Is She Using Me: What’s going on and what to do!

Perhaps you’re dating someone or have found a woman you like, and now you can’t help but wonder, “Is she using me”? Or, you might be wondering how to stop history from repeating itself and you are just over it!

In this article, I will talk about these scenarios and share advice with you on how to turn this around. And that’s not all! I am going to give you the key qualities to pay attention to when dating a woman, so you can find that quality woman that will love you for who you are! I know these things can be difficult to understand and let’s face it – dating in the modern world isn’t always the easiest. In fact, it is more complicated than ever. So that’s why I am here!

I will help you get complications out of the way and start manifesting the love you want into your life right now! If you recognize the characteristics that you find in this article in the woman you are dating, I encourage you to turn the page and move on. I can promise you a good woman will be on her way to you the moment you stop dedicating time and energy to women who aren’t 100% there for you!


Does she love me or is she just using me… and why?!

I know that people can be very manipulative if they have only one thing in mind, and there can be a variety of things on a person’s mind. Women might be using you for attention, affection, gifts, or even for something as simple as dinner dates! Especially if you fall into the nice guy tendencies. Which isn’t a bad thing but you should read this blog next. How To Stop Being The Nice Guy With These 7 Tips!

That’s why it’s important that you pay attention to the key principles and tips that I am going to give you here on this blog.

First, let’s talk about why women may use men. They want that simple gratification so many people look for. You might make her feel wanted, which is a temporary boost of confidence. It is just gratifying for that moment, and she’ll come back for more attention. Typically, a woman like this is always going to run hot and cold. Yes, this helps her confidence, but only helps it temporarily and that’s why she keeps coming back.

Another possibility is that she might like to play that damsel in distress card with you. She might be in a bad place in her life right now and looking for someone to help clean it up. I am not saying that this is a good or bad thing because there have been plenty of relationships that came from this, but if she’s halfway in and halfway out of the relationship with you, then it is likely that she is using you for what she needs at the moment.

You might be supplying her with gifts or heck, you might be even paying her cable bill! I see this often. Yes, I know men love to feel like the provider and that you can take care of your woman, but if she isn’t showing up and nurturing you as a man then you need to let this go. This is especially true if you find out she’s giving attention to other men or is dating other people instead of focusing on you.

I see plenty of men trying to help women and this has a lot to do with masculine energy and the desire to be a supporter, as a man should. But there is a fine line that no one really talks about.

Women have to earn that trust, earn the respect, and earn the capacity for you to fulfill her life financially if you choose to do so.

Just as you have to earn her respect too. So, if you find yourself in any of these situations right now, I want you to think about writing down the traits you look for in a partner and focus on this moving forward. What is the feeling you want your ideal partner to give you?

Do you find yourself asking “is she using me?” If any of the below hints represent your relationship, then she may be:

  1. You have to pay for everything
  2. She avoids serious talks
  3. She only wants to do things that she likes
  4. She might not even know your last name
  5. Pay attention to her body language
  6. Maybe she just wants sex

How to know if a girl is using you

In this section, I am going to discuss the feelings you’ll get around a girl that is using you. In the last paragraph, I talked about how to tell you’re being used and you might be thinking that it’s the same thing.

No! As you know, I peel back the onion in my articles because I want to make sure I cover all bases. I like to logically approach every angle possible so after you read my article you feel as though your answers have been answered! When you are speaking to a girl on the phone or via texts, and you are trying to make plans, she can come off a little hesitant about officially planning something if she is using you.

She might even keep you around for the last minute. Now, we live busy lives so this may happen every once in a while, but it should not happen all the time. If your gut is telling you that she is not interested, then follow your intuition on this. This will never steer you wrong. When a woman does not make you feel like the masculine man that you are, it can be a result of the fact that she doesn’t want much to do with you.

Does she laugh at you, excessively tease you, and make fun of you? Does she put you down alone or when around company? If you answered yes, STOP TAKING IT! This is not acceptable and you deserve more. I will talk about how to make a transition further down. Let’s say you plan a date and she cancels on you last minute.

You know that she may be using you and is not valuing your time. When a woman makes you feel emasculated and does not treat you with respect, then you are seeing traits of narcissistic behaviors. You may see that you need to focus on these and learn from these patterns so that you do not waste any more time focusing on a woman like this. You deserve a woman that is going to lift you up and support you just as you would do for her. You might be wondering, “Why is it so hard to find a good woman?” Well, let’s discuss the signs to keep an eye out for so you can detect if she is using you moving forward.

Is she using me: 6 Tips to know she’s using you!

You have to pay for everything

It feels like she always gets her way. I know that in a lot of my videos on my YouTube channel, I talk about men paying on the first date – especially if they’re asking a woman out. But if you continue dating her, then she has to show up and want to contribute in some way as well. Relationships are a two-way road!

Here are some ways that you can pay attention to her behaviors when you’re on a date:

Does she order the most expensive thing on the menu?
Does she not thank you for dinner?

