What It Means When Your Partner Says “I Need Space!”

i need space In this article, we are going to discuss what the whole meaning is behind the common thing I hear people say when dating. “I need space!” I know right now can be a difficult time and probably raise so many insecurities in your relationship as well as insecurities so that’s why I created this article. I am going to point out the ways that you may have influenced your partner’s decisions of needing space and also discuss many scenarios that may be happening to you right now. Then I am going to give you tips on what you should start doing right now in order to enhance this relationship and get your partner wanting to spend time with you again. Or if you the person that said you need space how to move forward from this. Before you read any further, I want you to know one of these most important things. I have coached thousands of men and woman around this topic, and it’s something that happens all the time but if you follow the right steps in this article you are going to find yourself happier with yourself and your partner after all. It’s just going to take time, practice and patience to really look deep within yourself to see exactly how to take control and fix this so your partner will want to be with you non-stop.

I need space meaning…

At this point, there are a couple scenarios that you could be wondering why this is happening. When your partner says, they need space its typically because of the following reasons. They might feel overwhelmed meaning maybe you were asking too much of them too soon or not implementing anything new to their lives. Some questions that I would ask yourself if this is something that could be happening right now are these questions. How did I overwhelm them? Was I needy and asking for too much? Did I become too emotional with my own insecurities? Was I too nice? Next, your partner may be confused or ignoring you. This can happen at any stage of a relationship early on or 5 years later. Perhaps there are some big decisions to be made in this relationship which left your partner feeling confused on where the next step has to go in this relationship. Possibly you haven’t stepped up to the plate to show actions towards something that they are looking for in the relationship. Typically, this means change.

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Ask yourself these questions. Am I bringing excitement to this relationship? Am I making my partner feel secure emotionally? Do they know that I’m happy with or without them? Lastly, you may have done something wrong to cause your partner not to want anything to do with you right now. For the sake of this article let’s just claim one of the worse things. Maybe you cheated on your partner, caught in a lie, or say you’re going to change a habit and never do. At this point, you or your partner did something wrong, and your partner may be trying to forgive you. This is a scenario where you will have to be 100% patient but also stop saying sorry! You’re probably thinking WHAT? Stop saying sorry. Yes! Here is why. The minute you continue to say sorry, it just reminds them of the misery or mistake you made.

via GIPHY

Instead, I suggest you look at yourself and see how you can show up better through your actions and self-development. I am going to speak about self-development later in this article. Space is going to be key here for you, and your partner and here is how you’re going to play the “I need space card.” You are going to give them space but still be available for them. Ask yourself how can I help my partner.

We Need Space. What Do I Do Next?

Here is how you take matters into your own hands. Maybe your partner works till 6pm and needs to come home and cook for the kids? Call delivery and order food for the family to be delivered when she gets home, so she doesn’t have to worry about it. Or another idea is. Maybe she has been telling you she needs to put air in her tires or get an oil change ask her if you can come pick up her car and get her oil changed. You have to show up in ways that you can help her in her life. Where can you add value? Get it? It’s time to get creative! A lot of people think I am going to continue to say sorry, and my partner will believe it, but that actually does opposite damage. You have to start implementing new things to show them you’re there for them but not actually there. Example: You drop off her car after the oil change. Bring her back a single red rose with a little note on it and say “I’m dedicated to getting our love back. I will continue to show you this.” Don’t call, don’t text, and let time go on till you do something for her again. By doing this, you are giving your partner space but also showing up and being available in new ways that show advancement in their life and your life by owning and granting their wishes. This is something new! At the end of the day when your partner says they need space then it can be looked at in two ways. Either they are going through a hard time and needs time to think things through or possibly would like to break up as time goes on. Typically, when your partner would want to break up you will have full warning signs before this happens. They will continue to tell you that they are not happy and that if you do not make a change they want to break up. During the time that she is needing space and not talking to you at all and giving you the idea of breaking up after a couple weeks or months, then it’s my advice to you to try your hardest to move on and be open to future possibilities. This is vital to your personal development and strength for yourself and future relationships.

Need Time and Space. Then Focus on You!

