How to Spice Up Your Relationship!

When you met, everything was exciting. Every kiss felt like something new. Getting to know her was like discovering something. Now, a year in, everything is starting to go a little bit stale. Something is lacking because the relationship has become routine and it’s become comfortable. It’s not that the relationship isn’t good (comfort is also great), but there just isn’t any real excitement anymore and it’s all getting a bit too comfortable.

Well, not to worry, this is completely normal. Long term relationships take work and sometimes a splash of creativity. Even if things are going great, perhaps you want to spice up your relationship a little bit more and just enhance it! I’m here to help you out, as always. I’ll show you how to spice up your relationship with five easy tips.

How to Spice up your Relationship

Now, first, I just want to differentiate something. Often in a relationship, you’ll feel something is missing, but what you’re feeling is the need to reconnect or be attracted to your partner on a much deeper level. This is different from wanting to spice up a relationship that’s already going pretty well but has just lost some of the excitement and momentum.

If what you’re experiencing is a complete lack of attraction towards your partner or a deep lack of connection, then I really encourage you to explore the other material on my website and blog. This article is just about spicing up a relationship that is already going well but just needs some extra pizazz and enhancement.

So, where do we start?

5 Ways to Spice up your Relationship

Tip #1: Stay curious.

It can often feel like once you truly know a person, that’s all there is to it – nothing more to learn. The thing is – we are always continually evolving as people and there are always an infinite amount of questions to ask your partner, even if you think you’ve asked them all. Sometimes it just takes some active thinking. What do I not know about her that I want to know more about? Asking something as simple as an unusual question can be one way to spice up your relationship right away. Always remain curious about wanting to know more about her.

If you’re having trouble thinking of questions to ask, I have created a 20 question manual to get to know a woman’s true self that can help you navigate the process and help you ask more meaningful questions. You could ask her, for example, a question as simple as “What makes you happy in your life right now?” The manual is a completely free resource and I strongly encourage you to download it and take advantage of it!

Tip #2: Try new things with her.

When you add a little spice to a dish, you change it up. You add something unexpected that changes the dish entirely. One way you can spice up your relationship is to do exactly that: adding something completely new to it by trying new things with her. Think completely out of the box! Maybe she’s always wanted to go sailing and she’s mentioned it once before, but it’s not something you’re personally interested in. Perhaps she’s always talked about taking a trip to Hawaii, but you’ve never gotten a chance to do it with her. Plan that trip and go try something new. Try taking a cooking class or going to a winery. Trying new things will help you connect with her in a completely new way.

Take a few moments now and brainstorm what you could do with her that would be a totally new experience. Going to an animal sanctuary, to a botanical garden, taking a road trip. Try to remember the things she’s mentioned she’s always wanted to do. The possibilities are really endless.

Tip #3: Inspire her by being goal-driven.

When you have a strong sense of purpose in your own life, you influence your partner. Let’s say you play the piano and you practice every day for an hour to improve your piano playing. That in itself can inspire her and add some spice to a relationship. When you improve yourself and remain motivated about your talents and aspirations, you add flavor and nuance to your relationship. It sparks up a new conversation and points of interest. It enriches your life and therefore hers in the process.

Have a conversation with her about the things that interest her and interest you, and then motivate each other to do them. I can tell you from my own personal experience that my boyfriend did this for me, and it really affected our relationship. I had been wanting to do salsa lessons for a long time and, out of the blue, he bought me a gift certificate to have salsa lessons. It forced me to do something I had always wanted to do, and it made me feel more empowered because of it. If it hadn’t been for the fact that he had that goal in mind to do that for me, then perhaps the relationship would’ve had a different energy. He took the time to plan an energy shift, and it made all the difference.

Tip #4: Plan date nights.

With our incredibly busy lives, making time for your partner can sometimes be entirely forgotten. The comfort that you have with your partner can often feel like the only stabilizing thing in a life full of the stress of work, family, and friends. But a relationship needs attention too, and sometimes it needs to be planned.

Setting aside that time is important. Planning a special date night once in a while allows you to reconnect with your partner and make them feel truly special and not just like a relationship that is just always there as a comfort. Get dressed up for each other. Go to a fancy restaurant or plan something special for her that you know she will truly love. As women, we need to feel appreciated and a date night is a great way to set a small reset button and remind her of how much she means to you. It’s also the perfect way to add some spice to a relationship.

Tip #5: Get out of your own routine.