Make sure you give her the possibility to reciprocate. Challenge her and ask her to show you what she likes to do. Ask her to plan something for the both of you on the next date. This is how you can tell if a woman is using you. If she is, she won’t care to show you the things she likes to do because it requires time, effort, and thought.

She avoids serious talks

She does not want to talk about her family, her friends, her emotions, or her feelings with you. You might ask her “Where do you think this is going,” and she replies, “I don’t know. Let’s just see.” She might even avoid personal questions in general. You may bring this up multiple times and she continues to avoid this conversation.

She only wants to do things that she likes

This is why I mentioned challenging her in my first tip. If you are being used by a girl, she is only going to want to do something that is pleasing for her. She only has something to gain and that’s why she’s in this relationship. So, pay attention to her habits and what is she doing. Here is a good way to pay attention to what she’s doing. You invite her out for a drink and she asks you where you want to go. The place you suggest isn’t good enough for her, and she always counters with, “No, I would rather go here…” Her suggestion is either more expensive or not as intimate, so she can socialize and mingle at a scenic place. If this sounds familiar, it’s time to rethink this relationship or challenge yourself to stand your ground in terms of what you want to do. See if she’s willing to compromise and always wants space.

She might not even know your last name

She might not even care to know. So, ask her right now, “What’s my last name?” Ask her questions about the conversations that you’ve had in the past to see if she remembers important details about you. Think about something that’s meaningful to you, something that has value in your life. Not just “What did I say to you yesterday when we were leaving the restaurant?” That’s so vague. Instead, ask her if she remembers how many sisters you have.

Pay attention to her body language

When you talk to her, is she focused on you? Does she pay attention to you or is she always talking to other people and never making eye contact? Does she even ask you questions about you and your life?

Maybe she just wants sex

You might be seeing signs she only wants sex. She never spends the night and she never has any intimate conversations with you after sex. She might leave right after and only contact you late at night.

If you’re looking for a relationship or something sustainable, I challenge you to pay attention to the signs I mentioned in this article and not invest your time in a woman that isn’t giving you the attention you are giving her.


Does she really love me or is she using me?

If you’re falling in love with a woman that might be giving you the signs that she is using you, you have to take matters into your own hands by setting the boundaries and getting your answers fast. Communication is key to all and any relationships. If you don’t have communication then you don’t have anything.

So, can you communicate how you feel right now with your partner? If you answered “No,” then what is the reason behind it? What is coming up for you? Will she not be able to listen or hear you? Or will you end up getting in a fight about this as time goes on?

Many couples that have been together for years wind up asking themselves these questions. “Is she using me?” As time goes on, the relationship might seem comfortable and you might fall out of love. You end up asking yourself if your partner is just using you because it’s comfortable or if the love is still there.

If this is the battle you’re facing in your relationship right now, then it’s time to ask questions and have that talk with your partner on how you can have a healthy relationship, and what actions you both need to implement moving forward. I wrote a blog that can help you with this called How to Have a Healthy Relationship.

Is my girlfriend using me?

As this article comes to a close, let’s talk about how you can transform being used into something more meaningful in a relationship. If you are experiencing this right now, the best thing for you to do is the following…

Do not initiate any more contact with her. Let her start to take initiatives in the relationship. Enroll in something you’ve been wanting to try in the community or try out a new activity. Once you do this, work out and change your look a little so you can stand out.

She will start making the effort to get your attention again, and when she does, it will be the right time to set boundaries. Don’t just hang out with her the moment she reaches out to you. Make sure you show her that you are busy. When she reaches out again, showcase yourself.

Setting boundaries are voicing your opinion and your concerns from a place of confidence and value. Don’t downplay your values or morals to fit into someone’s else glove. Once you change your mindset on how to communicate effectively with a woman, then you will understand how to get past this. A lot of women look for stability and masculinity. When a woman finds a man that respects her while staying true to who he is with little compromises on his beliefs, then they can start to set the tone for a healthy foundation and respect.

You will only be respected as much as you respect yourself.

If you find yourself still wondering how to move forward please comment below or reach out to me for a private coaching session. I am here for you!

You are always loved,


Apollonia Ponti, an international certified coach and founder of She works with ambitious men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills and helps rebuild relationships.

You can find her expert advice on “is she using me”, plus a couple other of your core professional services, through her YouTube Channel, and Attract a Woman E-Book. To get real results with women NOW! Change your life and master your attraction. Book a coaching session here.

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  1. This is a fantastic article and so incredibly insightful! Thank you Apollonia! I really appreciate how she noted in a balanced manner that sometimes women use a guy/man without even realizing it – a/k/a without intention. However, its a great point for men to know and be able to pick-up on and recognize – and for us ladies too!