Here is where thousands of couples go wrong! They get so fixated on the ego attachment of their partner not wanting them at that particular moment that they chase and chase because you cannot be denied, they cannot give up, they cannot feel insignificant to their partner so they continue to chase which is the worst thing possible that you can do and it actually makes your partner lose some respect for you as well as losing respect for yourself. Here is the thing. I am not dismissing feelings especially when love is there, but it’s important to understand the strengths that can enhance your life and your partners so you can continue to move forward with this relationship or towards happiness since happiness if what we all yearn for as well as love. But without happiness there is no love, right? That’s why the answer during this time is self-development. This is your biggest strength right now. Think of it like this. When a basketball player or a ballerina fail and didn’t do well during their first round, they might be upset, sad, disappointed but they don’t want to fail again because there ends prize is more significant than their pain or disappointment so they focus on how they can get better on the future. They devote time and practice and determine how they can show up better for themselves and their team to reach that end goal they have been working for all year around. This is something that happens every day to the most successful people. They learn to take control, and this is what you need to do right now if you want this relationship back. Focus on your personal development. Read books, listen to a podcast, stop drinking, go to a retreat, workout 5 times a week, and so much more. So how can you show up better for yourself to be the new and improved version that your partner is waiting for? Here is another preconceived notion that many people think that they don’t need to aim towards self-development because their partner isn’t going to see it. Or they get impatient because it takes time. But here’s the thing. If you really want something, you will commit to it, and the only way you commit to it is if it’s in YOUR best interest for yourself. The beautiful thing about self-development is as time goes on people notice. I call this the silent happiness. People see you in a different light, they say there’s something different about you, you start showing up as a better friend or partner, and you just seem so much lighter or happier then absolutely everything great gravitates towards yo

Need Space. I Told My Partner This. Now, What’s Next?

If you told your partner you needed space, then it’s time to say to them exactly why. So many people say they need space but are scared or dismissive to tell their partner exactly why. This is key if you love your partner and want them to understand you with open and transparent communication. At this point, they are most likely hurt so you telling them exactly why you need this space won’t hurt them anymore it will just give them the option to understand and make a possible change if they choose to. Here is the most beautiful thing about this whole situation. Space makes people grow, and even in a healthy relationship and thriving relationships,, people take space from each other just to connect with themselves which helps the relationship. People grow and what we forget to realize is if you don’t communicate with your partner you don’t give them the opportunity to show up as the best version that they know how to be. But what happens if you have been open with your partner and nothing has progressed. Then space is well needed but also being honest and open with yourself knowing when to end the relationship and not hanging on because there is guilt. When couples do this, they end up having a significant amount of resentment towards them. So, at this point be clear about your expectations within yourself and also towards your partner. Maybe write them down and then have an open dialogue and let your partner show up or make yourself move on

At the end of the day, you love your partner and space is taken and needed in the most successful relationships. If you still love your partner do the best to show up by focusing on fixing the things that were damaged. If there is still love this isn’t the end, this may be the start of a great new beginning. So, will you take matters into your own hands?

Your coach in needing space,

Apollonia Ponti

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Apollonia Ponti, an international certified coach and founder of apolloniaponti.com. She works with ambitious men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills and helps rebuild relationships.

You can find her expert advice on “is she using me”, plus a couple other of your core professional services, through her YouTube Channel, and Attract a Woman E-Book. To get real results with women NOW! Change your life and master your attraction. Book a coaching session here.

 

8 Comments

  1. Jenne

    My husband asked for space to figure things out what’s going to happen with our relationship because I confronted him about cheating, he’s has texted females in the past and this time he’s been having phone conversations with a female con worker. He says nothing is going on but the phone calls say other wise, he got defensive and said he can’t live with me questioning him and my insecurities. I feel as he wants me to be the one calling it quits but he says he wants to be with me. We have two kids and there’s so much to lose and that’s why Im thinking that he stays. I know trust has to be #1 in a relationship and he’s the one who broke that trust and now he’s asking for space to get ourselves together. I’m heart broken and don’t know how to cope, I’ve invested so much time in this man and this relationship and it hurts to think he doesn’t love me anymore.

