.


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Curt,
      Thanks for your comment. Yes, I will be creating an article on this topic soon. I believe this is a great place to be and have fun. As long as your honest and upfront you have nothing to lose. Have you tried online dating?

  8. Iyke

    Being a nice guy really sucks. Everyone tends to take one for granted. I enjoyed this blog 👏💪


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Thanks for your comment. I am happy you enjoyed the blog about how to stop being the nice guy.

  9. janos kocsis

    I did not repeat. But can one download this page of you?


  10. Ifeanyi David

    I’m glad you pointed out few areas I do make mistakes in trying to be a nice guy to people especially girls and I’m yielding myself to change in those areas.thanks for so much for unveiling this secrets.


    • Apollonia Ponti

      You’re so welcome! I am happy you enjoyed this blog.

  11. Bahama man

    Apollonia, I wouldn’t say to say “no” MORE times than you say “yes”. It will become frustrating is a friend USUALLY says “no”–too many times. But I would say that if a guy is in that unhelpful people-pleasing business, to consider saying “no” EQUALLY as many times as you go along with what the friend is suggesting. (Furthermore, a balanced relationship suggests that guy “A” goes on to equally make suggestions that require the female to answer HIM with “yes, I’ll go with you to your desired event/hobby”.)
    Nevertheless, I find it to be mostly well-thought out advice that you are giving, Apollonia.
    Now, what if I want to start working on my DREAM CAREER (The time is now !), and this wife of mine indicates she is determined to move into a HOUSE ? A house goal is not going to help my personal goal to one day make music for a living. She supports my goal, but her BURN for a house (or bigger apt) will surely DE-focus me from ever completing my dream of writing my music professionally. Now, that I think of it, why should I give up my childhood dream ?
    I think you’d say that even in a 12 year marriage with a Hispanic wife who wants a better habitat, I DO need to put myself first and say:
    “No, sweetheart, I need to focus another year and see how far I can go with my music career. (Besides, you never give me the loving you USED to, and I told you before I don’t want to move into a 30 year mortgage with an unstable love life.)

    (I just remembered something: She has put herSELF first for the past 8 years and REFUSED to give me the kind of loving she USED to freely give ME…..)


    • Alx68

      I would advise you to look at other women, and have her know that if she is not changing her atitude you will move on. Women can lift a man up, but more often than not they are a man’s downfall.

  12. Kelvin Banfield

    Thanks some of the things relate to me and I mostly get girls that use and take advantage of me and I am sick and tired of it


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Happy you enjoyed this blog. Thanks for reading. 🙂

  13. Mike

    OK not bad! I definitely need a coach and you seem to know what ur talking about..


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Thank you! Happy you enjoyed the blog and I’m here when you need me.

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About me

I work with YOU, men, to master your attraction skills and confidence in order to find the right partner or become an irresistible dater, Deepen your current relationship, or get out of the friend-zone!


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