      1. Been seeing a girl as friends with benefits over the past few months the she ghosted me before but come back……this time we both said about dating etc and seeing where it goes now she doesn’t even respond to my texts I’ve said do you wsmt to me to stay or go just say and no repsone as of yet

  2. WOW, really don’t know what to say she is so disrepectiful her children loves me,, we been together for a 1 1/2 I moved from My apartment in Philly, to Delaware , finally got a job..for that time she’s been riding me about how wo.en are attracted to me… saying I. Cheating for a 1 1/2 now she said she want to sit and meet are neighbors sit inThere house, & she said that I can’t stop her even if she’s go’s out she never did that before plus she just verbally abusing me,, ready to go back to Philly and take this lost of my time money ,, don’t know what to do..tired ready to move on

    1. Eric,
      If you are ready to move on and she is verbally abusive I think you have the answer within you. Just reading the comment you are answering your own doubts. 🙂 Stay strong!

  3. I really enjoyed the article I’ll be totally honest with you I’ve been with this woman two years I work in the music business she knows I have great relationships she wants to be successful and singing and she claims after year her feelings have changed we really never slept together she’s going through depression she’s going through all kinds of different problems right now so I’m curious to know she’s just using me for her career she is not interested in me as a boyfriend and what I also did was nice guys finish last I paid her bills I helped her through thick and thin and I was there for her I really feel that she is using me and I really want to walk away from her completely and having no contact from her she’s putting it over my head but her music career that’s all she cares about thanks Jeff

    1. Hello Jeff,
      Thanks for your comment. I’m happy you enjoyed the article. I know right now can be extremely tough but if you’re paying her bills and she knows your intentions for her but still avoids it and does not sexually, physically, and mentally show up for you then I believe she possibly is. I think that it will be a benefit for you to do 30 days no contact. Please feel free to book a private session with me if you would like more guidance.

  4. Thank you Apollonia for your very useful insights. I’m from India. I’ve been in a relationship for over 9 years now and we also have a lovely daughter of 2 years going to preschool. It appears difficult to go into details via this comment space.
    Please enlighten me about your private session services viz. mode, session-duration and corresponding cost etc.
    In anticipation…
    Ved Gupta.

      1. This girlfriend I got make some of the things you said look good you should take my last $20 and give it to a drug dealer that she can go get high and not think I think about what she just took from me my last $20 you keep going at it like a stronger and stronger as it goes until I’m totally broke and then when I leave her she runs off and spend a few days at someone else’s house she’s so nice I wish I could find a girl to treat me right I’ve changed I used to cheat. Five times in my whole life and one night stand you better come over that now that I’ve become a good person can’t find the right person I replied appreciate the advice.

  5. Hi apollonia am from kenya in Africa thank you very much for letting me know when am being used the above tips are sure bets. your day to day support is highly honored THANKS.

    1. Thanks so much! I am happy to hear I have someone reading my blogs in Kenya. Wishing you the very very best and thanks for reading my blog “is she using me”.

    2. What if we were friends? We got involved but one day she’s all over me the next she’s distant and cold. One minute I’m not doing enough the next minute I’m too needy? But she doesn’t want to date anyone as she says I’m really confused.

      1. Hi Thomas,
        Thank you for commenting on my blog about is she using me. I think the best thing that you can do right now is back away and let her initiate more. You will get more results this way. I would also encourage you to book a session with me to future discuss a game plan.