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hi Jenne,
      Thank you for reading my blog, What it means when my partner says he needs space. Trust is a very important quality in any relationship. I recommend you seek some professional support since you have two children, and as you stated, “a lot to lose”. It hurts, but you have to make a happy and healthy decision for yourself and your children.
      Best,
      Apollonia


  2. Amy Dagilas

    Hi, a month ago my gf asked me for space. I left & went to stay with family for almost a month. Her & I share an apartment together. I’ve had health issues-mental & physical over the course of our almost 6 year relationship. I’ve tried meds & counseling & it would help temporarily, but I was still in chronic pain (had 2 hip surgeries resulting in a hip replacement & foot surgery), lost 2 jobs & allowed depression to take over me & my emotions. She thinks I used her, took her for granted & took her patience for granted too & expected her to pay all the bills on her own-(NOT including my own personal bills). She says I forced her to care for me. Finally the beginning of March 2019, I started Cymbalta along with Humira injections & finally feeling more & more like myself after being diagnosed w/an auto immune disease, RA & ankylosing spondylitis & awaiting disability. When I ask her if she loves me she says yes. When I ask her if she wants to be with me she says not now, & she can’t. She says we can’t live together & that she doesn’t want this relationship anymore & doesn’t believe me when I say I’ve changed for the better & doesn’t believe me or anything I say. We haven’t seen each other in a month. She only texts me. I call & she answers & listens to me, but ends up telling me that what I say is nice but she can’t believe me or trust my words. When I ask her if she is certain that I am not the one for her she says she isn’t certain of anything & believes that if we get back together, things will go back the way they were & she’ll be miserable again even though I’ve told her I’m not that person anymore & I won’t allow that & don’t want that either. I keep hearing she isn’t sure or doesn’t know but she does love me & needs more time & more space away from me. She knows I have 2 jobs lined up & I am willing to do anything for her to make this work, but expects me to leave so she can come stay in our apartment since she’s been paying the rent & I haven’t been able to contribute at all for a while since I’ve been disabled & not able to work. She acts like I don’t deserve to live here when all my stuff is here & I moved to this state to be with her & closer to her & her job. She knows I have no where to go, no means to support myself at the moment & thinks I expect her to continue paying for rent while she lives with family because she says she can’t live with me right now & she chose to leave & ask for space & wants this separation & says we’re not together anymore & not in my life in one sentence then tells me she doesn’t know what she wants & then says she doesn’t want to be with me now?? I am confused, heart broken & allowing her to control my emotions, feelings & life. She knows I love her & clearly knows where she stands with me. I, have no idea what she wants & apparently neither does she. This is destroying me & I still love her, but I can’t handle this any longer. It has been a month, but it feels like a year of torture. Please help me. I don’t know what to do. Nothing about this situation is fair & to me it feels like it came out of no where. She is best friends with her mother & hasn’t even told her we are broken up? Her mom has no idea what is going on & I find that strange! I am losing my mind. Please help me.

    Reply


  3. Jay

    Hi Appolonia

    I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago. We are still living together, but we have planned to move out in a few months. Recently she started dating someone new. She appears to be totally happy with him. She tells me that she no longer loves me, but only loves me as a friend.
    I have not been the best boyfriend I have constantly ignored her feelings and caused her immense pain. The only reason why I did break up with her is because I saw how unhappy she was and didn’t want her to be stuck in a relationship where she felt unfulfilled. I didn’t want her to be like my mother who has lived in a relationship where she has been unfulfilled for the last 30 years.
    I told myself that this can’t happen to her and the best thing to do is to end it for us. I truly believed that.
    For months we have been living well with one another. On January first she told me that we should no longer have sex. I agreed. 2 weeks later she told me she is seeing someone else and she is really happy, I played it off as I was happy for her as well. A week goes by I’m now I’m totally a wreck.
    I want to fight for her but it’s hard to justify because I have put her through so much shit. During those months prior to January she was trying to hold onto the relationship. She had me read a book that I took my time on reading. She wanted to discuss which I dismissed.
    I have broken up with her twice now. I didn’t feel like I was happy in the relationship and I wasn’t and I didn’t try to fix it. Now I want to but feel that it’s too late. I have made an appointment to seek counseling for myself as this is one of the things that we have discussed, and it was something I told her I didn’t think I needed, now that she is with someone else I feel empty, maybe I’m selfish, jealous or whatever.
    I didn’t value her before, I want attentive to her before, but I now can’t stop thinking about her. I understand that it was my decision to end the relationship and I have done so twice. I don’t want to interfere with her relationship now, because I have caused her so much pain, but I want to get her back. Going to therapy maybe a first step, but is it too late? Should I just deal with the consequences and decisions I made? Is there anything I can do as a last ditch effort or have I lost the best thing to ever in my life?

