Being the nice guy also is considered as a guy being stuck in the friend zone. You are here reading this article because you want results on how to stop being a nice guy. Well, you’ve come to the right place! I’ve spent over 8 years working with men on getting out of the friend zone and challenging yourself to be authentically you, so you don’t fall into being the nice guy. In this article, we are going to discuss the common things I see men doing and my clients doing whenever they date a woman that quickly makes you fall into the friend zone and the nice guy trap. Let me be clear on one thing. Being a nice guy is not harmful and is not a bad thing, but you have to have a little bit of backbone when you’re a nice guy. If you master this, I know you will have plenty of women at your fingertips! You know that saying “nice guys finish last” well, that’s not true. They can finish first so pay close attention to this article as I am going to walk you through how!
Please leave your comments below as I love hearing from you!
Why you should stop being a nice guy
The nice guy metaphor comes with it’s up and downs. Don’t you cringe when your crush or a girl you like says “You’re such a nice guy,” or “ Only if I liked nice guys!”. Well, these are common things that you might be hearing right now and not being able to move forward with women. Do you want lasting results on how to get a woman and be exactly who you are? Being a nice guy does not require you to change who you are but it does require you to understand the dynamics of women and how men should interact with them to make an impactful memory and stand out as a man that she sexually desires.
Women that want a healthy balanced relationship do not have nice guy syndrome complex, they want a nice guy.
They don’t want a serial manipulator, passive, and aggressive human. I mean is that any surprise? Most humans don’t. What women want is a nice guy that responds well to others that have a strong sense of identity, morals, values, and a strong sense of boundaries. ( boundaries is where the “nice guys” fall short a lot of times. Might be where you’re lacking.)
My 7 top tips to stop being the nice guy are:
- Say what you want
- Say “no”
- Have goals and put yourself first
- Stop seeking approval
- Face your fears & challenge your mindset
- Don’t avoid confrontation
- Slow down your conversations
Continue reading for an in-depth look at each tip!
How to stop being a nice guy: but which type are you?
Many men argue that all women say they want a nice guy but don’t. Or, women say they want a nice guy, but they don’t, they want a jerk. If you’ve said this, you are entirely wrong. Typically this is just a defense mechanism that you’ve responded like this because it hit a trigger point or it’s the band-aid answer you give from previous rejections.
Mad? Don’t be because I’m giving you the truth but here is the light behind what you’re saying too. People don’t like being lied to. Plus women are known to be a little more emotionally intelligent than men (not all) but statistically speaking they are so they had already formed their first thought about you before they even knew it. So let’s sum up the categories I’ve mentioned so you can figure out which one suits you best and then will get into the tools on how to change this.
Nice Guys= passive, tend to say what their crush wants to hear, and can be too available without knowing how to set boundaries and drawing a woman towards him with attraction. He may also at times overly communicate what he wants from a woman and become 100% available.
Jerks: Assertive, aggressive, and share some common traits with the nice guy but when it works in their best interest to manipulate the situation.
Strong- Minded Man= the man every woman wants. An assertive, strong-willed person who is unapologetically honest with his wants and desires and is ready and willing to take no and give no for an answer but does not implement these things with manipulative, or aggressive behavior.
So let me now explain to you why there is no difference in the attraction process. You the man that is reading this article let’s reverse rolls a little bit. Imagine a nice girl with description #1. Ya but she keeps trying to convince you to like her. There is absolutely no challenge, and she is always available and tells you she wants you. Now description #2 your slightly attracted to her but she has lied, has narcissistic tendencies and you feel magnetically sexually attracted to her because of the highs and lows she gives you since she is not balanced, but this is someone you have doubts about and don’t want to bring home to mom. Description #3 your slightly attracted to her but this woman has clear morals and boundaries and has a sexual appetite for you and has no problem initiating it and talking about it and even pleasing you but will turn you down the moment you disrespect her and she will not push you to do anything you’re comfortable with.
Which girl do you want? Hopefully its #3 and if not there might be an internal battle that you’re facing towards low self-esteem and many others. So look at that! All humans are the same when it comes to the attraction process so that “woman want jerks” answer. Is not equivalent to what you say anymore. 🙂
7 tips: How to not be a nice guy!
Tip #1 Say what you want: At the end of the day if you’re going to take this girl out on a date call it a date. If you’re going to take her out to dinner don’t just say “wanna grab a bit to eat” this isn’t making your presence known and you are not claiming what you want from her. Call it a date! If you’re going to cultivate a relationship with her say what you want. Don’t be shy to say precisely what it is that you want. Say what you want and what you need. Do not always fish her compliments and giving her feedback only on what she wants to hear. Men, this is not what women want. If you don’t like something or don’t want to do something, then state your opinion, desires, and needs.
Tip #2 Say “no”: Don’t be afraid to be brutally honest. If a woman is asking for your opinion on something and it’s an opposite answer of what want then speak up. Say “no” and don’t always give in. If you have a people pleaser mentality then its time to stop pleasing others and start pleasing yourself.
Tip #3 Have goals and put yourself first. Get used to saying “no” more then saying “yes’ especially if you are a people pleaser. If you don’t have goals or you do then now is your time to continue to focus on them. If you don’t have goals then now is your time to find them.
Tip #4 Stop seeking approval: most humans always look for validation because it feels pretty damn good especially when someone likes you. But when you get into the mentality of seeking approval and getting validation from another, it can become addictive. Then once its addictive you subconsciously ignore the fact that you seek approval from others and the woman can see this.
You hold back, or you think that she or other people won’t like you. A woman wants a man that has his own opinion because it shows confidence and that your stable with yourself.
Tip #5 Face your fears & challenge your mindset: Do the things that scare you and always challenge yourself. Example: What if you’re scared of skiing, but you want to learn. Then its time that you hire an instructor to teach you. Why? Not only because its good to challenge yourself since you can grow from it and learn so much from it but as a man you become more confident within when you challenge yourself with your fears, and then you conquer them. This is what makes you stop seeking validation and approval from others because you already have it within.
Tip # 6 Avoiding Confrontation: Avoiding telling others when you disagree with them can also be a form of manipulation because it will be brought up later. They try to keep things as kosher as possible on a surface level but avoid the deeper feeling behind it all. If you disagree with a woman, you have to let her know. Of course, keep respect in mine, but women are not attracted to a man who lets his values or personal needs down or set aside to only follow hers.
Tip # 7 Slow down your conversations: If you are someone who tends to talk a lot and possibly even talk about other men with her then stop. Understand what you have to bring to the table and leave some mystery of what you’re offering.
How to not be a nice guy anymore
Bottom line, you are either attracted to someone or your not. But if you find yourself having a tough time getting into a relationship, then I highly suggest you schedule a session with me. Limiting beliefs are a very common thing many men face and whether its an unconscious pattern of fear, driving you away, fear of vulnerability and some things possibly not sorted out in your life now is the time to make those changes. By understanding that you are a prize too and not just the woman is a way that you should shift your mindset when your dating. It’s essential that you hold yourself to a standard and know you can get exactly what you want. Knowing this comes from inner confidence but also respect for yourself and others. Keep up with these tips, and you won’t be disappointed.
The common thing I see with my students when they think they have the nice guy mentality. They don’t know where it does wrong and how to make those minor adjustments. If that’s you, then I encourage you to reach out to me!
I welcome your comments or concerns below. If you are going through this and need help with your attraction skills please feel free to book a session here with Apollonia!