  6. Would like to say thankyou,your advice has helped a great deal,basicaily i met a lady who has just come out of a long term relationship,she choose to end it,her ex he abused her phsycaly and emotionaly so she is in a bad place at the monent i understand that,she still loves her ex which i get its only been 3 weeks since they split i had a similar break up a year ago i am ready to move on,now she has been honest with me from the start and knows she is not ready for anything yet but is activly seeking dates with me and other men,now i have told her i am doing the. Same with other woman which i think is great as there is nothig being hiden,i did explain once i knew that there was a reason to make a commitment to one of the ladys i was dating i would then focus on that one lady and see where it goes now for me that would meen kissing that lady which to me is the start of somthing,i do not tell her about any other dates i have been on or plan too go on but if she asked i woud be honest and say,she does tell me about her dates with out me asking and she was dating anther guy that she had dated before and i could tell from what she was saying she did have an interest in him,so much for not being ready lol and when i asked she told me as i could tell she did have an keen interest in him as he has been to her house for dinner which is ok she did say nothing went further than just talk and dinner and to be far to her i trust her on that as she has been honest with everything so far which i like,ok now we talk alot every day texts and phone calls i was contacting her first most of the time and relised this so i backed of a little so she started to contact me first which is good kind of shows an interest in me,now we talk about anything and everything how each others day was what we had done but it does get on the subject of her ex,which is ok with me as i do not mind listening and giving her advice as that is just the way i am,will help anyone if i can now we have only been talking a week,when i first spoke to her online we talked a little by text and i felt we was getting along great to the point i felt i conected with her a little,we got on to the subject of her split i could tell she was upset so asked her to tell me about it,yes i know not realy the convo to have with in the first hour of talking to her,the messages where long so i asked for a video cal which she said yes too so we spoke that way while i drove to work,it kept cutting out due to moving car and bad reciption,so i asked for her number all this with in 2 hours of starting talking to her so we spoke on the phone for another hour so 3 hours now as i said i felt we connected and not just about our exes,lol
    We spoke some more the next day and i got brave again and asked to meet her which was agreed to we continued to talk overr the phone text and call we met up 3 days after starting talking to each other was just for coffee we spent 2 hrs in each others componey in the coffee shop and it closed and she asked me to sit in her car with her and continued talking for another hour at the end she asked me to meet up again before i could ask her so i thought ok great she likes me and agreed we arranged to meet up again in a weeks time as we where both free then so we have been talking all week alot about anything and everything still but alot has been about her break up which i understand as it is still very freash and yes she is still in love with him of course i understand that and she has been very honest about how she feels and where she is at the moment which i accept,now i am not trying to fix her or anything like that just trying to give her advice which is upto her to take or not as i have been there and know an ear and a diffrent opinion can help a bit with what she is going through now i know only she can heal herself with time as i have been there and do understand where she is right now i have told her i am not looking to get put in the so called friend zone and have let her know i would be intersted in taking things further with her when the time is right for her as now she is not,she has said she likes me but of course not ready for anything to go further because she is unsure of what she realy wants and who and all that which i do understand have told her i clicked with her personality and she said she did with mine aldo that she is the type of lady that i go for and it also helps that i find her realy attractive not that i told her about the realy attractive part as did not want to push to much,thing is i dont think she is attracted to me in that way and is connecting with me from past experiance and using me to help her get through this bad patch with advice and emotional support,which i can and will do with her i just dont want her to basicaly tell me maybe in the future like she kind of has not looking to push her as i know that will just push her away at the moment now do i stick at it and wait and see if anything does blossem or just back off and to say that aswell when we first met when saying good bye i stepped to the side and went to give her a peck on the cheeck,part of the reason i steped to the side was to let her know i was not trying to make a move i steped enough so it was obvious i was not looking to shove my tounge down her throat and then lent towards her cheeck did not even move my hands towards her as did not want her thinking i was trying my luck,ok with that she just grabbed me and huged me and not a little hug a proper hug,tight and long so much so i could feel her chest pressed against me,yes i did hug her back not as tight as she did me i was a little taken back by that reaction yes that could just be her thing the way she does her goodbyes but most other woman i have meet or even my female friends there is not a hug like that, i get a peck on the cheeck a quick hug hello or bye only two of my female friends would hug me like that but i have known them Since child hood and they are more like sisters,i have known them that long but yea just not sure where to go with it a few mixed signals but i do know she does want to go at a slow pace with anything that may happen if anything does any advice would be great thanks in advance,John

    1. Thanks for this. Some of these narcistist when you pull away, they try to suck you back in, and get you to chase again. I like what you said about setting the boundaries and that we shouldn’t downplay our values.
      And that part about we only get respect as much as we respect ourselves! Very insightful and thanks for addressing multiple angles.

      Wisdom (Australia)

  7. Hi Apolonia,

    Thanks for the article!

    I have been “talking” to a lady online for about a month. I’m very open and affectionate. And I think I made the mistake to shower with flowers, teddy bears, chocolates, candles and even a cake too soon on Christmas and her birthday! (Nice guy U can say). I also made another mistake, which is I sounded too needy for her love one time. She told me that she didn’t like that and I stopped my natural affections for her.

    The problem is that she is the type of lady who is VERY proper in her composure when we talk online. She is very proper in her language, doesn’t laugh spontaneously, shares nothing personal or intimate on her own, doesn’t display emotions. She said that we needed to be friends first before anything serious could develop. That she MIGHT love me (but no promises that she’s going to love me).

    After the last gifts (for her birthday) she told me: “you see, now we have a good communication as friends, not like before (when I expressed that I wanted to love her and I dreamed of her loving me too soon, and then form a family right away)”

    In response to me asking her about her birthday and Christmas, she simply thank me again,but did NOT share at all any intimate that would make me feel wanted or desired.

    She had not texted me for a few days and not chatted with me at all (didn’t initiate conversation. She is another country). I am not embarresed to say this, but I cried because I feel dissapointed that she didn’t showed me any affection. BUT NOW I UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE TO WALK IN MASCULINE STRENGHT. I WILL NOT CRY FOR HER AGAIN BECAUSE SHE DOESNT TEXT ME OR INITIATE A CHAT!

    I am a very loving man. I would do anything for the right lady (even sacrificing my own life for her if I had to), but I can not accept a lady that doesn’t love or appreciate me.

    Of course, I have to take into account that she says. That feelings of love take time. Still, not sharing much about her and her world is not affectionate and considerate at all.

    I am accustomed to walk away from the ladies In like. I realize now more why these relationships always end up in failure: I GIVE MYSELF TOO EASY, TOO SOON.

    Too bad most ladies does NOT APPRECIATE VERY LOVING AND GOOD MEN OUT THERE. On one hand they say the “want a good man, but in the other hand they are SO COLD WITH THEIR HEARTS.”

    I opted for not writing to her this week. I am not going to talk to her until the end of the moment. If she doesn’t open to me to at least share more about her heart, SHOWING ME SOME VULNERABILITY (and not the super calm and relaxed lady she is now), then that will be a sign that she doesn’t want me and doesn’t make feel needed and missed.