The definition of boring is routine, but routine can also be what grounds us in our daily lives. Being aware of our own individual routine and stepping out of it is incredibly important. Start to notice what you do every Monday or every Tuesday. What is your routine? Do you always make breakfast at the same time, coffee at the same time, and dinner at the same time? How much is she a part of your routine or not? How often do you have meaningful conversations?

Maybe you work 9 to 5, for example, and every night after work you’re exhausted, so you come home and watch TV together and then make a simple dinner and fall asleep. What if, instead of TV, you played a game of chess or danced in the living room? What if you made a recipe that involved each other more in the kitchen? What if, for dessert, you decided to go outside for ice cream? Think of things that are fun that you can do that will change the norm of what you normally do.

When you change up your routine, you change the energy of your relationship. Once you start here, other things will come into play that will completely change how you relate to your partner.

Spice up your Relationship: with your Wife

When you’re married for many years, inevitably you’re going to encounter a wall. Routine plays a strong part in what creates that wall. Maybe you’ve had children, you work a lot, and you’ve lost that initial spark you once had. The love is still there, the attraction and the connection are still there, but there’s no excitement. It’s a completely normal part of committing to spending your entire life with someone.

A good way of keeping some spice in your relationship with your wife is by making small, unexpected gestures that show her that you love her. Who said Valentine’s Day was only one day out of the year? Give her small, meaningful gifts every once in a while, or arrange activities in your calendars that you can do together. Make time for each other. Make sex and intimacy a priority in your marriage. Work actively to show physical affection and create a loving atmosphere. Don’t just fall into the routine of the marriage and the routine of your life.

How to Liven Up a Relationship

Maintaining a curiosity about your partner and a strong self-motivation are things that will immediately liven up a relationship. Try to live in the present with your partner and not fall into the habits that have formed your relationship – think outside of the box! Try new things and motivate each other to live and enjoy the present moment. That present moment is the love you have for each other and the unique company that you have by having her in your life. That’s an incredibly special thing that should be cherished.

You can not only download my 20 question manual for free, but you can also download my 35 rules to save a relationship if you’re looking for additional advice. If you liked today’s article, please comment below and let me know what things you did to spice up your relationship and what your experience was! Remember you are always loved.

Your coach,

Apollonia Ponti

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  1. Hi, Apollonia, and thank you for sharing yet more pearls of insight on how to spice up a relationship! Your manual on the 20 questions that encourage a woman to reveal her true self has become my bible. Bearing in mind that these questions are not an interrogation, I am able to better understand my girlfriend’s values and goals and make her feel appreciated and cared for. I find myself re-reading it frequently and the questions you formulate really are effective…and they spark some creativity on my part;-D

    For instance, in a casual moment, my girlfriend of a few months revealed a passion that we both share – quiet time together, focusing on nothing but each other where during that time, the rest of the world fade’s into the background. This Valentine’s Day, I am planning to prepare a candle lit dinner consisting of fresh roasted vegetables, butternut squash soup, baked ziti – remembering that it was her favorite dish of all time – and topping it off with some chocolate dipped strawberries. I’ll then dim the lights, put on some mood-appropriate music and engage her in slow dancing, holding her close, her heart beating in time with mine. More than anything, I want to see her happy and make her feel loved and appreciated.

    Anticipating and maintaining an awareness of her needs and passions is one of many gems I take away from your writings, Apollonia. I’ve made more mistakes in the past than I care to admit – and I know I’ll be making more along the way, but all that you impart serves as an excellent guide in learning, loving and living. Thank you so much for all you do in helping us optimize and enhance who we truly are!

    1. Hi Dave,
      Thank you for the beautiful comment and for taking the time to read how to spice up your relationship. So happy you’re here and excited to see your journey continue!

  2. Hi Apollonia, I read often that when a girl has a high sex drive ‘men are intimidated’… I believe a lot of men aren’t. A lot of men don’t just follow their urges (stereotypes) but first think about the consequences and then decide not to get involved. A lot of us know that what we have in our minds is often not the reality and that we have to keep ourselves safe and away from embarrassing situations. I had that a long time ago when confronted with a highly sexual freelancer at work. We had instant connection, sparks were flying, but I stayed well away from her. She invited me to all kinds of erotic adventures with her and her girlfriends and to certain clubs (that you wouldn’t tell your mother about) but my answer was always ‘no’. A person has to keep him/herself safe and think through the consequences. Reality is something entirely different from the idea that you have in your mind…

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