    Reply


    • Sherzadi Firdous

      Hey sorry… But it’s true let her go… I’ve made that mistake don’t force this relationship…. Get Ur own place start fresh…. It will get easier I promise u that…


  4. Jay

    I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago. We are still living together, but we have planned to move out in a few months. Recently she started dating someone new. She appears to be totally happy with him. She tells me that she no longer loves me, but only loves me as a friend.
    I have not been the best boyfriend I have constantly ignored her feelings and caused her immense pain. The only reason why I did break up with her is because I saw how unhappy she was and didn’t want her to be stuck in a relationship where she felt unfulfilled. I didn’t want her to be like my mother who has lived in a relationship where she has been unfulfilled for the last 30 years.
    I told myself that this can’t happen to her and the best thing to do is to end it for us. I truly believed that.
    For months we have been living well with one another. On January first she told me that we should no longer have sex. I agreed. 2 weeks later she told me she is seeing someone else and she is really happy, I played it off as I was happy for her as well. A week goes by I’m now I’m totally a wreck.
    I want to fight for her but it’s hard to justify because I have put her through so much shit. During those months prior to January she was trying to hold onto the relationship. She had me read a book that I took my time on reading. She wanted to discuss which I dismissed.
    I have broken up with her twice now. I didn’t feel like I was happy in the relationship and I wasn’t and I didn’t try to fix it. Now I want to but feel that it’s too late. I have made an appointment to seek counseling for myself as this is one of the things that we have discussed, and it was something I told her I didn’t think I needed, now that she is with someone else I feel empty, maybe I’m selfish, jealous or whatever.
    I didn’t value her before, I want attentive to her before, but I now can’t stop thinking about her. I understand that it was my decision to end the relationship and I have done so twice. I don’t want to interfere with her relationship now, because I have caused her so much pain, but I want to get her back. Going to therapy maybe a first step, but is it too late? Should I just deal with the consequences and decisions I made? Is there anything I can do as a last ditch effort or have I lost the best thing to ever in my life?

    Reply


  5. Stephen Hughes

    Hi Apollonia

    read the above three times so it sinks in need to improve myself to put the smile back etc.

    My wife wanted space and I didnt react, then wanted a seperation i moved upsatairs she down stairs, in her words nothing cchanged so now im moving into an apartment, started hiit boxing ( look it up great fun) lost 1.5 stone am more confident in myself, can look in the mirror and say “Ilove you !” (couldnt look in the mirror three weeks ago!) and the beauty is work mates male and female people i know and only seen at a distance in the gym saying how well i look how confident i look and bring a ray of sunshine into there lives… i put a shirt and tie on today to do a presentation in work and my 8 year old daughter tod me i looked amazing and ten years younger you have no idea how that felt…I know someone else saw the same but wont say anything… ah well one day maybe

    Love you
    you are changing my life with your help especially like the no contact one

    Stephen xx

    Reply


    • Apollonia Ponti

      Hello Stephen,
      This is great!!! I love this story so much and thank you for sharing. Keep up the great work and you are on the right track. If you want to move forward slowly and try to repair your marriage please read this article. This is the one posted yesterday. This may help and understand everything takes time. Which you know. 🙂 I know the article says husband but it has the same meaning for a wife too. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/how-to-get-my-husband-to-notice-me-4-important-tips/
      Best,
      Apollonia


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