    We men appreciate when a lady shows some effort in looking for us and make us feel wanted. A little bit like heroes.

    Too bad most ladies don’t recognize exceptional men. They treat them with much coldness, as it is the case with this lady.

  8. Thank you for sharing this Apollonia. It really helped me get through and understand what happened with a girl i started dating 2 months ago and i really liked her. It felt like i was walking into a one sided relationship as i did everything from paying for every date, driving to her all the time she didnt want to drive to me i live over an hour away or seem to want to meet halfway. Also intimacy there was none or got my hopes up and cancelled. Many of the signs you mentioned i endured. It was getting to be too much and i decided to have a chat about contributing if we want to continue into a relationship i want to see some reciprocity from her. All i got was excuses and in the end we came to an agreement . I was cool with it although i wasnt sure it would happen. I didnt ask to be showered with gifts or taken out for expensive dinner just pitch in sometimes thats all. Felt wrong even asking for someone you like a lot to show they care about you. Well after hashing it out for a bit it ended bad and i was insulted i was compared to her wealthy ex so i decided to walk out of the situation havent spoken to her since.

  9. I was seeing this woman who broke up with her boyfriend. she has 2 kids. her boyfriend lives in the same house and they agreed to seperate after the lease is up. We went out on a date and had sec twice. it was amazing both times according to her. Before we had sex, she told me she has HSV2. I too, but havent told her yet…Wait, theres more. After our 2nd encounter ( Valentines Day) a week later, I asked her did she want to meet up within 2 wks. she was cold told me no and that we need not to see each other anymore and deleted me from all social media. She also felt that I was catching feelings when she said she didnt want a relationship at this point. I saw your videos and I love them. She told me I was a great guy after Valentine’s Day, but now Im feeling like A piece of Shit…..please help


  10. Thank you for the article. I’ ve been seeing this girl for 9 months and in all this time she never publicly acknowledge to anyone we are dating, i always pay for everything, we only go for drinks and when I tried to propose to take a trip she didn’t want it, she never has time, she sometimes cancels our dates and disappear from time to time. The part about she making plans really stroke, she never invites me anywhere… Thank you for open my eyes.

  11. hello im steve from nigeria west african,i have a relationship of 7years,a very difficult one at that,because we alway have issues,,the relationship is falling short of my dream,i have try to break the relationship but its been very difficult.we have 2kids ,each time i discuss with her about breaking up she always put up a big fight and threat to kill herself and the kids,i have been assulted so many times physically.
    now i have a girl friend who is now expliting the situation ,she is using me…
    i thought having a girl will bring some form of comfort to my discomforted self,hell no,she using to pay her bills,..
    i cant visit her..
    i cant get her intimated sexually….

    what can i do going forward..i need your help….

    1. Hi Akinfoyeku,
      Seems like you are in a toxic and abusive relationship. If you and your kids are in some immediate danger than you should find some help. This is a time that you may need to lean on family and friends for some comfort. As you described, bringing another relationship into the mist of this has not been beneficial. I recommend you start working on yourself.

  12. Thanks Appolonia for such an insightful blog
    We’ve met three weeks, have talked about ourselves but my concerns are that she never initiates a chat, unless she’s asking me for some monetary favors, and like u said she always picks wats expensive on the menu, don’t thank me for dinner, and when I ask her where this is going she says she hasn’t felt anything for me at the moment, plus saying she needs to find a job be4 she considers me, for a serious relationship adding that she doesn’t want to over burden me with demands, but she says that ‘ I seem like a good guy and she likes me! ‘
    Is she not using me now that she’s unemployed and after she gets a job that will be the end of it?

    1. Hi Livingstone. Thank you for taking the time to read Is She Using Me. I would need to know more about the situation but it sounds like she might be using you.
      Ask yourself, do you feel like you have to give a woman money in order for her to stay? You are enough. Maybe you should take a step back from this and let her know that you want to wait until because this is not what you’re looking for. She’s going to trash talk you and say mean things most likely because she wants her free meals. But it looks like you might need to stand up for yourself a bit here.

  13. I’ve been with my partner off and on for seven years, I want this relationship to work, honestly because I’m tired of trying, we have history, and I am not very good at connecting with the opposite sex. To be real I have done things wrong in the past not cheat but talk to women when she would not, I understand someone would say that’s cheating. Through the years she has been distant and vague. At times I will ask her about her day or how she is feeling and she will be vague about her day or just say she’s fine. Later on she will say she tried to come to me and I was interested so she shut down. Just recently I tried to Express my feelings to her and let her know her actions and the way she put everything over her relationship with me. I noticed she was very friendly with ppl at her job especially men, gay and straight, but when she is around me she never talks to me unless I start talking to her and when I ask her about stuff to relate with her, she is not interested. I read your article and I see I can’t expect her to make me whole but she just told me what happened in those situations where as she didn’t feel the need to speak with me and the things she is uncomfortable with me (i haven’t been working and I smoke cigarettes) and how she can’t get over that so she shut down and stop talking to me. She never mentioned the feelings I came to her with, i feel like if she wanted to be with me she would care about what a was saying not make it my fault I feel that way. We never resolved this issue because when she gets mad she belittles and disrespects me as a man. Then says she doesn’t want to hear me says anything about it any more she will talk to me about when she calmed down and ready to address it. This isn’t the first time, I always am being this when I try to Express my feelings. She either misses all I’m saying to go tit for tat or she gets upset and says we need a break and when I come back the situation or my feelings are never addressed. She will not listen to me when I’m talking she just wants to tell me how I’m bad energy or make my feelings about what I’m not doing to make her open up to me or not consider my feelings at the time. I going crazy…I’ve noticed I’m a shell of the man I once was. My confidence is gone and just feel like a glorified babysitter. I really need feedback on this relationship and would greatly appreciate an impartial opinion. She will not talk or listen to me so I’m really alone since as a man I can’t talk to my friends about it because there all male and would find a way to make fun, which I’m at a point I can’t handle that knowing its likely to continue.

    1. Hi Nino. Thank you for taking the time to read Is She Using Me. I would really suggest focusing on building your life again and falling back in love with yourself. Find your hobbies and focus on the things that make you happy.
      I recommend booking a private coaching session with me and we can help you further.

  14. Hi my name is Andre. I’m dating this girl who I really like and I now have feelings for. She say she really likes me and has feelings for me as well. She just got out of a toxic relationship with some dude because he is a dog. Mind you I was a dog too, up until a couple months ago. I now want something serious. So long story short she keeps talking to her ex because there still friends, which is cool with me. What’s not cool with me is that she is still having sex with him while shes dating me. Since we’re dating, we’re both technically single right? I should have no reason to get upset, seeing how we’re both single, but I still am because I’m not hooking up with anyone but her. Should I go back to random hookups and being a dog again until shes ready to commit to only me or until I find someone better? I don’t want to because I’m all in, but shes not. Please give me some advice. Thank you so much!!

  15. hey appolonia, theres this girl i met recently and we’ve been having a nice time together. the last time we hangout i asked her if shes is a relationship and she said’ yes but is not a serious one” . please what does she mean by that?

  16. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 27 days now. She is a dry texter but she told me that she is. She is the type of girl that uses aggressive words and she isn’t too affectionate. Again, I don’t know if this is just the way she is, but it is really difficult to know whether she is using me for my popularity or dating me because she likes me a lot.

  17. I recently got back with an ex, it has been eight years since we were together. We was together nearly three years the first time. She used me a lot the first time through it seems. I was always buying her stuff, always paid her car payments and got in debt with credit cards. Once the credit was at Max, she pushed me not to pay the monthly payments so I can use the money for other things. It ruined my credit… Eight years later, I fixed my credit, got back in good standing and managed to get a decent amount of credit cards. I never miss a payment… But she always got angry over little things and took things too far. Ever been back together not even two weeks. She paid for everything first date, but she also threatened to leave twice already in anger and would put me down. She always says sorry and I told her I won’t stick around to but put down like before…. It’s been a week and I can see the progress with her controlling her temper. She has a seven year old now (not mine) and she wants to see nut cracker this weekend. What brought me here though was she said last night, “you can get me a car or co sign so she can have a car” when I explained to her I needed to pay off debt. She told me I don’t have debt and I don’t know what I’m talking about and that if she needs to wait then she will just get it herself. That she thought I was insisting I’d help with it. She also talked about me getting her the best healthcare… The moment I mentioned wanting to take care of my cards first. She went kind of cold and had an attitude rest of conversation. Only just just quickly hang up when I said I had to go to bed… She said I was the best thing that happened to her and her dad loved me before he passed and didn’t want us apart. But o can’t stop shaking the feeling she is using me. She insist I need to let the past go, I just don’t know what to do…

    1. Hi Paul, thank you for reading Is She Using Me. Yes. Listen to your guy and instincts. Why can’t she do her own healthcare? Why isn’t she buying her own car? You guys JUST got back together. Even in marriages, there is a partnership and couples work together. She is telling you how to spend your money and that you should give it to her.
      This kind of behavior doesn’t change, it sounds like she might only be trying to control her bad behavior just to get what she wants out of you. You’ve shown her in the past that you’re willing to go into debt for her. YOU are the only person that can change. Know your boundaries, stick to them. I would really recommend booking a private coaching session and we can help with what you’re looking for in a relationship and how to get it. And how to say no to things that aren’t okay.

  18. Hey apollonia, I have been involved with a girl for the past two months in the talking stage. Things kind of got rough as another guy she was talking to got messy, she soon ended things with him. But is still talking to him, she claims to be friends with him. My problems started when he would somehow get input into how we would do things together, etc and she would take his word for it. Eventually she came to the conclusion that she needed time to fix up herself, but soon after she came to me telling me how she needed to move on. I still like her and want to be with her, but lately she has been flaky. She says that as long as I am still talking to her that she won’t go off to another guy, but she has been different and difficult to talk to. Over text her replies are dry and really spaced out in time.

    1. Hi Malaki, thank you for taking the time to read is she using me. I would have to know more about the situation but I would really encourage you to pull away from this girl and focus on your own life right now. She is still friends with a guy where “things got messy” and we have to watch people’s behaviors. She told you that she needs time to fix herself. I would really suggest pulling back and letting her do that or you are going to push her away.
      Check in with her once a week unless she messages you first then you can respond. Start focusing on yourself. Learn your boundaries, build your confidence. Find your hobbies and start fulfilling your own life. Your happiness comes from within. Really dig in and do the work on yourself. She will notice this. I would actually suggest 30 days no contact with her and just message her when she messages you, but I would need to know more.

      Focus on empowering and growing yourself right now, build in your own life, let her fix her own. This builds attraction back.
      Wishing you the best,

  19. It’s much easier than this: If she’s female, she is using you. To stop it, dump her immediately.

    Women do not love men. They love having a boyfriend because it gives her status and makes her girlfriends jealous. That’s it. Who the guy is as an individual is not important. When the guy no longer serves her purposes, she will cast him off. It really is that simple. If you’d like to use her for sex the same time she is using you for status, go ahead. But if you’re like me and don’t care to live a dishonest and immoral lifestyle, it’s best to ignore women altogether.

    1. 100% not true. But you attract what you believe. Still wishing you all the best with whatever your desire is.

  20. Dear apollonia,This is  Dawood khan from Dubai from last 3 month i am in relation with germen gril i mean long distance relation.we contact on whatapps almost.but i have doubt about my relation1 Is she using me..2 she only play with me..3 she relay love me.
    why i have doubt?1) she always keep me hide from there finds.
    2) if i ask for married like this stuff she said i need 2 year when i asked when it will be start this  2 year  she say i dont know,, but she want married on 27 and she is now 25 year old.
    3) she taxt me i mean we taxt each other but always i send where is my girls like this..
    4) i told several time that we should me first she agree we will meet in London but suddenly she change the her  maind and she told i will come to you so now now this 29 March she will come to me mean to dubai.
    5) some time she hid  some thing but i realy knew that she doing like this. i mean i caught 2 to 3 time here lie but i am sure she is not in relation mean bf..
    6 ) often we fight but after 1 day i send hello hi or soory and after that we agin come to the line ..
    i am  realy doubt 
    whats going on with me  so please give me suggestion …

  21. Hi I am talking to this girl which initiated contact with me first because of ielts.I passed an exam and got a high score and now we are talking both about exam and our personal lifes.But i still get the feelings sometimes that she might be using me just for study.I plan to tell her about my feeling once her exam is over.Just wanted to ask for your advice.

    1. Hi V! Thank you for reading, “Is She Using Me: What’s going on and what to do!” In order to get advice pertaining to your situation, I would encourage you to book a coaching session with her so she can help. Here are the links with more information.

      Apollonia carefully crafted her products that address a multitude of subjects which you may find helpful as well:

      If finances are an issue, Apollonia provides free content and I know you can find information that will help. 🙂 and
      Take care and best of luck!

  22. I found Apollonia on YouTube. I have deleted all my other “man up” guru sites, as Apollonia is the only guru I’ll listen to. Thank you, Apollonia!

    1. Hi Randy,
      HAHA this is funny. Thank you for your support and honesty. Appreciate it.

  23. We started talking with a girl because of study and stuff then we got into personal things.We started talking everyday like minimum 5-6 hours,but we did not specify our relationship but i made it clear with my actions and words that I like her.About 2-3 days ago she told me that she does not feel the same way about me and that the problem was within her.Have I been used?

    1. Hi there! Thank you, “Is She Using Me: What’s going on and what to do!” In order to get advice pertaining to your situation, I would encourage you to book a coaching session with her so she can help. Here are the links with more information.

      Apollonia carefully crafted her products that address a multitude of subjects which you may find helpful as well:

      If finances are an issue, Apollonia provides free content and I know you can find information that will help. 🙂 and
      Take care and best of luck!

  24. Hello Apollonia,
    I appreciate the videos that you post. I have this complicated relationship that has been going on for nearly five years. I met this woman at work and we began to talk, go out here and there, and then became intimate. I fell in deep love with her and it seemed like she wanted to but had trouble committing. First off was the case of Baby Daddy. This guy would ruin everything for us. She enabled him so much and we would break up but then she would miss me. Well he finally left for good and left his young daughters behind. I also fell in love with the girls. I worked out of town but would go see them every weekend. I became a father figure to them but she wouldn’t let them see me like no more than her boyfriend. I am always saying I love you to her, telling her she is beautiful and more. I always had the feeling that she still loved her ex and thats why she wouldn’t say she loved me or would hide her emotions. She took the girls to visit their dad and upon returning, she said she wanted to be alone. That was a red flag but I have so much love for her. I got very close to her father and we clicked. He passed away and everything changed. I was there for her through everything. I held her, let her cry, went out of my way to make sure her family was okay. There is a lot more in between. We began talking about moving forward with eachother. We talked about moving in together, getting a place, and starting something lasting. I mentioned moving to a bigger town but she refused to go because her kids loved the school they were in. I tried to compromise with her and made arrangements to move but still have them going to the same school. Everything I would suggest was shot down and the only reasoning backup I had was from her father which was no longer there. Needless to say a few months ago she told me that she was tired of waiting for me to go the next level. She told me to leave and not go around her house again. Her oldest daughter picked up on it and messaged me to not go over as well. All I wanted was for us to be together. I was hurt so much. I cried and got depressed. I did the usual thing in trying to win her back and apologizing for any little thing wrong I had done. This is how I found you. I needed answers to things and to know that it wasn’t my fault alone. We spoke once after the break up and she left me with a cliffhanger about a possible rekindling. Then she dropped the bomb saying she had moved on and was dating. I was of course distraught because of the short time we had been apart. You have helped me overcome the emotional downfall I was going through. I like the way you look at both perspectives. I was invited to a friend’s wedding and of course I invited her. I did it because I am not the type to be out talking to every woman that passes me. I respect the woman I am with and live to please her alone. She actually agreed to go as friends. I dont want to mess anything up with her. Am I doing the right thing or should I just leave her alone?
    Thank you,

  25. Thanks for the enlightment.been seeing a lady for over 3 years now n anytime I ask her what’s our plan together,she just laughed n wouldn’t say a reasonable word.

  26. Hi I have a problem my girl she just starts to fight when I want to have a serious convo and she also runs from these convos I feel she lying about everything I gave so much in this relationship like now she suppose to be working part time and be gone pass the part time hours saying it’s her boss no such thing I love her so much bit tbh I never laid eyes on her just talk on phone or text 3years tho no changes at all like what I’m doing wrong need advice

    1. Hi Jamie,
      Im sorry to hear about the situation you’re in! We have a few blog posts that could give you some more clarity on the questions you have for free but if you would like advice or coaching on this issue I would highly recommend you to book a coaching session so we could give you the best advice and properly help you. Best of luck!
      -Team Apollonia

  27. I’ve never had any relationships at all with girl’s I’m 57 years old and I need some coaching I of some kind how do I get some

    1. Hey Craig,
      We have some incredible coaches that could really help you out. If you go on the website’s coaching section, you could read a bit about our three coaches and what they’re about and see which one would be best for you. Here’s the link to the coaching
      Team Apollonia

  28. The articles mention here is very true. As i started dating a girl now, ask her when was her birthday. Her answer was it not important. Also please lie back and think again and again. Which girl that you married will never left you, when you are jobless for months plus every month she help to pay for food on the table and let you uses her money, with really no question ask.That girl really is the person you cannot leave her no matter what. If the simple question that you ask a girl her birthday she dont even wanted to reply her real birthdate or whatever you had said to her. She never reply individually. Sign confirm: that not true love. Better leave her and block her social media and all form of contacts. Like ask 10 question and she answer less than 3 words. That is confirm fake love. She using you or looking for sex and in the end might extort you for a large sum of money in the end. Think about it. Brothers and sister out there

    1. Hey Alex!

      Apollonia here! Thank you for taking the time to read my blog post s She Using Me: What’s going on and what to do!
      Thank you for sharing with me and I am glad you realize when a girl is not being honest with you.

      If you ever need individual guidance on a specific situation, my team and I are here for you.
      Just head to this link to book a session with either me or one of my coaches:

      Remember you are always loved!
      – Apollonia and team

  29. Took me 8 months of dating a sweet girl “so I thought” to finally end it.
    The relationship never really developed. I tried to put a label on it after 7 months and she became more distant. I thought her shyness was the reason It was moving so slow.
    Turns out she just want attention and a cuddle buddy when she was bored or drinking. I told her this, seems she didn’t even care. Wow I feel so fooled. Turns out she has done this to other men as well. Oh well I tried not to fall in love so I’ll be fine. thanks Apollonia.

  30. I’ve never expressed romantic / sexual interest in any woman because I know my feelings would not be reciprocated. I’m 43 and have never kissed anyone or been on a date because I am incapable of attracting any woman at that level. I have many women friends who seek out and enjoy my company and tell me that if I just “tried” a little bit I’d have no trouble finding lots of women who would want me. They also tell me that flirting should be fun and playful and I shouldn’t stress over I at all. I have no idea how to express sexual interest at all, so the idea of flirting is off-putting for me – definitely not fun, playful or stress-free. Also, given the complete absence of any evidence that any woman could think of me as a sexual being and thus be potentially attracted to me in that way, I think my women friends are just trying to make me feel better about the fact that I cannot attract any woman – they know as well as I do that any woman I try to show romantic / sexual interest in would be offended.

  31. After how many dates should a woman be able to answer the question “What is my last name?” What about after how many dates should a woman be able to answer the question “What is my first name?” (I am guessing the first name should be before the 2nd date). Thanks.

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